Whittaker quotes

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An automatically created list of quotes by the Whittaker family.
On this page: John | Jenny | Jason | Jerry | Jana Whittaker-Dowd | Jenny Whittaker-Dowd | Monty Whittaker-Dowd

John

John Whittaker: Detective, I've been thinking about Trickle Lake Concrete.
Don Polehaus: Yeah? And sometimes I think about large balls of lint, what about it?

#689: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 11”

John Whittaker: Good morning, Monty.
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Good morning, Grandpa.

#682: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 4”

Ralph (a): When it got next to Davey, it crashed right over!
John Whittaker: Well, that was just a coincidence.
Ralph (a): No, that was just the beginning.

#1: “Whit's Flop”

Bobby Novak: You're worried cause she's going to California and she won't have anyone to take care of her and make sure she doesn't get into trouble.
John Whittaker: Well, as a matter of fact, yes! That's a big part of it!
Bobby Novak: Then you can relax.
John Whittaker: Why?
Bobby Novak: Cause I talked it over with Connie and she's not going off by herself to California after all.
John Whittaker: Oh, she's not?
Bobby Novak: No way. I'm going with her!
John Whittaker: What?!

#4: “Connie Comes to Town”

John Whittaker: Just remember David and Goliath.
Mike Caldwell: I don't own a slingshot.
John Whittaker: But you do have something better.
Mike Caldwell: Hospital insurance?

#20: “Mike Makes Right”

John Whittaker: Your son Craig — he’s funny.
Bill Moorhead: He's no stranger than most boys.

#2: “The Life of the Party”

John Whittaker: Jared taking over the world. Now there's a scary thought!

#427: “Something Cliqued Between Us”

John Whittaker: We're at the keypad, Eugene.
Eugene Meltsner: Roger.
John Whittaker: Uh, since when do you say the word "roger"?
Eugene Meltsner: Since Jason objected to my using the word "confirmatory."

#613: “The Top Floor, Part 3”

John Whittaker: Really, Eugene, you've been reading too many detective stories.
Eugene Meltsner: I don't read them at all!
John Whittaker: Maybe you should. Then you wouldn't come up with such silly ideas. What are you going to do next, set up bear traps?
Eugene Meltsner: Well, as a matter of fact, I—
John Whittaker: And you, Connie, crawling around like Rambo through the house plants—in camouflage grease-paint!

#113: “Suspicious Minds”

John Whittaker: You both got back just in time.
Connie Kendall: To eat? Oh, good I'm starved.

#49: “Thank You, God”

John Whittaker: Laura, your Mom and Dad are two of the most lovely people I know. I can't for the life of me figure out why you're so ashamed of them.
Laura-Jean Fremont: I'll tell you why. It's because.. It's because they're hicks!
John Whittaker: Laura, I admit they're not high society. But that's part of their charm.

#30: “Honor Thy Parents”

Melanie Jacobs: Do you know how old she is?
John Whittaker: Monica? Oh, fifteen or sixteen, I guess.
Melanie Jacobs: She's eleven.

#163: “A Model Child”

Jason Whittaker: This place gives me the creeps!
John Whittaker: As well it should. It's a tunnel of tombs.
Jason Whittaker: Terrific.

#357: “The Search for Whit, Part 3”

John Whittaker: ...Oh, it took only a few stitches...
Connie Kendall: ...and eighteen stitches are not just a few.

#34: “Stormy Weather”

John Whittaker: Everybody should have a library card.

#39: “The Case of the Secret Room, Part 1”

John Whittaker: When people don't go to church, it can't do what it's supposed to do either.

#61: “The Boy Who Didn't Go to Church”

John Whittaker: Hi, can I help you? Well now Connie, this is something different. It's been a long time since I’ve waited on you as a customer.

#69: “Go Ye Therefore”

Tom Riley: Every time I come in here you've got something new on display. What's this contraption you're working on now?
John Whittaker: Well I'm calling it the Imagination Station.

#66: “The Imagination Station, Part 1”

John Whittaker: OK, that takes care of the programming. Now to make my interior adjustments. "'Step into my parlor,' said the spider to the fly"...

#80: “A Prisoner for Christ”

John Whittaker: It's up to you, sir.
Lieutenant Evans: If it was up to me, I'd be back in New Jersey eating pizza.

#93: “Rescue from Manatugo Point”

Robyn Jacobs: They looked like real bad guys. And... and they talked funny.
Oscar Peterson: My big brother talked funny after he went to the orthodontist. Did these guys wear retainers?
John Whittaker: Never mind, Oscar!

#90: “But, You Promised”

Dan Isidro: Whit, I know where Eugene is.
John Whittaker: What? Where?
Dan Isidro: Down there in the arena!
Eugene Meltsner: Mr. Whittaker... HELP!

#171: “The Cross of Cortes, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Dan, it's only a cross. It can't save anybody.

#172: “The Cross of Cortes, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Oh yeah?! Well at least I have a driver's license!
John Whittaker: Ooo!

#194: “A License to Drive”

Lawrence Hodges: They blow up!
John Whittaker: Blow up?!
Jimmy Barclay: Inflate.

#219: “Treasures of the Heart”

Tom Riley: Well, you know, Whit. It just occurred to me, if Monty wants to. He could be a Coyote.
John Whittaker: What?!
Tom Riley: Well, he can play on the team. The Coyotes. Little League, Whit!
John Whittaker: Oh.

#17: “A Member of the Family, Part 1”

Unknown: How'd you know to come down here? We were just trying to call ya.
John Whittaker: Call me? Why?
Unknown: Yeah, Jeff had been patrolling down by your store just now. He heard some glass breaking. He picked up a kid crawling in your back window. Says he's your grandson.
John Whittaker: Oh! Thank the Lord!
Unknown: I wish everyone'd look that relieved when I've told them they've been vandalized.

#18: “A Member of the Family, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: My name, Constance, means "firmness of mind." Fits, huh?
John Whittaker: Uh... yeah.

#231: “Hallowed Be Thy Name”

Connie Kendall: I still don't get it. If something like that happened to me I'd want to talk about it.
John Whittaker: Well, that's one of the differences between the two of you.
Connie Kendall: Are you saying I talk a lot?

#232: “Thy Kingdom Come”

John Whittaker: The best is yet to come!

#234: “Our Daily Bread”

Connie Kendall: You know, suddenly I'm beginning to feel very... warm.
John Whittaker: Oh, Connie.
Connie Kendall: No really, Whit, I think it's because of this cloth!
John Whittaker: I think it's because you're leaning up against the hot plate.
Connie Kendall: Huh? Ow, ow!

#222: “The Jesus Cloth”

Connie Kendall: It happened that way in the Bible, didn’t it?
John Whittaker: Well, so did parting the Red Sea, but that doesn’t mean we stop building bridges.

#249: “The Case of the Delinquent Disciples”

John Whittaker: I can't escape this nagging feeling that... we haven't even seen the worst of it yet.

#497: “Expect the Worst”

Smith: Well, gents, our work here is done.
John Whittaker: What are you gonna do with us?
Jones (c): The only thing we can do.
Harlow Doyle: You mean...
Smith: Yep. Leave ya here.
Harlow Doyle: Well, that's not the only thing you can do; you can kill us!

#255: “The Boy Who Cried 'Destructo!'”

Rusty Gordon (Malone) : Here's some money, Mr. Whittaker. Uh, keep the change.
John Whittaker: Uh, thanks, Rusty.
Sam Johnson: They're up to something...
John Whittaker: They sure are. He was 15 cents short.

#259: “The Potential in Elliot”

John Whittaker: I’ve met pit bulldogs with better attitudes!

#269: “Fences”

Jack Allen: You sure?
John Whittaker: Right down t' my socks.

#297: “Blackbeard's Treasure”

Alex Jefferson: Connie and Mitch, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i—
Connie Kendall: We were just gonna talk.
Alex Jefferson: Connie and Mitch, sitting in a tree, t-a-l-k-i-n-g.
Connie Kendall: We were not in a tree.
Alex Jefferson: Connie and Mitch, sitting in a booth—
John Whittaker: I think you two better stop now.
Alex Jefferson: We're just practicing our spelling. S-p-l-l, I mean, s-p-i--

#467: “Broken Window”

John Whittaker: That's no man, that's George Barclay!

#385: “It's a Pokenberry Christmas, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Anybody? Anybody at all? Anybody who's breathing will do!

#9: “Doing Unto Others”

John Whittaker: You'll get more protection out of a deodorant spray than from that silly rabbit's foot!

#24: “Gotcha!”

John Whittaker: Say, who's this handsome young gentleman you've brought with you?
Robyn Jacobs: He's not a handsome gentleman, he's my dad!
Dale Jacobs: Oh, thanks a lot, Robyn!

#85: “You Go to School Where?”

Tom Riley: I just got back. What are you doing?
John Whittaker: Oh, just taking a walk through your orchard.
Tom Riley: Well, you're not gonna get very far standing on a ladder.

#462: “The W.E.”

John Whittaker: So, what's their goal?
Arthur Dent: Quite simple, really. Operation Think Tank will enslave the human race. Would you like a muffin?

#494: “Box of Miracles”

Eugene Meltsner: I'm still wondering why your team seemed to be so baffled by the opposing pitcher's curve ball. Solving it was a matter of simple physics.
John Whittaker: Eugene, they don't allow calculators in the batter's box.

#578: “All-Star Witness”

John Whittaker: I like my pants. They're comfortable. Is there something wrong with them?

#580: “Tales of a Small-Town Thug”

John Whittaker: Now, that doesn't sound so unimaginable to me, Eugene.
Eugene Meltsner: W-what do you mean?
John Whittaker: A Meltsner being obstinate on matters of faith?
Eugene Meltsner: Ah... oh, I see.
John Whittaker: Keep working on him, Eugene.

#619: “A New Era, Part 1”

John Whittaker: God puts passions into our hearts for a reason.

#620: “A New Era, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: By the way, what do you call this invention?
John Whittaker: The Inspiration Station.
Connie Kendall: Catchy!

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

John Whittaker: I understand if you're a little skittish about something new.
Matthew Parker: I'm not skittish; even if I knew what that meant.

#656: “The Inspiration Station, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Now, the first thing people usually do at a time like this is panic.
David Harley: Then it looks like we're doing things in the right order!

#3: “Lights Out at Whit's End”

John Whittaker: Enjoy! Although I feel I should put a warning sign on you, Matthew. There's enough chocolate in that shake and brownie to energize a small Swiss village.

#662: “Grandma's Visit”

John Whittaker: That's my cell phone.
Connie Kendall: Sorry, that's mine. Excuse me.
John Whittaker: It's Eugene.
Connie Kendall: Mine's...oh, I don't know who it is.
John Whittaker: Hello?
Oliver Drevil: Don't mind me!
John Whittaker: Hi Eugene!
Connie Kendall: Oh, hi Veronica!

#668: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Well, he gave me an emergency key. I'm proclaiming an official emergency.
Connie Kendall: I agree.

#484: “Plan B, Part 1: Missing in Action”

John Whittaker: Do you really think this is the best way to get friends? To buy them by giving away a car and a bat?
Cody Carper: Well... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

#375: “The Pushover”

Cody Carper: I still can't think of who to do this report on.
John Whittaker: Well, how about something to do with grace?
Cody Carper: You mean Mrs. Hawkins?

#384: “Amazing Grace”

Leslie (a): But, the bus pulled up... and the door opened... and... and it was him!
John Whittaker: Who?
Leslie (a): Our bus driver, Crazy Eddie!
Crazy Eddie: <laughs evilly> Hello, my pretties! Welcome to my weirdsmobile. All aboard! <laughs evilly again>

#43: “Back to School”

John Whittaker: Before you knock it, why don't you try it?
Connie Kendall: You mean the machine?
John Whittaker: Sure. I need a guinea pig, and you'll do just fine.

#46: “The Shepherd and the Giant”

John Whittaker: Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

#50: “Karen”

Liz Horton: I hate her.
John Whittaker: That seems awfully strong for someone you just met, Liz.

#514: “Room Enough for Two”

John Whittaker: Well, let me say it's been a pleasure to host this year's band camp. I'm really looking forward to hearing what you all learn. Now, to kick things off. We decided to begin with something a little different. A competition.
Jay Smouse: Look out Barrett Jones. Soon you'll be tasting cold steel. The cold steel of my supper time triangle.

#693: “The Amazing Loser”

Connie Kendall: Just push the button when you're ready, Whit.
John Whittaker: Thanks, Connie.

#211: “The Mortal Coil, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Lester, what's going on here?
Lester: That's a three, eighteen, ninety-nine.
John Whittaker: What does that mean?
Lester: I can't tell you.

#546: “No Way Out”

Joanne Woodston-Allen: Rose?
Agnes Riley: It's you!
Tom Riley: It is? But that's...
John Whittaker: That's Joanne Allen?!

#512: “The Pact, Part 2”

John Whittaker: I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot, apart from the one in my mouth. Maybe we should start over. I’m John Avery Whittaker, but my friends call me Whit.
Jenny Whittaker: I’m Guinevere Morrow. My friends call me Jenny. You can call me Guinevere.
John Whittaker: Oh, uh... oh. Guinevere.

#464: “The Triangle, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Jack? What's wrong?
Jack Allen: I'm sorry, did I wake you?
John Whittaker: No, I had to get up to answer the door anyway.

#465: “The Triangle, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Mary, how would you like to attend a neighborhood meeting in Oswald Heights?
Mary Hopkins: Not a chance. Is that what you're doing?
John Whittaker: Yep.
Mary Hopkins: I hope you get out alive.

#469: “Chains, Part 2”

Bernard Walton: I have to fight fire with fire.
John Whittaker: You're not gonna burn down the Electric Palace, are ya?

#246: “My Fair Bernard”

Lucy Cunningham-Schultz: I didn't know you sing.
John Whittaker: Well, I'm sure a lot of our choir members think I can't. But I do my best.

#221: “It Is Well”

John Whittaker: Far be it from me to compare any of my measly inventions to the brilliance of Zapazoids.

#104: “Lincoln, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Hi, Jason. Where are you?
Jason Whittaker: I'm in Alaska.
John Whittaker: Oh? What are you doing up there?
Jason Whittaker: Freezing. And helping out with some problems with a church up here, which is why I called.

#491: “The Black Veil, Part 2”

John Whittaker: I have something to tell you.
Connie Kendall: Whit, what's wrong?
John Whittaker: Connie, Mitch. Mitch is dead.

#486: “Plan B, Part 3: Cross-fire”

John Whittaker: How do we figure out who she is? Do-do you have something to write on; I could make a sign and-and write her name on it...
Connie Kendall: Cindy!!! Cindy Bancroft!!! Paging Cindy Bancroft!!!
John Whittaker: Or we could do that, yeah.
Connie Kendall: Do you think she heard me?
John Whittaker: She probably heard you if she's leaving from the bus station in Connellsville.

#554: “Call Me if You Care”

John Whittaker: Patrick had to obey God. To disobey would have compromised his faith.
Patrick: [We are] Emissaries of the Lord Jesus Christ.

#395: “Patrick: A Heart Afire, Part 2”

Richard Maxwell: You saved my life! Why?
John Whittaker: Two reasons. For one, you have a lot of explaining to do.
Richard Maxwell: Yeah? What's the other reason?
John Whittaker: Your life is worth saving.

#84: “The Battle, Part 2”

Dale Jacobs: Marjorie Sadler? Oh, no.
John Whittaker: What's wrong?
Dale Jacobs: Marjorie Sadler has visited my office a number of times. Every week she has a new complaint against somebody. The guys in the newsroom call her "the crank lady". Two weeks ago she said that the Nazis were putting drugs in the city water supply to make us all move to Germany.
Connie Kendall: Uh-oh.

#143: “Muckraker”

John Whittaker: Yes, this deadline may be impossible. But what may be impossible for us, is very possible for God.

#589: “The Impossible”

John Whittaker: I thought you liked church.
Matthew Parker: I do. Well, I did. But lately, I don't know...it seems like church is some kind of club.

#715: “The Perfect Church, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: This is rather embarrassing to admit Mr. Whittaker, but <whispering> I don't have a driver's license.
John Whittaker: You don't have a driver's license?!
Eugene Meltsner: Please Mr. Whittaker lower your vocal amplification! This is not information I wish to share with the world at large.

#193: “A Tongue of Fire”

Jenny Roberts: Heather didn't have a VCR, but Sherry did. So why didn't Sherry tape the program and have Heather see it later?
John Whittaker: Connie?
Connie Kendall: H-how about some more lemonade?

#217: “Rights, Wrongs and Reasons”

Isaac Morton: James Armer and the pilot looked identical?!
John Whittaker: As alike as two peas in a pod.

#187: “An Act of Nobility”

John Whittaker: Do you remember what I told you when you stopped smoking? Who tempts people to sin?
Nick Mulligan: Satan.
John Whittaker: Well, is that the role you want to play in someone's life?

#444b: “The Bad Guy”

John Whittaker: I didn't ask you here for a fight.
Barrett Jones: Then, why are we here?

#677: “The Malted Milkball Falcon”

Emily Jones: I'm Emily and you're?
John Whittaker : John. My parents call me John Avery, but the kids at school call me Whit, but I don't think I'll ever get used to that.

#717: “Great Expectations”

Bart Rathbone: What? What's so funny?
John Whittaker: You are!

#381: “The One About Trust, Part 2”

John Whittaker: It's something new. I'm calling it the Room of Consequence. You see, instead of sending you back, this'll let you play out the future.
Jimmy Barclay: The future?
John Whittaker: I've rigged this room to play out the options and consequences for certain decisions. You'll get the whole picture as if you're doing it for the first time - not only you, but everyone it involves, because your decision will often affect how other people act. You'll get to see it all.

#236: “Into Temptation”

Aubrey Shepard: Mr. Whittaker, what's wrong?
John Whittaker: I have to call the police!
Aubrey Shepard: The police?! What happened?
John Whittaker: S-someone—someone stole the Imagination Station!

#492: “Twisting Pathway”

John Whittaker: Arthur Dent? What are you doing here?
Arthur Dent: I saved the world!

#498: “Exactly as Planned”

John Whittaker: Everything all right in there?
Marvin Washington: I guess so. I haven't gotten sick yet.
John Whittaker: Good. Uh, one thing's still the same as the old model.
Marvin Washington: Push the red button?
John Whittaker: You got it. Have fun.

#508: “The American Revelation, Part 1”

John Whittaker: According to an exclusive interview, Eugene Meltsner said "Our most newest imagination station program here at Whit's End contains graphic violence? Oh Eugene-
Eugene Meltsner: Indeed as if I'd ever use the double superlative 'most newest'!

#431b: “The Virtual Kid”

Katrina Shanks-Meltsner: I was wondering—is it possible to select which memories he gets back? Can we leave some out?
John Whittaker: Leave some out? Why would you want to do that?
Katrina Shanks-Meltsner: Because some are rather bad... the kind I wish he wouldn't ever have to remember. The death of my father... the worry about the wrong people getting their hands on his research... what happened to him that night at the NIH!
John Whittaker: Katrina... you know, even if I could, would you really want me to? God uses our memories, both good and bad, to shape who we are and who we'll become. To get rid of those parts of our life that cause us pain would rob God of one of the ways He works in our lives and hearts. Do you really want Eugene to be less than who he should be?
Katrina Shanks-Meltsner: Of course not. But I love him and if I could spare him the pain of reliving certain memories, I would.

#566: “A Most Extraordinary Conclusion”

John Whittaker: I think Jennifer was saying that like a father, God loves us, protects us and teaches us.
Grady McKay: If God's like a Father does it also mean he'll disappear and not show up for a few years?
John Whittaker: God is the perfect Father, Grady — better than any on Earth and He'll always show up.

#590: “Three O'Clock Call”

John Whittaker: Repentance is more than feeling badly about what you did and trying to fix it. Those are important things to do to be sure, but another key is confession. Admitting what you did to God and the person you harmed and asking or their forgiveness. You understand?
Barrett Jones: I can't do that, Mr. Whittaker. I just can't. Not yet.

#732: “Repent After Me”

John Whittaker: Hey, hey, what's going on here?
Connie Kendall: You're making the dishes rattle!
Nick Mulligan: Alex is having a nervous breakdown!
Alex Jefferson: He put nuts on my sundae!
John Whittaker: ...What?

#490: “The Black Veil, Part 1”

John Whittaker: It’s not what you call something, but what it is. The name, the label on the outside doesn't change what it is on the inside — the same with how you look on those posters. Uh, you got that?
Curt Stevens: That's great, Mr. Whittaker. You should be a politician.
John Whittaker: Why?
Curt Stevens: I didn’t understand a word you said, but it sounded like it made perfect sense.

#106: “By Any Other Name”

John Whittaker: You? You don't want—maybe you didn't hear me: This is a new adventure in the Imagination Station!
Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, I—I heard you, but I'll pass. Uh, see ya.

#204: “Wonderworld”

John Whittaker: Then you leave me no choice but to exercise my right as a citizen and pursue this case until justice is done!

#40: “The Case of the Secret Room, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Do things like this always happen to you when you come on these trips?
John Whittaker: No, this is the first time...
Connie Kendall: Oh, great! Make me feel welcome, why don'tcha...

#155: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Ha! Gotcha!
Connie Kendall: What? How did you do that? Where did... Oh! I set you up, it's all part of my plan.
John Whittaker: Well, if your plan is to lose, you're doing a pretty good job!
Connie Kendall: Well, it's not over till it's over, MISTER Whittaker!

#115: “An Act of Mercy”

John Whittaker: Let's see if this thing works.

#756: “The Ties That Bind, Part 6”

Jay Smouse: Hey, where you going?
Buck Oliver: I have an errand to run.
Jay Smouse: Oh no you don't! Stay right where you are or I'll fire!!
Buck Oliver: That's an ice cream scoop.
Jay Smouse: Yeah, it is. And I know how to use it!
John Whittaker: Oh, hello Buck.
Eugene Meltsner: Someone apprehend that youth!
Buck Oliver: Sorry Mr. Whittaker, things are a little crazy around here. Now I really need to go.
John Whittaker: I don't think so.

#687: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 9”

Jason Whittaker: Eugene went two weeks without actual verbal contact with Katrina? He must have broke out in hives.
John Whittaker: Well, he had a rash or two, but I blame that on his camel-riding.

#362: “The Right Choice, Part 1”

John Whittaker : Do not adjust your radio. We are in control. You're about to enter a different place and yet one that isn't so different. It's a dimension of sight and sound and of mind. A land of shadows, substance, and a lot of weirdness. You've just crossed over into the Twilife Zone.

#537: “My Girl, Hallie”

John Whittaker: I'm just finishing up an invention for Eugene; he's organizing an event at the homeless shelter in Connellsville.
Trent DeWhite: I hate to break it to you, but cash registers have already been invented.

#625: “Something Significant”

John Whittaker: Admit it, Whit. You’re lost.
John Whittaker: Okay, I’m lost. I admit it.
John Whittaker: You don’t have to rub it in.

#801: “The Feud of Mason County”

John Whittaker: Hey—instead of taking the bus, let's walk back to Whit's End. Whaddya say?
Eugene Meltsner: Are you sure, Mr. Whittaker? That's quite a distance for a man of your—
John Whittaker: Uh, careful, careful.
Eugene Meltsner: Uh... social position.

#83: “The Battle, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Remind me to introduce you to one of my employees, Jenny. I think you would get along with him nicely.
Jenny Whittaker-Dowd: Is he from California?
John Whittaker: No. I'm not even sure he's from this planet, but you'll like him. His name's Eugene.

#96: “The Reluctant Rival”

John Whittaker: Well, keep an eye out on the weather. There's a storm brewing.
Donna Barclay: Jimmy, I wanna talk to you!
Jimmy Barclay: Speaking of storms...

#123: “Castles and Cauldrons, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: I guess you could call me a "secret agent" of God's will.
John Whittaker: Uh, oh!

#233: “Thy Will Be Done”

John Whittaker: Well, we didn't feel real comfortable about being known as the Stinking Swamp Campers!

#37: “Camp What-A-Nut, Part 1”

Dale Jacobs: Why you getting so involved in this, Whit?
John Whittaker: I dunno. Because there was something about him — something in his eyes that seemed so... lost.

#244: “The Mysterious Stranger, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Ok, how big should we make this (drop box)?
Eugene Meltsner: Well, the average length of a newborn infant is 52 centimeters.
Rhee Jung Won: How do you know that?
Eugene Meltsner: Doesn't everybody?

#749: “The Drop Box”

John Whittaker: Ahh, the fresh ocean air. It brings me back to my Navy days!
Eugene Meltsner: The salty aroma does make one crave rest and relaxation, perhaps even escape.

#849: “Out to Sea”

Don Polehaus: Do you smell that?
John Whittaker: Smells like popcorn.
Don Polehaus: That's the smell of victory, which also smells a lot like popcorn!

#689: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 11”

Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Did you happen to get the number of the truck that hit me?
John Whittaker: It wasn't a truck, it was Gower's Field.

#682: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 4”

John Whittaker: I'll talk about Jesus on the mount of transfiguration. Okay?
Freddy (a): Mr. Whittaker?
John Whittaker: Well, you can take your pick of Scripture references. The story is in the book of Matthew, Mark and...
Freddy (a): Mr. Whittaker!?
John Whittaker: Freddy, I'll be right with you! Marianne... I know Freddy isn't in the Bible! He's right here. Luke, that's what I meant. Luke is in the Bible, and Tom is in the hallway!

#4: “Connie Comes to Town”

Connie Kendall: Sounds like Jeremy's getting himself in pretty deep. I think I know how this is going to turn out, too.
John Whittaker: Well, maybe you do, maybe you don't. The only way to find out is to keep reading.

#12: “The Tangled Web”

John Whittaker: I suppose things could be worse.
Jay Smouse: Oh, yeah? Like how? <static electricity sounds>
Wooton Bassett: Uh, oh! What was that?
John Whittaker: Uh, well, the power could go off.
Jay Smouse: Yep, that would be worse alright.
John Whittaker: Don't worry, the, uh, generator should kick in any minute.
Eugene Meltsner: Uh, you mean the generator I've been trying to fix?

#675: “A Thankstaking Story”

Tom Riley: It kinda reminds me of the story of Joseph in the Bible.
John Whittaker: Yeah? How’s that?
Tom Riley: You know, a cone of many colors...

#2: “The Life of the Party”

John Whittaker: Don't you understand that when you go out for revenge, you've gotta dig two graves! One for the person you're after and one for yourself! Richard, there's no such thing as revenge, not really. It never replaces what you lost. It never restores. It doesn't even satisfy. You're out of the detention center now; you've got your whole life ahead of you! Now please, give me the gun!

#156: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 2”

Jared DeWhite: And you didn't ask the mayor to pass a new puberty tax?
John Whittaker: That's "property tax." And believe me, I would never ask the mayor to raise taxes!

#426: “The Buck Starts Here”

John Whittaker: I don’t know what to say!
Jason Whittaker: I do. I look like I have a double chin in that picture. Do I have a double chin?
Connie Kendall: Jason!

#634: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 1”

Sherman Wurt: Ah! Whit. At last we meet.
John Whittaker: At last. <pause> Should I know you?

#635: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Well Jimmy, you know you're gonna have to go home.
Jimmy Barclay: But my dad will kill me!
John Whittaker: You don't know that.
Jimmy Barclay: You don't know my dad!

#57: “The Prodigal, Jimmy”

Bernard Walton: This is insane! They can't close down Whit's End after all these years!
John Whittaker: It looks like they can, Bernard.

#637: “The Forgotten Deed”

John Whittaker: Uh, Mr. Adams, before you go, I had an idea for a radio program, I thought I'd like to try out on you.
Ralph Adams: Oh? Let's hear it.
John Whittaker: Well, it's kinda like the old time radio dramas, and it takes place in a small town and a big building they call a discovery emporium.
Ralph Adams: A discovery emporium?
John Whittaker: Yes. And it has a special Bible room, and the county's largest train set.
Ralph Adams: Train set?
John Whittaker: Yes. And it's run by a grandfatherly inventor and kids come in and they have all kinds of adventures together. What do you think?
Ralph Adams: Stick to selling ice cream, Mr. Whittaker. Stick to selling ice cream.

#36: “Kids' Radio”

Nicholas Adamsworth: Hi Mr. Whittaker! Bye Mr. Whittaker!
John Whittaker: Oh-Wha-?! Nicholas! Nicholas, what are you doing?
Nicholas Adamsworth: Uh, hiding!
John Whittaker: Well, I can see that! Who are you hiding from?
Nicholas Adamsworth: Just Eugene!
John Whittaker: Nicholas!
Nicholas Adamsworth: Sorry! He's not home!
John Whittaker: Now Nicholas...
Nicholas Adamsworth: No one here by that name!

#80: “A Prisoner for Christ”

John Whittaker: Have you tried?
Connie Kendall: Yeah, I've tried. I start with a pencil and a blank piece of paper.
John Whittaker: And?
Connie Kendall: And, I end with pencil and a blank piece of paper!

#101: “Scattered Seeds”

John Whittaker: Eugene Meltsner, are you out of your mind?!

#168: “The Curse”

Eugene Meltsner: Do you think he's trying a Humphrey Bogart image?
John Whittaker: Not with a coon-skin cap!

#196: “Harlow Doyle, Private Eye”

Bernard Walton: And look at that. Is that somebody's coat?
John Whittaker: That's no coat. It's Tom!

#205: “Flash Flood”

John Whittaker: Every time you're tempted to do something bad, I'll be the one who tries to talk you out of it.
Jimmy Barclay: Oh, yeah, like in the cartoons. Only, there's supposed to be a good guy on one shoulder, and a bad guy on the other.
John Whittaker: You don't need a bad guy. You do all right by yourself.

#236: “Into Temptation”

Dale Jacobs: What does the cloth, feel like?
John Whittaker: A cloth, Dale! That's what it is!
Dale Jacobs: Really? What a let down!

#222: “The Jesus Cloth”

Tom Riley: I've got no one to blame but myself. I'm the one. I let them do it.
John Whittaker: Let who do what?
Tom Riley: I let Novacom build their tower on my property. I'm just sorry that they ever came to town!
John Whittaker: Some of us are trying to put a stop to it.
Tom Riley: Well, Whit, I tell ya... if I could, I would pull that thing down, I swear I would, with my bare hands! I swear I would!

#497: “Expect the Worst”

Clara Portland: Whenever you're in the middle of a dream, and you think it's going to be bad, you say real loud, "Go away bad dream, BOO!" and the bad dream will go away and you'll wake up.
John Whittaker: Go away, bad dream.
Clara Portland: BOO. Don’t forget the BOO.

#365: “Clara”

John Whittaker: Brother Eugene has faithfully completed his six month vow of silence.
Unknown: It was a miracle.
John Whittaker: It is now time for our brother to break his vow of silence and share what he has learned with the rest of us. Yes, I see that hand of Brother Bernard the Cleansed?
Bernard Walton: Yes, Friar Whit, the brothers took a vote and we all think Brother Eugene should continue his vow of silence for another six months. It's been the quietest six months we've ever had.
Unknown: Aaaaaahhmen.
John Whittaker: Well, as much as I may agree, this order is not a democracy and votes don't count...he has earned the right to speak.
Unknown: Aaaw.

#366: “Solitary Refinement”

John Whittaker: There's no point in second guessing the decision. It's done. Now all we can do is see how it plays out and have faith that even if we made a mistake that God will work through it.
Tom Riley: But we pay for our mistakes, Whit.
John Whittaker: I know, that's why I hope I'm wrong.

#457: “Opportunity Knocks”

Nick Mulligan: Alright, Here's number one, a climbing wall with ropes so no one gets hurt.
John Whittaker: Ok, but what's the purpose?
Nick Mulligan: It could teach a Bible story. It could be the climbing wall of Jericho.
John Whittaker: (laughs) They didn't climb that wall. They marched around it and blew trumpets.
Nick Mulligan: Well, that's no fun!

#462: “The W.E.”

Jason Whittaker: Isn't that what the enemy does sometimes? Tries to use our own goodness against us?
John Whittaker: Jason, what I'm seeing is that I'm not spending enough time seeking God's wisdom and help. Novacom has planned everything to the finest detail, but God is bigger than Novacom, than Andromeda, and whatever else they have up their sleeves.

#494: “Box of Miracles”

John Whittaker: Well, did you know that prayer is more than just talking to God—prayer is having a conversation with God? And when we do that, we need to allow room for God to talk to us.
Marvin Washington: God talks to us?
John Whittaker: Well, yes, in different ways—maybe not in an audible voice, but He talks to us in our thoughts, through our teachers, through the Bible. And sometimes we have to just be still and listen.

#600: “The Nudge”

John Whittaker: Do you know what gullible is?
Cody Carper: Isn't that a kind of fish?

#375: “The Pushover”

Eugene Meltsner: This can't be happening!
John Whittaker: I'm afraid it's true, Eugene. Connie has quit!

#381: “The One About Trust, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Hello, Tom. What are you doing out in this weather?
Tom Riley: Oh, you know how I am when it comes to storms, Whit. Everything just gets so, so, uh, wet.

#34: “Stormy Weather”

John Whittaker: Do you see the transistor, Jami?
Jami Martin: Yes, it's back by the door.
John Whittaker: Door? What door?

#39: “The Case of the Secret Room, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Home, sweet home, huh, Dad?
John Whittaker: Amen, Jason. Amen.

#364: “Home, Sweet Home”

John Whittaker: Well Agnes, it takes time to cook a good turkey dinner.
Agnes Riley: That's what I've always tried to tell Tom, Whit. It's not as easy as you thought it was, is it?
Tom Riley: Nope. Especially on the turkey.

#49: “Thank You, God”

Connie Kendall: Hi, Whit, I'm sorry I'm late.
John Whittaker: Hi, Connie; are you late? I hadn't noticed.

#51: “Connie, Part 1”

Liz Horton: I knew you were a jerk ever since I met you. And thanks to Mr. Whittaker I know it for sure now!
John Whittaker: Thanks to me?
Natalie Horton: I can understand why Mark joined the army. To get away from you!
John Whittaker: Stop! Please Stop! I didn't mean to cause a war.
Natalie Horton: I'm sorry, Mr. Whittaker, it was Liz's idea.
Liz Horton: We got you!

#514: “Room Enough for Two”

John Whittaker: Bye bye, Edith
Edith Sutton: Bye bye... cutie pie.
Robert Mitchell: <mockingly> "Cutie pie."
John Whittaker: Tell no one.

#525: “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?, Part 3”

Eugene Meltsner: This is curious.
John Whittaker: What is it?
Eugene Meltsner: It looks like a thistle bush, but I've never thought of a thistle bush as a sign of suffering—unless you fall into one.

#357: “The Search for Whit, Part 3”

John Whittaker: Use your imagination, and anything can happen!

#500: “500”

John Whittaker: Well, to put it delicately. I think you're suffering from an illness Isaac.
Isaac Morton: An illness? What kind of an illness?
John Whittaker: Unless I miss my guess, I think it's chronic procrastinitus.
Isaac Morton: Chron—chronic pro—
John Whittaker: Chronic procrastinitus. It's an illness that effects your motor skills. Movement and such.

#148: “Isaac the Procrastinator”

Connie Kendall: Whit will be playing the voice of God.
John Whittaker: Oh, I am?
Connie Kendall: Great, you're into the role already!

#663: “Finish What You...”

Tom Riley: No, I am serious. You're messing around with somethin' you don't have no business with.
John Whittaker: It's only the Imagination Station.
Tom Riley: I don't care what it is. You said the whole thing seemed realer than real. And that's what makes it so dangerous. Look, you know that Jesus took the sting out of death. Death is our doorway to God. But it's not something we should want or try to create! It's a locked door until God and God alone opens it for us!

#211: “The Mortal Coil, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Jen... is he here? Can I see him?
Jenny Whittaker: Just turn around, John.
John Whittaker: Oh, Jerry!
Jerry Whittaker: Hi, Dad; how ya doin'?

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”

Eugene Meltsner: The station's alarm went off, so we knew something was amiss.
John Whittaker: What happened?
Connie Kendall: I'll tell you what happened. Blackgaard was in there!

#424: “Blackgaard's Revenge, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Is something wrong, Tom?
Tom Riley: Agnes is missing!

#511: “The Pact, Part 1”

John Whittaker: I'm curious, Joanne. Rose hasn't met with you for forty years. Why did you come today?
Joanne Woodston-Allen: Because I promised I would. I've been coming every ten years and each time I came I hoped she'd be here. And now she is. Rose, it means so much to see you again.
Agnes Riley: Yes, you too, Jo.

#512: “The Pact, Part 2”

John Whittaker: I love books, but I can't imagine being a teacher. I don't think I'd have the patience.

#464: “The Triangle, Part 1”

Jenny Whittaker: Maybe we should do the thing we were supposed to do all along.
John Whittaker: You're right. Should I start?
Jenny Whittaker: Go ahead.
John Whittaker: Dear God.....

#465: “The Triangle, Part 2”

Nick Mulligan: Do we know anyone that sneezes like that?
John Whittaker: I don't recognize it.
Nick Mulligan: If only I could identify that sneeze. I think we could nail this guy!

#548: “Sounds Like a Mystery”

John Whittaker: Just sit down, and after I close the door, push that white button.
Jimmy Barclay: The one that's flashing?
John Whittaker: That's the one.

#104: “Lincoln, Part 1”

John Whittaker: You can't change history, Jimmy.
Jimmy Barclay: Then why'd you send me through this?
John Whittaker: So you could do what you're doing now. React to it. Learn from it. And hopefully use that knowledge to try and change the only thing that can be changed: the future.

#105: “Lincoln, Part 2”

John Whittaker: You know, you two might just start a trend.
Charles Thompson: You mean of people painting their hair blue?
John Whittaker: Actually I was thinking more of responsibility and forgiveness.

#252: “The Bad Hair Day”

Cal Jordan: So how is this going to work?
John Whittaker: I'm gonna take my piece out of the Imagination Station and replace it with theirs. And then I'll see what happens.
Connie Kendall: Won't that be dangerous?
John Whittaker: I don't have a choice, Connie. I can't send anyone else in. I have to find out what's going on. Now if you hear anything out of the ordinary, use the emergency shut-off.

#491: “The Black Veil, Part 2”

Jack Allen: Whit, what's going on here? People are breaking and entering, and disappearing and dying. What is this all about?
John Whittaker: That's what I'm trying to find out. That package from Arthur Dent should have some answers.

#486: “Plan B, Part 3: Cross-fire”

Bennett Charles: What's happening?!
John Whittaker: Hello, everyone. Thanks for listening. But it's time for our broadcasting day to end. This is the bug at the soda fountain signing off. Oh, by the way, you may want to listen to the bug in the library.
Bennett Charles: I didn't realize Whittaker was such a comedian.

#487: “Plan B, Part 4: Resistance”

John Whittaker: Ready?
Alex Jefferson: Ready!
David Straussberg: Ready!
John Whittaker: Begin.
John Whittaker: <buzzer> Oh, sorry! Alex, this diagram shows you need to lick the ice-cream in a clockwise direction, not counterclockwise. Minus two points.
Mandy Straussberg: <buzzer> David, it says here you're supposed to eat the cherry first, not the whipped cream. Three points off.

#446a: “A Matter of Manners”

John Whittaker: Park the car, will you Connie?
Connie Kendall: I'll be in as soon as I find a space.
Bryan Dern: Try the one between your ears, honey.

#223: “Real Time”

John Whittaker: Eugene must have been in a hurry to get away...
Connie Kendall: Or else he was robbed by a vest lover.

#484: “Plan B, Part 1: Missing in Action”

Eugene Meltsner: That doesn't make any sense! My father just happened to send out a request that happened to come to his own son? How could there be such a coincidence?
John Whittaker: I never said it was a coincidence.
Eugene Meltsner: Yes, I know you don't believe in them. But—but this is too complicated to think about otherwise.

#584: “Dead Ends”

John Whittaker: But you also need to know that all your studying may fail you when it comes to understanding God, His ways and the salvation he offers us.
Eugene Meltsner: Fail me?
John Whittaker: The Apostle Paul wrote in his first letter to Corinth that God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish, for it was after the world in its wisdom had failed to know God that He in His wisdom chose to save all who would believe by the simple-mindedness of the gospel message.
Eugene Meltsner: Well, that certainly would explain some of the things that don't seem to make sense.
John Whittaker: You see, Eugene, our minds can only grasp so much about the nature of God, of eternity.
Eugene Meltsner: Mm-hmm.
John Whittaker: After that, it’s a matter of the spirit—our spirit links up with His in an eternal relationship that gives us the right perspective to understand Him better.

#232: “Thy Kingdom Come”

Aubrey Shepard: Aren't you a little old to be swinging on a swing?
John Whittaker: Well, now how old do you have to be?

#449: “The Big Deal, Part 1”

Jenny Whittaker: John?
John Whittaker : Hi Jenny... why are you out of breath?
Jenny Whittaker: I ran most of the way home. I just saw the doctor.
John Whittaker : Doctor? Why didn't you just tell me-
Jenny Whittaker: Well, I was feeling nauseous a-and dizzy, so I went. But that's not important. John, you're going to be a father!

#717: “Great Expectations”

Eugene Meltsner: Mr. Whittaker, I have what some might call a hunch.
John Whittaker: What is it?
Eugene Meltsner: It's an colloquial term, it means an intuitive feeling or premonition.
John Whittaker: I meant, what is your hunch?

#594: “A Time for Action, Part 1”

John Whittaker: You just have to follow instructions. You can do that, can't you?
Curt Stevens: Depends on the instructions.

#127: “Have You No Selpurcs?”

Aubrey Shepard: It was my fault this happened.
John Whittaker: It wasn't your fault. I think we were both duped as part of a plan. But you know what, Aubrey? I'm proud of you.
Aubrey Shepard: Y-you are?
John Whittaker: Well, you didn't lie or make up excuses. You were willing to take responsibility. I don't think you would have done that a couple of weeks ago. You're on a good path now, and I can see the difference.

#492: “Twisting Pathway”

John Whittaker: Are you planning on working today or just fogging up the window?
Connie Kendall: I'm here to work! Sorry I'm late, Mitch and I lost track of time, I guess.

#503: “Between You and Me”

Connie Kendall: No offense, but, uh... are you trying to kill us?!
John Whittaker: Oh, I'm sorry, Connie! I saw him! He was hitchhiking on the side of the road back there!
Connie Kendall: Well, I don't see anyone!
John Whittaker: I'm sure I saw him—as clearly as I'm seeing you right now!
Connie Kendall: ...Are you seeing me clearly right now? How many fingers am I holding up?

#406: “Malachi's Message, Part 1”

Tom Riley: I'll do anything for Eugene, you know that. But I think you're goin' about this the wrong way.
John Whittaker: Oh? How so?
Tom Riley: Oh, come on, Whit. You're talking about relationship, about heart, and I'm wonderin'... what happened to praying? What happened to Eugene's relationship with God? How does He fit into all this technical mumbo jumbo?
John Whittaker: I'm not leaving Him out, Tom. I'm praying about everything we're doing. But we have to do something. Why is it wrong to try?
Tom Riley: Well, it's not wrong, I just don't agree with it. Now, if you want to manufacture a relationship through that machine of yours, that's up to you. But I think Eugene needs real relationships—with God, with us. And a lot of time, patience and prayer.

#566: “A Most Extraordinary Conclusion”

Eugene Meltsner: I have this awful feeling in the cavity of my gastrointestinal region.
John Whittaker: Uh, you mean the pit of your stomach?
Eugene Meltsner: Precisely—it's the feeling that I let my students down. And the worst part is, I'm not exactly sure what I did wrong!

#569: “The Invisible Dog”

Dalton Kearn: Where's Leonard?
John Whittaker: Leonard who?
Dalton Kearn: Look, I don't have time for this. Vasquez!
Mrs. Vasquez: It was a boring conversation anyway.
Dalton Kearn: You just gave him a fifty thousand dollar bump on the head. That vase was three hundred years old.

#613: “The Top Floor, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: I mean there are lots of old people at church, I mean look at you!
John Whittaker: Well, thanks Connie.
Connie Kendall: Well, uh, you know what I mean.

#151: “...The Last Shall Be First”

Wooton Bassett: Oh, and say hi to Jason for me.
John Whittaker: I will. What?!
Wooton Bassett: Oops.

#724: “Home Again, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: I think I just had an idea.
John Whittaker: No, that was my cell phone. I think I just got a text message.

#725: “Home Again, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: We're waiting for Rachel!
John Whittaker: Rachel Weaver?
Connie Kendall: Who else?!

#14: “Missed It By That Much”

John Whittaker: I guess instead of a "choo-choo," we'll have to call it an "ooch-ooch."

#582: “Silent Night”

John Whittaker: She ate some bad mayo on a sandwich and got sick, then on her way to the bathroom she slipped on her freshly-waxed floor, knocking over a huge hamster cage! She tried to pick the cage up and threw out her back, and the hamster was so mad it bit her on the hand! Can you imagine all that happening to the same person... at the same time?

#448: “Mandy's Debut”

John Whittaker: Every great man was once a kid.

#259: “The Potential in Elliot”

Emily Jones: This third card is the most interesting. It has a cryptic message.
John Whittaker: Let's hear it.
Emily Jones: I have never been, and always to be. No one ever has, nor ever will be a witness to me. You cannot touch me nor taste me. I neither grow nor decay. But if I did not exist, you would all pass today. Any idea what that could mean?

#722: “The Lost Riddle”

John Whittaker: I feel like Christopher Robin just left Pooh Corner.

#204: “Wonderworld”

David Harley: Oh, hi, Whit! Caught this suspect committing a 414.
John Whittaker: What's a 414?
David Harley: Grand Theft Mozzarella!

#11: “Addictions Can Be Habit-Forming”

John Whittaker: Uh, oh. Come on, Traci. We'd better get down there before the vacuum starts honking and your mom starts eating the carpet.

#118: “What Happened to the Silver Streak?”

Ralph Howards: I told you yesterday, it's a closed case.
John Whittaker: But it can't be a closed case as long as there are unanswered questions.

#40: “The Case of the Secret Room, Part 2”

John Whittaker: There's our shuttle, Connie. Let's hurry. Hold that van! Oh — we're gonna miss it.
Connie Kendall: HEY! WAIT FOR US!
John Whittaker: I knew I brought you along for a good reason, Connie.

#155: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 1”

Digger Digwillow: What do you mean? He's dead. It has to end here.
John Whittaker: No, it doesn't. The best is yet to come.

#67: “The Imagination Station, Part 2”

Tom Riley: "The Pilgrim's Progress in the Similitude of a Dream". "As I walked through the wilderness, uh, of this world, I litted... lighted... on a certain place, wh-where was a den." "Where was a den"? No offense, Whit, but this writer needs to learn something about English.
John Whittaker: Well, I'll be sure to tell him.
Tom Riley: "As I laid me down in that place to sleep, and as I slept I dreamed a dream." What else would you dream? "I dreamed, and behold, I saw a man clothed with rags standing in a certain place, with his face from his house...(What?) With his face from his own house.

#213: “Best Intentions”

John Whittaker: You see Connie, you believe that deep down everyone is good and if we all just somehow tap into that inner goodness we can make the world a whole lot nicer. Well I'm sorry, but that's just not the case. The Bible says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That's why I just shake my head and laugh when I hear someone make a promise to be a better person. That's like treating the symptoms and ignoring the disease.
Connie Kendall: But you can't just sit back and do nothing! I mean, doesn't the Bible say the Lord helps those who helps themselves?
John Whittaker: No, it doesn't. Besides, I'm not talking about doing nothing, I'm just saying that the cause of the problems runs a lot deeper than a simple promise can reach, no matter how good your intentions are.
Connie Kendall: So I was right when I said it was hopeless.
John Whittaker: No, there's hope, lots of it. You're just putting it in the wrong place. You've got to look deep down on the inside, way down into your soul. That's where the changing has to start. That's why the Bible says "Don't be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." What that means is we have to let God renew our mind. He's got to change us on the inside before results start showing on the outside.

#7: “Promises, Promises”

John Whittaker: ...like Joseph for example. Hello, Joseph.
Joseph (a): Good morning, Whit.
John Whittaker: Joseph is here to talk about how families prevent or resolve conflicts when they come up.
Connie Kendall: Really? What kinds of pointers can you give us, Joseph?
Joseph (a): I strongly suggets that if you have dreams where your brothers bow down to you, It's better NOT to tell them about it.
Connie Kendall: Oh...
Joseph (a): And if you get annoyed with one of your brothers, It's a good idea not to throw him in a well or sell him into slavery.
Connie Kendall: Uh... Good Advice.
Joseph (a): And if you just happen to become the greatest leader in the land and experience years of famine...
Connie Kendall: I think we have the idea.

#782: “Let's Get Together”

John Whittaker: <As game show host> We're talking about none other than - Lucy Schultz! <Audience applause>
Jimmy Barclay: <To Lucy> Your last name is Schultz?

#114: “The Big Broadcast”

Connie Kendall: It's just a parade.
John Whittaker: A parade that is all a part of Bart Rathbone's scheme to make money. What's he calling his shop this week? Rathbone's Electric Castle and Rock and Roll instruments of destruction?
Connie Kendall: Yeah.

#164: “Sixties-Something”

Jason Whittaker: Did he mean to travel in his bath robe?
John Whittaker: That’s a caftan he bought from one of the street merchants before we left.
Jason Whittaker: Ah, he went native, huh?
John Whittaker: You know Eugene.

#362: “The Right Choice, Part 1”

John Whittaker: If a funnel cloud has been spotted, we need to get below ground. Bart, where's the basement?
Bart Rathbone: Upstairs!
Bernard Walton: The basement?
Bart Rathbone: Yeah, can't we just go upstairs instead? I keep my private snack supply downstairs.
John Whittaker: Bart!
Bart Rathbone: Okay, fine. But don't touch my pork rinds!

#609: “Prequels of Love”

Theo Dagmar: You’re one of them.... A McNutt!
John Whittaker: No, I've never met a McNutt; I’ve had a McMuffin.

#801: “The Feud of Mason County”

John Whittaker: Let's move ahead to when you're older, shall we?
Barrett Jones: Okay. Oh, you'll love my voice...it's so low and soothing!

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

John Whittaker: The best thing to do when you don't know what to do is pray. God knows what's going on even when we don't.
Liz Horton: I want to do more, though. I want to do what a best friend should do.
John Whittaker: Even if it doesn't seem like much, prayer is powerful.

#592: “Now More than Ever”

John Whittaker: Oh, Patrick wasn't a magician; he was a man of prayer. How it was that the soldiers saw deer instead of the priests is... well, that's — that's up to somebody else to explain.

#395: “Patrick: A Heart Afire, Part 2”

John Whittaker: When I take a look at someone, I want to see the heart and the spirit. What a person is on the outside doesn't last. But on the inside, there's a soul that goes on forever.

#129: “Not One of Us”

John Whittaker: C'mon, everybody — there's a victory celebration going on over at my place. Let's get over there!
Robyn Jacobs: But, Mr. Whittaker... we lost.
John Whittaker: Only the game, Robyn. Only the game.

#124: “The Winning Edge”

John Whittaker: There it is! You can land down there next to that... guy on a skateboard?

“A Stranger Among Us”

George Barclay: What is this, a guilt trip?
John Whittaker: Well, whatever it takes, George.

#190: “Moses: The Passover, Part 1”

George Barclay: Well, Jimmy, it looks like I'm yours for the rest of the day!
Jimmy Barclay: Great!
George Barclay: No — strike that. I'm yours from now on.
Jimmy Barclay: Thanks, dad.
John Whittaker: And... that's just how an adventure should end.

#191: “Moses: The Passover, Part 2”

Jimmy Barclay: Shocking, shocking, absolutely shocking. It's amazing the things you hear when you... oh, uh, it looks like we have a guest! Mr. John Avery — hey!
John Whittaker: Due to circumstances beyond his control, the rest of the Jimmy Barclay Show will not be heard today.

#193: “A Tongue of Fire”

Julie Zeeke: Yeah, beauty is in the eyes of the uhh... beekeeper.
John Whittaker: Uh, beholder.

#401: “More Like Alicia”

John Whittaker: What do you mean by running in front of a truck that way? You scared 10 years off our lives — which I can hardly afford to lose, I might add!

#70: “The Return of Harley, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: It's not that bad, Eugene.
Eugene Meltsner: Precisely what they told General Custer on the ride to Little Bighorn. It's bad enough! It hit a tree, a taillight's broken! How could this have happened? I'm sure I set the parking brake!
John Whittaker: ...Oh, boy.
Eugene Meltsner: "Oh boy," Mr. Whittaker? There's sub-text in that phrase, I'm certain of it!
John Whittaker: Well, the parking brake doesn't work. That's one of the quirks. You have to leave it in gear to keep it from rolling.

#567: “Two Friends and a Truck”

Nick Mulligan: Uh, Whit, do you have any idea how to get a bucket off of somebody's head?
John Whittaker: A bucket?
Nick Mulligan: Yeah, like the ones that those chocolate sprinkles come in?
John Whittaker: Who has a bucket on their head?
Nick Mulligan: Well, that's not really important.
John Whittaker: Nick... do you have a bucket on your head?

#473: “Breaking Point”

Bernard Walton: This is a real pickle.
John Whittaker: Yeah, yeah, it's a problem alright.
Bernard Walton: No, I mean it's a real pickle—it tastes great. Where'd you find 'em?
John Whittaker: Uh, it's a new brand.

#618: “The Other Side of the Glass, Part 3”

Monty Whittaker-Dowd: We were told to come to Dock C at Trickle Lake. I didn't realize you had more than one dock.
John Whittaker: Well, things have changed since you and I came up here to fish.

#682: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 4”

Eugene Meltsner: Please don't take offense.
John Whittaker: Oh, I won't. Unless you're going to criticize my mustache.

#266: “It Began with a Rabbit's Foot”

John Whittaker: I mean, you never know when your next discovery might be. Why, excitement could be waiting for us right on the other side of that door! <the door opens>
Connie Kendall: Excuse me.
Unknown: Yes?
Connie: Uh, yeah. Could you tell me how to get to Front Street?
Unknown: Awwww!

#4: “Connie Comes to Town”

John Whittaker: Don’t be so overdramatic.
Connie Kendall: Overdramatic? I am the epitome of reserve!

#634: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 1”

John Whittaker: The Bible doesn't say to honor your mother and father as long as they dress properly or act the way you want them to. It simply says to honor them: no conditions.

#30: “Honor Thy Parents”

John Whittaker: What kind of things did Mr. Grayson teach?
Connie Kendall: Oh, that the Bible is just a bunch of stories that weren't true and that Jesus wasn't really God, he was just a good teacher. I wanted to argue with him, but he was so smart. He had an answer for everything I said. Now I don't know what I believe.
John Whittaker: Connie, if Mr. Grayson taught that the Bible is just a bunch of stories and Jesus isn't God, then Mr. Grayson is wrong — absolutely, without question or doubt, wrong. The Bible is the Word of God. Jesus is God, crucified for our sins and raised from the dead on the third day. Now if that's not true, then our faith is in vain.

#65: “Bad Company”

Bernard Walton: Well, the job's done, Whit. The window's all clean. At least as clean as they'll ever be with all these kids running around.
John Whittaker: I'm sure you did the best you could.
Bernard Walton: Well, I don't know why I bother, when I know they'll be dirty again tomorrow.

#106: “By Any Other Name”

Tom Riley: That’s about the biggest chicken I have ever seen.
John Whittaker: Yeah, or is it a turkey?

#120: “Pranks for the Memories”

John Whittaker: What's gotten into him?
Isaac Morton: It's the water pistol. All of a sudden he thinks he's Rambo.
Tom Riley: I've always worried about that boy, Whit.

#198: “Treasure Hunt”

John Whittaker: He can't play with it. You're taking it back to the store.

#236: “Into Temptation”

Nelson Swanson: And I can invent things and do scientific experiments on live subjects?
John Whittaker: Yes. Well, no not the experiment part.
Nelson Swanson: Aw, rats.
John Whittaker: No, no experiments on rats either.

#643: “Kidsboro, Part 1”

Clara Portland: No! Go away bad dream, boo, go away bad dream, boo, go away bad dream, boo.
John Whittaker: Clara, I'm sorry honey, but this dream won't go away.

#365: “Clara”

Trent DeWhite: I'll get it!
John Whittaker: Uh, Trent, why are you...
Connie Kendall: Trent's answering the phones now?
John Whittaker: Apparently.

#542: “Eggshells”

Dale Jacobs: We are actually here to engage in a time-honored tradition.
John Whittaker: Really?
Robyn Jacobs: Yeah, our annual back-to-school chocolate soda!
John Whittaker: Oh? How long have you had this tradition?
Dale Jacobs: What time is it now?

#85: “You Go to School Where?”

John Whittaker: You can’t presume to know what you don’t know.

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Why is the ark made out of cinder blocks?
Connie Kendall: They're cubes. That's what Red thought the Bible meant when it said, "cubits".
John Whittaker: Aaah, right.

#663: “Finish What You...”

Oliver Drevil: You can't arrest me, I'm merely conducting a routine check on the system.
John Whittaker: In a ski mask?

#668: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 2”

Jared DeWhite: Now I wasn't spying or anything, but why does Cody let people do that? If someone did that to me, I'd tell 'em to go take a hike.
John Whittaker: You probably would, wouldn't you? And give 'em directions, too!

#375: “The Pushover”

Cody Carper: So what happened to him? I haven't heard anything worth doing a report about.
John Whittaker: Just hold on. This story isn't over.

#384: “Amazing Grace”

John Whittaker: Radio's changed a lot since I was a kid, that's for sure.
Brad Dillard: You had radio when you were a kid?

#36: “Kids' Radio”

Ned Lewis: They kept wanting to change the script. You know how Nebuchadnezzar ordered that everyone was supposed to bow down to the idol when the music played?
John Whittaker: Yeah.
Ned Lewis: Well, they wanted the music to be rock and roll. Then they started playing cards when they were in the fiery furnace.

#35: “V.B.S. Blues”

John Whittaker: Well, we'll just have to sit up here until she gets either tired or bored and goes away, but until then I'd suggest we do two things.
Donny McCoy: What?
John Whittaker: Well, the first is to keep praying.
Donny McCoy: I've been doing that. What's the second?
John Whittaker: Whoah! Hold on tight!

#38: “Camp What-A-Nut, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Well, I guess he's not home.
Jami Martin: But somebody is!

#39: “The Case of the Secret Room, Part 1”

Frank Malone: There are all kinds of rumors about why Lightning retired from basketball early.
John Whittaker: Mr. Malone, even the kids around here know that spreading rumors is a bad thing.

#48: “Heroes”

Fionna Donneral: My my this room is a mess.
John Whittaker: No it isn't I just cleaned it up this morn.. That wasn't very funny.
Fionna Donneral: Then why are you smilin?
John Whittaker: How do you know I'm smiling?
Fionna Donneral: Because a smile isn’t just somethin’ you see; it’s somethin’ you hear as well.

#49: “Thank You, God”

John Whittaker: Your timing couldn't be better, Hubert.
Eugene Meltsner: Eugene.

#51: “Connie, Part 1”

John Whittaker: So, what do you think upset Penny?
Wooton Bassett: Well, it had to be the lack of raspberry sodas in the vending machine in the court house.

#692: “A Penny Saved”

John Whittaker: Eugene, this is a good time to ask yourself—in what have you put your faith?
Eugene Meltsner: What indeed, Mr. Whittaker. What indeed.

#357: “The Search for Whit, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: Do you hear what I hear?
John Whittaker: Oh, Bells.
Jason Whittaker: Harps.
John Whittaker: Violins.
Jason Whittaker: Romantic music.
John Whittaker: I haven't seen Jack act like that since we were kids.
Jason Whittaker: (chuckle) You feed 'em, you love 'em, you nurture 'em, and before you know it, they're going out on dates!
John Whittaker: Oh, where does the time go?

#367: “The Decision”

Tom Riley: Agnes, no wonder you took such a shine to Mandy.
Joanne Woodston-Allen: What do you mean?
John Whittaker: Joanne, you looked exactly like Mandy when you were ten!

#512: “The Pact, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Where are you going?
Tony (d): I was thinking Alaska. Live off moose meat for a while.

#469: “Chains, Part 2”

Rosencrantz Guildenstern: Is there something wrong with him?
John Whittaker: I'm not sure.

#246: “My Fair Bernard”

John Whittaker: That seems to be common about problems, doesn't it? Always being so... uh... problematic.
Eric Myers: Yeah. Especially this one.

#228: “A Game of Compassion”

Captain Richard Quinn: So where's the statue now?
Rodney Rathbone: Right over there.
John Whittaker: What?
Rodney Rathbone: I was using it to hold up the antenna on my TV!

#548: “Sounds Like a Mystery”

John Whittaker: Oh, and Jimmy?
Jimmy Barclay: Yes sir?
John Whittaker: You still think Zapazoids is better than the Imagination Station?
Jimmy Barclay: No, I think the Imagination Station is better. But just barely.

#105: “Lincoln, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Tom, type in "Applesauce!"
Jason Whittaker: Dad! That'll destroy the machine!
John Whittaker: I know, son!

#499: “Exit”

Jay Smouse: Make way, make way, Atlas is entering the building.
John Whittaker: Jay! Here, let me help you with that.
Jay Smouse: No, don't do it, it's carefully stacked. I'm a human Jenga puzzle.

#707: “Mistaken for Good”

Lucy Cunningham-Schultz: You want us to buy juice, Mr. Whittaker?
John Whittaker: Well, that's what it says.

#127: “Have You No Selpurcs?”

John Whittaker: If you're filling your mind with the good stuff, there won't be any room for the bad stuff.
Marvin Washington: Bad stuff? Does that include story problems?

#549: “Think on These Things”

John Whittaker: One thing puzzles me, Jack. How did she know we were going to the post office?

#486: “Plan B, Part 3: Cross-fire”

Connie Kendall: What happened, Whit?
John Whittaker: Oh, Connie, it was awful—the most horrible thing I've ever experienced! In a matter of seconds, it was as if—as if I became the worst monsters in history!
Connie Kendall: What?
John Whittaker: I was Cain, standing over my dead brother! I was Pharaoh, ordering the murder of innocent babies all over the country... I was Herod and Stalin and—and Hitler! I felt hate... greed... utter contempt for all human life. I became pure evil!
Connie Kendall: So... that's what the black box is doing to people?
John Whittaker: Well, perhaps not in such a concentrated dose, but... yes, I think so.

#491: “The Black Veil, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Dent blew up the wrong tower!

#498: “Exactly as Planned”

Connie Kendall: Whit, I know what you're saying, and I don't need a lecture. I'm an adult and I know how to prioritize my time.
John Whittaker: Oh, I know you do. But I also know that God wants some of that time.
Connie Kendall: I'm sure God understands. He's met Mitch.

#503: “Between You and Me”

Don Polehaus: I'll check with you later, and get me that kid's spit.
John Whittaker: You have a way with words, Detective.

#685: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 7”

Eugene Meltsner: So, we found that Michael died on that train in Africa.
Maddie Burnette: Oh my goodness! That's terrible. All we knew is that it happened overseas.
Eugene Meltsner: And the State Department told you that?
Maddie Burnette: Yes. They didn't give much detail, but then again, we didn't ask for much. We barely knew Michael. Ar-are you sure you don't want something to eat?
John Whittaker: Oh, no. We ate on the way.
Eugene Meltsner: I'm really not hungry.

#594: “A Time for Action, Part 1”

Emily Jones: Is it a waste of time for kids to dream about what they want to do?
John Whittaker: No, no, not at all. It's good for us to dream and imagine what our lives might be. We should make lists like that. But dreams get changed by our circumstances, the things that change our direction. And sometimes our priorities change as we grow up. Or for some of us, our relationship with God puts us on unexpected paths to follow.

#717: “Great Expectations”

John Whittaker: These verses will come in handy when you need to know the truth. My hope is that your verses will help you in the practical situations you face. For example, let’s say that one of your friends wanted you to watch a movie that had bad content. Did anyone learn a verse that might help in that situation?
Olivia Parker: Oh, um I did!
John Whittaker: Yes, Olivia.
Olivia Parker: Ok, um, Philippians 4:8. Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

#729: “No Chemistry Whatsoever”

David Harley: You're not making a movie without a permit, are you?
Bobby Novak: Permit? I didn't know you needed a permit to make a movie!
John Whittaker: You don't, Bobby. Not as long as you own private property or you're not obstructing traffic or something like that. Isn't that right, Officer Harley?
David Harley: Well, it isn't exactly wrong. Not that it couldn't be, mind you 'cause ignorance of the law is no excuse! But as far as wrong goes, yes, you're right!

#3: “Lights Out at Whit's End”

John Whittaker: I'll be right with you, I-yie-yie-yie-yie-yie!!!

#184: “Isaac the Chivalrous”

John Whittaker: Didn't you take the test?
Eugene Meltsner: Of course I took the test!
John Whittaker: So what happened?
Eugene Meltsner: I failed it! I flunked it!

#193: “A Tongue of Fire”

John Whittaker: What is the Cross of Cortes?
Eugene Meltsner: Mr. Whittaker, it's the crucifix worn by Hernan Cortes when he defeated the Aztec nation and conquered Mexico.
John Whittaker: Well that much I do know.
Eugene Meltsner: Well legend holds that the cross is embodied by some sort of supernatural power.
John Whittaker: Power?
Eugene Meltsner: Yes, making the wearing almost invincible in battle, much as the sword Excalibur did in the King Arthur stories.
John Whittaker: Oh...
Dan Isidro: Yes, only the cross really exists.

#171: “The Cross of Cortes, Part 1”

Sam Johnson: Mr. Whittaker, I can't believe I caused all of that. Just because I didn't keep my mouth shut.
John Whittaker: Well, most of us suffer from that problem. It's easy to criticize, to pour cold water on people's ideas and dreams. But encouraging people, even those that want to do seemingly impossible things, can be very hard. Yet, it's probably what they need from us the most.

#259: “The Potential in Elliot”

John Whittaker: When you're a Christian, nothing you do in faith is really a failure. God's gonna use it somehow — maybe not in the way you expect. But He'll use it. You just have to be patient, and persistent, even if it takes... well, years.

#1: “Whit's Flop”

Marsha (b): Wow! Paul Revere was there from the start!
John Whittaker: He was! He witnessed the shot heard around the world, a shot that rang out for liberty!
Marsha (b): What a brave man!
John Whittaker: Yes he was, because he lived in a time of bravery. But you know, his time really wasn't so unlike ours, and he wasn't any more brave than we are. He simply had a task to do, and he did it. Our task is to make sure Paul Revere's midnight ride is remembered, and that what he rode for, liberty, is preserved.

#197: “The Midnight Ride”

John Whittaker: You're not afraid of me, are you?
Shirley Zigler: No, of course not!
John Whittaker: Well, see boys?
Shirley Zigler: Except when you wear your big black overcoat. It's kinda creepy.

#10: “Nothing to Fear”

John Whittaker: UPF proposes to rebuild the recreation center. And I'm quoting now: "As a place of adventure and discovery, filled with books and activities, fun and games, arts and crafts, and uplifting conversation. But most of all, it will be a place where kids of all ages can just be kids."

#19: “Recollections”

Tom Riley: Look at him go. You'd think he was looking for buried treasure or something.
John Whittaker: Who's to say he isn't?

#33: “The Day Independence Came”

John Whittaker: Tom, you're beginning to sound like a parrot. If you think you know where the money is hidden, why don't you say so?

#40: “The Case of the Secret Room, Part 2”

Jimmy Barclay: Wow! What is that?
John Whittaker: Nothing right now. Maybe you should ask what it's going to be.
Jimmy Barclay: All right. What's it going to be?
John Whittaker: A vending machine.
Jimmy Barclay: A vending machine? You mean for Cokes and candy bars and stuff like that?
John Whittaker: Nope. For prayers.

#60: “And When You Pray...”

John Whittaker: Don't look now, but your actors have arrived.
Reginald Duffield: Well, it's all right now that I've had my tea.

#95: “The Very Best of Friends”

Connie Kendall: Hey, look at that!
John Whittaker: What? My goodness! Look at all that smoke!
Connie Kendall: Someone must be having one huge barbecue!
John Whittaker: That's no barbecue, something's on fire! Something near Tom's place!

#78: “The Nemesis, Part 2”

Tom Riley: No offense, Whit, but was this thing a big seller?
John Whittaker: Uh huh.
Tom Riley: Well, I can't make heads or tails outta this, but I mean, who's going to believe a character by the name of "Obstinate"?
John Whittaker: It's an allegory, Tom.
Tom Riley: Huh, doesn't surprise me. It's not much of a story!

#213: “Best Intentions”

Eugene Meltsner: How could you possibly know that I have a black leather wallet that was given to me as a Christmas present?
John Whittaker: <breaking character> Well, because I gave it to you.
Eugene Meltsner: What? B-b-but it's not possible!
John Whittaker: Hi, Eugene! It's good to see you again!
Eugene Meltsner: ...Mr. Whittaker!

#356: “The Search for Whit, Part 2”

Bart Rathbone: Great get-up, huh? Aw, they don’t make ‘em like this anymore.
John Whittaker: Small wonder.
Bart Rathbone: Imagine finding a pair of old bell-bottoms, paisley shirt, turtleneck, and a chic-a-dill-ick headband all in the same place!
John Whittaker: The dump?

#164: “Sixties-Something”

John Whittaker: The best is yet to come.

#262: “A Prayer for George Barclay”

Eugene Meltsner: Mr. Whittaker... I think I want to believe, but I need help with my unbelief.
John Whittaker: Eugene, that’s as good a start as any.

#232: “Thy Kingdom Come”

Eugene Meltsner: We would, in essence, be serving as Buck's parents. It's a daunting thought.
John Whittaker: Yeah, but you won't be alone. And don't forget your wealth of experiences.
Eugene Meltsner: Well, I wouldn't dismiss what I've learned working here. Yet, it isn't about what I know; it's about what I don't know that worries me. I mean, the many variables, the—the things I can't anticipate.
John Whittaker: The variables are God's business. You can't always predict them any more than you can predict the future. It's kind of like preparing for a tornado: you know what to do to keep safe, but—but once it's hit, you're always surprised by the intensity and the damage it causes.
Eugene Meltsner: Are you suggesting that parenting is like experiencing a tornado?

#752: “The Ties That Bind, Part 2”

John Whittaker: That's a shame. He used to be such a nice kid. Something went wrong, I guess.

#239: “The Power”

Nick Mulligan: Hi, can I help you?
Connie Kendall: Nick, it's me!
Nick Mulligan: Connie? But your- What happened to your hair?
Connie Kendall: I'm experimenting with some different colors.
Nick Mulligan: I don't think purple is the one you're looking for.
Connie Kendall: For your information, it's not purple. It's raspberry chestnut.
John Whittaker: Well... it certainly catches one's attention.
Connie Kendall: Thank you! See, Nick?
Nick Mulligan: Yeah, but Ronald McDonald catches one's attention too, you know!

#483: “Secrets”

John Whittaker: To my knowledge camels only come in large, with humps. I hope you're OK with that.
Marvin Washington: I hope you are.

#585: “The Poor Rich Guy”

Connie Kendall: Well, if you would just concentrate on the lesson...
Barrett Jones: Which one? The one about robbing banks, or homeless pastors?
Matthew Parker: Homeless pastors...
Connie Kendall: Robbing banks!
John Whittaker: I'm confused...

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

Connie Kendall: Robert said my mom needs a spiritual revival. But I was thinking that Robert needs a brain transplant.
John Whittaker: Well, is there anything else?
Connie Kendall: Well, some new clothes, maybe...
John Whittaker: I mean, anything else happen to you.

#69: “Go Ye Therefore”

John Whittaker: Are you familiar with the New Testament?
Nicholas Adamsworth: Well, I don't know how familiar I am with it, but I've read it several times.

#80: “A Prisoner for Christ”

John Whittaker: I can talk to kids all over Odyssey, but I can't get through to my own grandson.

#97: “Monty's Christmas”

Dale Jacobs: Or, haven't you heard of freedom of speech?
Bart Rathbone: Yeah, I heard of it. I think it's a shame when people take advantage of it like this.
John Whittaker: You mean, when they say things you don't like.
Bart Rathbone: Exactly!

#163: “A Model Child”

Connie Kendall: Hold on. I was running the errand for Whit, so he should be the winner!
John Whittaker: Oh, I don't think Nick Grant would appreciate that!

#220: “This is Chad Pearson?”

John Whittaker: Since you don't have baseball anymore, I assume we'll see you in church this Sunday, huh?
Pete Flanagan: I don't know, Mr. Whittaker. You know the doctor wants me to rest the arm and all.
John Whittaker: Oh, I see. All that heavy hymnbook holding.

#240: “And the Glory”

John Whittaker: You aren't getting out of it that easily. And neither is Tom.

#224: “Greater Love”

John Whittaker: It's just a part of growing up - adjusting to the seasons we go through.
Connie Kendall: It does feel a little like winter in here all of a sudden.

#638: “The Triangled Web, Part 1”

John Whittaker: No. Sometimes being a Christian isn't easy at all.

#421: “Telemachus, Part 2”

John Whittaker: You asked what I thought.
Bernard Walton: Well, I'll know better next time.

#460: “Nova Rising”

Bernard Walton: Brother Whit, would you agree with another three months of silence?
Unknown: Yeah?
John Whittaker: No, Brother.
Unknown: Aaw...
Bernard Walton: How about a long day, and full foam earplugs for all?
John Whittaker: No.

#366: “Solitary Refinement”

Trent DeWhite: I've never buried an invisible dog before.
Connie Kendall: Shh, the service is about to start.
John Whittaker: Dear friends, we're gathered here to bury a faithful dog named Ralph. And although we didn't see much of Ralph, we're really here to support a special friend of ours named Lester. Lester, you've shown us all something about compassion. When God gives us compassion for someone we start to see things through their eyes. So Lester, thank you. Thank you for helping us see Ralph.

#569: “The Invisible Dog”

John Whittaker: Where's the cooler?
Eugene Meltsner: Don't tell me you knocked it over the side.
Wooton Bassett: OK, I won't tell you, but your tuna salad a sleeping with the fishes.

#849: “Out to Sea”

John Whittaker: <laughing> That's so formal, Eugene! Just call him Cousin "Bernie!"

#157: “Last in a Long Line”

Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Have you ever heard of counterfeit dollars in the area?
John Whittaker: We had a situation a few years ago, but that didn't lead to anything.
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Maybe it's connected, maybe not.

#682: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 4”

John Whittaker: Those are a lot of maybes.
Richard Maxwell: Six, to be exact.

#156: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 2”

Jack Davis: How long did it take Noah to build to Ark, Mr. Whittaker?
John Whittaker: Well, some people figure it took about one hundred and twenty years.
Jack Davis: Oh, that's not ba—a hundred and twenty years?!

#56: “By Faith, Noah”

Tom Riley: Make room! Make room!
John Whittaker: Well, hi, Tom! What are you doing?
Tom Riley: Well, I come to see if I can catch any fish. My fishing spot's deader than, uh, a dead thing that's dead.

#100: “Ice Fishing”

John Whittaker: You're in my story, Bernard. Don't you want to perform as yourself?
Bernard Walton: Me? Not a chance. I'd rather leave that to someone like Robert Redford, Charlton Heston, Jimmy Stewart. You know.
John Whittaker: That may be hard to do.
Bernard Walton: Anyone good then. Someone who can catch me as I truly am.
John Whittaker: That may be even harder to do!

#158: “A Day in the Life”

Tom Riley: They just don't make tools like they used to.
John Whittaker: Well, they do, but they're more expensive now!

#198: “Treasure Hunt”

John Whittaker: <reading a letter from Alfred> This sort of stuff has been going on for years. People finding a splinter from the Cross; a strap from Peter's sandal, or the Apostle Paul's toupee!

#222: “The Jesus Cloth”

Jack Allen: (reading letter to Whit from Clara) I'm glad you're still being brave, and remembering me, even as I remember you. You and Mr. Allen were right for giving me up to the Portlands...I couldn't be happier. So if you ever see Mr. Allen again and he still feels bad, you know what to tell him. (to Whit) What?
John Whittaker: (chuckles) Go away, bad dream. Boo.

#365: “Clara”

John Whittaker: How do you like school this year, Robyn?
Robyn Jacobs: You're kidding, right?
John Whittaker: Sorry, I guess that was a pretty dumb question!

#85: “You Go to School Where?”

John Whittaker: Oh yes, Eugene gets excited about things, but he is a good person to have on your side.
Tom Riley: Well, I'm sure that's true, but I feel like I just let a pyromaniac borrow my lighter.

#578: “All-Star Witness”

Eugene Meltsner: Tinkering with other people’s equipment is a very dangerous thing to do. If Matthew wants a future in technology, he should learn now...
John Whittaker: Learn what, Eugene? Aren’t you the one that computerized and installed new programs all over the shop, without asking me first?
Eugene Meltsner: Well... yes. I'll get back to work.
John Whittaker: <laughs> Thanks, Eugene.

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: Last week you made a less than succinct argument that I might be overly...uh...
Connie Kendall: Obnoxious?
Matthew Parker: Brilliant?
John Whittaker: Committed?
Wooton Bassett: Rectangular?!
Connie Kendall: Wordy?
Wooton Bassett: Maladjusted to the elevation!

#671: “Fast As I Can”

John Whittaker: I don't know which is worse staying in here or trying to run back. We're both wearing raincoats and rubber shoes so we shouldn't get struck by lightning.
Connie Kendall: Struck by lightning?
John Whittaker: Well it's either that or fighting a tornado. You know, they issued a tornado watch on the radio.
Connie Kendall: What? Let's get out of here!

#34: “Stormy Weather”

John Whittaker: Wow, it's a note of some kind. It's typed.
Jami Martin: What's it say?
John Whittaker: "Leave well enough alone."

#39: “The Case of the Secret Room, Part 1”

John Whittaker: It's good to see you again, Harlow.
Harlow Doyle: Think so, huh? How do you know you're really seeing me? I might be cleverly disguised.
Bernard Walton: As what? Yourself?
Harlow Doyle: Can't think of a better way to fool people.

#364: “Home, Sweet Home”

John Whittaker: Like any illness, God sometimes heals [mental illness] immediately; sometimes He takes His time. Sometimes He won't heal at all. His reasons are His own.
Eugene Meltsner: But where does that leave us?
John Whittaker: It leaves us where we've always been: stuck with the frailty of our humanness, dependent on the power of God's will, and obliged to keep praying hard for people like Mrs. Riley—and the Tom Rileys of the world who help them.

#368: “The Other Woman”

Glenn Adams: Did you get to ride a camel?
John Whittaker: A few times, yes.
Glenn Adams: Did you run into any... you know... terrorists?
John Whittaker: Uh, I don't think camels join terrorist groups.

#369: “It's a Wrap!”

John Whittaker: You know, Leslie, I've discovered that there are times when I don't like a lot of things because I'm upset with something completely different than the things I don't think I like.
Leslie (a): Huh?

#43: “Back to School”

John Whittaker: Which is the second reason I don't believe it was coincidental.
Connie Kendall: And that is?
John Whittaker: I don't believe anything is coincidental.

#47: “A Single Vote”

John Whittaker: Just push the button when the doors are closed Connie. Both sides are synchronized.

#135: “Back to Bethlehem, Part 1”

Robyn Jacobs: I just wanna stay out of it until it all blows over. Hope there's something good on TV. (Whit laughs a little) What?
John Whittaker: Oh, it's sad, but what you just said probably summarizes how most people really feel about the second coming — if the truth were known.

#145: “The Second Coming”

John Whittaker: Yup, it's chronic procrastinitus all right. Sounds like an acute case, too.
Isaac Morton: I'd better see a doctor.

#148: “Isaac the Procrastinator”

John Whittaker: Good grief! What is this, a Marx Brothers routine?

#367: “The Decision”

Connie Kendall: Whit, do you need a tissue?
John Whittaker: No, uh, more like a bucket.
Connie Kendall: Why?
John Whittaker: That was the most ridiculous movie I've ever seen.
Connie Kendall: What?
June Kendall: It didn't make you want to open your heart and share your soul?
John Whittaker: It made me want to hit my head on something hard and erase all memory of my life for the last two hours.

#542: “Eggshells”

John Whittaker: Well, we should do something fun instead of feeling sorry for ourselves.
Jay Smouse: I dunno, I kinda like feeling sorry for myself.

#675: “A Thankstaking Story”

John Whittaker: Let's see if this thing works.

#211: “The Mortal Coil, Part 1”

John Whittaker: You want a life? Take mine.
Aubrey Shepard: No, Mr. Whittaker! Don't!
John Whittaker: It's all right Aubrey. Come on, Blackgaard. Me for her.

#425: “Blackgaard's Revenge, Part 2”

Lester: You can yell, but no one can hear you.
John Whittaker: There's no one around?
Lester: No one can hear you.

#546: “No Way Out”

John Whittaker: <in flashback> Philo, you can get more luck out of a deodorant spray than you can from that silly good luck charm.

#266: “It Began with a Rabbit's Foot”

Tom Riley: Exactly what did I just do?
John Whittaker: Hmm. You... saved the world.
Tom Riley: Oh. I can't wait for our long talk, Whit.

#499: “Exit”

John Whittaker: I'm sorry. This grieves me. But Eugene, Connie, because of what you've done today, you're fired—effective immediately. You are no longer employees of Whit's End.

#73: “A Bite of Applesauce”

John Whittaker: You don't like her new hair cut do you?
Eugene Meltsner: It makes her look like a Q-tip.

#696: “You're Two Kind”

John Whittaker: If you have any more questions don't hesitate to, uh... ask Eugene!

#585: “The Poor Rich Guy”

John Whittaker: I trusted you.
Tony (d) : That was your first mistake. Maybe this can be a lesson for you.
John Whittaker: What's the lesson? That I'm not supposed to trust anyone?
Tony (d) : Sure.
John Whittaker: That's a bad way to live your life. I'd rather believe in people.
Tony (d) : It's not that easy.

#469: “Chains, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Eugene may have technical expertise, but you have personality.
Connie Kendall: Personality?
John Whittaker: Yes! Connie, the kids don't keep coming back here just for my ice cream, and they certainly don't keep coming to hear Eugene's technical jargon. They keep coming because of you.

#381: “The One About Trust, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Do you think that was wise, Jason?
Jason Whittaker: What do you mean?
John Whittaker: Basically, you just sent Eugene on a mission to storm someone else's wedding. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah, you could be right. I just wish I could be there to see it.

#362: “The Right Choice, Part 1”

Malachi: You're now trying to decide if I'm a liar.
John Whittaker: Yes.
Malachi: In which case you hope I'm not violent and can be persuaded to return to the hospital. Or if I'm a lunatic, in which case you wonder if you should quickly pull the car over and call the nearest police man. Or there's only the one thing left.
John Whittaker: What?
Malachi: You're considering the possibility that I am what I say I am—a messenger from God, an angel. In which case you don't know what to do or how to respond.
John Whittaker: That's an understatement.

#406: “Malachi's Message, Part 1”

Unknown: Excuse me, Mr. Whittaker?
John Whittaker: Yes, that's me.
Unknown: Mrs. Meltsner wanted you to know that her husband seems to be waking up.
John Whittaker: Wonderful, wonderful. Is he alright?
Unknown: <laughing> It's hard to say. I had difficult time understanding him.
Tom Riley: Sounds like he's alright to me!

#566: “A Most Extraordinary Conclusion”

Leonard Meltsner: You knew what Dalton could do to you.
John Whittaker: Yes, but I couldn't let Everett and Jason get captured.
Leonard Meltsner: So you realized you could die and you were alright with that?
John Whittaker: Well, I didn't want it to come to that. But if it did, I was ready.

#613: “The Top Floor, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: This'll make a good homecoming to Odyssey, just when I thought things were going to settle down for a while.
John Whittaker: Settle down? I have a feeling things are just getting stirred up.

#363: “The Right Choice, Part 2”

Barrett Jones: He said he was going to use your pay phone to make a call.
John Whittaker: Uh...I don't have a pay phone.
Barrett Jones: Oh- thanks, anyway.

#701: “Unbecoming Jay”

John Whittaker: So how long are you gonna wait?
Jason Whittaker: Wait?
John Whittaker: To take off that disguise.
Jason Whittaker: Disguise?
John Whittaker: You know what I'm talking about.
Jason Whittaker: Now that's very interesting. I'm afraid the beard won't come off without a razor. However the hat will, and the sunglasses. How's that?
John Whittaker: That's much better. It's good to see you again.

#686: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 8”

John Whittaker: You see, when we hide God's word in our hearts, we can draw on His truths whenever we need them.

#729: “No Chemistry Whatsoever”

John Whittaker: Camilla, faith isn't a feeling. Our feelings change all the time—sometimes for good reason, other times because we're hurt or disappointed or any number of reasons. Faith is continuing to believe what is true regardless of our changing moods. That's why it's so important. It's a rudder keeping us on the course in spite of the storms of life.
Connie Kendall: Yeah. We all have good days and bad days. It's our faith in God that helps us through all of them.

#731: “More Than a Feeling”

John Whittaker: [reading from a letter] 'Just in case you were thinking about backing out of the trip, ha ha....' Don't ask, Eugene.

#171: “The Cross of Cortes, Part 1”

John Whittaker: You really think you can create an environment that is so secure that I'll never get hurt or sick or die? Look, we either believe we're in God's hands or we don't. Now, which is it?
Jason Whittaker: Good point.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

John Whittaker: Poor Spencer. You know, somehow it's just not fair to lose a life over something so worthless as money.
Tom Riley: I guess that's why the Bible says money is the root of all evil.

#40: “The Case of the Secret Room, Part 2”

John Whittaker: I've got a button for just about everything. Money when you don't need it, good grades on a test you didn't study for, the latest fashions, the newest toys, popularity. <chuckles> What should I add?
Jimmy Barclay: Boy, I can think of a whole bunch of things!

#60: “And When You Pray...”

John Whittaker: Time out now! Everybody off the field!
Eugene Meltsner: Uh, I beg your pardon?

#52: “Connie, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. Joseph Addison.
Connie Kendall: Doing research is a pain in the neck. Connie Kendall.

#64: “The Greatest of These”

John Whittaker: Now maybe things can get back to normal.
Richard Maxwell: I wouldn't count on it, Mr. Whittaker. I wouldn't count on it.

#76: “Eugene's Dilemma”

John Whittaker: <in Eugene's story> Oh, how nice! A small Eurasian rodent known as a hamster!

#448: “Mandy's Debut”

John Whittaker: You know, you sound just like Moses.
Trent DeWhite: I'll take that as a compliment.

#599: “Blood, Sweat, and Fears”

Karen Crosby: You know what they say about hospital food.
Donna Barclay: Yeah?
Karen Crosby: It's true. Mrs. Murray and I were playing marbles with our peas.
John Whittaker: Mrs. who?
Mrs. Murray: If you pull back that curtain, you'll find out!

#50: “Karen”

Jack Allen: So Whit, tonight's the night you are going to ask her?
John Whittaker: It is, Jack. I wrote a poem to Jenny and put it in a bottle.
Jack Allen: Ahh, and it'll wash up in her bathtub!
John Whittaker: Very funny.

#609: “Prequels of Love”

John Whittaker: But why would Rodney run away? He's a tough kid. I can't imagine him running away from anything.
Patrick O'Ryan: Hmm... how 'bout his father?

#121: “Missing Person”

Connie Kendall: This is scaring me, Whit.
John Whittaker: I'm glad. There are some things it's good to be afraid of.

#123: “Castles and Cauldrons, Part 2”

John Whittaker: A couple of days ago he really wanted to be like you, Mr. Dern. But by doing no more than being yourself, you made him realize what a horrible prospect that really is. And for that, you have my undying gratitude.

#193: “A Tongue of Fire”

Eugene Meltsner: The lower-level communication device requires your presence!
John Whittaker: Uh, translated!
Eugene Meltsner: Huh? Oh! You're wanted on the phone downstairs!

#184: “Isaac the Chivalrous”

John Whittaker: Brother Eugene, come forward. After six months of glorious, uh, of muteness...we bid you share your new wisdom with us.
Eugene Meltsner: Thank you, Friar Mr. Whittaker. Fellow brethren of the monastic way, my journey through silence has been met by various and sundry provocations from the opposer, and not without dire distress and ventricular hemorrhaging of spirit. However, deep within the recesses of my being, I received the capacity to endure. Thus, I desire to share with you all now what this experience has achieved for me, and in achieving for me, I believe will also further advance the understanding of like-minded people everywhere.
Bernard Walton: That would be no one.

#366: “Solitary Refinement”

John Whittaker: Hmm. Can't think of the last time we had a plane crash anywhere near Odyssey.
Eugene Meltsner: Seven years ago, Mr. Whittaker. An experimental aircraft from Campbell College crashed on the tarmac of Odyssey Airport. Fortunately, no one was hurt.
John Whittaker: Really? I don't remember hearing about that.
Eugene Meltsner: Uh, it was never reported in the news. The college did their best to keep the incident quiet.
John Whittaker: Well, then, how do you know about it?
Eugene Meltsner: ...I was the pilot.
John Whittaker: You surprise me Eugene, I didn't know you dabbled in flight.
Eugene Meltsner: I don't. That's why the plane crashed. In principle, it should have worked. I later found out that my diagrams made excellent paper airplanes though.

#679: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 1”

John Whittaker: There is nothing wrong with my advice.
Sarah: Mr. Whittaker, look! I pierced my own ears, just like you said.
John Whittaker: Oh, very good, Sarah! Your parents will be so proud.

#440: “I Slap Floor”

John Whittaker: The two of you should take a look at this.
Jack Allen: What is it?
John Whittaker: Our miracle!

#637: “The Forgotten Deed”

John Whittaker: Chicken soup. <laughs> Thanks, Dr. Kendall. I've already had so much chicken soup that I might start sprouting feathers.

#65: “Bad Company”

John Whittaker: Here's your check, Bernard.
Bernard Walton: Transaction note.
John Whittaker: What?
Bernard Walton: The bank's gonna start calling them transaction notes.

#106: “By Any Other Name”

Jack Allen: You know she belongs in a two-parent home. She needs a daddy and a mommy--something you can't give her.
John Whittaker: I can give her the next best thing!
Jack Allen: Oh, listen to yourself. You're going against every principle you've ever taught! And why? Because of something you want! Is that what's best for Clara, Whit? Are you thinking about her...or just about yourself?

#365: “Clara”

Connie Kendall: Whit, is Eugene in your office?
John Whittaker: I don't know. Why?
Connie Kendall: Well, the door's locked, and I keep hearing someone whimpering!

#671: “Fast As I Can”

Jimmy Barclay: Can I open it now?
John Whittaker: No. You can only open it when you're absolutely, without question, no doubt about it, as bored as you've ever been in your life.

#31: “Family Vacation, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Stay right here. I'll be right back. Do not move.
John Whittaker: Even if I could I wouldn't.

#34: “Stormy Weather”

Percival Fenwick: Whittaker!
John Whittaker: Hello? Who's that? The lights have gone out. Well, what do you want?
Percival Fenwick: Stay out of my way!

#39: “The Case of the Secret Room, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Oh, Connie, Connie! Where have you been, little girl.
Connie Kendall: Oh you know me. Always late.
John Whittaker: I have no doubt, Connie. It stays the same!

#364: “Home, Sweet Home”

Connie Kendall: You know, it amazes me how you can take any subject and relate it to God or the Bible.
John Whittaker: Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment.

#47: “A Single Vote”

John Whittaker: That's why I’m thankful for Fionna Donneral. She helped me get over my mother's death, she got me into the habit of reading the Bible everyday, and led me to Christ. And all those roses came out of the thorn of her blindness.

#49: “Thank You, God”

Eugene Meltsner: Whit's End. Is that a pun?
John Whittaker: Well, sort of.
Eugene Meltsner: I hate puns.

#51: “Connie, Part 1”

Cody Carper: Mr. Whittaker, you need to know that Dwayne sometimes forgets to put his name on his test.
Dwayne Oswald: ...Only a couple of times.
Cody Carper: Most of the time!
John Whittaker: I see.
Jared DeWhite: One time, he even wrote a love letter to Mona Mason and he forgot—
Dwayne Oswald: JARED!
Jared DeWhite: <beat> Oh. Sorry.

#403: “Faster Than a Speeding Ticket”

Eugene Meltsner: Wait. Watch this move. Bishop to Rook 3, there! I seriously think he made that move simply to form the letter M with his pieces!
Connie Kendall: What!
John Whittaker: It's bedtime, Eugene.

#396: “Poor Loser”

Regis Blackgaard: You fool.You understand now? I don't need your God. I've come up with my own way to have eternal life! <Slow, strained voice> Wait—wait... something is... wrong. This... isn't what's supposed... to... happen. What's... going... on?
John Whittaker: <Slow, strained voice> It's... over... Blackgaard!

#425: “Blackgaard's Revenge, Part 2”

Officer Stew Burke: Wait a minute. Where's Jason?
John Whittaker: Oh, he had to take a business trip to new Mexico. Last minute thing. He sends his regrets.

#547: “No Way In”

Marvin Washington: I guess we just saw the impossible happen. Huh, Mr. Whittaker?
John Whittaker: I think we saw something even more important than the impossible, Marvin. I think we discovered there's no such thing.

#589: “The Impossible”

John Whittaker: Well I want to look for the correct definition of a- of a word.
Connie Kendall: Oh yeah sure. What word?
John Whittaker: Just, uh, any word.
Connie Kendall: What?
John Whittaker: Ope! There it is. Unbelievable.
Connie Kendall: That's the word?

#469: “Chains, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: I have a habit of deciding of what God wants for me and then going after it. But I don't always leave it open for God to do what he wants to do.
John Whittaker: I think we all struggle with that.

#503: “Between You and Me”

Jason Whittaker: Now that's disappointing. I worked hard to get my disguise right. How'd you know it was me?
John Whittaker: Well you're my son. Though I never would have expected that the infamous Stiletto was really Jason Whittaker.

#686: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 8”

John Whittaker: Well, I'm part of his home church, he probably heard it through the grape vine!
Eugene Meltsner: Your church cultivates grapes?!

#171: “The Cross of Cortes, Part 1”

Rodney Rathbone: I got this great little gadget from my Dad's shop, a radio scanner that picks up on car phones.
John Whittaker: Oh, Rodney.
Rodney Rathbone: It's totally legal, and it works great. That's how I know all the times and places of the break-ins.
John Whittaker: You're telling me that you followed Mark Reed around this whole area for several days eavesdropping on his car telephone?
Rodney Rathbone: Yeah, sure.
John Whittaker: And you wonder why people don't believe you.
Rodney Rathbone: But I did. Honest!
John Whittaker: I'm finding a little difficult to believe you know the meaning of that word, Rodney.

#189: “No, Honestly!”

John Whittaker: If you look at anything at all that God created, you’ll find a little reminder about how much He loves us and how He wants us to live — even raspberry seeds. You just gotta look at them the right way. You know, I think the Lord planned it like that.

#2: “The Life of the Party”

Irwin Springer: Benjamin Franklin looked and sounded just like you!
John Whittaker: Really? <in Ben Franklin's voice> Poor fellow.
Irwin Springer: <beat> Oh, wow!

#33: “The Day Independence Came”

John Whittaker: What is prayer?
Jimmy Barclay: It's talking to God.
John Whittaker: Close, but no. How about talking with God?

#60: “And When You Pray...”

John Whittaker: All the biggest airlines fly here. The terminal covers miles! It's so big, the baggage claim is in a different time zone!
Connie Kendall: You're kidding!
John Whittaker: Yeah, I'm kidding.

#155: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 1”

John Whittaker: So, what do you think of the place?
Ned Lewis: It's far out.
John Whittaker: I'm glad you like it.
Ned Lewis: No, I mean we're really far out! That's some drive up here.
John Whittaker: Well, that's the idea. You wanna pick a place that's remote so kids can get away from civilization for a while.
Ned Lewis: Well, couldn't they get away from civilization a little closer to the city?

#37: “Camp What-A-Nut, Part 1”

John Whittaker: That sense of adventure is hard to hold on to, but sometimes it's just a matter of how you look at things. You never know when your next discovery will happen.

#4: “Connie Comes to Town”

John Whittaker: A dream? You mean we won't remember that you were here?
Malachi: You'll remember, but only as a vague idea, a premonition... a foreshadowing or a distant emotion. I am your "coincidences" and your "intuition." I am the one that you glimpse out of the corner of your eye and when you turn, nothing is there.

#408: “Malachi's Message, Part 3”

Jared DeWhite: Don't you think it's a scam? Who does this? Rides a bike across the country. What if there's a thunderstorm?
John Whittaker: Well, I imagine he takes shelter when he needs to.
Jared DeWhite: I'll tell you what he does. After he bikes through the city, he rides the next 100 miles in an air conditioned camper. Until he gets to the next city. Everybody thinks he's out there working and sweating when he's really sitting on an exercise bike in a camper while he watches TV and eats fig bars!
Sarah Prachett: See what I have to listen to?

#379: “Best Face Forward”

Eugene Meltsner: I made the foolish assumption that I would not miss what I could not remember, but it is now apparent that I'm missing out on so much! Knowing you as I once did—it's a terrible ache, a desperate longing! I really must succeed in restoring my memory, Mr. Whittaker!
John Whittaker: We're doing our best, Eugene.

#565: “A Most Surprising Answer”

John Whittaker: The truck rolled down the hill because of the broken parking brake. You forgot to tell him about that, ah, aspect of its personality.
Bernard Walton: Oh, now, that's great, thanks, Whit. I'll let my doctor know you're doing your part to lower my blood pressure.

#567: “Two Friends and a Truck”

John Whittaker: Bart, I don't feel that I could defend you in good conscience. I mean, I don't really care for the way Bryan Dern goes after people, but...well, I can't say he was altogether wrong.
Bart Rathbone: Wha? Whattaya talkin' about?
John Whittaker: Well, you do mistreat your customers, Bart, and you often have dishonest business practices.
Bart Rathbone: Aww, come on...now, you still can't be mad at me about that computer keyboard I sold ya!
John Whittaker: ...It had no "W".
Bart Rathbone: So you just use the "M" and turn the paper upside down! What's the big deal?

#586: “A Cheater Cheated”

John Whittaker: Eugene, I do appreciate your efforts around the shop, but you're missing something very important in what you're doing!
Eugene Meltsner: I am? What am I missing?
John Whittaker: Your heart.
Eugene Meltsner: Oh, I beg to differ, Mr. Whittaker. I couldn't function at all if my heart weren't actually--
John Whittaker: No, no, no, not your physical heart, Eugene. Your emotional heart. You see, you've automated nearly everything in Whit's End, but Whit’s End isn’t about automation, machines, or inventions—it’s about people. Now, you can make it more efficient with your inventions, but…can you make it warmer? Friendlier? Loving?

#52: “Connie, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Well, Grady, it's good that you're talking to God, but He's not like a water faucet—you can't just turn His blessings on whenever you want them.

#600: “The Nudge”

Don Polehaus: Is there some place we can talk privately?
Penny Bassett: Oh. How about the Agora cafe downstairs? They have a private room. And I just LOVE their apple strudels!!
Don Polehaus: OK.
Benjamin Trask: Since Penny is my student, I ought to be there.
Don Polehaus: Suits me.
Penny Bassett: Oh, can Connie come with me? For moral support?
Don Polehaus: Sure.
Connie Kendall: Well, if I'm going, then Whit has to come too.
John Whittaker: Alright.
Don Polehaus: Anyone else? Maybe we should invite the whole class.
Penny Bassett: Don't be silly. There wouldn't be enough strudel for the whole class.

#683: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 5”

John Whittaker: Whoa! What happened here?
Connie Kendall: I took her to the emergency room! They said she broke two ribs!
John Whittaker: What?
Connie Kendall: She was running, and tripped!
Penny Bassett: Down a hill, across two parking spots, and it hurts to talk, finish for me Connie.
Connie Kendall: Across two parking spots, into a trash can, and then a lamppost.
John Whittaker: Ooh!
Connie Kendall: Yeah. She called me on her cell phone. I found her, and took her to the hospital.

#720: “Happy Hunting”

John Whittaker: I guess you could say that that's what Whit's End has always been about: to redeem not only rooms, but lives.

#266: “It Began with a Rabbit's Foot”

Connie Kendall: You want a first impression?
John Whittaker: No.
Connie Kendall: This woman isn't harmless.

#372: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Okay! That's it! No more sugar for any of you! I'm closing down the ice cream service. And if any of you breaks anything else, I'm sending you all home!

#429: “The YAK Problem”

Wooton Bassett: What is that on the floor?!!
John Whittaker: My foot.

#558: “A Glass Darkly”

Evelyn: I know I have a tendency to talk a lot, Whit! But I had no idea that—
John Whittaker: Evelyn! I wasn't finished!
Evelyn: I'm so sorry, Whit. My husband uses masking tape. Shall I get some?

#610: “Hear Me, Hear Me”

John Whittaker: Now remember, [God] can help you embrace all of the things going on in your life right now and find joy in them. And for what it's worth, I'm proud of the man you've become--as proud as I am of my own children.

#849: “Out to Sea”

John Whittaker: Well, I-I'll prove it to you. Here — look at this, I came up with a new invention today. It's a flying machine, made out of a boat with oars. And big helium balloons. And a propeller! We can use it to rescue people!
Connie Kendall: Uh-huh.
Tom Riley: Uh. why don't you take a nap, Whit...
John Whittaker: Oh, yeah? Well... you'll all be sorry, next time somebody falls off a clock tower!

#440: “I Slap Floor”

Mandy Straussberg: What do you think of the accusation that Odyssey is stuck in the past?
John Whittaker: Stuck in the past? I don’t think we’re stuck there. But you know, there’s nothing wrong with trying to preserve the richness and beauty of what’s come before us. It’s a recurrent theme in the Bible for example, God constantly reminds the nation of Israel to remember. Not for the old time’s sake or nostalgia but because of what the past means to us today.

#631: “A Capsule Comes to Town”

John Whittaker: <to Eugene> Thank you for that very helpful and touching statement on behalf of Whit's End.
Margaret Faye: Did he say anything?
John Whittaker: He did. As only Eugene can say it.

#637: “The Forgotten Deed”

John Whittaker: What was that? I said I was sorry, Mr. Chuckleford. I didn't know it was your seat until Clara told me.
Annabella Lee: What?
John Whittaker: You know you're very fortunate to have such a good friend as Clara Mr. Chuckleford. She really looks out for you.

#365: “Clara”

Eugene Meltsner: So are you [...] going to run for mayor again?
Tom Riley: Now Eugene, you're not curious, are ya?
Eugene Meltsner: No, not at all. I was merely inquiring out of a fundamentally objective desire to know.
John Whittaker: He's curious.

#368: “The Other Woman”

Connie Kendall: Then that means Blackgaard is finally, really and truly dead?
John Whittaker: Yes. Dr. Regis Blackgaard is finally, really and truly dead. And may God have mercy on his soul.

#425: “Blackgaard's Revenge, Part 2”

John Whittaker: It's not what you do that makes you valuable, Lester. It's who you are. At least that's the way God sees us.

#546: “No Way Out”

John Whittaker: When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became mature I put away childish things. I wonder how much it is.
Connie Kendall: Two hundred and fifty dollars.
John Whittaker: Maybe I'll just read it in my Bible.

#702: “Childish Things”

Connie Kendall: Why would someone put a camera in your office?
John Whittaker: I don't know. But someone's awfully desperate to find out what we're doing over here.
Connie Kendall: But we're not doing anything. We're handing out ice cream. Do you think it's a spy from Dairy Dream or something?
John Whittaker: Oh, my guess is that we've got worse problems than someone stealing our recipe for raspberry ripple. No the person who would go to such lengths to spy on us won't stop just because I pulled their dictionary off the shelf. They'll try again. We have to find out who they are, and what they want.

#469: “Chains, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Thank you, Barrett. But you don't need to apologize to me.
Barrett Jones: Yeah, I know. Jesus wept.
John Whittaker: Well, apart from that, the one you hurt was you. Which is often the case when we take a shortcut to something as important as the Bible. We're the ones missing out on what we could learn.

#729: “No Chemistry Whatsoever”

John Whittaker: ...and now it's the best lemonade in the county.
Isaac Morton: Yep, it's the best lemo—what?
John Whittaker: Yep. Lem-on-ade.

#148: “Isaac the Procrastinator”

Rodney Rathbone: I thought at least you'd believe me. You're supposed to be the guy who gives everyone a chance.
John Whittaker: That's just the point. I have given you a chance, chance after chance. Everybody has. Now you're expecting me to believe that you're trying to be honest by telling me that you did something dishonest. Well, it just doesn't work that way. Trust and a reputation of honesty have to be earned.
Rodney Rathbone: But, how else was I supposed to get the information?
John Whittaker: You still have convinced me that any information needed to be gotten.
Rodney Rathbone: Look, Mr. Whittaker, I admit I've pulled some scams in the past.
John Whittaker: Yes, you have.
Rodney Rathbone: And the reason I pulled them was because I knew there was something in it for me. That's what makes it different. This time there's absolutely nothing in it for me.
John Whittaker: Really? What about revenge? "Robert M. Lee", remember?
Rodney Rathbone: Well, at first maybe I wanted to back at him, but not now. I'm just trying to keep some people from getting their houses ripped off. You gotta believe me, Mr. Whittaker. Please!
John Whittaker: Well, there's no reason why I should believe you Rodney, but since you feel so strongly about this, the least I can do is check into it.

#189: “No, Honestly!”

Cody Carper: We call him the meanest teacher in history!
John Whittaker: Is he really mean, or is he tough?
Dwayne Oswald: What's the difference?
John Whittaker: Well, it's been my experience that a lot of the time, when kids call a teacher "mean", it's because he's tough on them—he expects them to do their best and won't tolerate laziness or excuses.

#403: “Faster Than a Speeding Ticket”

John Whittaker: Every time you come in contact with another human being, something happens. Neither one of you is quite the same ever again. You can't drift through life thinking you're never going to influence anybody. God made each and every one of us dependent on other people. He wants us to feel some sort of responsibility towards each other. What type of world would we live in if we didn't care for one another?

#4: “Connie Comes to Town”

Connie Kendall: We're waiting for Robyn.
John Whittaker: Robyn? You mean Robyn Jacobs?
Connie Kendall: Who else?

#119: “Better Late than Never”

Jared DeWhite: But I don't get it. In her e-mails, Mandy said that she liked my advice. She said that she followed it, and some of it even worked. I mean, what difference does it make that it's me?
John Whittaker: Jared, you have to admit, you're not exactly an authority on most of the subjects people are writing to you about.
Jared DeWhite: Why not?
John Whittaker: Well, you're telling people how to get along with others, yet you have trouble getting along with others, right?
Jared DeWhite: What's your point?
John Whittaker: You don't practice what you preach. If you really want people to take you seriously, you need to fix your own problems before you try to fix theirs.

#427: “Something Cliqued Between Us”

Tom Riley: Are you doin' experiments on someone else, Whit?
Bernard Walton: It's that man from the NIH, isn't it? You two had a tussle and you've thrown him into the machine!
John Whittaker: Oh, Bernard, you're being ridiculous.
Bernard Walton: No, no, no, I was being ridiculous when I agreed to this idea twelve hours ago. Now I'm being absurd!

#564: “A Most Intriguing Question”

Jerry Whittaker: That was a very dangerous thing to do, Dad. Trying to capture life after death in a computer program wasn't a very smart idea.
John Whittaker: I guess it wasn't.

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”

John Whittaker: You know, it's something I've seen over the years—the truth will set you free, but a lie will always catch you.

#548: “Sounds Like a Mystery”

John Whittaker: Well, if you don't like it, take it home and give it to your dog!
Tom Riley: I thought you liked my dog.

#2: “The Life of the Party”

Eugene Meltsner: Connie says I saw a glimpse of hell, and in many ways... I wanna believe her!
John Whittaker: Believe it, Eugene.

#232: “Thy Kingdom Come”

John Whittaker: The "Jesus cloth?"
Dale Jacobs: That's the name Lucy gave it. Has a nice ring, dontcha think?
John Whittaker: No, I don't.
Dale Jacobs: ... Oh.

#222: “The Jesus Cloth”

John Whittaker: You're gonna have to tell Eugene, you know.
Bernard Walton: Yeah, I know, I know. I'll tell him. I'd better get going. I've got places to go and windows to wash.
John Whittaker: Okay, I'll see you, Bernard.
Bernard Walton: See ya, Whit. <muttering to himself> Sure, I'll tell Eugene. Maybe when I'm on my death bed.

#567: “Two Friends and a Truck”

Marvin Washington: <gasp> Wow!
John Whittaker: Marvin, that's a water cooler.

#589: “The Impossible”

Melville Quid: I felt tappin' on the chain!
John Whittaker: Could it be the current?
Melville Quid: Only if the current knows [sung] shave and a haircut two bits.

#849: “Out to Sea”

Eugene Meltsner: Well, it worked for my parents; they lost twenty pounds!
John Whittaker: Go home.
Eugene Meltsner: Each!

#113: “Suspicious Minds”

John Whittaker: We all aspire to be better than we are. And it hurts to realize that we’re not there yet. We’ve got a long way to go.

#656: “The Inspiration Station, Part 2”

Wooton Bassett: And for all those folks who have never heard a game on the radio before. Let me just give you a preview of what it'll sound like.
John Whittaker: What were those sounds at the end?
Wooton Bassett: Ah well you see the ball left the field, and hit the blades of a passing traffic helicopter, and so the ball got flung three miles and landed in the lion cage at the zoo. The mother lion was not that happy. Oh I'm really hoping something like that happens, Whit!

#659: “Target of the Week”

Annabella Lee: But it's just a stupid toy.
John Whittaker: What's that Mr. Chuckleford? Oh well I guess it's because no one has taught Annabella it's very rude to call people stupid or crazy. Yes, yes you're right. If she keeps it up, she won't have very many friends left. What do you think Annabella?
Annabella Lee: I... I think you're both weird!

#365: “Clara”

John Whittaker: How did you get Xavier's jacket?
Lester: Three, eighteen, ninety-nine.
John Whittaker: Lester, what have you done with Xavier?!

#546: “No Way Out”

John Whittaker: Oh, Eugene... What have you gotten yourself into?

#482: “Grand Opening, Part 2”

Peter Bourland: Think about it, Mr. Whittaker. Why do you think there's been so much activity around you? Modems, bugs, cameras in your office...
John Whittaker: I don't know anything about it. Why are they after me?
Peter Bourland: That's what I'm trying to find out.

#487: “Plan B, Part 4: Resistance”

Jack Davis: Will I live to be 950 years old if I have faith like Noah?
John Whittaker: Jack, if you have faith like Noah, you'll live forever.

#56: “By Faith, Noah”

John Whittaker: Eugene, listen to me. No matter what's in that box, God's word remains true. You haven't believed in vain. Our faith can't be based on the whims of science or archeological discovery. There's nothing to be afraid of.

#357: “The Search for Whit, Part 3”

John Whittaker: You're angry, Donna...and you're angry at yourself for feeling this way. I know...the feelings are terrible. Horrible. But what you need to understand, Donna, is that they're just feelings. Reactions. You can't help having them any more than you can help breathing. And it's all right to have them -- as long as you don't let them control you.
Donna Barclay: That's so easy to say.
John Whittaker: I know, I know. And difficult to do. But there is a way, Donna...by taking your feelings to God. Letting him have them. Totally and completely. He wants them, Donna. He can turn them into something wonderful if you let Him.

#95: “The Very Best of Friends”

Jason Whittaker: Dad, I wish you'd told me about your argument with Miss Adelaide.
John Whittaker: Oh, it wasn't an argument.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah, well, it wasn't a hug-fest, either!

#754: “The Ties That Bind, Part 4”

John Whittaker: Any place you live is what you make of it.

#4: “Connie Comes to Town”

John Whittaker: And this speed is a little too powerful! <turns on fan>
Marvin Washington: Mr. Whittaker! It's sucking my eyeballs out of their sockets!

#543: “Nothing But the Half Truth”

Wooton Bassett: She's like gold stitching on the dressing gown of reality...
John Whittaker: Ahh...
Wooton Bassett: She's like winter tires on the car-
John Whittaker: Umm, Wooton...

#???: “Push the Red Button (Live)”

John Whittaker: I should'a listened to you Tom.
Tom Riley: Oh?
John Whittaker: I was tampering with things that aren't any of my business, but I learned from it. Getting lost in someone's imagination, memories, even dreams of the future is a... well, it's a limited experience. There are greater adventures to be found in the real world. Which leaves only one question.
Jason Whittaker: And that is?
John Whittaker: When can I get out of this hospital and get on with them?

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”

John Whittaker: He's gone?
Connie Kendall: Yeah.
John Whittaker: Are you okay?
Connie Kendall: I'll be fine. <begins crying, hugs Whit>
John Whittaker: <hugging her back> Oh, Connie.

#534: “Something Blue, Part 2”

Nick Mulligan: I hope I can someday win back that trust you were talkin' about.
John Whittaker: Nick, you're well on your way.

#548: “Sounds Like a Mystery”

Carson McKay: I can't expect them to forgive me over and over. It's not fair to them!
John Whittaker: No, no, it's not fair, but neither is abandoning them.
Carson McKay: It's the lesser of two evils.
John Whittaker: Now you're making excuses. Your mistakes don't let you off the hook from your responsibility as a father. The problem is that you think you can fix your mistakes on your own, and you can't, Carson. God is the only one who can fix what's wrong with you.

#629: “The Highest Stakes, Part 2”

John Whittaker: WILL YOU MARRY ME?!
Doctor: Well, answer the question. Are you gonna marry him?
Jenny Whittaker: Yes! Yes, of course I'll marry you, John Avery!
John Whittaker: YES!
Unknown: Good. Now, any allergies?

#609: “Prequels of Love”

John Whittaker: You looked like you needed help, Dr. Blackgaard.

#77: “The Nemesis, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Can I get you anything? Water, a tank of oxygen, or...?

#145: “The Second Coming”

Rodney Rathbone: I plead the fifth commandment!
John Whittaker: How 'bout the ninth commandment: "thou shalt not lie"?

#189: “No, Honestly!”

Lucy Cunningham-Schultz: What do you think tomorrow will be like?
John Whittaker: Oh, I suppose it will be a typical day in Odyssey.
Lucy Cunningham-Schultz: What do you mean by a "typical day?"
John Whittaker: Anything can happen! That's what I like about this place.

#369: “It's a Wrap!”

John Whittaker: Have you slept at all?
Connie Kendall: <sniffs> Have you showered?
Eugene Meltsner: I've done both, actually. Although I can't remember when or where...

#396: “Poor Loser”

John Whittaker: It's not safe to go in the water!
Eugene Meltsner: It's shark-infested!
Wooton Bassett: Sweet! Just like Shark Month on TV, and a lot like the members of my family who started circling after Grandpa Bassett died.

#849: “Out to Sea”

John Whittaker: Thank God for all of you, who've been such a great part of my family for such a long time.
Connie Kendall: Thank God for you, Whit. And thanks for calling in.
John Whittaker: My pleasure, Connie! I hope you all have a really good time. Bye everybody!!! --Paul Herlinger's last episode

#???: “B-TV: Live!”

John Whittaker: There are places and times to seek inspiration, where we feel like we’re close to God and we can get a glimpse of what he can do in us. But every one of us has to come down for the mountain where the real work takes place; where He molds and shapes us.

#656: “The Inspiration Station, Part 2”

Eugene Meltsner: What? A letter from Mister Whittaker! What is it? A Note? <reading> Dear Eugene, I'm sorry I missed you. We've been trying to find you but I'm afraid we won't be able to before I leave. There's a lot I could say, but time has suddenly become very short. So rather than embarrass you by saying how much I've come to love you and how I will pray for you every day, I'd like to leave you with one simple thought:
John Whittaker: The best is yet to come.

#280: “Gone...”

Tom Riley: I can't wait for our long talk, Whit.
John Whittaker: It's coming, Tom.

#487: “Plan B, Part 4: Resistance”

Curt Stevens: <about Whit’s exposing Phil Phillips for what he really was> Boy! How did you know he was a fake?
John Whittaker: Because a good marketing person has more respect for people’s intelligence — the same with good politicians. And that’s what I was trying to tell you, Curt. Just because you change the name of something, doesn’t mean you change what it really is. You see, my train set is the same train set, whether I called it the Iron Bucket, or something like The Fireball 5000. Fireball 5000 sounds more exciting, but it doesn't really make it a faster train set. It’s all just a name game.
Curt Stevens: Gotcha, Mr. Whittaker.
John Whittaker: A lot of people like to play the name game with other things, too — like doing things that are wrong. They think that by changing the name, it’s not wrong anymore. But a lie is still a lie, even if you try to call it ‘rhetoric’ or ‘campaign promises’. You get my meaning, Curt?
Curt Stevens: Yeah, Mr. Whittaker. I think I’m getting the idea.

#106: “By Any Other Name”

John Whittaker: Mandy, I can understand you being upset, but I think Rodney had a point.
Mandy Straussberg: Yeah, two of them, coming out of his skull!

#443: “Changing Rodney”

Marvin Washington: Doesn’t God tell Peter not to give his horse to a Gentile or something like that?
John Whittaker: I don’t remember that passage.
Marvin Washington: Maybe that was the movie version.

#600: “The Nudge”

Carson McKay: My family's never gonna take me back!
John Whittaker: Give them a chance! This is your family, Carson. Do what's right.

#629: “The Highest Stakes, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Connie, I love you like a daughter. You're very precious to me.

#534: “Something Blue, Part 2”

Liz Horton: She does need a good kick in the pants!
John Whittaker: <laughs> That's my Liz.

#580: “Tales of a Small-Town Thug”

John Whittaker: Melanie wants posters?
Dale Jacobs: No, no, on...
John Whittaker: She's on a poster?
Dale Jacobs: Want, um...
John Whittaker: She's on a wanted poster?!

#145: “The Second Coming”

Wooton Bassett: Well, I don't even know that much about baseball and more than that I don't really like baseball.
John Whittaker: What?
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, I mean, not everything about baseball.. Just the parts of the game when nothing is really happening.. Which if you think about in a three hour game is about... Oh, three hours.

#659: “Target of the Week”

Arthur Dent: They'll find me and kill me.
John Whittaker: Who?
Arthur Dent: The same people who killed Armitage Shanks! I have to go! They'll find out I'm here! Please, Whit!
John Whittaker: You need to calm down.
Arthur Dent: But you don't understand what's happening! No one does! If I stay here I'll be dead before morning! Help me, Whit! You have to help me now!

#487: “Plan B, Part 4: Resistance”

Jason Whittaker: Look, I don't mean to complain, but I was in the archive room, and the old episodes just keep falling off the shelves, and I just got hit on the head with part 2 of The Mortal Coil, and you know, Jason didn't even sound like me!
John Whittaker: And I didn't sound like me either, come to think of it!

#???: “Push the Red Button (Live)”

John Whittaker: No matter what you say, you can't expect her or anyone who doesn't know Jesus to understand how God uses suffering in our lives any more than you could expect a small child to understand the necessary pain of a flu shot or an operation. Children can only trust their parents or doctor, or resent them for causing the pain. Apart from love and trust, what else is there?

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

John Whittaker: For centuries, people have tried to deny Christ's resurrection with lies, much as they try to do now, which is why our faith must be firmly grounded in the Bible. Right, Eugene?
Eugene Meltsner: Of course, Mr. Whittaker. The grass may wither and the flower fade, but the word of our God will endure forever.

#357: “The Search for Whit, Part 3”

John Whittaker: Sometimes... we have to hope that God fills in the blanks for all the things we should have said.
Connie Kendall: Yeah... but we shouldn't expect Him to. I love you, Whit.
John Whittaker: Oh, Connie... I love you, too.

#487: “Plan B, Part 4: Resistance”

John Whittaker: Here's the hard part. No matter how we explain it, without the spirit of God in our hearts, we can't grasp the purpose of suffering, or even appreciate the comfort God gives us when we suffer. All we can feel is the pain. And all we can conclude is that it's meaningless. We're just part of a food chain like Jules said.
Connie Kendall: Then there's nothing I can say to her?
John Whittaker: You can say a lot of things, but showing her is better.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

John Whittaker: Back to Hong Kong? Is that wise?
Jason Whittaker: Someone has to do it. I'll be back though.
John Whittaker: I'm counting on it.
Jason Whittaker: I love you dad.
John Whittaker: Love you too. Be careful. Don't get lost in the labyrinth.

#690: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 12”

John Whittaker: So, what's everyone having?
Connie Kendall: My usual.
Don Polehaus: I'll have my usual too.
Wooton Bassett: And I'll have both their usuals with extra whipped cream and a side of licorice.

#692: “A Penny Saved”

John Whittaker: Uh, Matthew.. It's a little cool out for bare feet, don't you think?
Wooton Bassett: Oh Wow! Are you on the "no shoe diet" too?! You know it really works! I lost 17 oz. immediately after I took off my shoes but I put all the weight right back on.

#659: “Target of the Week”

Carson McKay: You'll forgive my saying so, Mr. Whittaker, but God's never shown much interest in what I'm going through. He doesn't know me.
John Whittaker: On the contrary: the problem is that you don't know Him.

#629: “The Highest Stakes, Part 2”

John Whittaker: What a brilliant idea, Mr. Mayor!
Curt Stevens: Ah. Only moderately.

#153: “Mayor for a Day”

John Whittaker: I look tired?
Bernard Walton: Those bags under your eyes aren't for your wallet and keys, Whit.

#366: “Solitary Refinement”

Eugene Meltsner: In the envelope to your left is some information that may prove useful to you.
John Avery Whittaker: Oh?
Eugene Meltsner: But you can only look at it if you provide Detective Polehaus with two jam donuts and a cauldron of coffee.
John Avery Whittaker: He needs to deputize me?

#763: “The Ties That Bind, Part 13”



Jenny

Jenny Whittaker: Whit, you old grump.

#19: “Recollections”

John Whittaker: I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot, apart from the one in my mouth. Maybe we should start over. I’m John Avery Whittaker, but my friends call me Whit.
Jenny Whittaker: I’m Guinevere Morrow. My friends call me Jenny. You can call me Guinevere.
John Whittaker: Oh, uh... oh. Guinevere.

#464: “The Triangle, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Jen... is he here? Can I see him?
Jenny Whittaker: Just turn around, John.
John Whittaker: Oh, Jerry!
Jerry Whittaker: Hi, Dad; how ya doin'?

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”

Jenny Whittaker: Maybe we should do the thing we were supposed to do all along.
John Whittaker: You're right. Should I start?
Jenny Whittaker: Go ahead.
John Whittaker: Dear God.....

#465: “The Triangle, Part 2”

Jenny Whittaker: John?
John Whittaker : Hi Jenny... why are you out of breath?
Jenny Whittaker: I ran most of the way home. I just saw the doctor.
John Whittaker : Doctor? Why didn't you just tell me-
Jenny Whittaker: Well, I was feeling nauseous a-and dizzy, so I went. But that's not important. John, you're going to be a father!

#717: “Great Expectations”

John Whittaker: WILL YOU MARRY ME?!
Doctor: Well, answer the question. Are you gonna marry him?
Jenny Whittaker: Yes! Yes, of course I'll marry you, John Avery!
John Whittaker: YES!
Unknown: Good. Now, any allergies?

#609: “Prequels of Love”



Jason

Eugene Meltsner: Are you searching for something?
Jason Whittaker: Uh, yeah, a phone jack. I need to plug in my phone.
Eugene Meltsner: I don't believe this room has one; however, I believe there is a phone down the hall in the office.
Jason Whittaker: Well, I like my phone better. I know that sounds strange, but you know, it fits my ear, and it's, well...nicer, and it's—it's...
Eugene Meltsner: <phone rings> It's ringing.
Jason Whittaker: It's also kinda weird. It does that sometimes.

#291: “A Name, Not a Number, Part 2”

Bryan Dern: Ladies and gentlemen. Dr. Regis Blackgaard!
Connie Kendall: WHAT?!
Jason Whittaker: No! It can’t be!
Regis Blackgaard: Hello, Odyssey. I’ve come home.
Connie Kendall: I can’t believe it!
Jason Whittaker: This is impossible! He’s... he's dead!

#329: “The Return”

Jason Whittaker: I'm Jason Whittaker. Who're you?
Howard J. Weizel: My card.
Jason Whittaker: Howard J. WEa-zle.
Jack Allen: Uh, WI-zle.
Howard J. Weizel: Wi-ZEL, It's French.
Jason Whittaker: Attorney at law?
Howard J. Weizel: Correct. Give me back the card.

#306: “A Victim of Circumstance”

Jason Whittaker: Why can't ducks wear glasses?
Josh: Why?
Jason Whittaker: Because they don't have EARS! HA, HA, HA!!

#455: “Best Laid Plans”

Grady McKay: So, when are you going to do it?
Jason Whittaker: Do what?
Grady McKay: Do that thing you do to escape! You know, pull a bazooka out of your wristwatch, or click your heels together and eject us through the roof!
Jason Whittaker: Sorry, I’m a gadget free agent.
Sherman Wurt: Whereas I am a gadget filled villain!

#635: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Come on. Operate, you worthless hunk of—<answering machine beeps>
Eugene Meltsner: Good morning, Jason!
Jason Whittaker: Oh, hi Eugene.
Eugene Meltsner: Are we having problems with our answering machine again?
Jason Whittaker: What was your first clue?
Eugene Meltsner: The fact that you have it dissected and strewn all over the counter.

#355: “The Search for Whit, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: This place gives me the creeps!
John Whittaker: As well it should. It's a tunnel of tombs.
Jason Whittaker: Terrific.

#357: “The Search for Whit, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: You can't toss your hearts around like a football!

#336: “Love is in the Air, Part 2”

Victor: Anyone else? Have you ever been told that you were too weak or too young or too old? Yeah, yeah, you in the back, do you have a testimony?
Jason Whittaker: Yeah, once in the first grade my friends told me that I was too wimpy to eat four raw eggs and a snail in succession. Ha, I guess I showed them!

#474: “Shining Armor, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: That's Dad—never satisfied with one idea. He has to keep working at it until he's explored every nook and cranny.
Jack Allen: Something you obviously inherited. It seems to me you spent weeks trying to build a rocket ship that would take you to... where did you want to go?
Jason Whittaker: Ah, the planet Gilbatron in the Beakner galaxy.

#293: “A Code of Honor”

Erica Clark: Uh oh, Pharaoh's men have me cornered.
Jason Whittaker: Part the Red Sea! Part the Red Sea!

#296: “Red Wagons and Pink Flamingos”

Jason Whittaker: Sometimes Jack and my dad have the same problem. They're too careful. Even when they're being adventurous they won't take risks. See, I like risks. And if you're going to reach out to kids, you have to be willing to take risks.

#318: “A Touch of Healing, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: But I happen to think she was wrong in this case.
Jack Allen: Oh, and you're the one who's going to tell parents they're wrong in how they raise their own children?
Jason Whittaker: No, no, of course not. But she was going after the Imagination Station!
Jack Allen: She was going after what you did to the Imagination Station!
Jason Whittaker: Oh, I get it now. This is because you think she's right.
Jack Allen: She's right inasmuch as you don't know what you're dealing with! You don't know what this'll lead to!

#319: “A Touch of Healing, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Eugene went two weeks without actual verbal contact with Katrina? He must have broke out in hives.
John Whittaker: Well, he had a rash or two, but I blame that on his camel-riding.

#362: “The Right Choice, Part 1”

Jack Allen: You Whittakers! Is there anyone you don't know?
Jason Whittaker: Um... no! Not really.

#378: “The Painting”

Jason Whittaker: Wait a minute. I'm confused. If it worked, why aren't you using the technology now? Isn't the Novabox supposed to help the handicapped?
Duncan Mathis: I did use it. The benefits don't last.
Jason Whittaker: What?
Duncan Mathis: All of the benefits of the Novabox - they reverse themselves... to the extent that people are worse off than they were before. It happened to me. It will happen to everyone else.

#496: “Exceptional Circumstances”

Connie Kendall: Hey, did ya have a good trip? We got your postcard from Germany, and Belgium and London and Paris and Rome and..
Jason Whittaker: Oh, I had a great summer. Just what I needed to satisfy my traveling bug.
Connie Kendall: I should hope so. Europe, Russia, China.
Jason Whittaker: You gotta do it sometime Connie. You gotta tour the world.
Connie Kendall: Right, well you buy and I'll fly.

#372: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Well, when I got into Jr. High, I wanted to follow Jerry's footsteps. You know, be a big track star. But while he broke school records, all I managed to break was the high jump bar.

#352: “Memories of Jerry”

Connie Kendall: Who does Whit know that starts with a "W"? Walton, umm Wooton, Whittaker. Oh! Maybe he looked up your number.
Jason Whittaker: Connie, he already knows my number. I live at his house.
Connie Kendall: Right.

#547: “No Way In”

Sue: That's it? No bazookas or poison pills, or satellite dishes?
Jason Whittaker: Eh, sorry. Those were all in the suitcase you ditched.

#704: “The Labyrinth, Part 2”

Agent Billings: I'm willing to sacrifice my life to stop him!
Jason Whittaker: And I'm willing to sacrifice my life to stop you!
Agent Billings: What?
Jason Whittaker: Are you willing to shoot me if I let him out?
Agent Billings: Yes.
Jason Whittaker: Well, then you better prepare yourself.

#705: “The Labyrinth, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: So, let me guess. You're wearing the torn shirt and pants that are too big so people will feel bad for you and give you more money?
Alex Jefferson: Kinda. I noticed you did that on Sunday with that ratty tie and the mismatched shirt. It has a nice... needy effect to it. <Leaves>
Jason Whittaker: Ratty tie? I love that tie!

#452: “Missionary: Impossible”

John Whittaker: Hi, Jason. Where are you?
Jason Whittaker: I'm in Alaska.
John Whittaker: Oh? What are you doing up there?
Jason Whittaker: Freezing. And helping out with some problems with a church up here, which is why I called.

#491: “The Black Veil, Part 2”

Monica Stone: You're using sticks? Now, where are the matches?
Jason Whittaker: I couldn't find any. I don't need 'em anyway. I almost got it with these sticks!
Monica Stone: Jason, have you ever made a fire before?
Jason Whittaker: Look, Paula, I'll have you know, I survived a blizzard in Tibet because of my expert fire-making skills.
Monica Stone: Really? Tibet, huh?
Jason Whittaker: ...Okay, Wisconsin. But they have some harsh winters up there too.

#493: “Sheep's Clothing”

Connie Kendall: But think of your plan, Penny. What are the chances of bumping into Jason?
Jason Whittaker: Oh, excuse me--
Connie Kendall: JASON?!
Jason Whittaker: CONNIE?!

#725: “Home Again, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Say, does this town of yours have a name?
Unknown: I guess you could call it... a ghost town.

#752: “The Ties That Bind, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: My faith should be the center of my life. It isn't always, but it should be. It's supposed to get in the way of everything I do, everything that I am.

#353: “A Question About Tasha”

Eugene Meltsner: Well, it looks like the Meltsner men have straddled their horses again.
Jason Whittaker: You mean they're back in the saddle?
Eugene Meltsner: Isn't that what I said?

#611: “The Top Floor, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: So what are you suggesting, Jason?
Jason Whittaker: Eugene, what do you think? Today the cleaning staff just hired three new janitors!
Eugene Meltsner: They did? So you're suggesting that we find them and maybe they can get us into Dalton's floor?
Jason Whittaker: Eugene, I mean that we're cleaning the place!
Eugene Meltsner: Oh. Spy lingo, cleaning. Ten-four.

#612: “The Top Floor, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Look, Malachi—or whatever your real name is—I don't know who you're working for or what you're getting at, but I really dislike these psychological games. You hear me? So tell your boss to pack it in, alright? You stay away from me and my friends.
Malachi: You would be wise to let go of me.
Jason Whittaker: Ooh, big tough angel. Why? What'll happen if I don't?

#408: “Malachi's Message, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: Listen, Benjamin, your threats don't scare me.
Benjamin (g): They should. Now oblige us.
Jason Whittaker: Us? What, do you have a mouse in your pocket or are you just schizophrenic?

#356: “The Search for Whit, Part 2”

Jana Whittaker-Dowd: You know, I always said those inventions would hurt him one day, I just knew it!
Jason Whittaker: Look, don't get yourself all bent out of shape here; let's just find out a few more of the facts before we pass judgment.
Connie Kendall: Spoken like a true Whittaker.

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: What TA-418 does is attach itself to the virus's DNA and cause it to adapt to anything—air, dirt, water... that's what makes it so contagious.
Jack Allen: And deadly. It's hard to believe that's even possible!
Jason Whittaker: I know. But look around you! This whole scheme has been one concentrated effort to get that mineral. Blackgaard has to be stopped, or he'll be able to sell the virus to anyone. He could hold entire nations hostage, and do who knows what with the rest of the mineral!
Jack Allen: Yes...
Jason Whittaker: You're acting awfully calm about all this.
Jack Allen: Calm? I'm terrified. But that can't stop us from doing what we have to do.

#334: “The Final Conflict”

Reggie Fingers: The Grinder. What kinda name is that? Is that something you do with your teeth? Or with your finger nails, or with other people?
Jason Whittaker: I used to have a dancing monkey in the street. Grinder. Get it?

#703: “The Labyrinth, Part 1”

Ben Jones: I can feel the carbonated dioxide choking me! Oxygen! I need air!
Jason Whittaker: Don't worry, there's a vent.

“The Day Ambrosia Stood Still, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: "What's happening?!"
Sheriff Smitty: "Oh, the elevator started up again."
Jason Whittaker: "Well stop it, I could get crushed!"
Sheriff Smitty: "The button is busted!"
Jason Whittaker: "Augh!"
Sheriff Smitty: "Get back down here! Jump!"

“The Day Ambrosia Stood Still, Part 4”

Wooton Bassett: Call who?
Connie Kendall: Don’t ask; he can’t tell you.
Wooton Bassett: Can you tell me?
Jason Whittaker: No.

#827: “Find a Penny, Part 2”

Tasha Forbes: Remember I told you that "T" in TA418 stands for Tasha?
Jason Whittaker: Yeah?
Tasha Forbes: Well, the "A" stands for Avery.

#291: “A Name, Not a Number, Part 2”

Eugene Meltsner: Assistance!
Jason Whittaker: Eugene, that's heavy! Why didn't you ask for help?
Eugene Meltsner: I believe I just did!

#331: “Checkmate”

Rodney Rathbone: Whoops! Wrong elevator!
Jason Whittaker: No, no, no, Rodney, come right in. There's plenty of room.

#333: “The Last Resort”

John Whittaker: I don’t know what to say!
Jason Whittaker: I do. I look like I have a double chin in that picture. Do I have a double chin?
Connie Kendall: Jason!

#634: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 1”

Gary Burkhead: It's about time you got here. I've been...oh. You're not the police.
Eugene Meltsner: No, uh, sorry.
Jason Whittaker: Looks like you had a little accident here. What happened? Mix the wrong chemicals in your chemistry set?
Gary Burkhead: Call the police and get a stand up comedian. Who are you?

#355: “The Search for Whit, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Dad's hiding. And when my Dad hides, nobody'll find him. Hide and Seek was a nightmare when we were kids. We spent weeks looking for him.

#356: “The Search for Whit, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Do you love him?
Katrina Shanks-Meltsner: Do I love him?
Jason Whittaker: I asked you first!

#336: “Love is in the Air, Part 2”

Maria: I’ve looked for the keys to enlightenment and I know not where else to look.
Victor: Search your heart, search your soul…
Jason Whittaker: Search the top drawer of your nightstand. That’s where I always keep my keys.

#474: “Shining Armor, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: ...and Mary slept. While in the hills above them, shepherds were greeted by a host of heavenly angels. <trumpets start blaring>
Jimmy Barclay: No, no, wrong tape!

#294: “Unto Us a Child Is Born”

Jason Whittaker: I was the fish that got thrown back…one minute we were standing on the dock, and the next minute I was splashing in the middle of Trickle Lake!

#408: “Malachi's Message, Part 3”

Jack Allen: You used to play around with codes when you were young, didn't you?
Jason Whittaker: Well, a little. Actually, you could say I still do. As a hobby.

#293: “A Code of Honor”

Erica Clark: Now, before I go in, Mr. Whit's son...
Jason Whittaker: Please, call me Mr. Whittaker.

#295: “Soaplessly Devoted”

Jason Whittaker: Wow! Look at all these kids.
Jack Allen: Yeah, there's been a line to play your video game all day long.
Jason Whittaker: Oh, that's great! You know, I'm thinking about bringing out some more. I could do the whole Old Testament in video games. Set it up in chronological order. You know, David and Goliath, Jonah...

#296: “Red Wagons and Pink Flamingos”

Jack Allen: You know, when we first started talking about it, I thought we were just having a philosophical debate. I didn't believe you were going to follow up on it.
Jason Whittaker: I get tired of discussing and debating. I like to take action. Why not try some of the things we talk about?
Jack Allen: Because things can't go terribly wrong if we talk.

#318: “A Touch of Healing, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Come on, Jack; give me some credit, will you? I reprogrammed those machines to include learning and you approved of them.
Jack Allen: Sure. I was for anything that would help the kids and turn down the volume. But we still don't know how much learning the kids are doing when they're dazzled by lights and noise! Don't you get my point? We don't know! And using the kids here as—as—as guinea pigs—
Jason Whittaker: Guinea pigs?!
Jack Allen: Yes, for what we don't know, it's dangerous! And that's why I'm against the arcade games and what you've done to the Imagination Station.
Jason Whittaker: Okay, okay. Your opinions are duly noted.
Jack Allen: Meaning you haven't heard a word I've said. Oh, Jason...

#319: “A Touch of Healing, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Did he mean to travel in his bath robe?
John Whittaker: That’s a caftan he bought from one of the street merchants before we left.
Jason Whittaker: Ah, he went native, huh?
John Whittaker: You know Eugene.

#362: “The Right Choice, Part 1”

Quentin's Quik Burger Employee: Did you say you wanted that Maxi-Deluxe without onions?
Jason Whittaker: No-no-no — pickles, no pickles.
Quentin's Quik Burger Employee: Oh. Ok, thanks.
Jason Whittaker: Look, just forget it, I'll take the whole thing ju-... I'll be married by the time they fix that burger!

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: I could say I'm a kumquat, but that doesn't make me one.
Jack Allen: But it's obvious you're not a kumquat.

#407: “Malachi's Message, Part 2”

Joanne Woodston-Allen: So how have things been around here, Jason?
Jason Whittaker: You know Odyssey. Same old, same old.
Jack Allen: That's what I like about it.

#378: “The Painting”

Jason Whittaker: Home, sweet home, huh, Dad?
John Whittaker: Amen, Jason. Amen.

#364: “Home, Sweet Home”

Jason Whittaker: So what do you say, Sam? Ya wanna try the program?
Sam Johnson: Yeah, sure.
Jason Whittaker: Great! At last, a victim.

#304: “St. Paul: The Man from Tarsus”

Jason Whittaker: I'm just admiring the new skylight we put in the roof.
Jack Allen: Jason, it's smoked glass. You can't really see anything.
Jason Whittaker: Ah, ah not true. You can see the glow of the moon as its incandescent rays bathe the office with an eerie somnambulance.
Jack Allen: Have you been talking to Eugene again?

#306: “A Victim of Circumstance”

Jerry Whittaker: On your mark, get set, stop!
Jason Whittaker: Huh?
Jerry Whittaker: Just kidding. I meant GO!

#352: “Memories of Jerry”

Jason Whittaker: Jack! Where did you come from?
Jack Allen: I followed you up the stairs. You really oughta pay more attention to what's going on around you, Jason.

#367: “The Decision”

Jason Whittaker: Hey Ed, do you think that Dad tried to make it here to your house?
Ed Washington: If he did, he never showed up.

#547: “No Way In”

Jason Whittaker: Well, in typical fashion, I don't have a cell phone.
Sue: Mr. Undercover!
Jason Whittaker: Sue! Do you have your cell phone?
Sue: They took it.
Jason Whittaker: <sighs> There must be some way out. Where's the secret escape?
Sue: It's a new building. Sealed tight. I hate this part of London!

#705: “The Labyrinth, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: Hey! I'm an American! I've got connections in the American Embassy.
Luis (b): I don't think anybody's listening.
Jason Whittaker: Oh they're listening alright. They just... don't care.

#475: “Shining Armor, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Dad! Well, it's about time! Look, I'm on the line with Tom. Let me patch you through.

#499: “Exit”

Jason Whittaker: Walter, what's going on here?
Walter Madison: All I can conclude is that we are in the middle of a spiritual battle.
Jason Whittaker: Spiritual battle, alright. Seems to be a lot of that going around lately. I was in the middle of one in South America recently and believe me, I have learned my lesson. I know exactly what to do.
Walter Madison: What's that?
Jason Whittaker: Drop to our knees right now and pray.
Walter Madison: I agree.

#490: “The Black Veil, Part 1”

Monica Stone: Jason's caveman fire making skills are just a little rusty since his trip to the Himalayas.
Walter Madison: Well, it might help you to know that this is a gas fire place.
Jason Whittaker: What?
Walter Madison: It turns on with this switch.

#493: “Sheep's Clothing”

Jason Whittaker: Isn't that what the enemy does sometimes? Tries to use our own goodness against us?
John Whittaker: Jason, what I'm seeing is that I'm not spending enough time seeking God's wisdom and help. Novacom has planned everything to the finest detail, but God is bigger than Novacom, than Andromeda, and whatever else they have up their sleeves.

#494: “Box of Miracles”

Jason Whittaker: Please listen to me: even if it's for the right reasons, you've been working for the wrong side. Everything I know about Andromeda and this box of theirs is not the answer for your brother—or any of us!
Monica Stone: Well, it's the only answer I have.

#496: “Exceptional Circumstances”

Peter Bourland: Okay, boys, let's roll up our sleeves and get to work. Jason, Mitch--care to help, or did you just come along to gloat?
Jason Whittaker: Both, actually.
Robert Mitchell: I wouldn’t miss this for the world!

#498: “Exactly as Planned”

Jason Whittaker: I think I just had an idea.
John Whittaker: No, that was my cell phone. I think I just got a text message.

#725: “Home Again, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Look, why does it seem like we keep coming back to this same argument? I want to take action, and you want to do a fact-finding tour.
Jack Allen: Because recklessly taking action leads to unforeseen problems!

#327: “Moving Targets”

Jason Whittaker: Wait a minute. Did you say your name is Thug?
Mycroft Thugg: Yeah. Thugg, with two g's. Mycroft Thugg.
Jason Whittaker: That is amazing.
Mycroft Thugg: I know. It's sort of like having a Doctor named..... Doctor.
Jason Whittaker: No kidding.

#703: “The Labyrinth, Part 1”

Jack Allen: So, you're... taking over the Israelites.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah.
Jack Allen: Well, I can't stop you... any more than I've been able to stop you from anything you've done over the past few months.
Jason Whittaker: Well, you always said I was stubborn like Dad.
Jack Allen: <chuckles sadly> Stubborn, yes... but not like your dad.

#327: “Moving Targets”

Jason Whittaker: I have a device that will access data though an infrared port and transfer it to a receiver by high frequency radio waves.
Eugene Meltsner: Indeed! May I ask how you acquired such a device?
Jason Whittaker: No, you may not.
Eugene Meltsner: Oh.
Jason Whittaker: Let's just say I'm... very well connected.

#333: “The Last Resort”

Jason Whittaker: Just close your eyes and imagine you can walk. Then, stand up and do it!

#318: “A Touch of Healing, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Connie, you're driving me crazy.
Connie Kendall: Thank you.

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”

Jack Allen: What is all this Jason?
Jason Whittaker: Well, Dad called it a... uh... belated wedding-slash-congratulations-on-your-new-business-slash-welcome-home gift!

#378: “The Painting”

Jason Whittaker: Do you hear what I hear?
John Whittaker: Oh, Bells.
Jason Whittaker: Harps.
John Whittaker: Violins.
Jason Whittaker: Romantic music.
John Whittaker: I haven't seen Jack act like that since we were kids.
Jason Whittaker: (chuckle) You feed 'em, you love 'em, you nurture 'em, and before you know it, they're going out on dates!
John Whittaker: Oh, where does the time go?

#367: “The Decision”

Jason Whittaker: Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that they shouldn't climb on someone else's roof, especially in the dark!
Fenimore Cooper: The court isn't interested in common sense--only the law.

#306: “A Victim of Circumstance”

Jason Whittaker: That's Plato? What happened to him?
Jerry Whittaker: Well he sorta turned into a flower child since you last saw him. Long hair and beads. That's the latest rage.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah? On what planet?

#352: “Memories of Jerry”

Jason Whittaker: Alright, I'll find him myself.

#546: “No Way Out”

Sue: Look, Jason, I'm sorry about what happened outside of the 'ospital.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah, you said so, right before Reggie Fingers knocked me out.

#705: “The Labyrinth, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: Did you tell them where I was?
Manuel: Yes, and no explanation would be enough. You are the founder of our church. Your place was on your knees praying with the rest of us. Not in here filling my son's head with ideas of revenge. Our church has been destroyed. I fear our trust in you may have been destroyed as well.

#475: “Shining Armor, Part 2”

John Whittaker: Tom, type in "Applesauce!"
Jason Whittaker: Dad! That'll destroy the machine!
John Whittaker: I know, son!

#499: “Exit”

Jason Whittaker: So you'll see that I have all the things found in a normal business man's suitcase. A notepad, a laptop, and this hidden compartment.
Ann Jacobs: Ooh, that's a useful feature.
Dale Jacobs: I used to have a typewriter like that.
Sue: What's a typewriter?

#704: “The Labyrinth, Part 2”

Archie Haggler: Don't move sir!
Jason Whittaker: Give me a good reason not to.
Archie Haggler: Well, this pistol can give you six reasons!
Jason Whittaker: Alright, good reasons.

#688: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 10”

Jason Whittaker: Okay, Sam—calm down. I'll tell you what. I'll get rid of the TV if you come with me to the doctor.
Sam Hitchcock: No, no. You're treating the symptoms. The disease will destroy us all!

#490: “The Black Veil, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Okay, Eugene, I'm gonna—
Mrs. Vasquez: No. You're not.
Dalton Kearn: Another fifty thousand bucks. Couldn't you use a wrench or something?

#613: “The Top Floor, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: Jason, with all you've seen in your life, because of your career, what's your perspective about suffering and death?
Jason Whittaker: Whoa, I think you just gave me whiplash.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: If either of you makes a move-
Sebastian Karazinsky: I'm not moving; are you moving, Rudolph?
Rudolph Karazinsky: Not without a pair of crutches.

#725: “Home Again, Part 2”

Moving Truck Laborer: Anything else, Mr. Whittaker?
Jason Whittaker: Eh, just that box. Oh and the phone. Here, let me unplug it. There ya go. Where do you want it?
Moving Truck Laborer: Uh, top of da box. <phone rings> Didn't you just unplug that?
Jason Whittaker: Uh, yeah. This happens sometimes. It's a really weird phone. <picks up and hangs up phone> There that should take care of... <phone rings; Jason chuckles nervously>
Moving Truck Laborer: Like you said. Weird.

#290: “A Name, Not a Number, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Tasha, I love you. And I think you becoming a Christian is the greatest thing you could ever do.
Tasha Forbes: And if I don't?

#353: “A Question About Tasha”

Jason Whittaker: Tasha and I are engaged! <crashing noise from kitchen>
Jason Whittaker: Oh boy, she's in the kitchen, isn't she?
Jack Allen: Yeah.
Eugene Meltsner: Yes.
Jason Whittaker: Oh, no.
Connie Kendall: Hi guys, I dropped some pots and pans. I'll... I'll pick them up after I go... do something else.
Jason Whittaker: Look, Connie
Eugene Meltsner: I believe I will go to the Kids Radio studio.
Jack Allen: Coward.

#336: “Love is in the Air, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Help me out please. I'm still a little groggy.
Penny Bassett: Oh, traveling in a box always makes me groggy too.
Jason Whittaker: It was the drugs they used to persuade me into the box.

#690: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 12”

Jason Whittaker: Tasha! <into the phone> Sorry, Frank; she just walked in. <to Tasha> What in the world are you doing here?
Tasha Forbes: Is that any way to greet your fiancée?
Jason Whittaker: Oh sorry. It's nice to see you.
Tasha Forbes: It's nice to see you, too.
Jason Whittaker: Now what in the world are you doing here?

#355: “The Search for Whit, Part 1”

Tasha Forbes: Let's take a walk.
Jason Whittaker: Okay...as long as we can stay outside.
Tasha Forbes: Jason! You don't think you can trust me?

#291: “A Name, Not a Number, Part 2”

Eugene Meltsner: What am I gonna do?! It's unbelievable! She's not only engaged, she's getting married! Oh, why did I ever go to Israel! What am I gonna do?!
Jason Whittaker: What do you mean, what are you gonna do?
Eugene Meltsner: I believe my question was precise as it could be under the circumstances!
Jason Whittaker: Look, she's not married yet, is she?
Eugene Meltsner: No!
Jason Whittaker: Then it's not too late for you to rent a car, drive up to Lake Shore Lodge, and bring her back to her senses! ...Providing you love her enough to do it.
Eugene Meltsner: Of course I love her!
Jason Whittaker: Then fight for her!

#362: “The Right Choice, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Why are you so afraid of this new technology? I mean, it's like a miracle of science!
Jack Allen: Because there are no such things as miracles of science.

#319: “A Touch of Healing, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: So, uh, how do you guys know each other?
Jason Whittaker: Well, we're friends who used to work together.
Connie Kendall: Oh, where was that?
Jason Whittaker: Oh, it was at, the, uh—
Tasha Forbes: Oh, uh, boring government work. We were both analysts. You know, white lab coats and pages and pages of manuals.
Connie Kendall: Uh, huh.
Eugene Meltsner: Sounds fascinating!

#335: “Love is in the Air, Part 1”

Alex Jefferson: But... it's dirty there!
Jason Whittaker: Alex, you were eating bugs yesterday.

#452: “Missionary: Impossible”

Eugene Meltsner: Can your connections protect us against the legal ramifications against such actions? Tapping into another's computer sans permission is against the law, you know.
Jason Whittaker: Not if you have a court order.
Eugene Meltsner: You are well connected. Have we sufficient grounds?
Jason Whittaker: Well, how about suspicion of fraud, conspiracy, malice, racketeering, domestic terrorism...?
Eugene Meltsner: That's a good start.

#333: “The Last Resort”

Sherman Wurt: I want Applesauce!
Jason Whittaker: Mmmm. Good with pork chops.

#634: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Zach, can you imagine yourself running for your life?
Zachary Sellars: You better believe it.
Jason Whittaker: Then, run for your life!

#318: “A Touch of Healing, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Glossman? Who's Glossman?
Eugene Meltsner: He's the rather dubious personality from the state government who keeps trying to... how shall I say it?
Connie Kendall: Destroy Odyssey.

#327: “Moving Targets”

Running Kid: Gangway!
Jason Whittaker: Look out! Connie—Connie! Hold on!
Connie Kendall: Uh-oh!

#378: “The Painting”

Jason Whittaker: This already sounds like a session of "Peer Pressure Anonymous".
Connie Kendall: Yeah. "Hi, my name is Connie and it's been two days since I last caved."

#348: “With a Little Help from My Friends”

Jason Whittaker: <sighs> I wonder why the elevator's taking so long.
Tasha Forbes: Jason, I-I really am sorry about this. Please don't take it the wrong way.
Jason Whittaker: You lied to my father and put him in a potentially life-threatening situation. Oh, I won't take it the wrong way!

#356: “The Search for Whit, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Sue? SUE? Oh, she's gone again.
Agent Billings: Who?
Jason Whittaker: Never mind. Billings, what are you doing here?
Agent Billings: What am I doing here?
Jason Whittaker: Yeah.
Agent Billings: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!?!

#704: “The Labyrinth, Part 2”

Luis (b): This is the present you sent me. I put it next to my bed.
Jason Whittaker: I sent this to you?
Manuel: None of us knew what it was to be honest. But he kept it. I think it died or something. It shrunk up and got hard.
Jason Whittaker: Well you know that was called cotton candy. And you were supposed to eat it.
Luis (b): Really?
Jason Whittaker: No, no! Not now! Don't eat it now. You could probably break a tooth on it now.

#474: “Shining Armor, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Why has everybody turned on me?
Celia: You forgot what made us love you in the first place.
Jason Whittaker: Which was?
Celia: You taught us about Jesus. You gave us hope. You showed us how to be servants to others. You never once mentioned anything about revenge.
Jason Whittaker: But Celia.
Celia: Let me finish. When you came this time, you didn't talk much about God. You talked a lot about how you were going to save us. I believe you were relying on yourself more than on the God who brought you here to begin with. And in fact, I think we all did. We worshiped you more than God, Jason. And you failed. So where were we to turn to?

#475: “Shining Armor, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Everything in me agreed with Billings. I wanted vengeance just as much as he did. I could feel it. Under different circumstances, I might have done exactly the same thing.
Dale Jacobs: Somehow I doubt it.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah but see, that's the labyrinth, Dale. To live in lies to save the truth. How's a man supposed to do that? I mean even for a good cause.
Dale Jacobs: I don't know, Jason. I'm a journalist. I've had to live with that question my entire career. The taste of lies is foul, and it's even worse if you get used to it. I know that good will win in the end. But I have to pray for forgiveness if I've taken a wrong step while fighting for what's good.

#705: “The Labyrinth, Part 3”

John Whittaker: Do you think that was wise, Jason?
Jason Whittaker: What do you mean?
John Whittaker: Basically, you just sent Eugene on a mission to storm someone else's wedding. Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah, you could be right. I just wish I could be there to see it.

#362: “The Right Choice, Part 1”

Monica Stone: I'm not a criminal, I don't like pulling guns on people! I just—I know in the end it'll all be worth it, you'll see! I'm sorry.
Jason Whittaker: You're sorry? How am I supposed to believe that? Everything you did was an act.
Monica Stone: Actually, I found myself doing less acting as I went along. I mean, the more I got to know you, the harder it became to do this. And under different circumstances, I would have enjoyed getting to know you better.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah, well, they'd have to be very different circumstances.

#493: “Sheep's Clothing”

Jason Whittaker: My dad just found out that the tower was a decoy.
Peter Bourland: What?
Jason Whittaker: Yeah, the wires weren't hooked up to anything.
Peter Bourland: Good grief--but that means--
Jason Whittaker: That means we haven't stopped Novacom yet. The launch date can still happen!

#498: “Exactly as Planned”

Jason Whittaker: This'll make a good homecoming to Odyssey, just when I thought things were going to settle down for a while.
John Whittaker: Settle down? I have a feeling things are just getting stirred up.

#363: “The Right Choice, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Why do you keep calling him Uncle Jack?
Jason Whittaker: Because he's always been like an uncle to me, but he thinks I'm too old to call him "Uncle" now...maybe he's right. Are you right right, Uncle Jack?
Jack Allen: Huh?

#293: “A Code of Honor”

John Whittaker: So how long are you gonna wait?
Jason Whittaker: Wait?
John Whittaker: To take off that disguise.
Jason Whittaker: Disguise?
John Whittaker: You know what I'm talking about.
Jason Whittaker: Now that's very interesting. I'm afraid the beard won't come off without a razor. However the hat will, and the sunglasses. How's that?
John Whittaker: That's much better. It's good to see you again.

#686: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 8”

John Whittaker: You really think you can create an environment that is so secure that I'll never get hurt or sick or die? Look, we either believe we're in God's hands or we don't. Now, which is it?
Jason Whittaker: Good point.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: Why don't you just take the box out to the truck and get going? I'll just keep the phone with me.
Moving Truck Laborer: Yeah, sure. Whatever you say. <mutters> I don't think it's just the phone that's weird.

#290: “A Name, Not a Number, Part 1”

Wooton Bassett: You know, I've always found that running along the top of a train gives me inspiration.
Jason Whittaker: Good, then that's what I'll do. See ya.

#690: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 12”

Jason Whittaker: Where's the girl?
Mycroft Thugg: Inside the refrigerator!
Jason Whittaker: That's cold.
Mycroft Thugg: Exactly.

#703: “The Labyrinth, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: I need to pick up Tasha's wedding present while she's distracted. I called it in before I went to the airport.
Jack Allen: Called it in? What is it — a pizza?

#353: “A Question About Tasha”

Jason Whittaker: Watch out for the stop sign.
Connie Kendall: What? OH!
Jason Whittaker: Ooohh, nice stop.

#372: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Connie, your logic is... your... own.
Connie Kendall: Thank you.

#374: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: Who are you?
Jellyfish: Well, my friends all call me Jellyfish. But, eh, you can call me... Jellyfish.

#329: “The Return”

Jason Whittaker: Jack's gone. This note is his resignation.
Connie Kendall: What?
Jason Whittaker: Jack won't be working at Whit's End anymore.

#327: “Moving Targets”

Jellyfish: And now a message for the Israelites and all their friends at Whit's End!
Connie Kendall: What?
Jason Whittaker: Connie, get down! Now!

#331: “Checkmate”

Jason Whittaker: Never forget, Plato was wrong. I won't forget, Jerry. I won't forget.

#352: “Memories of Jerry”

Jason Whittaker: Eugene, how would you like to take a trip to the Middle East?
Eugene Meltsner: I'd have to think about it. Okay, I've thought about it. Let's go! By the way, your treat.

#355: “The Search for Whit, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: So we have a single and a double deception.
Professor Stephen Charles: To put it crudely, yes. All to get rich from Whit's remarkable find.
Jason Whittaker: Huh, now would that make it a triple deception? I've lost count.

#357: “The Search for Whit, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: You do much praying, Sue?
Sue: I'm 'fraid not.
Jason Whittaker: Now might be a good time to start.

#703: “The Labyrinth, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Let's run it through the frequency spectrum analyzer. I'm just gonna take it through phase cancellation and do a little harmonic filtering.
Connie Kendall: Of course. That's what I would do. Jason, where in the world do you learn this stuff?
Jason Whittaker: Uh... Boy Scouts.

#546: “No Way Out”

Manuel: Just be very careful what you say. These people are different now.
Jason Whittaker: Manuel, a little talk shouldn't hurt.

#474: “Shining Armor, Part 1”

Manuel: Thanks for your help, mi amigo.
Jason Whittaker: My help? No, Manuel. It had nothing to do with me.

#475: “Shining Armor, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: I have a habit of deciding of what God wants for me and then going after it. But I don't always leave it open for God to do what he wants to do.
John Whittaker: I think we all struggle with that.

#503: “Between You and Me”

Jason Whittaker: Now that's disappointing. I worked hard to get my disguise right. How'd you know it was me?
John Whittaker: Well you're my son. Though I never would have expected that the infamous Stiletto was really Jason Whittaker.

#686: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 8”

Jason Whittaker: You'd think the agency's deputy director would have better things to do than play games!
Donovan (b): Life can't be all paperwork, 1131. Oh, I guess I can't call you that anymore, can I?
Jason Whittaker: Nope. Now I'm a name, not a number.

#290: “A Name, Not a Number, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: It's an area we used to tell stories about—you know, ghosts and monsters and those kinds of things? I'm sure you and your friends have a place like that.
Jay Smouse: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, but we call it the school cafeteria.

#754: “The Ties That Bind, Part 4”

Jason Whittaker: Of course, I didn't expect us to get lost for an hour.
Jack Allen: It's these small back roads. You have the map; where are we going?
Jason Whittaker: I can't tell. This map only has the major roads. Watch out for that... oof! Pot hole.

#293: “A Code of Honor”

Jason Whittaker: So, aren't you gonna say it?
Jack Allen: Say what?
Jason Whittaker: I told you so.
Jack Allen: OK. I told you so.
Jason Whittaker: You didn't have to say it.

#333: “The Last Resort”

Jason Whittaker: Are you crazy? Luis, get out of there! Ohm boy. I gotta go Ed. Somebody's in trouble.

#474: “Shining Armor, Part 1”

Sherman Wurt: Stop calling me squirt!
Jason Whittaker: Anger management. You might want to consider that, too.

#634: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Ah, Luis. You've picked a terrible hero. All this time I was so busy acting like I could save the day. I was never once open to the possibility that God should be the one to save it. This is all my fault. I am so, so sorry.

#475: “Shining Armor, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Where's Connie? She's leading tonight, isn't she?
Bernard Walton: She's later than a penguin in a body cast.

#503: “Between You and Me”

Connie Kendall: JASON!!
Jason Whittaker: CONNIE??
Unknown: You scared me!! I scared you; you scared me!!
Jason Whittaker: Are you alright?

#352: “Memories of Jerry”

Jason Whittaker: Are you all right?
Tasha Forbes: You're the one who got bashed on the head, and you're asking me if I'm all right? I'm fine. Now would you mind telling me what you're doing here?
Jason Whittaker: I got your message. I'm here to rescue you.
Tasha Forbes: Oh, I see. And you decided the best way to do that was by getting yourself captured.
Jason Whittaker: You know me, always keep 'em guessing.

#290: “A Name, Not a Number, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Who'd have thought that killing me would be the best way to keep me safe?

#635: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Boy, you're so impatient.
Jason Whittaker: I didn't use to be. But ever since you picked me up at the airport...

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Right... to the Batphone.

#333: “The Last Resort”

Sue: It's short for sewer rat!
Jason Whittaker: Hm, charming.

#703: “The Labyrinth, Part 1”

Tom Riley: Part of the wall is sliding back! It's another room!
Jason Whittaker: What's in it?
Tom Riley: It's the Imagination Station!

#499: “Exit”

Regis Blackgaard: Wh-who is this?
Tasha Forbes: He's a friend of mine—Jason Whittaker.
Regis Blackgaard: Whittaker?
Jason Whittaker: What's the matter?
Regis Blackgaard: Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that I knew a Whittaker once. He was from a small town you've probably never heard of: Odyssey.
Jason Whittaker: You know my father?

#290: “A Name, Not a Number, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Dad, I wish you'd told me about your argument with Miss Adelaide.
John Whittaker: Oh, it wasn't an argument.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah, well, it wasn't a hug-fest, either!

#754: “The Ties That Bind, Part 4”

Jason Whittaker: This is all wrong, Tasha.
Tasha Forbes: I know. But there's nothing else I can do.
Jason Whittaker: Not even a kiss good-bye?
Tasha Forbes: I'm on duty. See you.

#355: “The Search for Whit, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Eugene, that's a cleaning lady.
Eugene Meltsner: What?
Jason Whittaker: I think that's my dad one floor down.

#356: “The Search for Whit, Part 2”

John Whittaker: I should'a listened to you Tom.
Tom Riley: Oh?
John Whittaker: I was tampering with things that aren't any of my business, but I learned from it. Getting lost in someone's imagination, memories, even dreams of the future is a... well, it's a limited experience. There are greater adventures to be found in the real world. Which leaves only one question.
Jason Whittaker: And that is?
John Whittaker: When can I get out of this hospital and get on with them?

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”

Bernard Walton: Has he stopped running since he got back?
Jason Whittaker: No. And I sure wish he would. I don't like the way he's been pushing himself. I gotta persuade him to take some time off.

#366: “Solitary Refinement”

Jason Whittaker: I don't believe it.
Connie Kendall: Why not?
Jason Whittaker: They put everything on this maxi-deluxe burger except the burger!

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: Jack, why didn't you just tie me up and lock me in a closet??
Jack Allen: I didn't realize that was an option.

#333: “The Last Resort”

Tasha Forbes: Jason, darling, will you take his gun?
Jason Whittaker: Sure, pumpkin. Whatever you say.

#357: “The Search for Whit, Part 3”

Jason Whittaker: Rodney's been through enough i'm sure he's learned his lesson- right Rodney?
Rodney Rathbone: Whatever.

#306: “A Victim of Circumstance”

Eugene Meltsner: I think I just found a clue!
Jason Whittaker: You're kidding. In the bathroom?
Eugene Meltsner: I do some of my best work there.

#355: “The Search for Whit, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: It's good to see you—though you've aged quite a lot since I last saw you!
Eugene Meltsner: That's his disguise, Jason!
Jason Whittaker: I know, Eugene.

#356: “The Search for Whit, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: (talking to Reggie Fingers) You teach dancing?

#703: “The Labyrinth, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Look, I don't mean to complain, but I was in the archive room, and the old episodes just keep falling off the shelves, and I just got hit on the head with part 2 of The Mortal Coil, and you know, Jason didn't even sound like me!
John Whittaker: And I didn't sound like me either, come to think of it!

#???: “Push the Red Button (Live)”

Jason Whittaker: How do you feel about breaking and entering?
Dale Jacobs: Ooo, that'll take me back to my days as a rookie on the newspaper! Name the place, Buckingham Palace? 10 Downing St?
Jason Whittaker: Actually you'll be breaking into my room at the Groveler Hotel.
Sue: Wow! Isn't that posh!

#703: “The Labyrinth, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: The name's Bond—James Bond.

#290: “A Name, Not a Number, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: Perhaps if we take the phrase word by word?
Jason Whittaker: But... what about the movie?

#355: “The Search for Whit, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Back to Hong Kong? Is that wise?
Jason Whittaker: Someone has to do it. I'll be back though.
John Whittaker: I'm counting on it.
Jason Whittaker: I love you dad.
John Whittaker: Love you too. Be careful. Don't get lost in the labyrinth.

#690: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 12”

Mustafa's Assistant: Here is the syringe, Mustafa.
Tasha Forbes: Syringe?
Jason Whittaker: My allergy shot! How thoughtful of you.
Mustafa: Very amusing. Let us see how amusing you are with the virus coursing through your veins!

#290: “A Name, Not a Number, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Like who?
Eugene Meltsner: Like whom.
Jason Whittaker: Cut it out.
Eugene Meltsner: Okay.

#355: “The Search for Whit, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: I don't believe it!
Connie Kendall: What?
Jason Whittaker: They put everything on this Maxi-Deluxe Burger except the burger!!

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”



Jerry

Jerry Whittaker: On your mark, get set, stop!
Jason Whittaker: Huh?
Jerry Whittaker: Just kidding. I meant GO!

#352: “Memories of Jerry”

John Whittaker: Jen... is he here? Can I see him?
Jenny Whittaker: Just turn around, John.
John Whittaker: Oh, Jerry!
Jerry Whittaker: Hi, Dad; how ya doin'?

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”

Jason Whittaker: That's Plato? What happened to him?
Jerry Whittaker: Well he sorta turned into a flower child since you last saw him. Long hair and beads. That's the latest rage.
Jason Whittaker: Yeah? On what planet?

#352: “Memories of Jerry”

Jerry Whittaker: There's no need to fear, really. God is with me.

#352: “Memories of Jerry”

Jerry Whittaker: That was a very dangerous thing to do, Dad. Trying to capture life after death in a computer program wasn't a very smart idea.
John Whittaker: I guess it wasn't.

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”



Jana Whittaker-Dowd

Jana Whittaker-Dowd: It [the bird alarm clock] sounds like a dying moose!

#582: “Silent Night”

Jana Whittaker-Dowd: You know, I always said those inventions would hurt him one day, I just knew it!
Jason Whittaker: Look, don't get yourself all bent out of shape here; let's just find out a few more of the facts before we pass judgment.
Connie Kendall: Spoken like a true Whittaker.

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”



Jenny Whittaker-Dowd

Jenny Whittaker-Dowd: It's not a snow "man", Monty, it's my snow "friend".
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Snowfriend? Good grief Jenny, where do you get this stuff? For once, couldn't you be normal and build a snowman?
Jenny Whittaker-Dowd: Precision of language, Monty. I couldn't decide if it's a male or female, so I decided to call it my snow-friend. "Say what you mean, mean what you say." That's my motto.
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: "Go stick your head in the snow." That's my motto.
Jenny Whittaker-Dowd: There you go with your adolescent trauma again.

#97: “Monty's Christmas”

John Whittaker: Remind me to introduce you to one of my employees, Jenny. I think you would get along with him nicely.
Jenny Whittaker-Dowd: Is he from California?
John Whittaker: No. I'm not even sure he's from this planet, but you'll like him. His name's Eugene.

#96: “The Reluctant Rival”

Eugene Meltsner: Very well, Hello Guinevere.
Jenny Whittaker-Dowd: A most felicitous morning to you, Eugene.
Tom Riley: Huh? Hold it, hold it now, Jenny. Did he tell you to say that?

#100: “Ice Fishing”



Monty Whittaker-Dowd

John Whittaker: Good morning, Monty.
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Good morning, Grandpa.

#682: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 4”

Jenny Whittaker-Dowd: It's not a snow "man", Monty, it's my snow "friend".
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Snowfriend? Good grief Jenny, where do you get this stuff? For once, couldn't you be normal and build a snowman?
Jenny Whittaker-Dowd: Precision of language, Monty. I couldn't decide if it's a male or female, so I decided to call it my snow-friend. "Say what you mean, mean what you say." That's my motto.
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: "Go stick your head in the snow." That's my motto.
Jenny Whittaker-Dowd: There you go with your adolescent trauma again.

#97: “Monty's Christmas”

Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Did you happen to get the number of the truck that hit me?
John Whittaker: It wasn't a truck, it was Gower's Field.

#682: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 4”

Connie Kendall: You're a man, aren't you?
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: That depends on whether my mom wants me home before dark, or wants me to mow the lawn.

#97: “Monty's Christmas”

Monty Whittaker-Dowd: We were told to come to Dock C at Trickle Lake. I didn't realize you had more than one dock.
John Whittaker: Well, things have changed since you and I came up here to fish.

#682: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 4”

Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Have you ever heard of counterfeit dollars in the area?
John Whittaker: We had a situation a few years ago, but that didn't lead to anything.
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Maybe it's connected, maybe not.

#682: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 4”

Connie Kendall: Monty, you can't leave!!
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Hey! This is one thing I can do as good as my sister! Goodbye!

#101: “Scattered Seeds”

Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Hi Mr. Riley, hi Eugene.
Tom Riley: Well, hello there Monty.
Eugene Meltsner: A most felicitous morning to you, Montgomery.
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Huh? Oh, Thanks.

#100: “Ice Fishing”

Connie Kendall: <reading lines to Monty> The news of it has spread...
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: The news of it has spread... Um...
Connie Kendall: Even out to these lonely...
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: The news of it has spread even out to these lonely... Um...
Connie Kendall: And nethermost...
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: And nethermost...
Connie Kendall: Regions.
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Regions!
Connie Kendall: <exasperated> Monty!
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Monty!

#101: “Scattered Seeds”