Kendall quotes

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An automatically created list of quotes by the Kendall family.
On this page: Connie | June | Bill | Jules

Connie

Wooton Bassett: Oh, hi, Connie!
Connie Kendall: Hi Wooton! Did you know that your doorbell rings outside?
Wooton Bassett: Oh sure! That way people will know that it's working. Otherwise, you push the button and it rings somewhere way back in the house and you can't even hear whether or not it rang at all. This way, you know!
Connie Kendall: But how did you hear it inside?
Wooton Bassett: Uh, I didn't. I heard you knock.
Connie Kendall: But....Never mind.

#688: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 10”

Connie Kendall: Did you say Penny Wise? As in a penny wise and a pound foolish?
Penny Bassett: Yes. And I guess the name Connie Kendall goes with the expression Connie Kendall kicked a copper kettle carelessly?
Connie Kendall: That's an expression?
Penny Bassett: No, but I think every name should have an expression to go with it, don't you?
Connie Kendall: I've never really thought about it before.
Penny Bassett: You would if you had a name like Penny Wise.
Connie Kendall: Yeah, maybe I would.

#681: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: That is depressing! Aren't you depressed?
Katrina Shanks-Meltsner: Well, I wasn't...

#266: “It Began with a Rabbit's Foot”

Connie Kendall: Hot chocolate?! How can anyone think of hot chocolate at a time like this?!

#675: “A Thankstaking Story”

Sam Johnson: You know it’s times like this when I wish I was a superhero. Then I could catch these guys before they do stuff like this.
Connie Kendall: <laughing> Yeah, that's just what we need—Super Sam!
Sam Johnson: Dum da daaa!

#324: “Small Fires, Little Pools”

Philip Glossman: In this case, I guess you could call me the Governor’s all-around... troubleshooter.
Connie Kendall: Troublemaker, you mean.
Jack Allen: Connie. Have you offered either of these gentlemen anything to drink?
Connie Kendall: No.
Eugene Meltsner: I could come up with something in my chemistry set—for Mr. Glossman, I mean.
Jack Allen: Now children, let's be on our best behavior.

#327: “Moving Targets”

Bryan Dern: Ladies and gentlemen. Dr. Regis Blackgaard!
Connie Kendall: WHAT?!
Jason Whittaker: No! It can’t be!
Regis Blackgaard: Hello, Odyssey. I’ve come home.
Connie Kendall: I can’t believe it!
Jason Whittaker: This is impossible! He’s... he's dead!

#329: “The Return”

Connie Kendall: You have more loopholes than a spaghetti strainer!
Regis Blackgaard: Ah, yes, that Odyssian humor...

#156: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: I can't believe you like this gift shop junk.
Joanne Woodston-Allen: Not me, it's Jack. The tackier the better.

#530: “Silver Lining”

Bryan Dern: I know it seems like magic but if you'd just listened to the beginning of the program, you'd know it was a tape of the best of the Cryin' Bryan Dern Show.
Connie Kendall: Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense.
Bryan Dern: I'm so happy. Now I'd love to stand here and give you another lesson in basic radio 101, but I have a show to do with your boss. Shall we, Mr. Whittaker?

#223: “Real Time”

Eugene Meltsner: There are times when I'm convinced this is a game he doesn't know the rules for!
Connie Kendall: Eugene, you just ended a sentence with a preposition!
Eugene Meltsner: Impossible! Prepositions are not words that I end sentences with!

#396: “Poor Loser”

Connie Kendall: I mean if someone acts a way I don't like I don't immediately assume it's because they have different colored skin or funny-shaped eyes — did I say that? I didn't mean it, I meant eyes that are different than mine.

#129: “Not One of Us”

John Whittaker: You both got back just in time.
Connie Kendall: To eat? Oh, good I'm starved.

#49: “Thank You, God”

Perry Browning: I'm here to give you some very important news, and I thought that you should be the first to know, Miss Kendall!
Connie Kendall: Me? That's never happened before.

#632: “Suspicious Finds”

Connie Kendall: <quoting Rusty's blog> Odyssey has its own James Bond! That’s right, quaint little Odyssey has a field agent for the intelligence community living right there pretending to live a normal life. But then, he disappears and travels around the world on top secret missions. Yet to meet Jason Whittaker, you’d never guess it.

#634: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 1”

John Whittaker: ...Oh, it took only a few stitches...
Connie Kendall: ...and eighteen stitches are not just a few.

#34: “Stormy Weather”

Connie Kendall: You're not just anybody; you're John Avery Whittaker. Rumor has it that he never gets sick.

#65: “Bad Company”

Connie Kendall: And the crowd goes wild as Oscar takes his position for the boys final chance to win this archery match. He picks up the bow. Turns it one way and then the other. Coach Fred Zachary reminds him that the string goes in the back. Oscar picks up an arrow, examines it—yes, the pointy end goes out—and he loads it up. A hush falls over the crowd. Oscar aims. He can't decide which eye to use. He closes one, then the other, then both, and fires! A bulls-eye! Oscar got a bulls-eye!

#75: “Connie Goes to Camp, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: So, what's for breakfast?
June Kendall: Let's see, there's eggs, bacon, toast, juice, cereal, and milk.
Connie Kendall: Mmm, I'm starved!
June Kendall: Well, it's all there in the fridge. Have at it!

#89: “That's Not Fair”

Connie Kendall: Actually, uh, I did the play while I was in elementary school. It was called 'Little Flip-Flop Meets Mean Old Mr. Gum'. It was an anti-litter program!

#101: “Scattered Seeds”

Connie Kendall: Goodbye, geography! Hello, attitude!

#110: “A...is for Attitude”

Joe Finneman: I don't want to go because I already know what's gonna happen...I haven't been to church since I was a boy, and I can guarantee you nothing has changed...I'll prove it to you. First thing that happens when you get there is somebody greets you. Grabs your hand and nearly shakes it off. Am I right?...Alright, then you go in and sit. And they start off with a few announcements about Brother So-and-So's gallbladder and Sister Such-and-Such's rheumatism--
Connie Kendall: She has arthritis, actually.
Joe Finneman: Mm hm. And next the music man rises and directs two or three melodies everybody mouths the words to, which is followed by a prayer, which is followed by more lip-syncing.
Connie Kendall: Nobody lip-synchs.
Joe Finneman: Nobody except the choir. And if they aren't, then they're squeaking out a ditty nobody could understand even if they wanted to. Oh, then comes my favorite part. The collection of the money.
Connie Kendall: We do not collect the money then. We do it later.
Joe Finneman: Oh, I thought so. But once all this is done we finally get to the headliner. Pastor Fire-and-Brimstone steps up and reminds us of what wretched creatures we are...once a month or so, he'll invite folks to come forward, but the rest of the time he just wraps up with another little ditty or a closing prayer to catch what we missed the first time around...Then everybody shakes your hand off again, and they all go out front and smoke cigarettes.
Connie Kendall: Nobody smokes.

#151: “...The Last Shall Be First”

Connie Kendall: I'd play Juliet to your Romeo any day...

#154: “Coming of Age”

Connie Kendall: If these kids spill one more drink, I'm going to use the bucket as a lethal weapon!

#158: “A Day in the Life”

Connie Kendall: Representing Rathbone is, uh, Rathbone!

#182: “The Scales of Justice”

Jessie Morales: Connie, I really thought a woman of your age would know better.
Connie Kendall: Wha... what do you mean, a woman of my age??!!

#162: “Peacemaker”

Connie Kendall: Oh yeah?! Well at least I have a driver's license!
John Whittaker: Ooo!

#194: “A License to Drive”

Connie Kendall: My name, Constance, means "firmness of mind." Fits, huh?
John Whittaker: Uh... yeah.

#231: “Hallowed Be Thy Name”

Connie Kendall: You know, suddenly I'm beginning to feel very... warm.
John Whittaker: Oh, Connie.
Connie Kendall: No really, Whit, I think it's because of this cloth!
John Whittaker: I think it's because you're leaning up against the hot plate.
Connie Kendall: Huh? Ow, ow!

#222: “The Jesus Cloth”

Connie Kendall: Congratulations! Why didn't you tell anybody?
Eugene Meltsner: I told Mr. Whittaker.
Connie Kendall: Fine! Of course! I'm always the last to know.

#406: “Malachi's Message, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: It happened that way in the Bible, didn’t it?
John Whittaker: Well, so did parting the Red Sea, but that doesn’t mean we stop building bridges.

#249: “The Case of the Delinquent Disciples”

Connie Kendall: You're a boy, which naturally means you don't know the first thing about girls. I'm a girl, which—
Eugene Meltsner: Which naturally means that you know everything there is to know about boys and girls!
Connie Kendall: Right!
Eugene Meltsner: What?!

#260: “Naturally, I Assumed...”

Connie Kendall: "Non-system disk or disk error. Replace and strike any key when ready."
Bernard Walton: See? Replace what? Strike what? I was ready to strike the computer and replace it with an abacus.

#267: “It Ended with a Handshake”

Eugene Meltsner: Oh, Mr. Holstein, you've already done more than enough.
Fred Holstein: Anyone can make sausages.
Connie Kendall: Not like this they can't.

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”

Alex Jefferson: Connie and Mitch, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i—
Connie Kendall: We were just gonna talk.
Alex Jefferson: Connie and Mitch, sitting in a tree, t-a-l-k-i-n-g.
Connie Kendall: We were not in a tree.
Alex Jefferson: Connie and Mitch, sitting in a booth—
John Whittaker: I think you two better stop now.
Alex Jefferson: We're just practicing our spelling. S-p-l-l, I mean, s-p-i--

#467: “Broken Window”

Connie Kendall: I was sitting at my desk with my partner Leo, but we called him Lenny for short. Lenny had a mind like a steel trap, and he wasn't afraid to use it.
Lenny (b): Hey, Con? Does 'prestidigitation' have one C or two?

#TTC01: “Here Am I”

Connie Kendall: Say, Mr. Riley, I heard about the excitement out at your place this morning.
Tom Riley: Excitement?
Connie Kendall: Yeah, Nicky Creshaw heard from Steve Perry that Michael Turner was over at Thelma Gardner's, who said that she saw seven police cars, a fire truck, and an ambulance with the sirens going full blast pull out on to your road!
Tom Riley: Well, that... that was nothing. Officer Harley caught Scott Williams going through some of my apples.

#23: “The Quality of Mercy”

Judah (b): You want me to give up my fight against the Romans?! Then you don't know me, Connie. And... and I should never have asked you to become my wife!
Connie Kendall: Well, it's not like I said yes.
Judah (b): Then you are wiser than I am!
Benjamin (c): I have cows that are wiser than you!

#137: “Back to Bethlehem, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: You do have a suit, don't you?
Tom Riley: Connie, I was mayor. It was kinda required.
Connie Kendall: Oh, yeah, I remember that suit. Maybe we should try something from a recent decade.

#457: “Opportunity Knocks”

Robert Mitchell: Uh, this is heavy! What’s in here?
Connie Kendall: Green eyes...

#463: “Green Eyes and Yellow Tulips”

Connie Kendall: You know I wasn't sure about this bowling thing, but I'm kind of getting excited about it. Last time I went I got a 24! I wonder if I can beat it?

#482: “Grand Opening, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Hey, Nick.
Nick Mulligan: Hey, uh, Bernard just called. He said he had an unfortunate accident with a staple gun and wouldn't be able to be on your show this week.

#483: “Secrets”

Connie Kendall: Right there—the perfect job for you! I circled it.
Robert Mitchell: You want me to be a flight attendant?

#507: “The Benefit of the Doubt”

Connie Kendall: You really have SIX separate boxes for vests?
Eugene Meltsner: They are sorted!
Connie Kendall: By what? Color, texture...
Eugene Meltsner: Occasion! One must wear a vest to fit the event!!! A sub-par vest simply wouldn't do at a formal event!!!

#567: “Two Friends and a Truck”

Connie Kendall: ...Oh, and Doris Rathbone wants a pedicure.
Eugene Meltsner: Ew!

#577: “The Business of Busyness”

Eugene Meltsner: Well, this'll be our little secret... but I do have to tell someone.
Connie Kendall: Eugene!
Eugene Meltsner: Mr. Whittaker! You'll never guess...

#583: “The Champ of the Camp”

Connie Kendall: I made Eugene cry!!
Tamika Washington: You made Eugene cry?!

#588: “Broken-Armed and Dangerous”

Connie Kendall: Eugene, when you're working on stuff like this, do you ever get stuck?
Eugene Meltsner: Barring the time in Montana when I was a child and my head was wedged between two fence rails, I must say no.

#593: “Around the Block”

Connie Kendall: Can anyone here play the piano?
Wooton Bassett: Oh sure, I can do that.
Connie Kendall: Can you really?
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, I play for Mrs. Randolph's horse all the time.
Connie Kendall: What?
Wooton Bassett: Well, that's the only way he'll fall asleep.

#515: “B-TV: Behind the Scenes”

Mandy Straussberg: Don’t! Your laugh makes my leg hurt.
Connie Kendall: Well, I’ve never heard that before.

#627: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: By the way, what do you call this invention?
John Whittaker: The Inspiration Station.
Connie Kendall: Catchy!

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Ready...set...Feliz Navidaaad!

#678: “Grandma's Christmas Visit”

John Whittaker: That's my cell phone.
Connie Kendall: Sorry, that's mine. Excuse me.
John Whittaker: It's Eugene.
Connie Kendall: Mine's...oh, I don't know who it is.
John Whittaker: Hello?
Oliver Drevil: Don't mind me!
John Whittaker: Hi Eugene!
Connie Kendall: Oh, hi Veronica!

#668: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: I'm here with Red Hollard, who is a registered locksmith...
Red Hollard: ...So I'm going to break into your car to get your keys, so you can turn that alarm off.
Connie Kendall: Sounds great! And how are you going to do break into the car. I assume you have one of those long car breaker-into things like they use on TV where you slide it down along the window and pull up on the lock mechanism?
Red Hollard: Uh, no. I wish I had one of those car breaker-into things.
Connie Kendall: Oh, then what are you going to use?
Red Hollard: This brick!!

#669: “Wooton's Broken Pencil Show”

John Whittaker: Well, he gave me an emergency key. I'm proclaiming an official emergency.
Connie Kendall: I agree.

#484: “Plan B, Part 1: Missing in Action”

Dale Jacobs: Marjorie Sadler? Oh, no.
John Whittaker: What's wrong?
Dale Jacobs: Marjorie Sadler has visited my office a number of times. Every week she has a new complaint against somebody. The guys in the newsroom call her "the crank lady". Two weeks ago she said that the Nazis were putting drugs in the city water supply to make us all move to Germany.
Connie Kendall: Uh-oh.

#143: “Muckraker”

Connie Kendall: Hot dog, Eugene?
Eugene Meltsner: Surely you jest! Uh, hold the mustard.

#439: “B-TV: Grace”

Connie Kendall: Hey, did ya have a good trip? We got your postcard from Germany, and Belgium and London and Paris and Rome and..
Jason Whittaker: Oh, I had a great summer. Just what I needed to satisfy my traveling bug.
Connie Kendall: I should hope so. Europe, Russia, China.
Jason Whittaker: You gotta do it sometime Connie. You gotta tour the world.
Connie Kendall: Right, well you buy and I'll fly.

#372: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: There's no problem in particular, Mr. Whittaker—except I no longer have the confidence to know how to proceed. Is this the right thing for us to do? Would I make a good husband? Is there someone out there who may be better for either of us?
Connie Kendall: Well, knowing you both, I'd say the answer is no. <muttering> Unless we're surprised by visitors from another planet.

#374: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 3”

Courtney Vincent: Aren't there any stories about love?
Connie Kendall: They're all about love. The whole Bible is about it: God's love for us!
Jenny Roberts: Not love, Connie. Love.
Connie Kendall: Oh, love. You mean romance.

#360: “Three Funerals and a Wedding, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Before you knock it, why don't you try it?
Connie Kendall: You mean the machine?
John Whittaker: Sure. I need a guinea pig, and you'll do just fine.

#46: “The Shepherd and the Giant”

Connie Kendall: Oh Whit! I'm sorry I'm not on time. I wanted to be. Especially on my first day back and everything... He's not here.
Lucy Cunningham-Schultz: No, he's not.
Connie Kendall: Lucy! You scared me!

#53: “The Sacred Trust”

Connie Kendall: Mitch, how can that be AREM, when you're AREM?

#525: “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: Little Jimmy lives in D.C.?
George Barclay: Not so little Jimmy lives in D.C. So when Whit told me about the wedding, I just had to come see you.
Connie Kendall: Does that mean you'll marry us?
George Barclay: I'd be honored.

#534: “Something Blue, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Just push the button when you're ready, Whit.
John Whittaker: Thanks, Connie.

#211: “The Mortal Coil, Part 1”

Aubrey Shepard: Connie, who is that?
Connie Kendall: It's... it's...
Regis Blackgaard: That's right. It is I, Dr. Regis Blackgaard.

#424: “Blackgaard's Revenge, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Who does Whit know that starts with a "W"? Walton, umm Wooton, Whittaker. Oh! Maybe he looked up your number.
Jason Whittaker: Connie, he already knows my number. I live at his house.
Connie Kendall: Right.

#547: “No Way In”

Connie Kendall: Prayer is a very special thing—a one-on-one conversation with the Creator and Lord of the Universe, made possible through His Son. Anything less isn't a prayer.

#405: “The Graduate”

Connie Kendall: Is it possible that you're putting so much emphasis on body language that you're missing the obvious?
Penny Bassett: Oh, no. I'm getting really good at it.

#702: “Childish Things”

Connie Kendall: Guys, he's done more than just The Nut House, you know!

#471: “Fifteen Minutes”

Eugene Meltsner: What's wrong? You're all looking at me as if I've grown a third nostril.
Connie Kendall: See?
Eugene Meltsner: See what? Have I grown a third nostril?

#393: “Wrapped Around Your Finger”

Connie Kendall: Oh, you are so modest! It's the 25th anniversary of Whit's End!

#502: “Live at the 25!”

John Whittaker: I have something to tell you.
Connie Kendall: Whit, what's wrong?
John Whittaker: Connie, Mitch. Mitch is dead.

#486: “Plan B, Part 3: Cross-fire”

Connie Kendall: The dishrag sits on the counter, catching no one's eye. The polished bronze a reflection, clear as the cloudless sky. The dishrag is tossed, the laundry is its fate...

#487: “Plan B, Part 4: Resistance”

John Whittaker: How do we figure out who she is? Do-do you have something to write on; I could make a sign and-and write her name on it...
Connie Kendall: Cindy!!! Cindy Bancroft!!! Paging Cindy Bancroft!!!
John Whittaker: Or we could do that, yeah.
Connie Kendall: Do you think she heard me?
John Whittaker: She probably heard you if she's leaving from the bus station in Connellsville.

#554: “Call Me if You Care”

Eugene Meltsner: Perhaps I need to do something different, something abnormal. At least for me.
Connie Kendall: Like what?
Eugene Meltsner: I think... I’ll grow a mustache.

#323: “A Little Credit, Please”

Connie Kendall: Ugh, you Whittakers can be so annoying sometimes!

#348: “With a Little Help from My Friends”

Mr. Gardner: I fired him.
Connie Kendall: Why?
Mr. Gardner: None of your business.
Connie Kendall: Where did he go?
Mr. Gardner: None of my business. Bye.

#536: “Living in the Gray, Part 2”

Eugene Meltsner: I'm only speaking from my heart.
Connie Kendall: I had no idea your heart wasn't as smart as your brain.

#712: “Child's Play”

Connie Kendall: You're the fourth wise man?
Eugene Meltsner: Indeed. Fitting company, ey?
Connie Kendall: Oh, brother.

#177: “The Star, Part 2”

Bart Rathbone: <on TV> It's like I've always said, Abby. The poor have got to eat, too.
Connie Kendall: Like you've always said?!

#312: “Rewards in Full”

Jenny Roberts: Heather didn't have a VCR, but Sherry did. So why didn't Sherry tape the program and have Heather see it later?
John Whittaker: Connie?
Connie Kendall: H-how about some more lemonade?

#217: “Rights, Wrongs and Reasons”

John Whittaker: Hey, hey, what's going on here?
Connie Kendall: You're making the dishes rattle!
Nick Mulligan: Alex is having a nervous breakdown!
Alex Jefferson: He put nuts on my sundae!
John Whittaker: ...What?

#490: “The Black Veil, Part 1”

Bernard Walton: Connie, are you wearing a muzzle tonight? You've hardly said a peep. What do you think of chapter twelve?
Connie Kendall: I thought it was... good!
Bernard Walton: Well, that's about as insightful as a dog in a sweater.

#503: “Between You and Me”

Connie Kendall: I have all the time I need to do the things I want to do. In fact the only thing wasting my time right now is Y-O-U. So if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
Eugene Meltsner: Y-O-U?
Connie Kendall: YOU, EUGENE!!

#199: “The 'No' Factor”

Connie Kendall: Everyone?! Everyone got an invitation to a wedding with a picture of Wooton and I staring deeply into each others eyes?! In wedding clothes?!

#713: “Something Old, Something New, Part 1”

Wooton Bassett: Connie is there anything I can do for you? You know, coordinate food, arrange chairs, prepare an igloo?
Connie Kendall: Not right now, but I- An igloo?
Wooton Bassett: It's a tradition in Alaska.

#734: “Life Expectancy, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: You wanna know the reason why Tracy and Sam didn't end up together?
Katrina Shanks-Meltsner: His nose amputation?
Connie Kendall: Because they took their love for granted! Let me guess your routine: You both get home from work. One of you makes dinner while the other does some other household chore. You eat together. You talk about your day. He talks about the atomic weight of tungsten. Then he clears the table, you wash the dishes. Then you're in the laundry room, while he's in the office catching up on some work. Then you both read a book in bed until exactly 10:00 when you go to sleep every night. Am I right?
Katrina Shanks-Meltsner: We don't always go to sleep at 10:00.
Connie Kendall: Really? Then when?
Katrina Shanks-Meltsner: Anywhere between 10:00 and 10:05.
Connie Kendall: Enjoy your chicken.

#731: “More Than a Feeling”

Connie Kendall: Okay, everybody on the bus!
David Harley: Alright children, we don’t want a riot here. Let’s have a little orderly dispersal: I want everybody to line up alphabetically according to their height!

#14: “Missed It By That Much”

Wooton Bassett: Are those Precious Mementos salt and pepper shakers?
Connie Kendall: Yeah.
Wooton Bassett: Oh, cool! I have the matching butter bowls, but I could never find these!

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

Jeff Lewis: I think someone's watching us.
Connie Kendall: Oh.... that's just Wooton.

#737: “The Pilot, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Why do I get the feeling that there are things going on that I don't know about?
Eugene Meltsner: Perhaps because there are things that are going on that you don't know about.
Connie Kendall: That helps.

#724: “Home Again, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: But think of your plan, Penny. What are the chances of bumping into Jason?
Jason Whittaker: Oh, excuse me--
Connie Kendall: JASON?!
Jason Whittaker: CONNIE?!

#725: “Home Again, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Forget the trip, Dad!

#195: “Father's Day”

Eugene Meltsner: Egghead, would you please define “intelligence”.
Egghead: Intelligence is the superior ability to acquire and apply knowledge. Notable people of intelligence include Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Plato, and Eugene Meltsner.
Connie Kendall: Oh, brother.
Eugene Meltsner: I didn’t program that! It’s informed through an artificial intelligence program!
Wooton Bassett: Someone once told me that I had artificial intelligence.

#739: “The Launch, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: I'm Connie. From the Kendall tribe.

#168: “The Curse”

Connie Kendall: Yo kids, it's ministry time!

#504: “Aubrey's Bathrobe”

Connie Kendall: Mega mega mega World... ride the rides and then you'll hurl!
Eugene Meltsner: Ms. Kendall, Ms. Kendall! Are you well? It sounded as though you were choking!

#448: “Mandy's Debut”

Connie Kendall: When you stop and think these are God's words it just sort of gives you the shivers. Doesn’t it?

#59: “A Worker Approved”

Kelly: Eww, is it bad?
Connie Kendall: Well, it could use an air freshener or twelve.

#630: “Chip Off the Shoulder”

Donna Barclay: How do you pray, Connie?
Connie Kendall: On my knees. I used to try it flat on my back, but I kept falling asleep.

#60: “And When You Pray...”

Connie Kendall: I've been really confused, and I thought that by going to California everything would become clearer for me. And that's exactly what happened. I've got it all figured out and I know what I want to do. I want to pray with you.

#52: “Connie, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Uncle Joe, you fought in World War II, that alone makes you worthy of an article! You're a piece of living history!

#270: “The War Hero”

Connie Kendall: No, Alison, there's no TV! I'll have someone lock it in the camp office until the end of the week.
Alison Leskowsky: You can't do this to me! It's unconstitutional! It's cruel! It's unusual punishment! Please, no! Give me my TV!

#74: “Connie Goes to Camp, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Do things like this always happen to you when you come on these trips?
John Whittaker: No, this is the first time...
Connie Kendall: Oh, great! Make me feel welcome, why don'tcha...

#155: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Ha! Gotcha!
Connie Kendall: What? How did you do that? Where did... Oh! I set you up, it's all part of my plan.
John Whittaker: Well, if your plan is to lose, you're doing a pretty good job!
Connie Kendall: Well, it's not over till it's over, MISTER Whittaker!

#115: “An Act of Mercy”

Connie Kendall: Sometimes you make a lot of sense, Eugene.
Eugene Meltsner: Sometimes???

#62: “Let This Mind Be in You”

Connie Kendall: ...By the way, tell her we got a dog too. A beautiful golden Labrador retriever. You know what we call her? Kitty!

#7: “Promises, Promises”

Connie Kendall: Why do I always have to give up my room?
June Kendall: You're always telling me that sacrifice produces character.
Connie Kendall: Maybe, but sleeping on the sofa produces a stiff neck.
Connie Kendall: <imitating Quasimodo> Mom! I'm not an animal!
June Kendall: <imitating Connie's imitation> Maybe not! But you are gonna sleep on the sofa!

#146: “Emotional Baggage”

Harlow Doyle: Ahhh, now I can eat my breakfast!
Connie Kendall: It's nearly time for dinner...
Harlow Doyle: Hey, you can eat PopTarts (TM) any time of the day!

#351: “What Are You Gonna Do with Your Life?”

Penny Bassett: Who is it? Hadley?
Connie Kendall: No.
Penny Bassett: Hugo Wells? Vance King? Richard Maxwell? Mr. Charles? Oh! That creepy guy at Comic Connelsville with the silver tooth and really bad acne?
Connie Kendall: No.
Wooton Bassett: What creepy guy at Comic Connelsville with the silver tooth and really bad acne?

#763: “The Ties That Bind, Part 13”

Connie Kendall: Well I don't know about the law, but you broke something here.

#764: “The Ties That Bind, Part 14”

Connie Kendall: How about telling me what's really going on?
Jules Kendall: I don't know how.
Connie Kendall: Words, strung together in a coherent "thing-a-ma-jig" would be a good start!
Jules Kendall: Well...
Penny Bassett: <enters room> Connie!
Connie Kendall: <To Penny> What's wrong?
Penny Bassett: I don't know how to say it.
Jules Kendall: Words. Strung together in a coherent-
Connie Kendall: Not funny, Jules!

#760: “The Ties That Bind, Part 10”

Connie Kendall: Well this is a fine place to be. Stuck in a freight car with millions of dollars we can't spend and we don't even know where we're going.

#690: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 12”

Wooton Bassett: (from dunk tank) Penny, will you marry me?
Penny Bassett: Yes!
Connie Kendall: She said yes!
Penny Bassett: But Wooton has to get my family's blessing first!
Wooton Bassett: What? (Penny throws ball and dunks Wooton)

#782: “Let's Get Together”

Eugene Meltsner: (Laughing) You really expect me to believe that... MISS KENDALL would be interested in performing in a... PAGEANT? (laughs) Of all people...
Connie Kendall: Eugene, I'm serious about this.
Eugene Meltsner: (Stops mid-laugh, very serious) Oh. Of course. Well I think... you would be a... fine Miss Odyssey, Miss... Kendall. (Ahem)

#790: “Walk This Way”

Bernard Walton: Y'see, Maude, Eugene lost his memory. No, no, not like Uncle Pete, he didn't get kicked by a cow...no, Eugene was working on a top secret project to help make radios out of brain waves!
Connie Kendall: No, Bernard, it was to convert brain waves to radio waves.
Bernard Walton: Leave it to me, Connie; you'll only confuse her. Anyway, Eugene was doing this top-secret project but what he didn't know was that the whole thing was a sneaky trick by an evil company to do mind control on—no, no, not mime control, Maude, mind control. Right, like Aunt Gertrude. Anyway, when Eugene figured out what was going on, he left Odyssey with the research and Katrina, and they got married and traveled around the world until they thought they were safe, and after that they went to Wisconsin.
Tom Riley: Washington, D.C.
Bernard Walton: Right, Washington D.C., to the National Help Institute—
Dr. William Foster: National Institute of Health.
Bernard Walton: Exactly. And that's where Eugene started back with his top-secret research to convert the—the watchacall—with the... jahoozey.

#565: “A Most Surprising Answer”

Jana Whittaker-Dowd: You know, I always said those inventions would hurt him one day, I just knew it!
Jason Whittaker: Look, don't get yourself all bent out of shape here; let's just find out a few more of the facts before we pass judgment.
Connie Kendall: Spoken like a true Whittaker.

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: I still don't get it. If something like that happened to me I'd want to talk about it.
John Whittaker: Well, that's one of the differences between the two of you.
Connie Kendall: Are you saying I talk a lot?

#232: “Thy Kingdom Come”

Connie Kendall: I remember the first time my mom left me alone for two days. I was fourteen, and I invited all the—never mind; I wasn't a Christian.

#605: “The Chosen One, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Yuck, eww, gross! Is this stuff broccoli? No, eww-It's a hamburger! That is SO wrong.

#720: “Happy Hunting”

Connie Kendall: Hey Penny, maybe this isn't the best time. Let's go do something else.
Penny Bassett: No, that's okay! I don't run out on people last minute; especially people who I supposedly care about!
Wooton Bassett: Uh-oh.
Penny Bassett: Hand me another ball, Wooton! The orange one, please.
Wooton Bassett: Sorry, orange ball! Here you go.

#788: “Between the Lines, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Welcome to Odyssey, Pastor Knox.

#808: “No Friend Like an Old Friend”

Connie Kendall: Eugene, the last time I cried, you explained to me the anatomy of tear ducts.
Eugene Meltsner: And that wasn't helpful?

#807: “Connie the Counselor”

Wooton Bassett: Call who?
Connie Kendall: Don’t ask; he can’t tell you.
Wooton Bassett: Can you tell me?
Jason Whittaker: No.

#827: “Find a Penny, Part 2”

Penny Bassett: I remember my first art studio: I accidentally set it on fire. Did you know “inflammable” means the same thing as “flammable”?
Connie Kendall: <mumbles> It does?

#832: “Your Honest Opinion, Please”

Connie Kendall: You know what? We should probably go over our questioning tactics. Do you want to be good cop, or bad cop?
Robert Mitchell: Neither.
Connie Kendall: Well, what should I be?
Robert Mitchell: How about silent cop?

#523: “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?, Part 1”

Pamela (a): I couldn't go through with it! I couldn't do it!
Connie Kendall: Oh, Pam.
Pamela (a): It's my baby!

#134: “Pamela Has a Problem”

Connie Kendall: I like you, Jeff. I like you so much.
Jeff Lewis: That's a problem?
Connie Kendall: Yeah. It is.

#111: “First Love”

Ann Jacobs: Look at this coffee table. Has somebody been tap dancing on it with cleats?
Robyn Jacobs: <narrating> You know what I was thinking.
Connie Kendall: Yeah. Was somebody tap dancing on the coffee table with cleats?

#188: “The Courage to Stand”

Connie Kendall: I guess you could call me a "secret agent" of God's will.
John Whittaker: Uh, oh!

#233: “Thy Will Be Done”

James Wakefield: Indulging it will only hurt him. It could send him over the edge!
Connie Kendall: I think he's pretty close to the edge already.

#245: “The Mysterious Stranger, Part 2”

Lawrence Hodges: I...wrecked the flight simulator.
Connie Kendall: How did you do that?? A flight simulator doesn't move, right?
Lawrence Hodges: No, not normally.
Connie Kendall: Isn't that kinda like crashing an exercise bike?
Lawrence Hodges: Yes, except, this exercise bike cost three million dollars.

#638: “The Triangled Web, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: It's just...it's just a little hard to believe that someone would go that far as to marry someone!

#878: “Nightmares by Constance, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: So, now I'm juvenile, on top of being unqualified, and irresponsible!
Jesse Taylor: And don't forget, a poor role model.

“The Last Days of Eugene Meltsner”

Connie Kendall: Sounds like Jeremy's getting himself in pretty deep. I think I know how this is going to turn out, too.
John Whittaker: Well, maybe you do, maybe you don't. The only way to find out is to keep reading.

#12: “The Tangled Web”

Connie Kendall: So, what'd they say?
June Kendall: Your card couldn't be authorized because you went over your credit limit.
Connie Kendall: I did?
June Kendall: Yes. And I'm very surprised.
Connie Kendall: Why? How much was my credit limit?
June Kendall: Two hundred and fifty dollars.
Connie Kendall: What? That's a mistake!
June Kendall: For whom? Are you sure you haven't spent that much?
Connie Kendall: In only a couple of days? No way! I just bought a few things,that's all. Not two hundred and fifty dollars' worth.
June Kendall: Connie, my guess is, if you looked through your receipts, your "few things" cost more than you thought.
Connie Kendall: I can't believe it!
June Kendall: Believe it.
Connie Kendall: But... where am I going to get that kind of money when the bill comes?
June Kendall: That's a very good question. I can't wait to hear your answer.

#323: “A Little Credit, Please”

Connie Kendall: Maybe that's something I should do. I'm pretty health conscious.
Bernard Walton: Oh yeah, she walks all the way to the restroom instead of taking the trolley.

#513: “Do or Diet”

Gift Store Clerk: Have you checked out our invisible dog leashes?
Connie Kendall: No, thank you.

#530: “Silver Lining”

Connie Kendall: Thanks, Wooton!
Wooton Bassett: You're welcome, now shoo!

#472: “Welcoming Wooton”

Connie Kendall: Odyssey – a town that evokes days gone by; an America of the 1940’s or 1950’s.

#631: “A Capsule Comes to Town”

Danny: Connie, I think you've better have a look at this table.
Connie Kendall: Why, what's wrong with it?
Danny: It's wobbly. I don't think it's safe for children my age.
Connie Kendall: You don't think it's safe? What are you going to do, drive it home? You know, I really worry about you kids sometimes.

#10: “Nothing to Fear”

John Whittaker: Have you tried?
Connie Kendall: Yeah, I've tried. I start with a pencil and a blank piece of paper.
John Whittaker: And?
Connie Kendall: And, I end with pencil and a blank piece of paper!

#101: “Scattered Seeds”

Connie Kendall: Now I want you to repeat after me. "I can do it, I can sing, I can sing most anything!"

#110: “A...is for Attitude”

Hank Murray: Boy, you two were made for each other!
Eugene Meltsner: We're just friends, actually.
Connie Kendall: Barely.

#169: “Hold Up!”

Jessie Morales: Uh oh, what's this? The two of you are gonna gang up on me now? Maybe ridicule me for not putting my clothes in chronological order?
Donna Barclay: No...
Connie Kendall: ..."chronological"?

#162: “Peacemaker”

Eugene Meltsner: I'm talking about an irresponsible advantage of power.
Connie Kendall: Whoa ho, I get it! It's okay for you to be Mr. Brainiac and lord your knowledge over the rest of us, but you get real uptight when someone knows something you don't, huh, Eugene?
Eugene Meltsner: Miss Kendall, there is nothing you know that I do not!
Connie Kendall: Except maybe how to drive?

#194: “A License to Drive”

Katrina Shanks-Meltsner: Now, would you care to explain to me what that tirade was all about?
Connie Kendall: Tirade... it was nothing. Lines from a play I'm working on. It's called, "The Large Foot Pushed Deep into the Mouth."

#260: “Naturally, I Assumed...”

Mr. Meister: This was at the philosophy club meeting.
Connie Kendall: Philosophy, are you one of those academic nuts?
Lenny (b): Oh, I love those on Hawaiian salads!

#TTC01: “Here Am I”

Robert Mitchell: I’m Mitch, by the way. What’s your name?
Connie Kendall: Mitch... I mean, Connie!

#463: “Green Eyes and Yellow Tulips”

Connie Kendall: I feel like I should be waving a stick at a piñata.

#482: “Grand Opening, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Hey, Eugene, are you any good with meat slicers?

#577: “The Business of Busyness”

Connie Kendall: Someone even threw a doughnut at me, cream-filled!
Eugene Meltsner: Have you had a mechanic examine it? I mean, not the doughnut, but the vehicle?

#581: “A Christmas Conundrum”

Connie Kendall: I can't have a mugshot done today. My hair looks terrible.

#588: “Broken-Armed and Dangerous”

Connie Kendall: What was that all about, Wooton?
Wooton Bassett: I don't know, but I think I'm in like!

#624: “Wooing Wooton”

Connie Kendall: I’m trying to describe how I feel.
Eugene Meltsner: Has that ever been a problem for you before?!

#656: “The Inspiration Station, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Whit will be playing the voice of God.
John Whittaker: Oh, I am?
Connie Kendall: Great, you're into the role already!

#663: “Finish What You...”

Eugene Meltsner: But Mr. Walton, are you or are you not familiar with the popular proverb, there's no such thing as a free lunch?
Bernard Walton: Yes, I think I've heard that somewhere before.
Eugene Meltsner: As a student of economics and a B-TV program consultant, I feel compelled to raise an unavoidable question. Who exactly is underwriting this frivolous media bash?
Connie Kendall: Translated, "Who's paying for all this?".

#439: “B-TV: Grace”

Connie Kendall: No offense, but, uh... are you trying to kill us?!
John Whittaker: Oh, I'm sorry, Connie! I saw him! He was hitchhiking on the side of the road back there!
Connie Kendall: Well, I don't see anyone!
John Whittaker: I'm sure I saw him—as clearly as I'm seeing you right now!
Connie Kendall: ...Are you seeing me clearly right now? How many fingers am I holding up?

#406: “Malachi's Message, Part 1”

Jack Allen: Did you know Maxwell's Flower shop is for sale?
Bernard Walton: Now Jack, how do you get from Bobby's chocolate hand prints to Maxwell's Flower Shop?
Connie Kendall: Turn left on 8th street?

#372: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 1”

Jack Allen: Odyssey Coyotes, meet your new coach.
Connie Kendall: Hi, everybody!

#358: “The Secret Weapon”

Connie Kendall: Were you able to find out anything about my friend?
Samuel: No, but thanks for reminding me.

#46: “The Shepherd and the Giant”

Connie Kendall: Hi, Whit, I'm sorry I'm late.
John Whittaker: Hi, Connie; are you late? I hadn't noticed.

#51: “Connie, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: You're playing a word game, Eugene? I thought you hated puns?
Eugene Meltsner: In their proper place, puns can be a helpful mental exercise.

#283: “A Book by Its Cover”

Connie Kendall: Oh, Judah! You dropped the bucket again!
Judah (b): What have you done to me? Why do you fill my head hour after hour?
Connie Kendall: How should I know? Could you let go of my hand?

#136: “Back to Bethlehem, Part 2”

Penny Bassett: You've been praying?
Connie Kendall: Yes! Haven't you?
Penny Bassett: Well, sure, but I didn't know everybody was in on it.
Wooton Bassett: That's one thing you can be sure everybody's in on. The praying I mean.

#697: “A Penny Earned”

Eugene Meltsner: The station's alarm went off, so we knew something was amiss.
John Whittaker: What happened?
Connie Kendall: I'll tell you what happened. Blackgaard was in there!

#424: “Blackgaard's Revenge, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Hey, how can you rearrange your shop at a time like this?
Joanne Woodston-Allen: At a time like what?
Connie Kendall: Isn't it obvious? I'm losing Mitch!

#526: “Seeing Red”

Connie Kendall: I think I can understand why business is bad.
Joanne Allen: And where's the cook? Do you think she does it all herself?

#527: “Black Clouds”

Connie Kendall: Well, I say he's a con artist who was hurt by a compass in his childhood.

#533: “Something Blue, Part 1”

June Kendall: You know, Connie tried to make sushi once when she was a little girl -- that poor goldfish!
Connie Kendall: Mom...

#534: “Something Blue, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Aubrey, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I want to be your friend. But I can't—I mean I won't keep covering for you. This is for your own good.
Aubrey Shepard: What's for my own good?
Connie Kendall: I talked it over with Whit. We have to think of the kids at Whit's End and the message we're sending them.
Aubrey Shepard: What does that mean?
Connie Kendall: What I'm saying is, I'm gonna have to... fire you.

#489: “Under the Influence, Part 2”

Cal Jordan: So how is this going to work?
John Whittaker: I'm gonna take my piece out of the Imagination Station and replace it with theirs. And then I'll see what happens.
Connie Kendall: Won't that be dangerous?
John Whittaker: I don't have a choice, Connie. I can't send anyone else in. I have to find out what's going on. Now if you hear anything out of the ordinary, use the emergency shut-off.

#491: “The Black Veil, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: You know, train? Wooo-woo?

#73: “A Bite of Applesauce”

Ellen Shepard: Come on in, Blieble... Connie, Blieble is from the planet Glork. He and Aubrey used to fly all over the galaxy together.
Connie Kendall: Oh, you're from Glork. Well, that explains the yellow spots.
Aubrey Shepard: Purple... purple spots, and green antenna. I remember. We used to have so much fun together.

#428b: “Bethany's Imaginary Friend”

Connie Kendall: You're a man, aren't you?
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: That depends on whether my mom wants me home before dark, or wants me to mow the lawn.

#97: “Monty's Christmas”

Eugene Meltsner: It was already impossible to finish the Edu-link on time. And now it's even impossibler.
Connie Kendall: Eugene, you just used the word "impossibler!"
Eugene Meltsner: It's a neologism.

#589: “The Impossible”

John Whittaker: Park the car, will you Connie?
Connie Kendall: I'll be in as soon as I find a space.
Bryan Dern: Try the one between your ears, honey.

#223: “Real Time”

Jack Allen: I never knew Bart was such a good tap dancer!
Connie Kendall: You said it!

#312: “Rewards in Full”

John Whittaker: Eugene must have been in a hurry to get away...
Connie Kendall: Or else he was robbed by a vest lover.

#484: “Plan B, Part 1: Missing in Action”

Eugene Meltsner: Do you understand what life would be like without amoebae?
Connie Kendall: Do you understand what life would be like without pants?
Eugene Meltsner: <beat> Hmm.

#610: “Hear Me, Hear Me”

John Whittaker: Are you planning on working today or just fogging up the window?
Connie Kendall: I'm here to work! Sorry I'm late, Mitch and I lost track of time, I guess.

#503: “Between You and Me”

Connie Kendall: What if he's hurt himself and that's what set off the alarm?
Bernard Walton: Oh, now, that's a good rationalization. I'd stick with that, if I were you.

#564: “A Most Intriguing Question”

Connie Kendall: It's not that bad, Eugene.
Eugene Meltsner: Precisely what they told General Custer on the ride to Little Bighorn. It's bad enough! It hit a tree, a taillight's broken! How could this have happened? I'm sure I set the parking brake!
John Whittaker: ...Oh, boy.
Eugene Meltsner: "Oh boy," Mr. Whittaker? There's sub-text in that phrase, I'm certain of it!
John Whittaker: Well, the parking brake doesn't work. That's one of the quirks. You have to leave it in gear to keep it from rolling.

#567: “Two Friends and a Truck”

Connie Kendall: The no factor. Did you come up with that yourself?
Pastor (b): Just the title. The concept has been around for a long time. And I think you should apply it right away.

#199: “The 'No' Factor”

John Whittaker: I don’t know what to say!
Jason Whittaker: I do. I look like I have a double chin in that picture. Do I have a double chin?
Connie Kendall: Jason!

#634: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: I want you to know that there is absolutely nothing between Connie and myself... other than a basic, sometimes-adversarial friendship!
Connie Kendall: Yeah!
Eugene Meltsner: There can't be! I've been waiting for you and she has a crush on Jason! Honest! It was as innocent as... it... could be. Oops.
Jack Allen: <pats Eugene on the back> Nicely done, Eugene.
Connie Kendall: I never said I had a crush on Jason! I don't know where you get this stuff! The idea of a crush never even... I mean... THANKS A LOT, EUGENE!!

#335: “Love is in the Air, Part 1”

Penny Bassett: You have to put something in to get something out, I always say. You don't get anything good by doing nothing.
Connie Kendall: Well, as soon as I figure out what you just said, I'll have an incredible comeback.

#729: “No Chemistry Whatsoever”

Connie Kendall: I mean there are lots of old people at church, I mean look at you!
John Whittaker: Well, thanks Connie.
Connie Kendall: Well, uh, you know what I mean.

#151: “...The Last Shall Be First”

Connie Kendall: It feels like I've been 16 forever!

#93: “Rescue from Manatugo Point”

Connie Kendall: So, now you're a pilot, a triage person, and a babysitter.

#737: “The Pilot, Part 1”

Penny Bassett: <clears throat>
Connie Kendall: Oh...Penny, Penny, uh...this is Jeff; Jeff, this is Penny. Penny's my best friend and roommate, and Jeff was, well...my first love.
Penny Bassett: Ahh...first love.
Jeff Lewis: Well, I guess so.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: We're waiting for Rachel!
John Whittaker: Rachel Weaver?
Connie Kendall: Who else?!

#14: “Missed It By That Much”

Connie Kendall: Maybe we should wait until I fix a few things [on the video]
Wooton Bassett: Oh! We can ask for changes? Sweet! I love doing that! Can you redo everything in a sepia tone?
Connie Kendall: You haven't even seen it yet!
Wooton Bassett: I love sepia.
Connie Kendall: See? This is an example of having too many cooks in the kitchen!
Eugene Meltsner: Since we're all here now, perhaps I might demonstrate a new invention for you?
Wooton Bassett: Ooh! Is it sepia tone?

#739: “The Launch, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Row, row, row your boat. Row, row, row your— People, I can't do a round by myself!

#455: “Best Laid Plans”

Eugene Meltsner: Your choices have left you somewhat... maladroit.
Connie Kendall: What?! What did you call me?
Charles Thompson: Uh oh!
Henry Thomas: What did he call her?
Charles Thompson: I think he called her a malatroid.

#265: “War of the Words”

Kristyn: Hey, um, Connie?
Connie Kendall: Yes, Kristyn?
Kristyn: What are you doing in the dumpster?
Connie Kendall: I'm thinking of building a summer home in here! What do you think?

#630: “Chip Off the Shoulder”

Connie Kendall: In Odyssey, on the bus, you! What do you guys do, call each other and say, "Tag! Connie's in your area now! Go get her!"?
Pamela (a): No, we don't have to.

#52: “Connie, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Oh, I forgot to tell you—I talked to the camp director, and he thinks you're right. The girls should be given a chance to compete with the boys at some things.
Robyn Jacobs: Really?
Connie Kendall: Yep, so tomorrow afternoon we're gonna compete with them in archery, canoes, and a relay race.
Donna Barclay: That's great.

#74: “Connie Goes to Camp, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Pray that God will bring someone into Eugene's life who will have an impact. Who will penetrate his defenses.
Katrina Shanks: Pray for someone else?
Connie Kendall: Yeah. I'm sorry Katrina, but it won't be you. If I wasn't sure before, I'm sure now. In fact, you're probably getting in the way. Maybe we all are.

#322: “The Turning Point”

John Whittaker: There's our shuttle, Connie. Let's hurry. Hold that van! Oh — we're gonna miss it.
Connie Kendall: HEY! WAIT FOR US!
John Whittaker: I knew I brought you along for a good reason, Connie.

#155: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 1”

Scrubb Moseley: But if he doesn't come back, who will be Mr. Whittaker?
Connie Kendall: What do you mean?
Scrubb Moseley: If Mr. Whittaker doesn't come back, who will take his place?
Connie Kendall: No one will take his place. Whit will always be Whit. He's just in a different place. That's all.

#281: “...But Not Forgotten”

Connie Kendall: You've got all these secrets. I feel like I'm dating the Pentagon, and I don't even know how to ask you about any of it! I mean, my biggest secret is that I'm afraid of staplers!
Robert Mitchell: Connie--
Connie Kendall: You're not gonna tell anybody, are you?
Robert Mitchell: I promise, but if you'll... you're afraid of staplers?

#485: “Plan B, Part 2: Collision Course”

Connie Kendall: Hi Whit, sorry I'm late!

#29: “Rumor Has It”

Connie Kendall: "Nothing's going on, Connie. Those two comments were just a coincidence!" Yeah, right! Like you even believe in coincidences, Mr. Jack Allen!

#325: “Angels Unaware”

John Whittaker: You see Connie, you believe that deep down everyone is good and if we all just somehow tap into that inner goodness we can make the world a whole lot nicer. Well I'm sorry, but that's just not the case. The Bible says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That's why I just shake my head and laugh when I hear someone make a promise to be a better person. That's like treating the symptoms and ignoring the disease.
Connie Kendall: But you can't just sit back and do nothing! I mean, doesn't the Bible say the Lord helps those who helps themselves?
John Whittaker: No, it doesn't. Besides, I'm not talking about doing nothing, I'm just saying that the cause of the problems runs a lot deeper than a simple promise can reach, no matter how good your intentions are.
Connie Kendall: So I was right when I said it was hopeless.
John Whittaker: No, there's hope, lots of it. You're just putting it in the wrong place. You've got to look deep down on the inside, way down into your soul. That's where the changing has to start. That's why the Bible says "Don't be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." What that means is we have to let God renew our mind. He's got to change us on the inside before results start showing on the outside.

#7: “Promises, Promises”

Connie Kendall: Traci, there's a brick in here!
Traci Needlemeyer: <mischievously> I know.

#146: “Emotional Baggage”

Eugene Meltsner: First question: If a train leaves the depot at 3 o'clock, traveling south at 6 miles per hour against a north-westerly wind of 30 miles per hour, and has only 65% of its weight capacity on board, what color would you paint the train?
Connie Kendall: What color would... Is that really what it wants to know?
Eugene Meltsner: Indeed.

#351: “What Are You Gonna Do with Your Life?”

John Whittaker: ...like Joseph for example. Hello, Joseph.
Joseph (a): Good morning, Whit.
John Whittaker: Joseph is here to talk about how families prevent or resolve conflicts when they come up.
Connie Kendall: Really? What kinds of pointers can you give us, Joseph?
Joseph (a): I strongly suggets that if you have dreams where your brothers bow down to you, It's better NOT to tell them about it.
Connie Kendall: Oh...
Joseph (a): And if you get annoyed with one of your brothers, It's a good idea not to throw him in a well or sell him into slavery.
Connie Kendall: Uh... Good Advice.
Joseph (a): And if you just happen to become the greatest leader in the land and experience years of famine...
Connie Kendall: I think we have the idea.

#782: “Let's Get Together”

Bernard Walton: I was giving the information on a must-know basis.
Connie Kendall: Just like a man.

#565: “A Most Surprising Answer”

Connie Kendall: It's just a parade.
John Whittaker: A parade that is all a part of Bart Rathbone's scheme to make money. What's he calling his shop this week? Rathbone's Electric Castle and Rock and Roll instruments of destruction?
Connie Kendall: Yeah.

#164: “Sixties-Something”

Jimmy Barclay: He told me he was proud of me!
Connie Kendall: What?
Jimmy Barclay: He told me how proud he was that I was in college and had a good job and a bright future! Now how am I supposed to disappoint him? It's not like I've gotten tons of "I'm proud of you"s lately! Y'know, Donna gets 'em all the time! She's the perfect daughter, while I'm his unemployed homeless loser son!

#536: “Living in the Gray, Part 2”

Penny Bassett: ...and then I spilled coffee on my skirt at lunch.
Connie Kendall: Why didn't you come home to change?
Penny Bassett: Because Jacques Henri said it looked more artistic.

#720: “Happy Hunting”

Eugene Meltsner: Well, it's against my better judgement...
Connie Kendall: As is that shirt-and-vest combo.

#807: “Connie the Counselor”

Wooton Bassett: Well didn't you decide to write this book to show what Odyssey really is? A small town with pleasant people, nice shops, and an unbelievable postal service?
Connie Kendall: Well, about that, I sent a letter across town last month and it took two weeks to get there!
Wooton Bassett: Like I said... unbelievable!!

#604: “Like Father, Like Wooton”

Connie Kendall: Well, I'll be right back. I need to go to the restroom and wash up a bit. No cameras, please.

#220: “This is Chad Pearson?”

Connie Kendall: I had one guy take a pamphlet so he could tear it up in front of me — right in front of my face! I wanted to punch him, but... thought it wouldn't be a very good witness.

#69: “Go Ye Therefore”

Connie Kendall: EUGENE, KILL THE MUSIC!

#195: “Father's Day”

Connie Kendall: Can I help you with something?
Eugene Meltsner: Basic motor skills, perhaps?

#208: “Pipe Dreams”

Jack Allen: I pledge 12... uh...
Connie Kendall: Hurry, we're running out of time!
Jack Allen: Mugs! Yes, I pledge 12 mugs and they all say "World's Greatest Grandpa!"

#302: “Share and Share Alike”

Connie Kendall: I just expect too much out of these moments.

#532: “Pink Is Not My Color”

Connie Kendall: So I guess it's true what they say: you're just not human.
Eugene Meltsner: Nor do I aspire to be.

#593: “Around the Block”

Cynthia (a): The trust is for two and a half million dollars.
Connie Kendall: Oh.

#878: “Nightmares by Constance, Part 1”

John Whittaker: I mean, you never know when your next discovery might be. Why, excitement could be waiting for us right on the other side of that door! <the door opens>
Connie Kendall: Excuse me.
Unknown: Yes?
Connie: Uh, yeah. Could you tell me how to get to Front Street?
Unknown: Awwww!

#4: “Connie Comes to Town”

Harlow Doyle: Merry Christmas!
Connie Kendall: Uh, Harlow, I hate to tell you this, but, it's not Christmas.
Harlow Doyle: Well then, Happy New Year!
Connie Kendall: No, it's not New Year's either!
Harlow Doyle: Um...joyous Arbor Day?

#675: “A Thankstaking Story”

Wooton Bassett: Hoot! Holler! Hoot! Holler!
Connie Kendall: Wooton, what are you doing?
Wooton Bassett: Uh, some not too tragic tragedy has happened!

#513: “Do or Diet”

Eugene Meltsner: Today, Bernard Walton beats me at chess. Tomorrow, the earth will revolve around the sun!
Connie Kendall: The earth does revolve around the sun, Eugene!
Eugene Meltsner: Aghhhhh!!

#396: “Poor Loser”

John Whittaker: Don’t be so overdramatic.
Connie Kendall: Overdramatic? I am the epitome of reserve!

#634: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 1”

John Whittaker: What kind of things did Mr. Grayson teach?
Connie Kendall: Oh, that the Bible is just a bunch of stories that weren't true and that Jesus wasn't really God, he was just a good teacher. I wanted to argue with him, but he was so smart. He had an answer for everything I said. Now I don't know what I believe.
John Whittaker: Connie, if Mr. Grayson taught that the Bible is just a bunch of stories and Jesus isn't God, then Mr. Grayson is wrong — absolutely, without question or doubt, wrong. The Bible is the Word of God. Jesus is God, crucified for our sins and raised from the dead on the third day. Now if that's not true, then our faith is in vain.

#65: “Bad Company”

Connie Kendall: No, we haven't seen the ghost of John the Baptist!

#222: “The Jesus Cloth”

Trent DeWhite: I'll get it!
John Whittaker: Uh, Trent, why are you...
Connie Kendall: Trent's answering the phones now?
John Whittaker: Apparently.

#542: “Eggshells”

Connie Kendall: Your secret's safe with me. It's in the vault.
Trent DeWhite: Good... does anyone know the combination?
Connie Kendall: Trent! I won't tell anybody!

#602: “Mum's the Word”

Connie Kendall: Court is now in recess!
Rodney Rathbone: Oh yeah! When the going gets tough, the tough go outside and play on the swings!

#467: “Broken Window”

Unknown: You could say he's an open-minded man.
Connie Kendall: Isn't that just another way of saying he's empty-headed?

#TTC01: “Here Am I”

Bart Rathbone: Well, happy greetings everyone! What a beautiful day it is, ain’t it?
Connie Kendall: Well, it used to be.

#463: “Green Eyes and Yellow Tulips”

Connie Kendall: But I got you a cheese basket, and it was on clearance.
Tom Riley: I was wondering why this Swiss was so crunchy!

#581: “A Christmas Conundrum”

Connie Kendall: A lot of you have been asking about my recent adventure in Whit’s new invention. Ok, well, not a lot of you. Some of you. A few. Two or three. OK, no one actually asked me about it, but I want to talk about it anyway, cause it was really amazing.

#656: “The Inspiration Station, Part 2”

John Whittaker: It's just a part of growing up - adjusting to the seasons we go through.
Connie Kendall: It does feel a little like winter in here all of a sudden.

#638: “The Triangled Web, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Why is the ark made out of cinder blocks?
Connie Kendall: They're cubes. That's what Red thought the Bible meant when it said, "cubits".
John Whittaker: Aaah, right.

#663: “Finish What You...”

Connie Kendall: If you're gonna give a girl a rose, it shouldn't be black. Has Eugene been showing you old tombstones again?

#667: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Can I drive the rest of the way?

#406: “Malachi's Message, Part 1”

Jack Allen: Owning my own shop is something I've wanted to do for a long time. But not any shop. It has to be the right kind, something I can sink my teeth into.
Connie Kendall: Hey Biffy's Burger Joint's up for sale. You could really "sink your teeth" into that!
Bernard Walton: Only if you wanted food poisoning.

#372: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Connie, you're driving me crazy.
Connie Kendall: Thank you.

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: I hate it. I hate it. I hate it! All this rain and wind.

#34: “Stormy Weather”

Jack Allen: Are you sure you're up to it?
Connie Kendall: Oh, you just wait. You'll see. We're going to put together one of the best seasons the Coyotes have ever had. We'll be scoring touchdowns left and right!
Jack Allen: Connie, that's um...
Connie Kendall: Football. I know. I was just seeing if you were listening.

#358: “The Secret Weapon”

Connie Kendall: That's it? Sticks and stones?
King David: Of course not.
Connie Kendall: Well, that's good.
King David: I also have my sling.

#46: “The Shepherd and the Giant”

Eugene Meltsner: Happy Holidays, Connie.
Connie Kendall: Merry Christmas, Eugene. I'd hug you too, but I don't have time for the explanation of the process.

#54: “Peace on Earth”

Robert Mitchell: "Frank's Breakfast Inn." Oh boy. Do you know what that could mean?
Connie Kendall: That they serve waffles?
Robert Mitchell: The initials "FBI," do you think that's a sign?

#523: “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?, Part 1”

Robert Mitchell: So I wanna ask you something. Will you marry me?
Connie Kendall: What? I mean, are you serious?
Robert Mitchell: Yes, I'm serious.

#524: “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Why does 'all the rage' cost all the money?
Blair Worthington: Hey. No one ever said looking good was easy.

#348: “With a Little Help from My Friends”

Glenn Adams: Connie, I think they think they're the only ones in the room.
Connie Kendall: Maybe one of us should say something.
Glenn Adams: Yes, quickly. This is making me queasy... Give me a bucket!

#349: “Blessings in Disguise”

Bernard Walton: Say good bye to who?
Eugene Meltsner: Whom.
Bernard Walton: Quiet. Say good bye to who, Connie?
Connie Kendall: To Whit! He left Odyssey!

#280: “Gone...”

Connie Kendall: The IQ of a planet and he can't even tie his own sandals.
Eugene Meltsner: I'll ignore that.

#135: “Back to Bethlehem, Part 1”

Benjamin (c): Listen to me, Connie. I don't know who you are or where you come from, but this is not the age of miracles and Messiahs; it is the age of Romans. And there's nothing you, me or that Child can do about it.
Captain Felix: <off mike> Innkeeper, the liniments!
Benjamin (c): Yes! I'm on my way to get my wife. A poor innkeeper can only do so many things at one time. And if you want a miracle, Connie, then you'd better pray. It'll take a miracle to get them out of the hands of the Romans.
Connie Kendall: You're wrong Benjamin, you're in the middle of a miracle and you don't even see it.

#137: “Back to Bethlehem, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: Yeah, but you're different. You can hug a computer and feel loved. Most people can't do that. Actually, nobody else can do that.

#441b: “Idol Minds”

Connie Kendall: So what are you gonna do with all these confused feelings while Penny figures things out?
Wooton Bassett: I'm gonna wait and silence my body language.
Connie Kendall: How are you gonna do that?
Wooton Bassett: Oh, I'm thinking about wearing a space suit whenever I'm around her.

#702: “Childish Things”

Lindy: Who says I'm running away?
Connie Kendall: Just call me Sherlock Holmes.

#527: “Black Clouds”

Connie Kendall: Eugene, are you alright?
Maureen: Oh, he'll be okay. I only did a gentle flip.
Eugene Meltsner: That was gentle?!?!

#714: “Something Old, Something New, Part 2”

Nick Mulligan: You got an instant message.
Connie Kendall: I did? How funny. I'm sure it's not from who it says it's from.
Nick Mulligan: Well, it says its from... Sparky the Happy Giraffe?
Connie Kendall: It's not what you thin—huh? Who's Sparky the Happy Giraffe?

#496: “Exceptional Circumstances”

Joanne Woodston-Allen: So how was dinner last night? Did Mitch like the rhyming theme?
Connie Kendall: No, it was awful. I worked all day on the souffle, and then he burned his mouth on the flambe. So I said to drink the Monet display, but he said 'no, way.' <sigh> We never even got to the sorbet.
Joanne Woodston-Allen: Hmm. Bad day.
Janelle Bourland: Okay!

#533: “Something Blue, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Budapest. I don't even know where Budapest is. Sounds like an insect with a different religion.

#534: “Something Blue, Part 2”

Robert Mitchell: Really. Is he the reason you got all dressed up?
Connie Kendall: What?
Robert Mitchell: Look at you: you're wearing a dress, you've got on make-up... What is that? Is that perfume?
Connie Kendall: It's called soap.

#471: “Fifteen Minutes”

Aubrey Shepard: Connie, is everything alright?
Connie Kendall: Yeah, I'm sorry, Aubrey. It's just that Whit's gone to Connellsville, Nick's gone to school, Eugene's gone who knows where, and I've gone insane, that's all!

#488: “Under the Influence, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Oh, Eugene, what have we done?
Eugene Meltsner: I think we've killed Whit's End!

#73: “A Bite of Applesauce”

Connie Kendall: I talked Jason into letting me work more hours over the next couple of weeks.
Eugene Meltsner: And why, may I ask?
Connie Kendall: I got a little carried away with my new credit card.
Eugene Meltsner: Ooh.
Connie Kendall: And I'm gonna have a whopper of a bill coming at the end of the month.
Eugene Meltsner: I see.

#323: “A Little Credit, Please”

Connie Kendall: You're from Pennsylvania?
Penny Bassett: Yeah, what do you think I was named after?

#697: “A Penny Earned”

Connie Kendall: Trapped in an elevator with Bryan Dern — a fate worse than death!

#223: “Real Time”

Connie Kendall: My arm is feeling fine, Eugene! In fact, it's feeling so much better, I think I could clobber you! Would you please just go?!

#588: “Broken-Armed and Dangerous”

Connie Kendall: Let's see, reasons you wouldn't be able to donate... have you given blood in the last 56 days?
Eugene Meltsner: What do you think?

#599: “Blood, Sweat, and Fears”

Connie Kendall: Well, if you would just concentrate on the lesson...
Barrett Jones: Which one? The one about robbing banks, or homeless pastors?
Matthew Parker: Homeless pastors...
Connie Kendall: Robbing banks!
John Whittaker: I'm confused...

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

Connie Kendall: That's the way things are around here. Everyone gets told everything but me!

#381: “The One About Trust, Part 2”

Nick Mulligan: Hi, can I help you?
Connie Kendall: Nick, it's me!
Nick Mulligan: Connie? But your- What happened to your hair?
Connie Kendall: I'm experimenting with some different colors.
Nick Mulligan: I don't think purple is the one you're looking for.
Connie Kendall: For your information, it's not purple. It's raspberry chestnut.
John Whittaker: Well... it certainly catches one's attention.
Connie Kendall: Thank you! See, Nick?
Nick Mulligan: Yeah, but Ronald McDonald catches one's attention too, you know!

#483: “Secrets”

Connie Kendall: Okay, I just met this woman who talks more than anyone I ever met!
Wooton Bassett: Oh, have you ever met--oh, wait a second, You're her!

#610: “Hear Me, Hear Me”

Connie Kendall: What happened, Whit?
John Whittaker: Oh, Connie, it was awful—the most horrible thing I've ever experienced! In a matter of seconds, it was as if—as if I became the worst monsters in history!
Connie Kendall: What?
John Whittaker: I was Cain, standing over my dead brother! I was Pharaoh, ordering the murder of innocent babies all over the country... I was Herod and Stalin and—and Hitler! I felt hate... greed... utter contempt for all human life. I became pure evil!
Connie Kendall: So... that's what the black box is doing to people?
John Whittaker: Well, perhaps not in such a concentrated dose, but... yes, I think so.

#491: “The Black Veil, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Whit, I know what you're saying, and I don't need a lecture. I'm an adult and I know how to prioritize my time.
John Whittaker: Oh, I know you do. But I also know that God wants some of that time.
Connie Kendall: I'm sure God understands. He's met Mitch.

#503: “Between You and Me”

Trent DeWhite: I've never buried an invisible dog before.
Connie Kendall: Shh, the service is about to start.
John Whittaker: Dear friends, we're gathered here to bury a faithful dog named Ralph. And although we didn't see much of Ralph, we're really here to support a special friend of ours named Lester. Lester, you've shown us all something about compassion. When God gives us compassion for someone we start to see things through their eyes. So Lester, thank you. Thank you for helping us see Ralph.

#569: “The Invisible Dog”

Connie Kendall: What do you think they're up to?
Eugene Meltsner: Ah, establishing a plausible and rational explanation to this mystery. I hope.
Jack Allen: If they can.
Connie Kendall: Jack, you're beginning to sound like you believe he's really an angel.

#407: “Malachi's Message, Part 2”

Ollie: Like, well, we wouldn't say that to your friend here.
Connie Kendall: You wouldn't?
Ollie: Your nostrils are uneven.

#544: “Split Ends”

Bernard Walton: What took you so long? Don't tell me you showered before you came.
Connie Kendall: Well, you don't expect me to come out in public with bed hair, did you?
Bernard Walton: Yes!
Connie Kendall: Oh, poor Bernard.

#564: “A Most Intriguing Question”

Connie Kendall: Hey, do you think I can use the no factor the next time my mom asks me to clean my room?
Pastor (b): <chuckles> No!

#199: “The 'No' Factor”

Richard Maxwell: Connie, this is my boss.
Connie Kendall: Hello.
Regis Blackgaard: How do you do, Miss Kendall. My name is Blackgaard. Dr. Regis Blackgaard.

#77: “The Nemesis, Part 1”

Penny Bassett: Connie, stop grimacing. Think of happy things.
Connie Kendall: Oh ok. Hot fudge sundaes. Playdough.

#713: “Something Old, Something New, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Okay, um, it's obvious I need to step in.
Eugene Meltsner: No, you don't.
Connie Kendall: I'm gonna put the spark back into your marriage, Eugene!
Eugene Meltsner: I do not doubt your ability to take virtually any situation and set fire to it, Miss Kendall, but this is a personal matter.
Connie Kendall: Since when has that stopped me?

#731: “More Than a Feeling”

Lucy Cunningham-Schultz: It's not like a story is gonna walk in the front door!
Connie Kendall: Don't look now, but I think one just did.

#168: “The Curse”

Eugene Meltsner: May I suggest that it is none of our business?
Connie Kendall: Right.
Eugene Meltsner: Having made my usual attempt to convince you that you should leave things alone, Ms. Kendall, I shall now depart and leave you to do exactly the opposite!
Connie Kendall: Oh! Why don't you go invent cold fusion or something?!
Eugene Meltsner: I'm off to J&J Antiques to install the new inventory program. Should I invent cold fusion, you shall hear about it.

#724: “Home Again, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: I knew my dad would be late for his own funeral, but not my mother's.

#735: “Life Expectancy, Part 2”

Donna Barclay: and Connie, I'm sorry about saying what I said about you.
Connie Kendall: That's okay... What'd you say about me?
Donna Barclay: You don't wanna know.
Connie Kendall: I don't? Why don't I, was it that bad?
Donna Barclay: CONNIE...

#162: “Peacemaker”

Connie Kendall: You think I should be a paramedic now, Dad? Does that mean you don't like the brownies?... Dad?... Well, what are you calling me for? Hang up and call 9-1-1!

#443: “Changing Rodney”

Connie Kendall: Jason, with all you've seen in your life, because of your career, what's your perspective about suffering and death?
Jason Whittaker: Whoa, I think you just gave me whiplash.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

Eugene Meltsner: I don't believe there's any real "problem," Mr. Whittaker. ... I believe it's all a matter of personality.
Connie Kendall: Yeah! I have one, and he doesn't!

#63: “A Good and Faithful Servant”

Connie Kendall: Whit was wounded at Guadalcanal. Were you there?
Joe Finneman: Uh huh. For three months.

#270: “The War Hero”

Connie Kendall: Hey, look at that!
John Whittaker: What? My goodness! Look at all that smoke!
Connie Kendall: Someone must be having one huge barbecue!
John Whittaker: That's no barbecue, something's on fire! Something near Tom's place!

#78: “The Nemesis, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: He even has trouble remembering stuff that should be really familiar. Like one time, we were saying the Lord's Prayer, and when we came to the last part, Oscar said, "For Thine is the kingdom and flower and the laundry forever, Amen."

#64: “The Greatest of These”

Connie Kendall: If you're on a blue train at 2 in the afternoon, and a giant tomato hits it at a 45° angle, what would you say on a scale from 1 to 10?
Eugene Meltsner: Ahh... A truckload of prunes.
Connie Kendall: Ok! Welcome to the "figure out your life" club!

#351: “What Are You Gonna Do with Your Life?”

Jason Whittaker: Tasha and I are engaged! <crashing noise from kitchen>
Jason Whittaker: Oh boy, she's in the kitchen, isn't she?
Jack Allen: Yeah.
Eugene Meltsner: Yes.
Jason Whittaker: Oh, no.
Connie Kendall: Hi guys, I dropped some pots and pans. I'll... I'll pick them up after I go... do something else.
Jason Whittaker: Look, Connie
Eugene Meltsner: I believe I will go to the Kids Radio studio.
Jack Allen: Coward.

#336: “Love is in the Air, Part 2”

Eugene Meltsner: You really should read more history.
Connie Kendall: How'd you like to be history, Eugene?

#214: “The Living Nativity”

Jack Allen: Anything interesting in the newspaper this morning?
Connie Kendall: Charlie Brown told Snoopy that he's getting a new food dish, but other than that...
Jack Allen: I meant on the front page.

#293: “A Code of Honor”

Jimmy Barclay: Weird denial? Oh, come on, look who's talking about weird denial!
Connie Kendall: What?
Jimmy Barclay: What are you doing here, Connie? Why are you still here and not back in Odyssey?
Connie Kendall: I wanted to see the sights.
Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, sure. You just want to avoid the questions about Mitch. You said so yourself, right?
Connie Kendall: Yeah, something like that.
Jimmy Barclay: Yeah. You don't want to face up to the mess. You don't want anyone to know that it all went wrong. You're not ready. So how come you can't understand how I feel?
Connie Kendall: ...I understand.

#536: “Living in the Gray, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: What are you watching, Lindsey?
Lindsey: It's a documentary on the life cycle of the gnat... in Spanish.
Connie Kendall: You speak Spanish?
Lindsey: Not really, no.

#614: “Best of Enemies”

Connie Kendall: Stake outs are boring, stake outs are dull. I need more soda... and I need some more chips.

#535: “Living in the Gray, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: I don't want to hear it, you... you...YOU, you!

#380: “The One About Trust, Part 1”

Wooton Bassett: Now my friends, making marshmallows DISAPPEAR! Connie, I believe you'll find some in your purse.
Connie Kendall: Uhh... Nope!
Wooton Bassett: You didn't? WOW! I'm good!!!!!

#720: “Happy Hunting”

Connie Kendall: Relationships are a series of steps.
Eugene Meltsner: Steps.
Connie Kendall: And you can only take the step that's in front of you.
Eugene Meltsner: But it seems as though I'm slipping backward instead of moving forward.
Connie Kendall: And with every slip backward comes the opportunity to step on the escalator of communication and move forward again!
Eugene Meltsner: Are you also taking a class on useless analogies?

#807: “Connie the Counselor”

Connie Kendall: So, uh, how do you guys know each other?
Jason Whittaker: Well, we're friends who used to work together.
Connie Kendall: Oh, where was that?
Jason Whittaker: Oh, it was at, the, uh—
Tasha Forbes: Oh, uh, boring government work. We were both analysts. You know, white lab coats and pages and pages of manuals.
Connie Kendall: Uh, huh.
Eugene Meltsner: Sounds fascinating!

#335: “Love is in the Air, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: Miss Kendall, as I've so often observed in the past and your own experiences confirm it: curiosity in your hands is like a dangerous weapon in the hands of a maniac—out of control and likely to harm!
Connie Kendall: Oh, yeah?
Eugene Meltsner: To respond in kind, "yeah!"

#283: “A Book by Its Cover”

Bernard Walton: OK, step back, everybody.
Connie Kendall: Why? Does this symbol explode?
Bernard Walton: No, but if it shows up, I might throw my bucket through it.

#616: “The Other Side of the Glass, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Robert said my mom needs a spiritual revival. But I was thinking that Robert needs a brain transplant.
John Whittaker: Well, is there anything else?
Connie Kendall: Well, some new clothes, maybe...
John Whittaker: I mean, anything else happen to you.

#69: “Go Ye Therefore”

Connie Kendall: As soon as the guys hurry up, we'll get started. <beat> Are you ready, guys?
Fred Zachary: Hey, hey, we're praying for God to give us kindness and compassion against our enemies — do ya mind?

#75: “Connie Goes to Camp, Part 2”

Eugene Meltsner: Young Rathbone, you'll have the chance to tell your side of the story later. But for now, you will keep your muscles immobile and your oral cavity tightly sealed!
Rodney Rathbone: Huh?
Connie Kendall: He means, keep still and be quiet.
Eugene Meltsner: I believe I said that.

#182: “The Scales of Justice”

Connie Kendall: You still have feelings for him, don't you? But you said you were over your hurt!
June Kendall: No, no, I said I was over my anger. When you've loved someone, the hurt never really goes away.

#195: “Father's Day”

Connie Kendall: Hold on. I was running the errand for Whit, so he should be the winner!
John Whittaker: Oh, I don't think Nick Grant would appreciate that!

#220: “This is Chad Pearson?”

Eugene Meltsner: What am I gonna do?!
Connie Kendall: Wear your groveling vest! It'll be perfect for the occasion.

#567: “Two Friends and a Truck”

Mrs. Kramer: A hundred things I hate, by Mrs. Kramer. Mosquitoes. Poems that don't rhyme. Flimsy supermarket lettuce. My far-sighted dentist. My near-sighted hair dresser. Cats. Valentines gifts with no candy. Children laughing.
Priscilla Peterson: There are a hundred of these?
Mrs. Kramer: Vacuuming. The channel five weather man--you know, the one with the big teeth?
Connie Kendall: Yeah, I think it's time to go.
Mrs. Kramer: People who leave in the middle of poetry readings. Love songs. Democracy.

#706: “To Mend or Repair”

Marvin Washington: It's about this girl from school. She just moved here.
Connie Kendall: I remember being the new girl at school.
Marvin Washington: She moved from California, and she's really smart.
Connie Kendall: Wow! Sounds like she and I have a lot in common.
Marvin Washington: And, well, she's not very good-looking.
Connie Kendall: Well, of course, that's where the similarities end.

#593: “Around the Block”

Wooton Bassett: You know, a friend of mine in Alaska had a bunker just like this one.
Connie Kendall: That's great! So how do we get out?
Wooton Bassett: Oh, we can't. That door is the only door in or out. Would you please pass the potato chips, Penny?

#689: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 11”

Connie Kendall: More secrets. Nobody ever tells me anything!

#329: “The Return”

Connie Kendall: EAT LASERS, PIG!

#487: “Plan B, Part 4: Resistance”

Connie Kendall: Oh, Eugene, your words just slide off your tongue like poetry.
Eugene Meltsner: You mean, mellifluously?
Connie Kendall: I think so.

#440: “I Slap Floor”

Bernard Walton: Oh, I see what he's doing.
Connie Kendall: What?
Bernard Walton: He's trying to get me to move my horse—
Eugene Meltsner: Knight.
Bernard Walton: Away from his tower—
Eugene Meltsner: Rook!
Bernard Walton: So that he can get my guy with a pointy head!
Eugene Meltsner: Bishop!! And I'm not quite clear why you think it's to your advantage to verbalize my strategy out loud!
Bernard Walton: Ah! So that "is" your strategy huh?
Eugene Meltsner: ...no, of course not.

#396: “Poor Loser”

Connie Kendall: You buried that canister of garbage beneath the pavement?
Kenneth Pape: Oh... well, technically it's not garbage, it's just a collection of lunch bags, sandwich wrappers, soda cans, and uh... well, yeah; it's garbage.

#631: “A Capsule Comes to Town”

Bernard Walton: You're about as subtle as my Uncle Ted. He fills in his bald spot with a brown Sharpie.
Connie Kendall: Ew.

#602: “Mum's the Word”

Connie Kendall: Why did you have to pick a judge who was so quick to quack?
Bryan Dern: I admit, I'm a quick quacker.

#572: “Odyssey Sings!”

Connie Kendall: Oh, great. Where's the "rest in peace" ribbon?

#463: “Green Eyes and Yellow Tulips”

Connie Kendall: If I didn't have my alarm clock, I'd be late every day.
Eugene Meltsner: You are late every day!

#581: “A Christmas Conundrum”

Connie Kendall: Responding to God's calling means being who he wants us to be and where he wants us to be.

#???: “B-TV: Live!”

Lawrence Hodges: I wrecked a flight simulator...
Connie Kendall: How did you do that? A flight simulator doesn't move right?
Lawrence Hodges: No, not normally.
Connie Kendall: Isn't that kinda like crashing a exercise bike?

#638: “The Triangled Web, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: Last week you made a less than succinct argument that I might be overly...uh...
Connie Kendall: Obnoxious?
Matthew Parker: Brilliant?
John Whittaker: Committed?
Wooton Bassett: Rectangular?!
Connie Kendall: Wordy?
Wooton Bassett: Maladjusted to the elevation!

#671: “Fast As I Can”

Connie Kendall: Well, is there anything I can do?
Eugene Meltsner: Oh! Uh, as a matter of fact, there is.
Connie Kendall: What?
Eugene Meltsner: Pray for me, Connie. I would be most grateful.
Connie Kendall: Yeah, sure! Nice to have you ask...

#331: “Checkmate”

Jason Whittaker: Watch out for the stop sign.
Connie Kendall: What? OH!
Jason Whittaker: Ooohh, nice stop.

#372: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 1”

Running Kid: Gangway!
Jason Whittaker: Look out! Connie—Connie! Hold on!
Connie Kendall: Uh-oh!

#378: “The Painting”

John Whittaker: I don't know which is worse staying in here or trying to run back. We're both wearing raincoats and rubber shoes so we shouldn't get struck by lightning.
Connie Kendall: Struck by lightning?
John Whittaker: Well it's either that or fighting a tornado. You know, they issued a tornado watch on the radio.
Connie Kendall: What? Let's get out of here!

#34: “Stormy Weather”

Arlo Snoden: Now, Connie, I can't let you go without asking you about being the only female coach in the league. Now, has it been difficult? I mean, I understand that Coach Mott has said you should stay in the kitchen and bake cookies.
Connie Kendall: I sent him a batch of my cookies actually and... now he knows why I don't.

#358: “The Secret Weapon”

Connie Kendall: Oh, time! Sorry, but I gotta get back to work.
Jenny Roberts: Work? But you can't just leave us hanging.
Courtney Vincent: Yeah, you have to tell us the rest of it.
Connie Kendall: Oh, I will.
Unknown: When?
Connie Kendall: Tuesday night, at our Bible study!

#360: “Three Funerals and a Wedding, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: You can't win against that giant with some sticks and stones and a leather strap! You need something more!
King David: But I do have something more. I have the Lord God of Israel on my side.

#46: “The Shepherd and the Giant”

Connie Kendall: You know, Howard, there's dumb and there's real dumb. That was real dumb.

#48: “Heroes”

John Whittaker: Which is the second reason I don't believe it was coincidental.
Connie Kendall: And that is?
John Whittaker: I don't believe anything is coincidental.

#47: “A Single Vote”

Connie Kendall: Look, we had to go down hill to get to it, which means joining the FBI would probably take you on a downhill path.

#523: “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: This already sounds like a session of "Peer Pressure Anonymous".
Connie Kendall: Yeah. "Hi, my name is Connie and it's been two days since I last caved."

#348: “With a Little Help from My Friends”

Connie Kendall: Eugene, are you crying?
Eugene Meltsner: I'm not crying. It must be my allergies. All the hay in that stable.
Connie Kendall: Oh, Eugene.

#137: “Back to Bethlehem, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: Whit, do you need a tissue?
John Whittaker: No, uh, more like a bucket.
Connie Kendall: Why?
John Whittaker: That was the most ridiculous movie I've ever seen.
Connie Kendall: What?
June Kendall: It didn't make you want to open your heart and share your soul?
John Whittaker: It made me want to hit my head on something hard and erase all memory of my life for the last two hours.

#542: “Eggshells”

Rodney Rathbone: Do I look like I'm stupid?
Connie Kendall: Um...
Rodney Rathbone: Strike that from the record.

#467: “Broken Window”

Robert Mitchell: I think we need to get married.
Connie Kendall: To each other?

#533: “Something Blue, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: It's like a movie where the film breaks in the middle of a scene. I guess I'll never know how it would've turned out.

#488: “Under the Influence, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Boy, I've learned my lesson about credit cards. In fact, I'm not even carrying it around anymore. I'm gonna keep it at home until I'm absolutely sure I need it.
Eugene Meltsner: Good idea.

#323: “A Little Credit, Please”

Marvin Washington: Wow, that was quick!
Connie Kendall: Yup. Eugene's the only one I know who can sleep standing up. Here Marvin; help me get him to the couch.

#589: “The Impossible”

Connie Kendall: I don't know how Wooton does it. He didn't leave until midnight, and he said he had to be up at four. He must be exhausted, too.
Wooton Bassett: Good morning! How's everybody doing today?
Connie Kendall: I hate him.

#697: “A Penny Earned”

Connie Kendall: It's amazing how fast I can type with one hand...
Eugene Meltsner: <sarcastically> Yes... like lightning...

#588: “Broken-Armed and Dangerous”

Connie Kendall: You guys are here just in time-
Jay Smouse: For cake!!

#723: “Groundhog Jay”

Connie Kendall: This'll have to do.
Robert Mitchell: Connie, that's a frozen pizza.
Connie Kendall: Oh, stop complaining and hold it against your nose.

#483: “Secrets”

Connie Kendall: And then we exchanged white elephant gifts.
Matthew Parker: You exchanged white elephants? Did you grow up in a zoo?

#678: “Grandma's Christmas Visit”

Connie Kendall: I like how your ears turn red when you're embarrassed.
Robert Mitchell: I like how you always get whipped cream on your nose when you eat a sundae.
Connie Kendall: I like how that lock of hair falls across your forehead at such an adorably perfect angle.
Bernard Walton: Oh, Connie, I love the way your kidneys work. Oh, Mitch, your toenails grow with such amazing symmetry.

#503: “Between You and Me”

Jack Allen: Well, it's the oddest thing.
Joanne Woodston-Allen : What is?
Jack Allen: I think I've seen him before.
Joanne Woodston-Allen : You have? Where?
Jack Allen: In my dreams.
Connie Kendall: Whoa!

#407: “Malachi's Message, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Oh, I get it. You wanna talk about Penny.
Wooton Bassett: Uh...Penny?
Connie Kendall: Yeah, right. You're smitten, aren't you?
Wooton Bassett: Uh, uh...smitten. Isn't that some sort of fuzzy glove-ware?

#685: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 7”

John Whittaker: Eugene may have technical expertise, but you have personality.
Connie Kendall: Personality?
John Whittaker: Yes! Connie, the kids don't keep coming back here just for my ice cream, and they certainly don't keep coming to hear Eugene's technical jargon. They keep coming because of you.

#381: “The One About Trust, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Why do you keep calling him Uncle Jack?
Jason Whittaker: Because he's always been like an uncle to me, but he thinks I'm too old to call him "Uncle" now...maybe he's right. Are you right right, Uncle Jack?
Jack Allen: Huh?

#293: “A Code of Honor”

Connie Kendall: I'm really confused. I mean, he's getting married!
Penny Bassett: But not to you. I understand. His life wasn't supposed to go on without you.
Connie Kendall: Well, something like that...
Penny Bassett: So why did you ditch him?
Connie Kendall: I didn't ditch him! We agreed together...

#714: “Something Old, Something New, Part 2”

Penny Bassett: What else?
Connie Kendall: Discount coupons. Magazines.
Penny Bassett: Good.
Connie Kendall: Moose.
Wooton Bassett: Hair, chocolate, or Alaskan?
Connie Kendall: Hair.
Wooton Bassett: Oh, we could never be.

#713: “Something Old, Something New, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Camilla, faith isn't a feeling. Our feelings change all the time—sometimes for good reason, other times because we're hurt or disappointed or any number of reasons. Faith is continuing to believe what is true regardless of our changing moods. That's why it's so important. It's a rudder keeping us on the course in spite of the storms of life.
Connie Kendall: Yeah. We all have good days and bad days. It's our faith in God that helps us through all of them.

#731: “More Than a Feeling”

Connie Kendall: Who were Shadrach, Meesh... a-lack...
Bobby Novak: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
Connie Kendall: <buzzer sounds> Yeah, yeah! What he said!

#4: “Connie Comes to Town”

Connie Kendall: I this morning I was here and it was business as usual, when suddenly, Bang!
Eugene Meltsner: A gun went off?

#735: “Life Expectancy, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: What is the very first thing you do when you get in your car?
Eugene Meltsner: Simple. Start the engine!
Connie Kendall: Wrong!
Eugene Meltsner: Wrong?! Then you need to, uh...you need to, uh...adjust the mirrors!

#194: “A License to Drive”

Connie Kendall: <in the shower> AHHHH!! TOO COLD! TOO COLD!! AUGHH! TOO HOT! TOO HOT!!! <on the typewriter> Too hot. That's what I think of Whit's End. Nooo...

#199: “The 'No' Factor”

Rebekah (a): Women don't have babies where you come from?
Connie Kendall: Well, yeah, but not this kind of baby!

#136: “Back to Bethlehem, Part 2”

Eugene Meltsner: Take Miss Kendall; she was a snippy, argumentative agnostic when she arrived.
Connie Kendall: I heard that!
Eugene Meltsner: But because people here cared about her, she eventually became the snippy, argumentative Christian...
Connie Kendall: I heard that, too!
Eugene Meltsner: ...we know and love today!

#443: “Changing Rodney”

Connie Kendall: So why might you be depressed?
Wooton Bassett: Well, I just finished the latest issue of Powerboy and it was the one where he finally faced the three-eyed fish monster but it ended with him strapped in Dr. Ichobodia's torture chair and his power suit was disabled and he had no way to contact headquarters. I don't know how he'll ever get out of it.
Connie Kendall: So that's why you're depressed?
Wooton Bassett: Oh my brain hurts just thinking about it.

#551: “Stars in Our Eyes”

Jason Whittaker: Glossman? Who's Glossman?
Eugene Meltsner: He's the rather dubious personality from the state government who keeps trying to... how shall I say it?
Connie Kendall: Destroy Odyssey.

#327: “Moving Targets”

Connie Kendall: Ooh, Australia, that's where they did the Sound of Music.
Joe Finneman: That's Austria.
Connie Kendall: Oh yeah.

#270: “The War Hero”

Connie Kendall: Yeah? Well, you better watch it, bub. Cause I know John Avery Whittaker and he—
Regis Blackgaard: What a coincidence. So do I.
Connie Kendall: Huh? Who said that?
Regis Blackgaard: I did. Hello, Miss Kendall.
Connie Kendall: You!
Regis Blackgaard: Yes, Dr. Regis Blackgaard at your service.

#155: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. Joseph Addison.
Connie Kendall: Doing research is a pain in the neck. Connie Kendall.

#64: “The Greatest of These”

Harlow Doyle: I know. How about secretarial work?
Connie Kendall: You mean like filing, mailing letters, answering phones, and stuff like that?
Harlow Doyle: No. I mean secretarial work. Meaning that I need a secretary. My last one had a nervous breakdown. You interested?
Connie Kendall: In having a nervous breakdown?
Harlow Doyle: If it'll help you do the job, sure. I think you'd make a terrific secretary.

#351: “What Are You Gonna Do with Your Life?”

Connie Kendall: Sounds like he's having a party up there.
Bernard Walton: Yeah, or you've got some very large mice.
Connie Kendall: <calling upstairs> Whit!
Bernard Walton: Have you thought about what we're going to do if it isn't Whit?
Connie Kendall: You can protect me with the hooks in your fishing hat.

#564: “A Most Intriguing Question”

Connie Kendall: You look great, Mrs. Meltsner!
Katrina Shanks-Meltsner: Thank you! You haven't changed.
Connie Kendall: I don't change. You should know that by now!

#565: “A Most Surprising Answer”

Robert Mitchell: Give me the tire iron, Connie.
Connie Kendall: Mitch? What?
Robert Mitchell: These are friends of mine from the academy. The kidnapping was a joke.

#534: “Something Blue, Part 2”

Mildred Kendall: Silly girl; you're not praying for me. You're praying for you.
Connie Kendall: For me?
Mildred Kendall: Yes. Even as you're praying for God's will to be done in me. You're praying for God's strength in you—strength for whatever happens. That's why I want you to pray.

#319: “A Touch of Healing, Part 2”

Penny Bassett: Maybe he'll be here when we get back.
Connie Kendall: Maybe he will..........

#725: “Home Again, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: I'm in a similar boat with Jules.
Eugene Meltsner: The Titanic?

#807: “Connie the Counselor”

Connie Kendall: "Goes without saying?" "Enjoyed our meetings?" Eugene, I said to be sweet and romantic, not submit a budget to your department head.

#260: “Naturally, I Assumed...”

Connie Kendall: So he's pretending to be a boy scout?
Wooton Bassett: Yes. And I'm pretty sure that's a a federal offense, too!

#563: “Tuesdays with Wooton”

Connie Kendall: Sometimes I forget what someone said two minutes ago!

#143: “Muckraker”

Connie Kendall: This is scaring me, Whit.
John Whittaker: I'm glad. There are some things it's good to be afraid of.

#123: “Castles and Cauldrons, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: And God... thank you again for my wise friend Whit. Next to you and my mom, he's the best friend I have.

#183: “Tales of Moderation”

Bill Kendall: You may not believe this, but, I still do love your mother.
Connie Kendall: You're right. I don't believe you.

#195: “Father's Day”

Connie Kendall: Excuse me!
Benny Marks: There is no excuse for you!

#223: “Real Time”

Connie Kendall: Eugene! What if I still wanna talk about it?! Eugene!! Come back here!!!

#232: “Thy Kingdom Come”

Eugene Meltsner: You mean, you're saying you just, uh... complimented me?
Connie Kendall: Well... your shirt, yeah!
Eugene Meltsner: Excuse me, Mr. Whittaker, but I... I think I feel faint!

#269: “Fences”

Eugene Meltsner: I'm attempting to curb the temptation to take what I have for granted — and at the same time, to understand the plight of the underprivileged. Not everyone in the world has 3 meals a day as do you and I. Alas, most of the world eats just a few times a week!
Connie Kendall: Okay, well, who wants cheesecake?

#339: “Do, For a Change”

Jason Whittaker: Connie, your logic is... your... own.
Connie Kendall: Thank you.

#374: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 3”

Priscilla Peterson: Connie, is there a way to tell someone that you don't want him to help the way that he thinks he should help, but that you'd rather that he'd help in a way that really would help?
Connie Kendall: Sure...what?

#706: “To Mend or Repair”

Wooton Bassett: I know! This is a job for Captain Absolutely!
Connie Kendall: No, it isn't.
Wooton Bassett: Alright.

#689: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 11”

Don Polehaus: Is there some place we can talk privately?
Penny Bassett: Oh. How about the Agora cafe downstairs? They have a private room. And I just LOVE their apple strudels!!
Don Polehaus: OK.
Benjamin Trask: Since Penny is my student, I ought to be there.
Don Polehaus: Suits me.
Penny Bassett: Oh, can Connie come with me? For moral support?
Don Polehaus: Sure.
Connie Kendall: Well, if I'm going, then Whit has to come too.
John Whittaker: Alright.
Don Polehaus: Anyone else? Maybe we should invite the whole class.
Penny Bassett: Don't be silly. There wouldn't be enough strudel for the whole class.

#683: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 5”

Connie Kendall: Why does everything happen when I'm gone?

#682: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 4”

Connie Kendall: Maybe he's the answer to my prayer!
Bernard Walton: Well, if he's the answer to your prayer, then I don't even want to know what you've been praying for.

#513: “Do or Diet”

Wooton Bassett: Actually, a whole bunch of characters in the comic are based on real people in Odyssey. Like there's this one character, oh, she's always late for stuff and she talks all the time and she says stuff she doesn't mean.
Connie Kendall: Who's she based on?
Wooton Bassett: Uh, oh, she's also really good-looking and, uh, very cool.

#640: “Rights, Wrongs, and Winners”

Connie Kendall: Monty, you can't leave!!
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Hey! This is one thing I can do as good as my sister! Goodbye!

#101: “Scattered Seeds”

Connie Kendall: No, it [the cloth] wasn't delivered by space aliens!

#222: “The Jesus Cloth”

Connie Kendall: Candid Conversations is on in twenty minutes and Wooton can't make it--something about getting stuck in a dryer!
Bernard Walton: Oh, so you need a new guest, Ethel.
Connie Kendall: Ethel? That's not Russian.
Bernard Walton: Yeah, I know; I ran out of Russian names.

#602: “Mum's the Word”

Rodney Rathbone: Thank you, I'm calling Rodney P. Rathbone to the stand.
Connie Kendall: That's you.
Rodney Rathbone: I know!

#467: “Broken Window”

Connie Kendall: So, the riot was fun? I mean...
Robert Mitchell: It was a riot.

#463: “Green Eyes and Yellow Tulips”

Eugene Meltsner: Miss Kendall...
Connie Kendall: Yeah?
Eugene Meltsner: I'm speechless! This is the last thing I was expecting from you, it does humble me a bit as I merely purchased a scarf for you, which was certainly bought from the heart but, not nearly as elaborate as this generous gift for which I don't know how to thank you.
Tom Riley: For bein' speechless, a lot of words sure came out!

#581: “A Christmas Conundrum”

Connie Kendall: Whit, is Eugene in your office?
John Whittaker: I don't know. Why?
Connie Kendall: Well, the door's locked, and I keep hearing someone whimpering!

#671: “Fast As I Can”

Connie Kendall: Matthew, tell Eugene, Connie is on the case.

#667: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: Jack's gone. This note is his resignation.
Connie Kendall: What?
Jason Whittaker: Jack won't be working at Whit's End anymore.

#327: “Moving Targets”

Connie Kendall: You want a first impression?
John Whittaker: No.
Connie Kendall: This woman isn't harmless.

#372: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: I don't have any other friends! I mean not like her. I mean I have you and Connie. But I admire you, and all I ever do is argue with Connie!
Connie Kendall: That's not true.
Eugene Meltsner: <beat> See?

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Stay right here. I'll be right back. Do not move.
John Whittaker: Even if I could I wouldn't.

#34: “Stormy Weather”

John Whittaker: Oh, Connie, Connie! Where have you been, little girl.
Connie Kendall: Oh you know me. Always late.
John Whittaker: I have no doubt, Connie. It stays the same!

#364: “Home, Sweet Home”

Connie Kendall: Why don't you have any ID in your wallet?
Harlow Doyle: What, are you nuts? I'm a private investigator. Strict secrecy is an imperative, unquote. If I kept identification in my wallet, why, then- why, then...
Connie Kendall: You'd lose it and no one would know who it belonged to!
Harlow Doyle: Precisely! You know, you might be cut out for this kind of work, Connie.

#369: “It's a Wrap!”

Connie Kendall: You know, it amazes me how you can take any subject and relate it to God or the Bible.
John Whittaker: Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment.

#47: “A Single Vote”

Connie Kendall: Ok, but FBI also stands for "Forever Bad Idea".

#523: “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: I think they have to call it escargot because, like, who would order "a la dead snails in butter?"

#525: “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?, Part 3”

Wooton Bassett: Just say the word and we'll go.
Connie Kendall: Hurry!
Wooton Bassett: That was it.

#692: “A Penny Saved”

Connie Kendall: I bet you don't know how to change the oil in a car.
Judah (b): Car?
Connie Kendall: Or fix a Whittaker special double-decker sundae.
Judah (b): Double... decker?
Connie Kendall: See I'm just as smart as you. And I'm getting a little tired of Eugene and all you men talking about me like I'm some sort of work camel.

#135: “Back to Bethlehem, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: Wait. Watch this move. Bishop to Rook 3, there! I seriously think he made that move simply to form the letter M with his pieces!
Connie Kendall: What!
John Whittaker: It's bedtime, Eugene.

#396: “Poor Loser”

Jason Whittaker: Let's run it through the frequency spectrum analyzer. I'm just gonna take it through phase cancellation and do a little harmonic filtering.
Connie Kendall: Of course. That's what I would do. Jason, where in the world do you learn this stuff?
Jason Whittaker: Uh... Boy Scouts.

#546: “No Way Out”

Connie Kendall: Take Eugene and Wooton. They're afraid to be seen by you by fear that you'll misread their expressions and gestures.
Penny Bassett: They are?
Connie Kendall: Isn't that right, Eugene?
Eugene Meltsner: The word fear may be extreme. Anxious, nervous, disconcerted, discomforted, annoyed, vexed. Any of those are better words.
Connie Kendall: Whatever. Wooton?
Wooton Bassett: No, I think fear sounds perfect.

#702: “Childish Things”

Connie Kendall: Whose crazy idea was it to have a wedding for them anyway?! They're already married, for crying out loud!
Bernard Walton: I won't say, but her name starts with a C and sounds a little like Klonnie.

#571: “For Better or For Worse, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: I could learn Budapest-ese.

#533: “Something Blue, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Maybe I should give up on relationships... enter a convent.

#487: “Plan B, Part 4: Resistance”

Aubrey Shepard: I think I'd be mad at God for letting something like that happen.
Connie Kendall: Sometimes I am mad at God. Then I also believe what happened is all part of something bigger than I can understand right now. And somehow, deep inside, I trust him.

#488: “Under the Influence, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Would I snoop around in something that wasn't mine?
Eugene Meltsner: In a heartbeat.

#267: “It Ended with a Handshake”

John Whittaker: Well I want to look for the correct definition of a- of a word.
Connie Kendall: Oh yeah sure. What word?
John Whittaker: Just, uh, any word.
Connie Kendall: What?
John Whittaker: Ope! There it is. Unbelievable.
Connie Kendall: That's the word?

#469: “Chains, Part 2”

Robert Mitchell: It's still your turn.
Connie Kendall: Still?
Robert Mitchell: And it will remain your turn until you bowl into our lane.

#482: “Grand Opening, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Why? Give me one good reason of why I should trust you?
Robert Mitchell: Because I think I'm falling in love with you Connie!
Connie Kendall: (beat) Oh! Well! It looks like we're out of time for today! For Candid Conversations with Connie, I'm Connie Kendall! Goodbye!

#483: “Secrets”

Rachel Mitchell: You can't say a word to anyone. It's dangerous. You don't know how dangerous it is.
Connie Kendall: What's dangerous? What are you talking about?
Rachel Mitchell: Connie, Mitch is alive.

#495: “The Unraveling”

Connie Kendall: Uh, don't come in here!
Nick Mulligan: Why? Are you losing at solitaire again?

#496: “Exceptional Circumstances”

Connie Kendall: Yeah, right. "I was so shocked! When my boss talked about mind control, I thought he said 'mime control', and he just wanted to limit the number of street performers!" Give me a break.

#507: “The Benefit of the Doubt”

Connie Kendall: Well, I don't know if I should see him or not.
June Kendall: Oh, what do you think you should do?
Connie Kendall: I think it'll still hurt to see him again, I mean, we didn't exactly part under the best of circumstances.
June Kendall: Well, then you probably shouldn't see him.
Connie Kendall: But I really want to, I mean, something's happened up at camp and I think he would like to hear about it.
June Kendall: Then maybe you should go see him.
Connie Kendall: Uh..I don't want to seem pushy, I mean even though it's been a while, he might not have cooled down yet. And I don't want to do anything that would bug him.
June Kendall: Well, then I guess you shouldn't see him.
Connie Kendall: But I have to, I need to tell him how wrong I was and I don't blame him for anything.
June Kendall: Then go see him.
Connie Kendall: I can't do that, he fired me!

#77: “The Nemesis, Part 1”

Jellyfish: And now a message for the Israelites and all their friends at Whit's End!
Connie Kendall: What?
Jason Whittaker: Connie, get down! Now!

#331: “Checkmate”

Connie Kendall: Here am I, Lord! Send me! Send me!!!

#TTC01: “Here Am I”

Connie Kendall: Everyone's going to think I'm engaged to Wooton!!
Penny Bassett: I wonder what kind of gifts you'll get...

#713: “Something Old, Something New, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: Can you explain a little about how the chemicals are reacting please?
Connie Kendall: Well, in about ten minutes you'll see my hair turn into a lovely chestnut brown.
Penny Bassett: You mean beachy blonde.
Connie Kendall: Don't be silly Penny. You know I always use chestnut brown.
Penny Bassett: I thought you said you wanted to try being blonde.
Connie Kendall: My assistant is kidding. I said that I wondered what it would look like to be blonde at one in the morning after a two liter bottle of caffeinated soda.
Penny Bassett: Well, on the upside, the reaction is working wonderfully. And your hair is already getting lighter.

#729: “No Chemistry Whatsoever”

Connie Kendall: I had a breakdown at the home improvement store, but other than that, I'm completely fine.
Jeff Lewis: Breakdown?
Connie Kendall: Over paint samples.

#737: “The Pilot, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: How does he know all that?
Eugene Meltsner: The man once made a life-sized fort out of Jell-O cubes. Understanding the way his mind works would be a challenge for Einstein!

#599: “Blood, Sweat, and Fears”

Connie Kendall: I decided to do a little shopping.
Eugene Meltsner: LITTLE?! Obviously, the meaning of the word has changed.

#323: “A Little Credit, Please”

Jim Reeves: I spent five years so strung out on drugs I didn't know which end was up.
Connie Kendall: Really?
Jim Reeves: Sure. That's one of the things everybody talked about in the sixties. "Get high, expand your mind!" But nobody said it would ruin my life.

#164: “Sixties-Something”

Wooton Bassett: Well, I think it's to make us realize how good things are when we're not suffering.
Connie Kendall: Really?
Wooton Bassett: Sure. It's like, you know when you've been swimming, and you get out and your eyes burn. And you feel kind of cold and half wet and half dry and your bathing suit sticks to your skin. And then you have a nice hot shower and you get into dry clothes and you feel all cozy and comfortable.
Connie Kendall: Yeah.
Wooton Bassett: Well, you couldn't really appreciate the feeling of being cozy and comfortable unless you felt uncozy and uncomfortable first.
Connie Kendall: That's such a Wooton-like answer.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: Here I was, trying to give you a second chance—trying to be a good influence! And you were using me to cover your tracks, just like Erica's been using you! It's as if she's turning you into her little disciple!
Aubrey Shepard: Erica is more of a friend than you'll ever be!
Connie Kendall: Oh, I'm sure she is, if you think friendship is all about using people!

#489: “Under the Influence, Part 2”

John Whittaker: All the biggest airlines fly here. The terminal covers miles! It's so big, the baggage claim is in a different time zone!
Connie Kendall: You're kidding!
John Whittaker: Yeah, I'm kidding.

#155: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 1”

Alex Jefferson: Sure, but I have a few questions for you. It sounds like a lot of weird stuff is happening around here.
Connie Kendall: Weirder than usual, you mean?
Alex Jefferson: My mom works at the college and I heard her telling dad about Eugene. Dean Rogers is her boss and he said Eugene took off with a bunch of research files.
Connie Kendall: What?
Alex Jefferson: But then I got here and Cal said he overheard David say that he found out that Nick said and that he heard from Whit that you got a mysterious e-mail from Eugene saying that he was safe.
Connie Kendall: W-what? Wait. Who said who was safe?
Alex Jefferson: And then I heard that Doctor Ichabodia was holding Eugene captive in his lair until he gave up the secret location of Powerboy's stash of shining arrows!
Connie Kendall: Where did that come from?
Alex Jefferson: Wooton.

#485: “Plan B, Part 2: Collision Course”

Connie Kendall: Tonight we find out the truth.

#325: “Angels Unaware”

Connie Kendall: Do you want me to lock up on my way out?
Harlow Doyle: Oooh. Better not. The last time my secretary did that I was stuck in here for three days.

#351: “What Are You Gonna Do with Your Life?”

Connie Kendall: I have enough comic characters in my life already, Wooton.
Wooton Bassett: There's no such thing!

#751: “The Ties That Bind, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Eugene, you're gonna have to drive!
Eugene Meltsner: What?!
Connie Kendall: Unless you'd rather help deliver a baby!
Eugene Meltsner: Where are the keys?

#194: “A License to Drive”

Bernard Walton: Go ahead, Connie. And if he disowns you, I'll still be your friend.
Connie Kendall: Thanks.

#564: “A Most Intriguing Question”

Connie Kendall: For Whit, death will be a place of wonder, miracles... beauty and reunion—heaven, Eugene. But for you, who's never accepted Christ, death is... well, it'll be a place of isolation and separation. If Whit got a tiny taste of heaven, then... maybe you got a tiny taste of hell. Do you understand? Eugene?
Eugene Meltsner: ...Do you really believe that, Connie?
Connie Kendall: With all my heart.
Eugene Meltsner: Then you'd better explain it all to me... in detail.

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: So far, our relationship has been 90% action-adventure and only 10% romantic comedy!
Robert Mitchell: Yeah! It's been great!
Connie Kendall: But I like romantic comedy. I like flowers, and walks in the park, and sitting around with friends over dinner—not worrying about if you're coming home at night!
Robert Mitchell: You knew this was never gonna be a normal life.
Connie Kendall: Yeah, but...but somehow, I pictured it in my head as...abnormally normal—like, you'd go off and save the world during the day and then you'd come home at 5:00 for dinner.
Robert Mitchell: Well...
Connie Kendall: But it's not really gonna be like that; I mean, the reality of it all is that you're in a job where you'll travel and move around a lot and—and people will want to put bags over your head and kidnap you for real. And more than that...you love it.
Robert Mitchell: Yeah, you—you're right. And you're the one that pointed that out to me. You said I'm passionate about fighting for good and living in adventure.
Connie Kendall: And you need to be doing those things; I know that. But...I don't want to be the afterthought, the one you come home to occasionally. And I know that even when you're with me, your heart will still be on the field.

#534: “Something Blue, Part 2”

Bennett Charles: Oh, it looks like your friend is back.
Connie Kendall: <muffled> Mitch?
Bennett Charles: No, the other one... Nick.

#499: “Exit”

John Whittaker: Whoa! What happened here?
Connie Kendall: I took her to the emergency room! They said she broke two ribs!
John Whittaker: What?
Connie Kendall: She was running, and tripped!
Penny Bassett: Down a hill, across two parking spots, and it hurts to talk, finish for me Connie.
Connie Kendall: Across two parking spots, into a trash can, and then a lamppost.
John Whittaker: Ooh!
Connie Kendall: Yeah. She called me on her cell phone. I found her, and took her to the hospital.

#720: “Happy Hunting”

Detective Mark Maddox: A self-destructing modem! That's a clever feature.
Connie Kendall: Yeah, every modem should have one.

#458: “Red Herring”

Connie Kendall: I tried to be a witness, like Peter, and sounded more like Porky Pig: abee, abee, abee, get saved, folks!

#69: “Go Ye Therefore”

Eugene Meltsner: Child.
Connie Kendall: Sticks and stones.

#73: “A Bite of Applesauce”

Connie Kendall: We've gotta keep that boy away from Jack.

#90: “But, You Promised”

Connie Kendall: Wow, I'm gonna be published in the paper! I'm gettin' to be as popular as Whit.

#199: “The 'No' Factor”

Eugene Meltsner: Are you accusing me of lying?
Connie Kendall: No! <beat> Yes!

#232: “Thy Kingdom Come”

Connie Kendall: <In Bart's pitch> Ey, this here's where Whit makes his sundaes at a pretty competitive price. Now, don't get yous hopes up, there. They're not like stuperendous prices at the Electric Palace, but come on — can everyone sell blenders for $49.99 plus tax!

#551: “Stars in Our Eyes”

Connie Kendall: I just wanna be left alone, okay? I have a headache.
Eugene Meltsner: <under his breath> Self-inflicted wound, I believe.

#269: “Fences”

Curt Stevens: I'm glad you asked, Connie. Has this ever happened to you? You're walking down the street and you drop your keys. Isn't it a pain to bend down and get them?
Connie Kendall: Well, not real—
Curt Stevens: Exactly. Now with the new Vacu-Grab, you don't have to.
Connie Kendall: The Vacu-Grab?
Curt Stevens: It's portable, retractable, and can fit right into your purse. Just take it out, retract it, turn it on, grab the keys, un-retract it, open the special containment unit built right in, and voila! You've got your keys.
Jimmy Barclay: So, instead of going through all of that...why not just bend down and pick up your keys?
Curt Stevens: ...It retracts, Jimmy.

#638: “The Triangled Web, Part 1”

Eugene Meltsner: Now, Connie, far be it from me to give you advice—
Connie Kendall: But you're going to anyway.
Eugene Meltsner: Of course!

#406: “Malachi's Message, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: If Whit has something to say he'll tell me.
Lucy Cunningham-Shultz: That's very mature, Connie.
Connie Kendall: Haha, yeah. And it's also about to kill me.

#168: “The Curse”

Eugene Meltsner: My wife Katrina will conduct the interview.
Connie Kendall: She will?
Eugene Meltsner: Oh, indeed. She is a very good judge of character.
Connie Kendall: Apart from who to marry!

#682: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 4”

Sherman Wurt: Step back. You don't know about my cane!
Carson McKay: I don't care about your cane when I've got my fist! <punches him>
Connie Kendall: Why didn't someone think of that before?!

#635: “Accidental Dilemma, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Do you think God has called you to preach?
Wooton Bassett: Oh, I don't know; let me check my messages.

#???: “B-TV: Live!”

Connie Kendall: I can see it in your eyes, Wooton. You've already got the symptoms. I bet you had a hard time falling asleep last night 'cause you were thinking about her. You didn't have breakfast this morning because for some reason you lost your appetite. You've been talking about her even to total strangers. You can't concentrate on anything. You're anxious that she doesn't feel the same way you do. And finally, you delivered the mail early because you want me to find out if she feels the same way as you.
Wooton Bassett: That's amazing, Connie. That's uncanny. It's like you're living in a refrigerator box in an invisible park of my mind. Which is really sort of creepy when you think about it.

#685: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 7”

Harlow Doyle: Step aside, young man. I know first aid.
Connie Kendall: You do?
Harlow Doyle: Yes! Dial 9-1-1!

#369: “It's a Wrap!”

Hezekiah: Who are you?
Eugene Meltsner: I'm Eu... uh.. people call me "Eugenius."
Connie Kendall: Oh, brother!

#135: “Back to Bethlehem, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Then that means Blackgaard is finally, really and truly dead?
John Whittaker: Yes. Dr. Regis Blackgaard is finally, really and truly dead. And may God have mercy on his soul.

#425: “Blackgaard's Revenge, Part 2”

John Whittaker: When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became mature I put away childish things. I wonder how much it is.
Connie Kendall: Two hundred and fifty dollars.
John Whittaker: Maybe I'll just read it in my Bible.

#702: “Childish Things”

Connie Kendall: "I know you're not a flake." Oh, that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard!!

#463: “Green Eyes and Yellow Tulips”

Connie Kendall: Two years?!
Robert Mitchell: Did I miss an anniversary?

#533: “Something Blue, Part 1”

Frank Phillips: Alright, nobody move!
Connie Kendall: Not again.

#156: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Why would someone put a camera in your office?
John Whittaker: I don't know. But someone's awfully desperate to find out what we're doing over here.
Connie Kendall: But we're not doing anything. We're handing out ice cream. Do you think it's a spy from Dairy Dream or something?
John Whittaker: Oh, my guess is that we've got worse problems than someone stealing our recipe for raspberry ripple. No the person who would go to such lengths to spy on us won't stop just because I pulled their dictionary off the shelf. They'll try again. We have to find out who they are, and what they want.

#469: “Chains, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Why'd you want to stop it, Barrett? The adventure's not over yet! The bank's gonna explode!
Barrett Jones: Now I'm really happy I stopped it.

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

Connie Kendall: JASON!!
Jason Whittaker: CONNIE??
Unknown: You scared me!! I scared you; you scared me!!
Jason Whittaker: Are you alright?

#352: “Memories of Jerry”

Connie Kendall: You really... you really took a lot of time out of your day to hang out with me. Thanks, Wooton.
Wooton Bassett: Oh... oh, don't thank me. Thank all the people on my route that are gonna get their mail at ten o'clock tonight.

#487: “Plan B, Part 4: Resistance”

Eugene Meltsner: Has anyone seen my-
Penny Bassett: Eugene!
Connie Kendall: No! Absolutely not.
Eugene Meltsner: Absolutely not what?
Connie Kendall: She wants you to pose as my groom for a wedding brochure.
Eugene Meltsner: Absolutely not!

#713: “Something Old, Something New, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: <reading lines to Monty> The news of it has spread...
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: The news of it has spread... Um...
Connie Kendall: Even out to these lonely...
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: The news of it has spread even out to these lonely... Um...
Connie Kendall: And nethermost...
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: And nethermost...
Connie Kendall: Regions.
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Regions!
Connie Kendall: <exasperated> Monty!
Monty Whittaker-Dowd: Monty!

#101: “Scattered Seeds”

Wooton Bassett: It's almost impossible to answer questions about things like suffering when they’re in the midst of suffering. That's like trying to explain the nature of water to someone who's drowning.
Connie Kendall: You've got a lot of water metaphors going on today.
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, I'm in a rather aquatic mood. When someone's drowning or in pain it's better to help them and show them love than to talk a lot, I think. Though come to think of it, I'm doing a lot of talking right now when I should be taking you to Putter's Miniature Golf.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: Who wouldn't want to date Mitch?
Nick Mulligan: Well I wouldn't wanna—
Connie Kendall: What girl wouldn't wanna date Mitch?

#483: “Secrets”

Connie Kendall: I think you'll be interested in hearing this. Sometimes it's difficult for us to see the forest through the trees. When most of us look at Joe Finneman, we see a man who fought bravely and was wounded to rescue a group of children he didn't even know from an almost certain death. But when Joe Finneman looks at Joe Finneman, he sees a man who ran. Both from his unit and from those children. So, was he a hero? Well, if you think heroism is never doubting or being afraid like they show on TV and in the movies. Then no, he wasn't a hero. But if you think of it as doing the right thing when it counts, then Joe Finneman is every inch a hero in my book. And remains so for setting the records straight. So here's to you, Joe. It's my sincere hope that someday you'll be able to step back here with the rest of us and see how great the forest really is. I'm going to go back to watch the rest of the parade now, Uncle Joe. But I just wanted you to know that the only person around here who thinks you're a coward is you.

#270: “The War Hero”

Connie Kendall: Why did you fall out of the tree that way?
Harlow Doyle: Is there another way to fall out of a tree?

#281: “...But Not Forgotten”

Eugene Meltsner: Obviously my test needs work. Not only did it have you working in box manufacturing, but it suggested Jason's personality was best suited to painting figurines of cartoon characters in Korea!
Connie Kendall: I don't think he'd have the patience for that.
Eugene Meltsner: Exactly!

#351: “What Are You Gonna Do with Your Life?”

Connie Kendall: We're waiting for Robyn.
John Whittaker: Robyn? You mean Robyn Jacobs?
Connie Kendall: Who else?

#119: “Better Late than Never”

Jim Reeves: The leaders, the music—everybody wanted to "turn on". Free drugs, free love, free everything! They...we invited the world to join along. But nothing's free, Connie. Nobody said anything about the cost.
Connie Kendall: Okay, so I'm getting the idea. The sixties weren't so good.
Jim Reeves: Not so good? Connie, not only weren't they good, they were dangerous. Yeah, some parts of it were alright, but the upheaval of the sixties has everything to do with the problems we're dealing with now. You see Michael over there?
Connie Kendall: You mean that guy in the corner?
Jim Reeves: He's your age, Connie—your age! And he's battling cocaine addiction. He didn't have anything to do with the sixties; he wasn't born then. So why the addiction? Because we said, "If it feels good, do it!" in the sixties and the seventies and the eighties. Your generation and the generation to come is suffering the effects of that!

#164: “Sixties-Something”

Connie Kendall: I dunno, Mitch. I mean, after your experience working with Novacom, aren't you just a little worried about corruption in the workplace?
Robert Mitchell: Oh, no, I've done a thorough background check on myself, and I'm clean!
Connie Kendall: Aren't you worried about you snitching on yourself? Word has it, you are quite a whistle-blower!
Robert Mitchell: Oh, I welcome whistle-blowing! If I start doing anything illegal behind my back I'll be the first person to tell myself, I promise!

#507: “The Benefit of the Doubt”

Robert Mitchell: Bye, Connie. Take care.
Connie Kendall: Good-bye, Mitch.

#534: “Something Blue, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Just how important is it to you to beat him today?
Bernard Walton: Meaning?
Connie Kendall: Meaning you have made your point already. You beat him every game. So what's the big deal if you lost one, y'know?
Bernard Walton: Connie! Are you asking me to throw the game?
Connie Kendall: He's an emotional wreck! Please, Bernard?
Bernard Walton: This is good for him!
Connie Kendall: Look at him! He's got his shoes on the wrong feet!

#396: “Poor Loser”

Lord Garguantuan Foulspleen: Yes, it is beautiful, and about to be ruined! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Connie Kendall: Oh be quiet.
Penny Bassett: Oh brother.

#726: “Push the Red Button”

John Whittaker: Well, I-I'll prove it to you. Here — look at this, I came up with a new invention today. It's a flying machine, made out of a boat with oars. And big helium balloons. And a propeller! We can use it to rescue people!
Connie Kendall: Uh-huh.
Tom Riley: Uh. why don't you take a nap, Whit...
John Whittaker: Oh, yeah? Well... you'll all be sorry, next time somebody falls off a clock tower!

#440: “I Slap Floor”

Connie Kendall: Hey, did you get your hair cut?
Mitch: No, just styled it differently.
Connie Kendall: It looks awesome!
Mitch: Thanks. You look great, too.

#499: “Exit”

Connie Kendall: Well, we looked at your painting and we think it's just terrible!
Eugene Meltsner: Tactfully put, Miss Kendall.

#283: “A Book by Its Cover”

Jack Allen: The truth is, I think we have the question turned around. Maybe the better question is, all things considered, why don't things like this happen more often?
Connie Kendall: What do you mean?
Jack Allen: Well, it's a fallen world—a crazy world, in fact. We're subject to disease, death, handicaps, and accidents... it's a wonder things aren't worse than they are.

#319: “A Touch of Healing, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: What's wrong? Do you know who the anti-Whit is?
Robert Mitchell: Well, according to this, it's me!

#523: “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Hey! What are you checking for? Bombs? Drugs? Bootlegged tapes of the Praise Kids in Concert?

#155: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Well, I'm not overwhelmed by your romance.
Eugene Meltsner: Well, thankfully, you don't have to be.

#408: “Malachi's Message, Part 3”

Officer Stew Burke: Do you have a receipt for those socks?
Connie Kendall: Trust me, Officer: I did not shoplift those socks! If I was gonna shoplift something, I would steal something much more fashionable.
Officer Stew Burke: How comforting.

#588: “Broken-Armed and Dangerous”

Connie Kendall: It would seem that in Odyssey at least; all roads lead to Whit’s End.

#631: “A Capsule Comes to Town”

Connie Kendall: Isn’t keeping a good friend better than losing one because of what other kids think?
Mandy Straussberg: What?
Connie Kendall: Mandy, are you willing to end your friendship with Trent just because a few people might tease you? Does your friendship mean so little?

#636: “A Class Reenactment”

Jessie Morales: My mom says I have a natural ability for putting together, you know, um...
Connie Kendall: Words?
Jessie Morales: Yeah! Putting words together!

#117: “The Trouble with Girls”

Connie Kendall: Boy, you're so impatient.
Jason Whittaker: I didn't use to be. But ever since you picked me up at the airport...

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”

Margaret Faye: Just remember, Connie. Whit isn't perfect.
Connie Kendall: He would be the first to tell you that.

#380: “The One About Trust, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Well, we have to find a way to help her.
Wooton Bassett: You mean find a way to find her so that we can then find a way to help her.
Connie Kendall: Oh, stop that.
Wooton Bassett: I'm only using frivolous humor to mask my deep, unbridled worry for her.
Connie Kendall: Really? Good mask.
Wooton Bassett: Thanks.

#692: “A Penny Saved”

Penny Bassett: See, she can't even take a hike without the boss calling.
Connie Kendall: WHAT!?!?!?
Penny Bassett: Ooh, must have been a lot of money in that drawer.

#689: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 11”

Connie Kendall: "Joe" is fortunate to have a friend like you, Grady.
Grady McKay: Okay, we both know it's me, you can stop the "wink, wink" stuff now.

#624: “Wooing Wooton”

Connie Kendall: You don't get wisdom by following a check list; it's not a paint by number process. Things like wisdom and knowing who to trust come from knowledge and experience and discernment—and, because you're a Christian, help from the Holy Spirit.
Penny Bassett: Good, 'cause I hate Paint by Numbers.

#702: “Childish Things”

Robert Mitchell: Bourland asked me to join the FBI.
Connie Kendall: The FBI? Do you know how dangerous they are?
Robert Mitchell: Sure, they killed me, remember?

#503: “Between You and Me”

Penny Bassett: Someone once said,"Capability is the soil on which our talent grows."
Connie Kendall: Who said that?
Penny Bassett: I just made it up, but it sounds really smart, doesn't it?

#681: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: I knew there was something about that picture!
Eugene Meltsner: Because it is a painting of a safe?
Connie Kendall: Well, yeah...

#169: “Hold Up!”

Connie Kendall: Woah! That was weird. I gotta watch what I eat before bed time

#TTC01: “Here Am I”

Connie Kendall: Eugene, was that you're ringtone?
Eugene Meltsner: Well, yes. You may recall that I was recording my notes when you came in to see me the other night. Well, I just happened to record what you said and I-
Connie Kendall: Happened to? Happened to record it? And happened to make it your ringtone?
Eugene Meltsner: It was such a rare statement. I needed some verifiable proof and I didn't want to lose it so I-
Connie Kendall: You need to delete that, Right now. Other people can't hear that. Think of my reputation!

#729: “No Chemistry Whatsoever”

Eugene Meltsner: When Jesus suffered, he redeemed all of our sufferings. He gave them meaning and purpose to change us, to bring us closer to Him—to remind us that we do not belong to this world, but are made for greater things.
Connie Kendall: Okay...
Eugene Meltsner: He did not die to remove our sufferings. On the contrary, He told us to pick up our crosses and follow Him. In that command, He was telling us that we will indeed suffer, but the suffering could lead us back to God in the same way that His suffering led us all to God.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

Trent DeWhite: Connie! You can't tell anyone about this!
Connie Kendall: Well, I wasn't gonna use it for awhile!
Trent DeWhite: You can't use it ever! If people found out about this, I'd have to live in Tijuana until... at least age forty!

#602: “Mum's the Word”

Robert Mitchell: I'm getting married, too!
Connie Kendall: What!

#713: “Something Old, Something New, Part 1”

Harlow Doyle: Excuse me, young lady, but may I have a word?
Connie Kendall: Oh! Harlow Doyle, what are you-
Harlow Doyle: Detective Doyle, if you please.
Connie Kendall: Oh, are you on a case?
Harlow Doyle: Ha! Am I on a case! Am I on a case! Am I on a case?
Connie Kendall: Are you?
Harlow Doyle: Hmm. No.

#351: “What Are You Gonna Do with Your Life?”

Connie Kendall: Wow! That sounds like something I might like to do!
Ricky McLean: Oh Connie! Y-E-S you could! Y-O-U could do it!
Bernard Walton: I-T.

#513: “Do or Diet”

Eugene Meltsner: Nocturnal felicitations.
Connie Kendall: It can't be! I don't believe it!
Bernard Walton: Stuff me with spinach and call me a soufflé.
Unknown: It's Eugene!

#564: “A Most Intriguing Question”

Jim Reeves: My ideas? They were wrong, okay? They sounded good—made for nice poetry. But they didn't work. Not in this world, not with the people the way they are. We failed, Connie. We didn't help the world. We didn't change anything! In fact, we made it worse. We wanted freedom without responsibility, and now the consequences are two decades of a drug epidemic, abortion, AIDS, and people who think only about themselves!
Connie Kendall: But how can you blame the sixties—an entire decade—for our problems?
Jim Reeves: I don't blame the sixties. I blame myself.
Connie Kendall: What?
Jim Reeves: Because this thing we call the sixties was made up of people like me who got everything wrong. And I guess running this clinic is the only way I know to say I'm sorry.

#164: “Sixties-Something”

Connie Kendall: So, the interview went well?
Robert Mitchell: Oh, I dazzled myself. I'm really a sharp guy, and I should be a great addition to my company.
Connie Kendall: Well, you probably wouldn't even have a company without you!
Robert Mitchell: Exactly.

#507: “The Benefit of the Doubt”

John Whittaker: He's gone?
Connie Kendall: Yeah.
John Whittaker: Are you okay?
Connie Kendall: I'll be fine. <begins crying, hugs Whit>
John Whittaker: <hugging her back> Oh, Connie.

#534: “Something Blue, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Just imagine that the people listening have the same interests that you do.
Trent DeWhite: That's the nerve-wracking part—other people listening. Critiquing every question I ask... every word I stumble over... laughing every time my voice squeaks! Aw, man... could you hand me a towel? My shirt's soaking through.

#599: “Blood, Sweat, and Fears”

Connie Kendall: Y'know, I've had faith when I've been praying for her to be healed. But it hasn't made a difference.
Jack Allen: Hasn't it? Are you so sure?
Connie Kendall: She's still dying.
Jack Allen: Oh, but for a Christian, isn't dying possibly another kind of healing? I mean, it's not like this world is the be-all and end-all of everything. Sometimes there's a greater healing than we expect. But that's God's business.
Connie Kendall: If it's His business, why do we bother to pray?
Jack Allen: Because He tells us to. If we don't pray, how can we become more in tune with the mind of God—to feel His comfort even if we don't get what we want? Praying is the only way I know how.

#319: “A Touch of Healing, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: It was a mix-up, and "she" took it.
Eugene Meltsner: "She"? What "she," my chest constricts to ask!?
Connie Kendall: Well, she thought it might be for her!
Eugene Meltsner: Which "she," Miss Kendall?? And why would she think it was for her?!
Connie Kendall: BECAUSE HER NAME WAS ON IT!!
Eugene Meltsner: <whimpers> That she...
Connie Kendall: Eugene, your eye is twitching.
Eugene Meltsner: Is it?

#267: “It Ended with a Handshake”

Eugene Meltsner: Well, naturally I assumed that my attentiveness would communicate a certain level of feeling.
Connie Kendall: Eugene, your actions communicate only that you're a walking encyclopedia — no more, no less!
Eugene Meltsner: Well, thank you!

#260: “Naturally, I Assumed...”

Connie Kendall: Why were you hiding in that booth?
Eugene Meltsner: He wasn't!
Tom Riley: He wasn't.
Connie Kendall: He wasn't? Well, what—you weren't?
Jack Allen: No, I weren't. Uh, I wasn't!

#281: “...But Not Forgotten”

Connie Kendall: Excuse me, but I am not late every day, Eugene.
Eugene Meltsner: You were late today, Connie.
Connie Kendall: My car stalled.
Eugene Meltsner: And yesterday?
Connie Kendall: My curling iron caught on fire.
Eugene Meltsner: Mm-hmm, and, uh, the day before?
Connie Kendall: My conditioner wouldn’t rinse!
Eugene Meltsner: And the day before that?

#581: “A Christmas Conundrum”

Connie Kendall: If you were me, and I was you, and heard me what you yourself said about her, you'd wonder, too — and so do I!

#483: “Secrets”

Connie Kendall: He'll probably fall in the toilet and get a purple heart.

#580: “Tales of a Small-Town Thug”

Connie Kendall: See, in California, they don't care. I can be free out there. I can be whoever I want to be!
June Kendall: Who is that, Connie?
Connie Kendall: I don't know. I guess I'll find out.

#51: “Connie, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: They better not have touched my hairdryer!

#155: “Waylaid in the Windy City, Part 1”

John Whittaker: Have you slept at all?
Connie Kendall: <sniffs> Have you showered?
Eugene Meltsner: I've done both, actually. Although I can't remember when or where...

#396: “Poor Loser”

Eugene Meltsner: If you'll excuse me.
Connie Kendall: I've been trying to do that for years.
Eugene Meltsner: I heard that!
Connie Kendall: (mocking)
Eugene Meltsner: I heard that, too!

#448: “Mandy's Debut”

Connie Kendall: Should we bless it?
Robert Mitchell: Absolutely. Lord, please protect us. Amen.

#533: “Something Blue, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: Odyssey is a town – like any town – that recognizes the value of the past, as that past teaches us and helps make today’s experiences that much richer. And whether it’s in a time capsule, or a talking gallery, or an ice cream sundae at an old fashioned parlor; the day-to-day moments we all experience wherever we live will soon be gone. Cherish them now – in the time capsule you carry with you always: your heart.

#631: “A Capsule Comes to Town”

Connie Kendall: Wooton, why'd you just hit a pot with a fork?
Wooton Bassett: This house doesn't have a high ceiling for my breakfast gong, it's in storage.
Eugene Meltsner: But you once said that you couldn't possibly have breakfast without that instrument.
Wooton Bassett: I can't, Eugene. That's why I'm having 2 lunches everyday.

#640: “Rights, Wrongs, and Winners”

Eugene Meltsner: After I refused to let them mangle my hair, they got another actor who's- How can I say it? Um--
Connie Kendall: A geek, Eugene. The actor's a geek.
Eugene Meltsner: Yeah!
Connie Kendall: It's the only thing about this film that's accurate.
Eugene Meltsner: I beg your pardon?!

#158: “A Day in the Life”

Hank Murray: You kids secure now?
Connie Kendall: Yes; my fingers are getting quite numb, thank you very much.
Eugene Meltsner: I think mine's a little loose.
Connie Kendall: Eugene!
Hank Murray: How 'bout that?
Eugene Meltsner: <squeaking> Much better!

#169: “Hold Up!”

John Whittaker: Thank God for all of you, who've been such a great part of my family for such a long time.
Connie Kendall: Thank God for you, Whit. And thanks for calling in.
John Whittaker: My pleasure, Connie! I hope you all have a really good time. Bye everybody!!! --Paul Herlinger's last episode

#???: “B-TV: Live!”

Connie Kendall: Okay, here goes! <turns on razor> Hair today, gone tomorrow.
Eugene Meltsner: What?!
Connie Kendall: <snickers> Goodbye!

#660: “For the Birds”

Jason Whittaker: I don't believe it.
Connie Kendall: Why not?
Jason Whittaker: They put everything on this maxi-deluxe burger except the burger!

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”

Margaret Faye: What deed, Whit?
Eugene Meltsner: What deed indeed?
Connie Kendall: Quiet, Eugene!

#637: “The Forgotten Deed”

Connie Kendall: What? Mitch is joining the FBI? He only left fifteen minutes ago.
Bernard Walton: I said I had an itch in my left eye. What are you talking about?

#503: “Between You and Me”

Connie Kendall: You said Latrina.
Eugene Meltsner: You're accusing me of mispronouncing my own fiancée’s name?
Connie Kendall: Not only that, but I think you called her the Spanish word for "bathroom."
Eugene Meltsner: That would be "el baño," which I don't believe I called her.

#440: “I Slap Floor”

Connie Kendall: Eugene, did Whit brief you before you came over here?
Eugene Meltsner: No, not at all. Everything I just said came from your mother.
Connie Kendall: My mom said all that?
Eugene Meltsner: Well, I paraphrased, of course.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

Dean of Science Department: Professor Sharp will not be teaching the fundamentals of chemistry this semester, so allow me to introduce your instructor, Professor Eugene Meltsner!
Penny Bassett: What!
Eugene Meltsner: Greetings and Salutations!
Connie Kendall: We are in trouble.

#729: “No Chemistry Whatsoever”

Connie Kendall: Oh, I can see it now, Eugene in his little playpen with a telescope in one hand and a chemistry set in the other!
Eugene Meltsner: Don't be absurd! It was a microscope and a small blackboard and chalk so that I could do my physics equations.

#351: “What Are You Gonna Do with Your Life?”

Connie Kendall: Fruits and vegetables, remember?
Wooton Bassett: Oh, Connie, I had a cherry on my hot fudge sundae! FRUIT!

#513: “Do or Diet”

Jared DeWhite: I'll be good.
Connie Kendall: Why am I not comforted by this?

#379: “Best Face Forward”

Connie Kendall: Well, Eugene? What are you gonna do?
Eugene Meltsner: What indeed, Miss Kendall? What indeed?

#212: “The Mortal Coil, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Jack?
Jack Allen: Yes, Connie?
Connie Kendall: I never really asked you before, but... can I have a hug?
Jack Allen: Oh, Connie... of course you can.

#319: “A Touch of Healing, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Well, Katrina saw her name on the disk, so she... uh... took it home with her.
Eugene Meltsner: She took my disk. The disk with my journals, and poems, and undelivered <gulps> letters, to the last person I ever wanted to see them!
Connie Kendall: Yeah... I’m sorry, Eugene.
Eugene Meltsner: <calmly> Oh, it’s quite alright. If you’ll excuse me, I should go to Katrina’s dorm room and... explain.
Connie Kendall: Yeah, I guess you should....
Eugene Meltsner: ...Good night. <exits and closes door>
Connie Kendall: <sighs> He took that better than I thought.
Eugene Meltsner: WAAAHAHAAHAAAHAAHAHAAHAHHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!

#267: “It Ended with a Handshake”

Connie Kendall: If anybody else is hiding in a booth, you better let me know right now!
Eugene Meltsner: Boo.
Connie Kendall: Very funny.

#281: “...But Not Forgotten”

Connie Kendall: You are never gonna believe what happened this morning.
Eugene Meltsner: You confused your hairspray with your antiperspirant spray.
Connie Kendall: Like I'd make that mistake twice!

#581: “A Christmas Conundrum”

Tom Riley: Eugene, Eugene, do you know how many gutters I've fixed in my life?
Eugene Meltsner: Uh, no.
Connie Kendall: How many?
Tom Riley: Well, none.

#632: “Suspicious Finds”

Connie Kendall: I have one of the most important people in my life may be leaving forever. And another important person seems to be doing everything he can to avoid me. I need to know what to do. Mitch can't leave. He just can't. I just went through all the goodbyes and the tears and then he came back. Now I can't say goodbye again. I don't have any goodbyes left. Why would God let me care about someone so much just to take him away? I've never felt so lonely.

#503: “Between You and Me”

Connie Kendall: Oh! I just can't stand to listen anymore.
Eugene Meltsner: Frankly I don't understand why you turned it on in the first place. One doesn't look to Cryin Brian Dern as a reliable source for news and information.
Bernard Walton: Yeah, in fact I don't consider him to be a reliable source for anything. Except stress headaches.

#637: “The Forgotten Deed”

Connie Kendall: Remember that time when I was, like, sixteen and you said I had lack luster mental discernment?
Eugene Meltsner: Yes.
Connie Kendall: I realize now that you were just trying to say you loved me.
Eugene Meltsner: You hit the nail on the proverbial head, dear.

#440: “I Slap Floor”

Connie Kendall: The man from the crate, it was Jason!
Penny Bassett: Well I don't know who that is, but I don't give him high marks for his train driving.

#690: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 12”

Matthew Parker: I'm fasting computers.
Connie Kendall: Interesting choice. Why that?
Matthew Parker: My mom's always telling me I spend too much time sitting in front of my computer. I emailed her that I thought she was wrong but she wouldn't let it go. So I logged off and came over here.

#671: “Fast As I Can”

Connie Kendall: Okay, some more specific rules: If you're in the Bible Room, no using the harp in the David display as a slingshot. Along those same lines, no eating the manna in the Moses display—it's cardboard, Dwayne!

#379: “Best Face Forward”

Hank Murray: What happened to the lights? You on some kind of timer or somethin?
Connie Kendall: Maybe Whit forgot to pay his electric bill.

#169: “Hold Up!”

June Kendall: Come on, dear. Let's...let's go say good-bye.
Connie Kendall: Not good-bye, Mom. How 'bout..."see you later"?

#319: “A Touch of Healing, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: You did it, Bernard! You ran two miles! How do you feel?
Bernard Walton: I'd have to get better to die.

#513: “Do or Diet”

Jim Reeves: You'll have to take a... trip with me.
Connie Kendall: Trip? You mean like drugs?
Jim Reeves: No. A trip in the car, actually.

#164: “Sixties-Something”

Connie Kendall: Scrubb! How did all of you get in here?
Scrubb Moseley: Through the door.

#281: “...But Not Forgotten”

Connie Kendall: I don't suppose it would hurt to try.
Harlow Doyle: Ha, ha, ha! You have no idea how much it'll hurt!

#351: “What Are You Gonna Do with Your Life?”

Robert Mitchell: Maybe I can't keep dating you. There's not much of me left.
Connie Kendall: Just shows that love hurts.
Robert Mitchell: Yeah, but it's not supposed to require stitches.

#503: “Between You and Me”

John Whittaker: So, what's everyone having?
Connie Kendall: My usual.
Don Polehaus: I'll have my usual too.
Wooton Bassett: And I'll have both their usuals with extra whipped cream and a side of licorice.

#692: “A Penny Saved”

John Whittaker: Sometimes... we have to hope that God fills in the blanks for all the things we should have said.
Connie Kendall: Yeah... but we shouldn't expect Him to. I love you, Whit.
John Whittaker: Oh, Connie... I love you, too.

#487: “Plan B, Part 4: Resistance”

Connie Kendall: [A car] looks better on the road than a computer!
Eugene Meltsner: I don't ride my computer, Miss Kendall, I ride a bike! They're safe, economical, and healthy.
Connie Kendall: <Annoyed> Oh, right; and you come in all sweaty. Give me an air-conditioned car any day!

#113: “Suspicious Minds”

John Whittaker: Here's the hard part. No matter how we explain it, without the spirit of God in our hearts, we can't grasp the purpose of suffering, or even appreciate the comfort God gives us when we suffer. All we can feel is the pain. And all we can conclude is that it's meaningless. We're just part of a food chain like Jules said.
Connie Kendall: Then there's nothing I can say to her?
John Whittaker: You can say a lot of things, but showing her is better.

#736: “Life Expectancy, Part 3”

Connie Kendall: How you holding up, Allison? Any symptoms of withdrawal? Flashbacks? Hallucinations of mouthwash commercials?
Alison Leskowsky: No, I think I'm okay. I have this to comfort me.
Connie Kendall: Oh, that's great! What is it? Your Bible?
Alison Leskowsky: No... a copy of last week's TV guide.

#74: “Connie Goes to Camp, Part 1”

Millie Shanks: It's a Shanks wedding. It never rains on a Shanks wedding!
Connie Kendall: Uh... no, it's a Meltsner wedding! And trust me, it would rain on a Meltsner wedding.

#570: “For Better or For Worse, Part 1”

Jason Whittaker: I don't believe it!
Connie Kendall: What?
Jason Whittaker: They put everything on this Maxi-Deluxe Burger except the burger!!

#373: “For Whom The Wedding Bells Toll, Part 2”

John Whittaker: I mean, you never know when your next discovery might be. Why, excitement could be waiting for us right on the other side of that door! <the door opens>
Connie Kendall: Excuse me.
Unknown: Yes?
Connie: Uh, yeah. Could you tell me how to get to Front Street?
Unknown: Awwww!

#4: “Connie Comes to Town”



June

Connie Kendall: So, what's for breakfast?
June Kendall: Let's see, there's eggs, bacon, toast, juice, cereal, and milk.
Connie Kendall: Mmm, I'm starved!
June Kendall: Well, it's all there in the fridge. Have at it!

#89: “That's Not Fair”

June Kendall: I've been ditched so often you could fill me with water and call me a canal.

#524: “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow?, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: Why do I always have to give up my room?
June Kendall: You're always telling me that sacrifice produces character.
Connie Kendall: Maybe, but sleeping on the sofa produces a stiff neck.
Connie Kendall: <imitating Quasimodo> Mom! I'm not an animal!
June Kendall: <imitating Connie's imitation> Maybe not! But you are gonna sleep on the sofa!

#146: “Emotional Baggage”

Connie Kendall: So, what'd they say?
June Kendall: Your card couldn't be authorized because you went over your credit limit.
Connie Kendall: I did?
June Kendall: Yes. And I'm very surprised.
Connie Kendall: Why? How much was my credit limit?
June Kendall: Two hundred and fifty dollars.
Connie Kendall: What? That's a mistake!
June Kendall: For whom? Are you sure you haven't spent that much?
Connie Kendall: In only a couple of days? No way! I just bought a few things,that's all. Not two hundred and fifty dollars' worth.
June Kendall: Connie, my guess is, if you looked through your receipts, your "few things" cost more than you thought.
Connie Kendall: I can't believe it!
June Kendall: Believe it.
Connie Kendall: But... where am I going to get that kind of money when the bill comes?
June Kendall: That's a very good question. I can't wait to hear your answer.

#323: “A Little Credit, Please”

Mr. Peterman: You know, June, you've got a lot of spunk.
June Kendall: Oh, thank you, sir.
Mr. Peterman: I hate spunk.

#348: “With a Little Help from My Friends”

June Kendall: You know, Connie tried to make sushi once when she was a little girl -- that poor goldfish!
Connie Kendall: Mom...

#534: “Something Blue, Part 2”

June Kendall: We're going to need every door in Odyssey fixed before he leaves.

#320: “Where Is Thy Sting?”

Connie Kendall: You still have feelings for him, don't you? But you said you were over your hurt!
June Kendall: No, no, I said I was over my anger. When you've loved someone, the hurt never really goes away.

#195: “Father's Day”

Connie Kendall: Whit, do you need a tissue?
John Whittaker: No, uh, more like a bucket.
Connie Kendall: Why?
John Whittaker: That was the most ridiculous movie I've ever seen.
Connie Kendall: What?
June Kendall: It didn't make you want to open your heart and share your soul?
John Whittaker: It made me want to hit my head on something hard and erase all memory of my life for the last two hours.

#542: “Eggshells”

Connie Kendall: Well, I don't know if I should see him or not.
June Kendall: Oh, what do you think you should do?
Connie Kendall: I think it'll still hurt to see him again, I mean, we didn't exactly part under the best of circumstances.
June Kendall: Well, then you probably shouldn't see him.
Connie Kendall: But I really want to, I mean, something's happened up at camp and I think he would like to hear about it.
June Kendall: Then maybe you should go see him.
Connie Kendall: Uh..I don't want to seem pushy, I mean even though it's been a while, he might not have cooled down yet. And I don't want to do anything that would bug him.
June Kendall: Well, then I guess you shouldn't see him.
Connie Kendall: But I have to, I need to tell him how wrong I was and I don't blame him for anything.
June Kendall: Then go see him.
Connie Kendall: I can't do that, he fired me!

#77: “The Nemesis, Part 1”

June Kendall: Will you cut that out! Yes I'll see him, no I won't see him, yes I'll see him, no I won't see him. I feel like I'm at a tennis match and I'm the ball!!

#77: “The Nemesis, Part 1”

Connie Kendall: See, in California, they don't care. I can be free out there. I can be whoever I want to be!
June Kendall: Who is that, Connie?
Connie Kendall: I don't know. I guess I'll find out.

#51: “Connie, Part 1”

June Kendall: Come on, dear. Let's...let's go say good-bye.
Connie Kendall: Not good-bye, Mom. How 'bout..."see you later"?

#319: “A Touch of Healing, Part 2”



Bill

Bill Kendall: (To Connie about Jules) She's my daughter.
Penny Bassett: {pause} I'll go see if anything's burning in the kitchen.
Wooton Bassett: I don't smell anything.
Penny Bassett: Wooton...come on!!!

#735: “Life Expectancy, Part 2”

Eugene Meltsner: Welcome to Whit's End. Uh, Mr. Kendall?
Bill Kendall: Uh, Eugene, right?
Eugene Meltsner: Yes. You certainly got to Odyssey in good time.
Bill Kendall: Four hours and thirty-seven minutes from my door to this one.
Eugene Meltsner: Remarkable that you were able to secure a commercial flight on such short notice.
Bill Kendall: I wasn't on a commercial flight. I used my company jet.

#734: “Life Expectancy, Part 1”

Bill Kendall: You may not believe this, but, I still do love your mother.
Connie Kendall: You're right. I don't believe you.

#195: “Father's Day”



Jules

Jules Kendall: Dad, I thought you said this wouldn't be awkward! You know how I hate awkward.

#735: “Life Expectancy, Part 2”

Connie Kendall: How about telling me what's really going on?
Jules Kendall: I don't know how.
Connie Kendall: Words, strung together in a coherent "thing-a-ma-jig" would be a good start!
Jules Kendall: Well...
Penny Bassett: <enters room> Connie!
Connie Kendall: <To Penny> What's wrong?
Penny Bassett: I don't know how to say it.
Jules Kendall: Words. Strung together in a coherent-
Connie Kendall: Not funny, Jules!

#760: “The Ties That Bind, Part 10”

Jules Kendall: Hi.
Jillian Marshall: Hi!! I'm Jillian Marshall, double-L Jillian, double-L Marshall! It's so nice to meet you!

#850: “The Shame About Fame”

Jules Kendall: What are you guys doing here?
Penny Bassett: Wooton is into all this comic stuff, and I'm into stuff that Wooton is into.
Wooton Bassett: Aw, Penny, that's sweet.

#751: “The Ties That Bind, Part 1”