Dwayne Oswald

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Dwayne Oswald
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Voiced by
Episode appearances
Episode mentions
Nickname
Occupation
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Religion
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Type
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First episode
Last episode
First episode mention
Last episode mention

History

Dwayne is generally Jared DeWhite's foil; going along with Jared's ridiculous schemes and theories and usually bearing the brunt of them. He is also good friends with Ivan and Julie Zeeke. He claims to be able to play the guitar, though the other characters are rather doubtful of his talent.

He is very good in school, particularly math and history. He has a tendency to forget to write his name on exams, though.

Family

We know of two deceased great grandparents named Rachel and Charles Oswald.

Quotes

Dwayne Oswald: Waddaya do when your nose goes on strike? Picket!

#391: “The Joke's on You”

Jared DeWhite: Wait a second. We're doing all this work for peas?
Eugene Meltsner: Precisely. You will soon enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Dwayne Oswald: Isn't that more like the vegetables of your labor?

#414: “Buried Sin”

Dwayne Oswald: And also, what kind of personality does this bush have? Am I perplexed? Kindhearted? I can do a great kindhearted bush.
Jared DeWhite: You're a spy bush, Dwayne. Besides, don't think of yourself as a bush, think of yourself as a fully camouflaged, budding secret agent!
Dwayne Oswald: A bush.

#400: “The Spy Who Bugged Me”

Dwayne Oswald: Chores are the hands that squeeze my neck! The twisted metal of an emotional car wreck!

#376: “Chores No More”

Dwayne Oswald: That reminds me of a story. There were three prisoners who were gonna be executed by a firing squad. They put the first prisoner up against the wall and were about to shoot him when he yelled, "Earthquake!" And everybody ran for cover and the prisoner got away. Well, they finally realized there was no earthquake, so they brought out the second prisoner and put him against the wall. They were just about to shoot him when he yelled, "Tornado!" And everybody ran for cover. And again the second prisoner got away. When they realized there was no tornado, they put the third prisoner against the wall — a real dufus. The commander said, "Ready, aim-" and the dufus yelled, "Fire!" Badunch! <beat> Get it? Earthquake, tornado, fire? Firing squad? Get it?

#391: “The Joke's on You”

Dwayne Oswald: The name's Bush. Dwayne Bush.
Jared DeWhite: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a natural. Now, move it private! Move it, move it, move it!

#400: “The Spy Who Bugged Me”

Dwayne Oswald: It's a brain!
Jared DeWhite: Yuck!
Dwayne Oswald: It must have laughed its head off!

#415: “Gloobers”

Dwayne Oswald: I think there's a mistake on this test.
Dr. Hawthorne: There certainly is—the fact that you got so few of the answers right.

#403: “Faster Than a Speeding Ticket”

Dwayne Oswald: How will it look when everyone is rolling over me?

#391: “The Joke's on You”

Dwayne Oswald: Yes, of course. We'll giggle with dignity.

#415: “Gloobers”

Dwayne Oswald: Ivan, I am your father.
Ivan Roller: My father?
Dwayne Oswald: Yes, and Mary Lou, the Ice Princess is your mother.

#376: “Chores No More”

Dwayne Oswald: I looked over the test Dr. Hawthorne gave me, and it's not mine. Something's wrong here.
Jared DeWhite: Conspiracy, huh? Okay, so what we need to do is call the media. Trust me—they love this stuff. <reporter voice> Student fights for his honor against the forces of evil! Film at 11.
Dwayne Oswald: I don't know...
Cody Carper: <reporter voice> Pardon me, sir. I understand that Dr. Hawthorne's history class is boycotting the cruel and unusual treatment of students. Is that true?
Jared DeWhite: <reporter voice> Yes, they are, Walter. Someone there is holding fair grades hostage. Wait, I'm here with Dwayne Oswald, the man most affected by this sordid affair. Tell me, Mr. Oswald: What do you think?
Dwayne Oswald: I think you guys are totally nuts.

#403: “Faster Than a Speeding Ticket”

Dwayne Oswald: I'm sorry I had to sit on you, but it was for the best.

#415: “Gloobers”

Dwayne Oswald: It's a hard thing to really verbalize you know? Because the way I feel about chores is something that's very emotional to me. I think maybe I had a bad experience with chores as a child. And it's something I have to block out mentally now. So horrible. Cause lately I've been having these nightmares. This huge vacuum cleaner sucks up dirt off the floor, then it starts going out of control. Beginning to suck up the furniture, and small appliances and finally it starts sucking the life out of me!

#376: “Chores No More”

Jared DeWhite: Hey, take it easy, Dwayne.
Dwayne Oswald: I've never been more humiliated in my life!
Jared DeWhite: This is nothing. Just wait until you get into high school.

#400: “The Spy Who Bugged Me”

Dwayne Oswald: Here, read this.
Jared DeWhite: Sick of dinosaurs chasing you and ripping off your head? Vote for Charles VanHorn.

#409: “Natural Born Leader”

Jared DeWhite: Dwayne? Are we alive?
Dwayne Oswald: Yeah. Unless Heaven has linoleum floors.

#415: “Gloobers”

Cody Carper: Mr. Whittaker, you need to know that Dwayne sometimes forgets to put his name on his test.
Dwayne Oswald: ...Only a couple of times.
Cody Carper: Most of the time!
John Whittaker: I see.
Jared DeWhite: One time, he even wrote a love letter to Mona Mason and he forgot—
Dwayne Oswald: JARED!
Jared DeWhite: <beat> Oh. Sorry.

#403: “Faster Than a Speeding Ticket”

Jared DeWhite: Back then, kids were suspectable to things like that.
Dwayne Oswald: You mean susceptible?
Jared DeWhite: That's what I said.

#400: “The Spy Who Bugged Me”

Jared DeWhite: Uh-oh, Sarah Prachett at 12 o'clock!
Dwayne Oswald: Oh, good, we have half an hour then.

#400: “The Spy Who Bugged Me”

Cody Carper: We call him the meanest teacher in history!
John Whittaker: Is he really mean, or is he tough?
Dwayne Oswald: What's the difference?
John Whittaker: Well, it's been my experience that a lot of the time, when kids call a teacher "mean", it's because he's tough on them—he expects them to do their best and won't tolerate laziness or excuses.

#403: “Faster Than a Speeding Ticket”

Dwayne Oswald: Keep talking, Jared! That way I'll know where to kick!!

#415: “Gloobers”

Dwayne Oswald: That does it! <unzips a back pack>
Jared DeWhite: What? What are you doing? Hey! What's that?
Dwayne Oswald: Unbleached, all-purpose, self-rising...
Jared DeWhite: Flour?! Dwayne! You wouldn't! AAHH!!

#400: “The Spy Who Bugged Me”

Dwayne Oswald: I'm going to need years of therapy after this.

#400: “The Spy Who Bugged Me”

Dwayne Oswald: The gloobers are coming! The gloobers are coming! <beat> I can't believe I just said that.

#415: “Gloobers”


Episodes

Dwayne Oswald is voiced by Kris Kachurak, has appeared in 13 episodes, and has received an average user rating of 91.4%.


Dwayne Oswald has been mentioned in 2 episodes.