She is the current librarian in Odyssey and also spends time working at the Odyssey Retirement Home. She is known to be jaded, cynical, and easily annoyed. She keeps tabs on everything and has joined every community club possible in the hope that she will get a raise. She hates at least 100 things, one of which is a Valentine's Day gift with no candy. ("To Mend or Repair") She says she has a lack of faith in youth. ("Mistaken for Good") She wears a wig.
Beaulah Kramer first appears complaining to Wooton Bassett about her late package. She then appears as a librarian at Odyssey Library. Then she appears as the attendant at the Odyssey Retirement Home. She was observant enough in Mistaken for Good to notice Jay Smouse visiting Helen Wilson. She also noticed that because of his visits, Mrs. Wilson began to be more alert and cheerful, but lost faith in humanity after finding out Jay and Vance King had been conning Mrs. Wilson out of money. When Mrs. Kramer was a young woman, she won an Olympic medal in archery.
She was married.
|“||Mrs. Kramer: I've been watching you visiting Mrs. Wilson a lot lately.
Jay Smouse: Uh, you have?
Mrs. Kramer: Yes. And she thinks you're her grandson, did you know that?
Jay Smouse: Wellll...
Mrs. Kramer: But you keep coming back anyway, and I've only got one thing to say.
Jay Smouse: Now, look, I wasn't--
Mrs. Kramer: You have got to be one of the nicest kids I've met in a long time.
Jay Smouse: What?
|“||Eugene Meltsner: Butter churning?
Mrs. Kramer: Well, you have to own your own cow.
|“||Mrs. Kramer: Kids should not be seen or heard if you ask me.
|“||Mrs. Kramer: For someone your age to take interest in an elderly woman, well, it's a beautiful thing. It restores my trust in the youth of today.
|“||Eugene Meltsner: Book Club?
Mrs. Kramer: Boring!
Eugene Meltsner: Well, is it fiction or non-fiction?
Mrs. Kramer: Well, the books are fiction; the boredom is very non-fiction.
Eugene Meltsner: Well, none the less, I'd like to sign up for that...is there a form?
Mrs. Kramer: Well, I can't talk you out of it?
Eugene Meltsner: No.
Mrs. Kramer: Fill this out.
Eugene Meltsner: Part of your job here at the library is encouraging community involvement?
Mrs. Kramer: Right! Absolutely.
Eugene Meltsner: That raise should be right around the proverbial corner.
|“||Mrs. Kramer: You should build somewhere else, in a neighborhood that suits you better. Like- Like a vacant corner of Disneyland... or New Zealand.
|“||Mrs. Kramer: The package was supposed to be here yesterday, Wooton. Uh-huh, yesterday, as in, the day before today.
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, Mrs. Kramer, but you know I can only deliver what they give to me, when they give it to me.
Mrs. Kramer: Uh huh. Well, I'm onto your game.
Wooton Bassett: Huh?
Mrs. Kramer: You see, I saw that exposé about the post office on TV last night. You've probably buried it in your basement because you were too lazy to deliver it.
Wooton Bassett: Trust me, Mrs. Kramer. I am way too lazy to be digging a big hole in my basement.
|“||Mrs. Kramer: A hundred things I hate, by Mrs. Kramer. Mosquitoes. Poems that don't rhyme. Flimsy supermarket lettuce. My far-sighted dentist. My near-sighted hair dresser. Cats. Valentines gifts with no candy. Children laughing.
Priscilla Peterson: There are a hundred of these?
Mrs. Kramer: Vacuuming. The channel five weather man--you know, the one with the big teeth?
Connie Kendall: Yeah, I think it's time to go.
Mrs. Kramer: People who leave in the middle of poetry readings. Love songs. Democracy.