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Dossier 1: The Deer

There’s something suspicious going on in Lady Norma’s backyard. Intel states that the culprits are deer. I did some investigating, and found that all the hoof-prints in the snow converge at the same point. It seems they are convening at this spot in the middle of the night. Intel also informed us that they are plotting something big. We will place a security camera at a hidden spot near the meeting location. It seems the plan is to eat all of Lady Norma’s flowers this spring and summer. We can’t know for sure, though. More info will come soon. DeerWatch 01, signing off.

Dossier 2: Clues in the Snow

The plan is much bigger then we thought. DeerWatch 03, DeerWatch 04, and DeerWatch 07 have translated the video feed from the security cam. There was no video, because there was a tree blocking the view. There are some soundbites that were recorded, though. Many say more on the plot. One says: “‘Our bellies will soon be full!’” Another says: “‘People won’t just let you eat all the flowers in the world. We need to give them a sleeping drug or something.’ ‘Good idea, Irving. We’ll drug them and then we’ll drive out and eat those flowers!’” There was a lot of cheering that followed. Oddly, ‘Irving’ didn’t need to be translated. I did some more investigating, and found more than just deer-tracks. There were some human footprints, as well as tractor treads. But the plot doesn’t change just because the tracks do. They are planning to eat all the flowers in the world. It is even more diabolical than we first thought. DeerWatch 01, signing off.

Dossier 3: Irving VanHorne

The mystery Irving is Irving VanHorne. A preschool math teacher, albeit a terrible one, he thought 1+1=3 even though he taught the theory of relativity. He was promptly fired. Vowing to get his revenge, he hacked into the school website and made everyone’s grades F-minuses, even the ones who got A-plusses. In fact, I know one or two people that are in their twenties, and still in kindergarden. ‘I didn’t know that I was supposed to be teaching math! I thought I was teaching maff!’ he says. However, no one believes him. He runs a secret society called ‘The Criminals That Do Illegal Stuff And Also Fraternize With Deer.’ I have done a background check on him, and it says that he’s 40 years old, but there’s no record of him even existing until age 21. Also, he seemed to disappear after the Grade-changing Gate. He only recently reappeared, one year ago to be exact, and promptly founded TCTDISAAFWD. He also says that his mother is Wilma VanHorne, and that his father is Ronald VanHorne, but neither exist. More on the enigma wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in a mystery that is Irving VanHorne coming soon. DeerWatch 01, signing off.


TCTDISAAFWD is a real conundrum. Irving uses them to take candy from a baby, which they say is ‘As easy as taking candy from a baby,’ while he robs a bank or something. I did some surveillance and found that Irving is going to distract everyone with TCTDISAAFWD, and then sneak the deer out using tractors. He is also going to run for president under the name ‘Buck VanAntler’ (which I assume is an assumed name) and make this activity completely legal. “I hate flowers, so I will make illegal stuff legal!” goes his campaign speech. His slogan is ‘We’re not farmers, bum-ba-dum-bum-bum-ba-dum!’ He must be stopped immediately! DeerWatch 01, signing off.