Jones quotes

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An automatically created list of quotes by the Jones family.
On this page: Simon | Dorothy | Barrett | Emily

Simon

Simon Jones: Do you hear that?
Barrett Jones: What?
Simon Jones: I can hear the hedge calling your name. It's saying, "Come bring that great electric hedge trimmer to bane all that is untrimmed and untidy!"
Barrett Jones: That's not funny, dad.
Simon Jones: Wait a minute. And I give you this, Hedge Bane the Horrible, half of my energy bar. It will aid you in mustering all of your strength!

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Barrett Jones: Yep, they're a regular Mr. and Mrs. Sherlock Einstein.
Simon Jones: Hedge!
Barrett Jones: Gone.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”



Dorothy

Barrett Jones: Emily?? A... a genius?
Emily Jones: Do you mean literally, or figuratively?
Dorothy Jones: Uh-Huh! Literally!

#699: “Emily the Genius”



Barrett

Wooton Bassett: How was school today, Barrett?
Barrett Jones: It was okay, but I lost a friend.
Wooton Bassett: Uh, did you check your locker?
Barrett Jones: I lost a Club Kid-Chat friend. And I can't figure out who un-friended me.
Wooton Bassett: They didn't tell you?
Barrett Jones: No. I logged in this morning and instead of having 523 friends, I only had 522!

#672: “Opposite Day”

Jay Smouse: Wait a minute. This is one of those reverse what-do-you-call-its - isn't it!?
Barrett Jones: What?
Jay Smouse: Like the spies use. Where you try to make me think I didn't get you, when you know I got you, so that you can get me, while I'm worried I might not have gotten you!
Barrett Jones: Look. There's Cindy. See you. Hey! Cindy!
Jay Smouse: Well, one thing's for sure. I don't get it.

#701: “Unbecoming Jay”

Barrett Jones: Emily?? A... a genius?
Emily Jones: Do you mean literally, or figuratively?
Dorothy Jones: Uh-Huh! Literally!

#699: “Emily the Genius”

Barrett Jones: My voice is deeper. Wait a minute... my arms are hairy. I'm taller... I have sideburns! I'm an adult!

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

John Whittaker: Repentance is more than feeling badly about what you did and trying to fix it. Those are important things to do to be sure, but another key is confession. Admitting what you did to God and the person you harmed and asking or their forgiveness. You understand?
Barrett Jones: I can't do that, Mr. Whittaker. I just can't. Not yet.

#732: “Repent After Me”

John Whittaker: I didn't ask you here for a fight.
Barrett Jones: Then, why are we here?

#677: “The Malted Milkball Falcon”

Barrett Jones: Listen, Jay—why don't you go home and search for your brain? I think you left it in your sock drawer.

#661: “When You're Right, You're Right”

Barrett Jones: Ah! Oh! That's it! Almost there! Ah, I got it! I got it! No, wait, I didn't get it. I did get it! I got it!! I beat the level!! Whooohooo!!!

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Wooton Bassett: Are you still doing Club Kid-Chat?
Barrett Jones: Yeah. I posted an update this morning saying that I felt kinda down.
Wooton Bassett: Wow. Any responses yet?
Barrett Jones: Four. One suggesting a self-help book, one asking who I was, one telling me to meditate more and one saying that I could earn $80,000 a year working from home!

#672: “Opposite Day”

Barrett Jones: Emily Sherlock Jones is about to solve the case.

#677: “The Malted Milkball Falcon”

Cindy: Barrett didn't ask me to say this, but I think he's a really nice guy, and he wouldn't do anything to hurt your feelings
Priscilla Peterson: Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.
Jay Smouse: Oh gross! You've got to cut this out!
Barrett Jones: For once I agree with you Jay, we can all stop talking now!

#701: “Unbecoming Jay”

Priscilla Peterson: Your trombone solo was really good today, Barrett.
Barrett Jones: Thanks! Your flute playing was really...uh, flutelike!

#661: “When You're Right, You're Right”

John Whittaker: Let's move ahead to when you're older, shall we?
Barrett Jones: Okay. Oh, you'll love my voice...it's so low and soothing!

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

Simon Jones: Do you hear that?
Barrett Jones: What?
Simon Jones: I can hear the hedge calling your name. It's saying, "Come bring that great electric hedge trimmer to bane all that is untrimmed and untidy!"
Barrett Jones: That's not funny, dad.
Simon Jones: Wait a minute. And I give you this, Hedge Bane the Horrible, half of my energy bar. It will aid you in mustering all of your strength!

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Priscilla Peterson: Did you know your nose crinkles up when you get excited?
Barrett Jones: Huh?

#693: “The Amazing Loser”

Barrett Jones: I've never known anyone like you. You're lips aren't saying anything and you're eyes are saying read my lips!

#701: “Unbecoming Jay”

Connie Kendall: Well, if you would just concentrate on the lesson...
Barrett Jones: Which one? The one about robbing banks, or homeless pastors?
Matthew Parker: Homeless pastors...
Connie Kendall: Robbing banks!
John Whittaker: I'm confused...

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

Barrett Jones: I'm busy.
Emily Jones: With what? Scratching ant bites and playing Verminoids?
Barrett Jones: I'm not playing Verminoids! Who said I was playing Verminoids?
Emily Jones: Well, I couldn't help but notice the concave indentations in your thumbs. About the size of the buttons on your game I would think.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Priscilla Peterson: By the way, Matthew and I waited at Whit's End for you. You usually come right after school. Where were you?
Barrett Jones: I've been playing Igloo-Rama on Club Kid-Chat with my new friend from Guam for the past four hours.
Priscilla Peterson: Wow.
Barrett Jones: Can you believe it? I have a friend in Guam. I'm up to 523 friends now.

#672: “Opposite Day”

Barrett Jones: He said he was going to use your pay phone to make a call.
John Whittaker: Uh...I don't have a pay phone.
Barrett Jones: Oh- thanks, anyway.

#701: “Unbecoming Jay”

Jay Smouse: Well, well, well, if it isn't Barrett. Skinny as a carrot, mangy like a ferret.
Barrett Jones: Huh? Oh. Hi, Jay.

#661: “When You're Right, You're Right”

Barrett Jones: Well, I hope this is good. Like a crashed space ship or a nest of radioactive snakes!
Matthew Parker: I think Verminoids is warping your brain.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Olivia Parker: Barrett! I am so glad to see you!
Barrett Jones: Why?
Olivia Parker: You speak English!

#672: “Opposite Day”

Emily Jones: You're kidding me. The whole cast is afraid?
Priscilla Peterson: Uh huh. Someone is supposed to tell Miss Adelaide this afternoon. We voted and decided that Barrett should do it. Since he was the loudest screamer.
Barrett Jones: You voted me to represent you guys? Wow, that's an honor. I'll do it.

#670: “Stage Fright”

Barrett Jones: Are you a cloud?
Wooton Bassett: Nope. Try again.
Barrett Jones: An inside out sheep?
Wooton Bassett: Nope, I'm mashed potatoes.
Barrett Jones: I get it, but I don't get why.
Wooton Bassett: Well, it's Mailman Spirit Week. Today is Dress Like Your Favorite Vegetable Day. I really struggled between mashed potatoes and stuffed tomatoes. But surprisingly a tomato is actually a fruit. Go figure. Wonder what it would be like in a pie.

#672: “Opposite Day”

Connie Kendall: Why'd you want to stop it, Barrett? The adventure's not over yet! The bank's gonna explode!
Barrett Jones: Now I'm really happy I stopped it.

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

John Whittaker: Thank you, Barrett. But you don't need to apologize to me.
Barrett Jones: Yeah, I know. Jesus wept.
John Whittaker: Well, apart from that, the one you hurt was you. Which is often the case when we take a shortcut to something as important as the Bible. We're the ones missing out on what we could learn.

#729: “No Chemistry Whatsoever”

Barrett Jones: Thank you for the nature walk Mr. and Mrs. Sherlock Einstein.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Pastor Aldin: Can you people spare a dime?
Matthew Parker: Of course, Pastor.
Barrett Jones: Pastor?!
Matthew Parker: He's homeless now.

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

Barrett Jones: Someone ate all of the maltballs out of the pinata last night..
Jay Smouse: Barrett!
Barrett Jones: What?
Jay Smouse: You stole them! How would you know that someone ate them unless that someone that ate them was you!
Barrett Jones: I just assumed that...
Jay Smouse: Put him in irons, throw away the key!

#677: “The Malted Milkball Falcon”

Matthew Parker: What about the swoosh? How do you explain the swoosh?
Barrett Jones: I didn't know about a swoosh.
Matthew Parker: We got swooshed yesterday. Very cool, but very creepy.

#670: “Stage Fright”

Emily Jones: What's wrong Barrett?
Barrett Jones: Nothing, nada, not a thing.
Matthew Parker: You lost your Verminoids game.
Barrett Jones: What? How do you know that? I mean- IF I had been playing it in the first place, which I wasn't.
Matthew Parker: I noticed that your thumbs were repuffed.
Emily Jones: Nicely observed.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Barrett Jones: Twenty-two trombones led the marching band! Twenty-two trombones, all at my command! I just want to say that I'd hold you all day if I didn't need 2 arms to play!

#670: “Stage Fright”

Barrett Jones: Oh boy. Here we go again! Man this is so textbook. Denial, denial, denial! Shame is a prison, Nelson, and you are it's inmate!

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Barrett Jones: a lawnmower!
Emily Jones: More Than Likely...
Barrett Jones: But that means... DAAAAAAAD!

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Barrett Jones: Yep, they're a regular Mr. and Mrs. Sherlock Einstein.
Simon Jones: Hedge!
Barrett Jones: Gone.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”



Emily

Jay Smouse: I bet you already blabbed about the AppleBerry phone he's been working on.
Emily Jones: What AppleBerry phone?
Buck Oliver: He found the phone?
Jay Smouse: Yeah. And he's gonna be really ticked when he finds out you told. You're a regular Judas Benedict Arnold!
Emily Jones: Jay! You just told us. We didn't know!
Jay Smouse: I—I di—oh...um...well, gotta go!

#685: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 7”

Emily Jones: So, where does that put you in the club?
Matthew Parker: Back to square one.

#674: “Square One”

Barrett Jones: Emily?? A... a genius?
Emily Jones: Do you mean literally, or figuratively?
Dorothy Jones: Uh-Huh! Literally!

#699: “Emily the Genius”

Matthew Parker: Ok, I was passing Hal's Diner on my way to Whit's End, and C.G. is there with C.K.
Emily Jones: Wait, wait, who was with who?
Matthew Parker: Cute Guy was there with Connie Kendall.
Emily Jones: Oh

#714: “Something Old, Something New, Part 2”

Emily Jones: I'm Emily and you're?
John Whittaker : John. My parents call me John Avery, but the kids at school call me Whit, but I don't think I'll ever get used to that.

#717: “Great Expectations”

Emily Jones: <annoyed> Matthew, what a surprise.

#885: “Further from the Truth”

John Whittaker: Just be prepared. You never know what you'll find.
Emily Jones: That's another lesson I've learned from you. But, like I said, I think I know exactly who's behind all of this.

#898: “The Rydell Revelations, Part 1”

Emily Jones: Oooh! You're putting on latex gloves, that's so cool! Is that to protect any fingerprints?
Don Polehaus: No, it's to make sure I don't give the money any icky germs.
Emily Jones: Really?
Don Polehaus: No, it's to protect any fingerprints.

#681: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 3”

Emily Jones: That's not the only thing, Eugene. You have to see what's inside this backpack.
Eugene Meltsner: Now this isn't a trick I hope. I wouldn't want to be surprised by a spring loaded snake or a collection of badly played banjo music.
Emily Jones: No, it's full of money. A lot of money.
Eugene Meltsner: Allow me. Loudly exclaimed euphemisms escape me! This is... This is a lot of money!

#679: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 1”

Emily Jones: I’m on a case!
Jay Smouse: Yeah? Well, so am I. And I bet my case is bigger than your case.
Emily Jones: Oh, really?
Jay Smouse: Yeah, like yours is probably just a little case with clip lock combination thingies, where my case is like a big trunk with lots of compartments and huge steel padlocks that are STRONG...
Buck Oliver: Weren’t you goin’ to your uncle’s?
Jay Smouse: Oh, yeah, yeah…got lost in the metaphor for a second.

#685: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 7”

Emily Jones: Okay, people don't normally stuff their hair in their handbags.
Matthew Parker: Or crawl next to garbage bins.

#713: “Something Old, Something New, Part 1”

Emily Jones: This third card is the most interesting. It has a cryptic message.
John Whittaker: Let's hear it.
Emily Jones: I have never been, and always to be. No one ever has, nor ever will be a witness to me. You cannot touch me nor taste me. I neither grow nor decay. But if I did not exist, you would all pass today. Any idea what that could mean?

#722: “The Lost Riddle”

Emily Jones: Wow! A whole backpack of fake money? But it looks so real!
Eugene Meltsner: Well, a lie is supposed to look as much like the truth as possible. And these counterfeiters certainly know what they're doing.

#680: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 2”

Emily Jones: There's no business like show business, especially if that business leads to MURDER!! <dramatic music> Okay, maybe not murder.

#670: “Stage Fright”

Suzu Rydell: It's difficult to explain!
Emily Jones: He made me and Matthew think we were gonna die in that escape room! It's not that difficult to explain.
Suzu Rydell: You and Matthew were never in any real danger! We would never have let anything happen to you!

#898: “The Rydell Revelations, Part 1”

Morrie Rydell: Are we good?
Emily Jones: I don't know.
Suzu Rydell: Can we...be friends?
Emily Jones: I don't know.

#900: “The Rydell Revelations, Part 3”

Matthew Parker: Mr. Whittaker said this case reminded him of Luke 12:2, There is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known.
Emily Jones: Or as my Dad always says, there's no such thing as a secret.

#786: “The Case of the Ball Cap Hero”

Emily Jones: I was wrong?
Matthew Parker: It happens to the best of us.

#661: “When You're Right, You're Right”

Emily Jones: Is it a waste of time for kids to dream about what they want to do?
John Whittaker: No, no, not at all. It's good for us to dream and imagine what our lives might be. We should make lists like that. But dreams get changed by our circumstances, the things that change our direction. And sometimes our priorities change as we grow up. Or for some of us, our relationship with God puts us on unexpected paths to follow.

#717: “Great Expectations”

Emily Jones: ...the case of the chocolatey, maltball-goodness pinata, that someone took.

#677: “The Malted Milkball Falcon”

Barrett Jones: I'm busy.
Emily Jones: With what? Scratching ant bites and playing Verminoids?
Barrett Jones: I'm not playing Verminoids! Who said I was playing Verminoids?
Emily Jones: Well, I couldn't help but notice the concave indentations in your thumbs. About the size of the buttons on your game I would think.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Emily Jones: ...I call it, The Mystery of the Phantom of the School Musical. Nah, too many words. Never mind. Hey! We could call it Stage Fright. Yeah!

#670: “Stage Fright”

Matthew Parker: Fine. Call me when you snap out of this mood.
Emily Jones: No! You call me when I snap out of this mood! Oh, I mean...you call me when ...oh never mind.

#679: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 1”

Emily Jones: I'll be the first to admit that my brother is pretty amazing. Talented, charming, personable, but when it comes to moments of fear. Well, let's just say he has issues. Remind me later and I'll tell you about how much he hates clowns.

#670: “Stage Fright”

Emily Jones: You're not done til' I'm done.

#677: “The Malted Milkball Falcon”

Emily Jones: You're kidding me. The whole cast is afraid?
Priscilla Peterson: Uh huh. Someone is supposed to tell Miss Adelaide this afternoon. We voted and decided that Barrett should do it. Since he was the loudest screamer.
Barrett Jones: You voted me to represent you guys? Wow, that's an honor. I'll do it.

#670: “Stage Fright”

Jay Smouse: Hey wait a minute, I didn't do anything wrong this time, I admitted I fell asleep! hahaha, Good for me.
Emily Jones: Yeah enjoy it while you can.

#677: “The Malted Milkball Falcon”

Jay Smouse: Who knows that stuff?! Why does he know that kind of stuff?!
Emily Jones: Yeah, that's what I asked. But right now I'm glad he does.

#690: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 12”

Emily Jones: Matthew, you are my best friend in the world and I'm not letting anything happen to you! I'll help you as long as I can.

#877: “A Sacrificial Escape”

Emily Jones: This whole thing could be someone’s idea of a joke.

#885: “Further from the Truth”

Matthew Parker: I don't wanna go. I heard that Hartley lost his head and rides a horse.
Emily Jones: That's Ichabod Crane. Stop being such a coward. There's no headless phantom of the theater.

#670: “Stage Fright”

Eugene Meltsner: You know, they really ought to change their hold music, I was listening to Beethoven's ninth symphony and I may be wrong, but I'm rather certain I heard a kazoo in the string section. Save me.
Emily Jones: The police, Eugene!
Eugene Meltsner: Oh, right.

#679: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 1”

Matthew Parker: The truth is, I've been avoiding talking to you about this for a long time. But I need to just say it. I'm done.
Emily Jones: You're done?
Matthew Parker: Yes. The Jones and Parker is now just the Jones Detective Agency. I'm sorry, Em.
Emily Jones: Let's just get through this! Come on, Matthew, we can do this together.

#877: “A Sacrificial Escape”

Emily Jones: <reading> Questions are good when asked of the right people. People are good when making a truthful choice. The wrong questions to the wrong people can be a choice gone wrong.
Morrie Rydell: Is that like a riddle?
Suzu Rydell: Sounds like a warning.

#885: “Further from the Truth”

Emily Jones: What's wrong Barrett?
Barrett Jones: Nothing, nada, not a thing.
Matthew Parker: You lost your Verminoids game.
Barrett Jones: What? How do you know that? I mean- IF I had been playing it in the first place, which I wasn't.
Matthew Parker: I noticed that your thumbs were repuffed.
Emily Jones: Nicely observed.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Barrett Jones: a lawnmower!
Emily Jones: More Than Likely...
Barrett Jones: But that means... DAAAAAAAD!

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Emily Jones: There were gaps in the logic.

#885: “Further from the Truth”