Buddy Guard

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#623: “Buddy Guard”
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49: The Sky’s the Limit
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Deuteronomy 11:17

17Then the Lord's anger will burn against you, and he will shut the heavens so that it will not rain and the ground will yield no produce, and you will soon perish from the good land the LORD is giving you.

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Buddy Guard

“Buddy Guard” is episode #623 of the Adventures in Odyssey audio series. It was written by Jymn Magon and Marshal Younger, and originally aired on October 13, 2007.


Grady McKay hires a bodyguard to protect himself from Rodney Rathbone at all times. Meanwhile, at Odyssey 105, Cryin' Bryan Dern convinces his assistant, P. J., to sue people for frivolous actions.


Bryan Dern, strapped for a topic on his show's Tirade Tuesday, convinces his intern, PJ Manning to sue the driver of an SUV who clipped his car at a deli.

Meanwhile, Grady McKay is being bullied by Rodney Rathbone. After his hat is stolen, his friend Big Phil offers to walk through the park with Grady so he won't be afraid. Emboldened by Phil's presence, Grady begins taunting Rodney. Phil warns Rodney to leave Grady alone and Rodney slinks away. Grady suggests that Phil become his bodyguard in exchange for Grady washing Phil's car and Phil agrees.

When PJ approaches the driver of the SUV, threatening to sue, the driver, afraid of being maligned on Dern's show, gives PJ the money to fix his car. Excited to be a force to be reckoned with, Dern offers to let the community call in to his show to complain about people who "wrong" them. PJ thinks of another annoyance in his life (a neighbor with a noisy pet) and Dern again insists that he sue. He encourages the public to do the same and assures them that he is "on their side". The community is calling in to Dern's show consistently with complaints about their neighbors. They threaten their adversaries with exposure on the Dern program and are compensated without question.

Grady and Phil see Rodney, who is minding his own business eating apples. Grady decides that Rodney is up to no good and convinces his bodyguard (Phil) to harass Rodney preemptively. Phil threatens Rodney, who again scurries away, and Grady, thrilled to be the one in power, begins plotting ways to get Rodney. He and Phil later stumble across Rodney hiding in a dumpster. Though Grady tries to convince Phil to again beat Rodney up, Phil loses interest as Rodney is no longer threatening Grady and is persuaded by Rodney to leave the employ of Grady to work for Rodney.

PJ visits Whit's End and orders Raspberry Ripple. Unfortunately, Whit is out! He offers PJ any other flavor for half off, but PJ instead threatens to sue. He offers to settle right then but Whit refuses, pointing out that PJ is, in this instance, the one being selfish. When PJ refuses to drop the issue, Whit tells him that he will see PJ in court.

Whit then finds Grady hiding in the back of the shop and, after discussion, points out that Grady has begun bullying Rodney like Rodney used to bully him. Grady agrees and promises to talk to his mom and apologize to Rodney and Phil.

PJ and Dern show up in court, but when the Judge questions Whit he reveals that someone ordered an extremely large quantity of Raspberry Ripple just before PJ came in - in fact, an employee of the radio station. The whole incident was a set up! PJ admits that he has been distracted from his initial desire to rid the world of selfishness and blames the whole thing on Bryan Dern. The Judge levies a fine for Dern's threats to extort people on his show, a violation of FCC law.

Grady apologizes to both Rodney and Phil. Rodney tries to get Phil to beat Grady up anyway, but Phil has lost interest in working for Rodney. He compliments Grady for his courage and the two begin to mend their friendship.

Discussion Questions

  1. How was Grady being a bully to Rodney?
  2. Have you ever been a bully to someone, even if you didn't know it at the time?
    • Did you apologize to them like Grady did?
      • What was their response?


Heard in episode

Role Voice Actor
Big Phil Ross Thomas
Bryan Dern Corey Burton
Grady McKay Jordan Orr
Irate Neighbor on Dern Show Unknown
John Whittaker Paul Herlinger
Judge Debbie McLeod
PJ Manning Scott Menville
Rodney Rathbone Steve Burns

Mentioned in episode

Character Mentioned By
Connie Kendall John Whittaker
Kristi McKay John Whittaker


VERSION DIFFERENCE: [view] This episode had a deleted scene that was added into the album. The scene showed PJ talking to the neighbor in his apartment about the "howling chinchilla."

Main article: List of Star Wars references
  • Jordan Orr's voice had begun to change when this episode was recorded.



Grady McKay: Hey, Rodney! Why don't you pick on someone your own IQ? Oh wait, you did—a squirrel.

Bryan Dern: If anybody sees a goofy-looking eighteen-year-old kid with hair like a frightened porcupine carrying a sack of salami sandwiches... tell him to GET TO THE RADIO STATION — I'M STARVING HERE!!

Bryan Dern: I'm tired of people always thinking about themselves!
PJ Manning: Yeah, me too!
Bryan Dern: You know what you're gonna do, PJ?
PJ Manning: What?
Bryan Dern: You're gonna sue!
PJ Manning: Dude! PJ now stands for "prepare for jurisprudence!"

Big Phil: My friends call me Big Phil. But you can call me SIR!

Bryan Dern: And that was Ketchup with his first solo single, "I Love Your New Nose, Baby."

Big Phil: I could squeeze his head between my fingers.

Bryan Dern: You're fired, PJ. <beat> After you get me a sandwich.
PJ Manning: Yes, sir.