Parker quotes

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An automatically created list of quotes by the Parker family.
On this page: David | Eva | Olivia | Matthew | Camilla | Lucia Ortega

David

David Parker: That's odd. I haven't seen this many cars out front since that hot air balloon landed on our roof.

#694: “Anger Mismanagement”

David Parker: Extreme Makeover: Hut Edition, coming right up!

#743: “Mission: Unaccomplished, Part 1”

Eva Parker: Where’s your dad?
David Parker: Run. Run. Go! Yes! Touchdown!!
Unknown: <in unison> Watching the game.

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

Matthew Parker: Someone will probably stand up and say, "The story of Samuel isn't in Second Galatians! Off with the heathen's head!"
David Parker: Oh come on, we rarely have decapitations during service.

#784: “Cycle of Fear”

David Parker: There was this spider the size of a Volkswagen under the house. That squeaky step will have to wait.

#662: “Grandma's Visit”

David Parker: But first, I'm gonna get through this junk if it kills me.
Red Hollard: Uh, Mr. Parker!?
David Parker: Please, call me David.
Red Hollard: David! Look out! <loud crashing sound>

#657: “Clutter”

David Parker: Sorry, darling. There's no steamer in here.
Eva Parker: And I'm running out of steam.

#678: “Grandma's Christmas Visit”

Eva Parker: <at dinner> The gadget use in our house in getting a little out of control. Don’t you agree, David?
David Parker: Oh, I can’t believe it!
Eva Parker: Uh, yeah. Do you want to go ahead and pray for us, honey?
David Parker: YES!
Eva Parker: Thanks... <long pause> David? David!!
David Parker: Hmm? I’m sorry, what?
Eva Parker: You’re still watching the game??

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

David Parker: But we just got here!
Eva Parker: Yep! And you're my first patient!

#743: “Mission: Unaccomplished, Part 1”

David Parker: Me? No. She does great. I eat all I can stomach.
Eva Parker: David!
David Parker: No, uh, that's not what I... that was supposed to come out in a good way and it didn't... no, Eva is, uh, muy... incredibliblo... cook.

#662: “Grandma's Visit”

Camilla Parker: Grandma, you’re not posting about us, are you?
Lucia Ortega: Oh, just the food, honey; though my friends do think you all are very entertaining.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, you told them my haircut looked like a dead animal.
Camilla Parker: And that I went to school with my shirt on inside-out!
Olivia Parker: And that I dropped my phone into the toilet.
David Parker: Okay, leave your grandmother alone, kids. She doesn’t mean any harm by it. Your embarrassing moments increase her popularity.
Olivia Parker: Dad, she also posted about how you added transmission fluid into the radiator.
David Parker: You told everyone that??

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

David Parker: <Eva puts a cast on his arm> Ya-ha-how!!! I said I wasn't ready!

#743: “Mission: Unaccomplished, Part 1”

David Parker: And who here remembers the goldfish?
Unknown: Oh! Spankie and Lester!
David Parker: Dead within six weeks.
Matthew Parker: I think they had a suicide pact.

#660: “For the Birds”

David Parker: How old is this sock? Did something die in it? It looks like it has rigor mortis!

#657: “Clutter”

David Parker: Now sit down. It's time for a family meeting.
Matthew Parker: In front of a stranger?
Eva Parker: Maria's a unofficial member of the family now.
David Parker: Baptized by fire, so to speak.

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

David Parker: You’re real big on catch phrases centered around barnyard animals, aren't you?
Red Hollard: They make me smile like a fat tick on a skinny dog!

#657: “Clutter”

David Parker: Matthew, run up to the car and get the rope.
Matthew Parker: Um, remember when you told me to grab it out of the garage?
David Parker: Yeah.
Matthew Parker: I don’t.

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

Camilla Parker: Please don’t tell me we’re going to have to spend the night out here.
David Parker: Okay. I won’t tell you.

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

David Parker: What about you, Camilla? You’ve been awfully quiet. Do you have a woeful reason why you can’t help this weekend?
Camilla Parker: Nope. I just want to do what you want me to do. I love you Daddy.
David Parker: <chuckles> I love you too honey, but I'm afraid that won't get you out of this cleanup.
Camilla Parker: Oh, man.

#657: “Clutter”

Wooton Bassett: He was a Great Horned Owl named Doctor What.
David Parker: Doctor... what?
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, exactly. Doctor Who would have been a better name, but I think it’s trademarked.

#660: “For the Birds”

Lucia Ortega: [Eating your fruitcake] would be like chewing on a log cabin....
David Parker: <to Eva> I love your food, dear.
Eva Parker: Thank you, David.
Lucia Ortega: Kiss-up.

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

GPS: Slow to a stop.
David Parker: Look now you listen to me, young lady.
GPS: You have arrived at your destination, Matthew.
David Parker: Matthew? Oh, Matthew!!!

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

David Parker: What is that?
Eva Parker: I don't know.
Matthew Parker: Oh, that's your phone, mom.
Olivia Parker: Is it going to explode?

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”



Eva

Camilla Parker: Suzie doesn't go to church…can I skip?
Eva Parker: No, you can’t. We go every Wednesday. You know that.
Camilla Parker: Right, but this month has five Wednesdays, not four. So, I’ve already met my quota.
Lucia Ortega: That makes no sense at all.

#727: “Your Servant is Listening, Part 1”

Eva Parker: Where’s your dad?
David Parker: Run. Run. Go! Yes! Touchdown!!
Unknown: <in unison> Watching the game.

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

David Parker: Sorry, darling. There's no steamer in here.
Eva Parker: And I'm running out of steam.

#678: “Grandma's Christmas Visit”

Eva Parker: We’re all going on a trip in the Imagination station.
Camilla Parker: We are!
Lucia Ortega: We are?
Eva Parker: Yes, we are. You didn’t think you’d be left behind, did you, Mama? Mr. Whittaker programmed this adventure for the three of us.
Camilla Parker: What’s it about?
Eva Parker: Why don’t we go find out?
Lucia Ortega: I’m not going to get one of those computer viruses, am I?

#727: “Your Servant is Listening, Part 1”

Eva Parker: Michael did ask to see the two of you.
Matthew Parker: Really?
Eva Parker: Actually, he asked for those two American kids who don't know what a monkey looks like.
Olivia Parker: Well, that's us.

#744: “Mission: Unaccomplished, Part 2”

Olivia Parker: But it's more than that! We have to make a good impression, on behalf of all the families Buck never belonged to!
Eva Parker: On behalf of the family you belong to, set the table.

#780: “Dinner Roll Models”

Eva Parker: <at dinner> The gadget use in our house in getting a little out of control. Don’t you agree, David?
David Parker: Oh, I can’t believe it!
Eva Parker: Uh, yeah. Do you want to go ahead and pray for us, honey?
David Parker: YES!
Eva Parker: Thanks... <long pause> David? David!!
David Parker: Hmm? I’m sorry, what?
Eva Parker: You’re still watching the game??

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

David Parker: But we just got here!
Eva Parker: Yep! And you're my first patient!

#743: “Mission: Unaccomplished, Part 1”

David Parker: Me? No. She does great. I eat all I can stomach.
Eva Parker: David!
David Parker: No, uh, that's not what I... that was supposed to come out in a good way and it didn't... no, Eva is, uh, muy... incredibliblo... cook.

#662: “Grandma's Visit”

Lucia Ortega: She and her fiance decided to get married this week!
Eva Parker: Oh?
Lucia Ortega: And she wants to be married here, in Odyssey.
Eva Parker: Oh.
Lucia Ortega: At your house!
Eva Parker: OH, NO!

#662: “Grandma's Visit”

David Parker: Now sit down. It's time for a family meeting.
Matthew Parker: In front of a stranger?
Eva Parker: Maria's a unofficial member of the family now.
David Parker: Baptized by fire, so to speak.

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

Olivia Parker: Pickles, Pickles! That wasn't my fault! Mom sat on him!
Eva Parker: Well, what was he doing loose? And on the kitchen chair?
Matthew Parker: You called us all for dinner. He thought he was part of the family!

#660: “For the Birds”

Eva Parker: I think I left my stomach at the other end of the runway.

#737: “The Pilot, Part 1”

Eva Parker: Where is... Where are all my phone numbers? My whole speed dial directory is gone! Matthew!

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

Lucia Ortega: [Eating your fruitcake] would be like chewing on a log cabin....
David Parker: <to Eva> I love your food, dear.
Eva Parker: Thank you, David.
Lucia Ortega: Kiss-up.

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

Camilla Parker: And [the bird] bit Eugene and now he may have bird rabies, but I think he's just hungry.
Eva Parker: Eugene’s hungry?

#660: “For the Birds”

David Parker: What is that?
Eva Parker: I don't know.
Matthew Parker: Oh, that's your phone, mom.
Olivia Parker: Is it going to explode?

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”



Olivia

Olivia Parker: <slowly> You want me to practice for 18 hours?
Eugene Meltsner: Well, not all of it, you may sleep for 8 of those hours.

#663: “Finish What You...”

Olivia Parker: Black pudding?!
Charlotte Maria: Oh, yes, it's a delicious blood sausage!
Matthew Parker: I didn't know English people were cannibals! No wonder George Washington threw you out of the country!

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

Red Hollard: Olivia, I bet you're the kind of person that reads the last page of a book first. Ain't ya?
Olivia Parker: No. Well maybe sometimes.
Red Hollard: Yeah, thought so.

#665: “The Jubilee Singers, Part 2”

Olivia Parker: So what do the band members want?
Morrie Rydell: Well, their number one concern is getting new uniforms.
Olivia Parker: You mean those hats with the giant feather dusters in them?
Morrie Rydell: I wouldn't refer to them as that, but yes.
Olivia Parker: Oh. Okay, well, anything else?
Morrie Rydell: They want more respect.
Olivia Parker: Well, then, maybe they should rethink the giant feather dusters.

#802: “Parker for President”

Olivia Parker: That is the... most amazingly handsome man I have ever seen!

#835: “David and Absalom, Part 1”

Olivia Parker: If you got rid of all my fashion makeover shows, they won’t know where to look for your body!

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

Wooton Bassett: The point is, Olivia, that sometimes we have to try to be understanding even if we don't understand what we're supposed to be understanding about. Understand?
Olivia Parker: I...actually, that makes sense.
Wooton Bassett: Thanks a lot.

#694: “Anger Mismanagement”

Olivia Parker: So, what chapter in 1 Corinthians is that?
Wooton Bassett: Thirteen. You see, a lot of the verses and phrases in there are sort of... Hey, Legos! Can you excuse me a minute? Can I play?

#691: “Wooton Knows Best”

Eva Parker: Michael did ask to see the two of you.
Matthew Parker: Really?
Eva Parker: Actually, he asked for those two American kids who don't know what a monkey looks like.
Olivia Parker: Well, that's us.

#744: “Mission: Unaccomplished, Part 2”

Olivia Parker: But it's more than that! We have to make a good impression, on behalf of all the families Buck never belonged to!
Eva Parker: On behalf of the family you belong to, set the table.

#780: “Dinner Roll Models”

Olivia Parker: I would never get caught up in hero worship
Matthew Parker: Oh? What about Melissa Cyphers?
Olivia Parker: Real person! My heroes are leaders who make a difference in the world.
Matthew Parker: By singing cute little songs!

#835: “David and Absalom, Part 1”

Olivia Parker: Good grief, Morrie! Don't sneak around like that.
Morrie Rydell: I wasn't sneaking! I just walked up.
Olivia Parker: Well, walk louder! You scared me.

#853: “The Good in People”

Olivia Parker: So I get to practice acting. She gets to hang out with someone new for a day. It's a win-win.
Priscilla Peterson: It's a weird-weird.
Olivia Parker: Well, someday when I'm playing a geographist on Broadway, you'll look back on this day and say "Yes, I remember when she practiced this part years and years ago."
Priscilla Peterson: Geologist. It's called a geologist.

#672: “Opposite Day”

Olivia Parker: I'm better with kids than you are.
Matthew Parker: Oh, right. Did you decide that before or after you dyed Camilla's hair purple?
Olivia Parker: You know that was an accident. Easter egg painting got a little out of control.

#691: “Wooton Knows Best”

Olivia Parker: Dad, will you take your youngest daughter back to wherever you found her? She's driving me crazy!

#657: “Clutter”

John Whittaker: These verses will come in handy when you need to know the truth. My hope is that your verses will help you in the practical situations you face. For example, let’s say that one of your friends wanted you to watch a movie that had bad content. Did anyone learn a verse that might help in that situation?
Olivia Parker: Oh, um I did!
John Whittaker: Yes, Olivia.
Olivia Parker: Ok, um, Philippians 4:8. Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

#729: “No Chemistry Whatsoever”

Jay Smouse: Ugh. Yes, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Olivia Parker: See! Even Jay learned things!
Jay Smouse: Ah, no he didn't.
Olivia Parker: You just quoted Charles Dickens from "David Copperfield."
Jay Smouse: Wrong! It wasn't from David Copperfield, it was the opening lines of "A Tale of Two Cities," which I looked at because it took place during the French Revolution which had a lot of cool stuff like guillotines. So there!
Olivia Parker: I'm not going to comment on that.

#700: “How to Sink a Sub”

Camilla Parker: Grandma, you’re not posting about us, are you?
Lucia Ortega: Oh, just the food, honey; though my friends do think you all are very entertaining.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, you told them my haircut looked like a dead animal.
Camilla Parker: And that I went to school with my shirt on inside-out!
Olivia Parker: And that I dropped my phone into the toilet.
David Parker: Okay, leave your grandmother alone, kids. She doesn’t mean any harm by it. Your embarrassing moments increase her popularity.
Olivia Parker: Dad, she also posted about how you added transmission fluid into the radiator.
David Parker: You told everyone that??

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

Morrie Rydell: Are you sure he wasn't just stringing you along?
Olivia Parker: Mr. Whittaker wouldn't be so cruel...but someone is.

#853: “The Good in People”

Olivia Parker: Great! Uh, what do I do?

#663: “Finish What You...”

Olivia Parker: Hi, Mrs. Meltsner.
Katrina Meltsner: Oh, Olivia!
Jay Smouse: And Jay! Jay's here... and pretty much everyone else from class, and a few kids we picked up along the way. And a dog, and my imaginary friend Bob, and...

#700: “How to Sink a Sub”

Olivia Parker: Boy! And my friends think living with a sister is tough!

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

Olivia Parker: Pickles, Pickles! That wasn't my fault! Mom sat on him!
Eva Parker: Well, what was he doing loose? And on the kitchen chair?
Matthew Parker: You called us all for dinner. He thought he was part of the family!

#660: “For the Birds”

Olivia Parker: I take full responsibility for everything that's happened.
Matthew Parker: Thanks, Olivia. She's right Dad, it's all her fault.
Camilla Parker: Works for me!

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

Jay Smouse: I just overhear the worst news.
Olivia Parker: Like what?
Jay Smouse: Well, it started when Katrina came in and Eugene called her his Little Buttercup - seriously....

#700: “How to Sink a Sub”

Olivia Parker: Barrett! I am so glad to see you!
Barrett Jones: Why?
Olivia Parker: You speak English!

#672: “Opposite Day”

Olivia Parker: Nothing has gone my way ever since mom has come home from the hospital and said, "Its a boy!"
Matthew Parker: Hey!

#691: “Wooton Knows Best”

Olivia Parker: Who would erase all of our programs?!?
Camilla Parker: Well the last person I saw by the TV was...
Parker family: Matthew!!!!!

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

David Parker: What is that?
Eva Parker: I don't know.
Matthew Parker: Oh, that's your phone, mom.
Olivia Parker: Is it going to explode?

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”



Matthew

Wooton Bassett: Connie! Connie, I really need your help real bad!! <calm> Oh, hi Matthew. How are you?
Matthew Parker: Hi, Wooton.
Wooton Bassett: Hi! <frantic again> Oh, Connie, Connie, listen! Penny is lost in the Hall of Mirrors! I can hear her in there, but I can't find her!!! You gotta help!! Oh, come on, come on, its this way...uh...maybe its over here, I don't know. Oh, come with me either way! Come on!

#684: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 6”

John Whittaker: I understand if you're a little skittish about something new.
Matthew Parker: I'm not skittish; even if I knew what that meant.

#656: “The Inspiration Station, Part 2”

Nelson Swanson: Haven't you noticed that people are staring at you?
Matthew Parker: Who?
Nelson Swanson: Everyone.
Matthew Parker: Is there something hanging from my nose?

#659: “Target of the Week”

Olivia Parker: Black pudding?!
Charlotte Maria: Oh, yes, it's a delicious blood sausage!
Matthew Parker: I didn't know English people were cannibals! No wonder George Washington threw you out of the country!

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

Matthew Parker: Parking fine?
Eugene Meltsner: Oh, a complete misunderstanding regarding my bicycle.
Matthew Parker: Uh-huh. Cause and effect, right?

#667: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 1”

Emily Jones: So, where does that put you in the club?
Matthew Parker: Back to square one.

#674: “Square One”

Matthew Parker: Ok, I was passing Hal's Diner on my way to Whit's End, and C.G. is there with C.K.
Emily Jones: Wait, wait, who was with who?
Matthew Parker: Cute Guy was there with Connie Kendall.
Emily Jones: Oh

#714: “Something Old, Something New, Part 2”

John Whittaker: I thought you liked church.
Matthew Parker: I do. Well, I did. But lately, I don't know...it seems like church is some kind of club.

#715: “The Perfect Church, Part 1”

Matthew Parker: But what if something worse happens?
Stephen: That would be glory.

#716: “The Perfect Church, Part 2”

Matthew Parker: Will Miss Adelaide get you into trouble for not hanging the posters? Is there some kind of detention for business owners?

#751: “The Ties That Bind, Part 1”

Matthew Parker: Someone will probably stand up and say, "The story of Samuel isn't in Second Galatians! Off with the heathen's head!"
David Parker: Oh come on, we rarely have decapitations during service.

#784: “Cycle of Fear”

Jay Smouse: Psst! Hey Parker!
Matthew Parker: Jay?
Jay Smouse: Over here. Behind the trash can.
Matthew Parker: Um, why are you hiding behind a trash can? You know it's unhealthy to chew gum that's been thrown out by other people.
Jay Smouse: I gave that up years ago. I'm on a stakeout.

#684: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 6”

Matthew Parker: Why does the word "nanny" make me feel even more like a baby?

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

Matthew Parker: Those were a lot of stairs.
Eugene Meltsner: Thirty-nine to be precise.
Alicia Jennings: And as you can hear, the clock has reset itself to 11:45.
Matthew Parker: Rats!

#667: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 1”

Matthew Parker: Why do I smell fish?
Eugene Meltsner: I was working on a new milkshake that combines the omega3 benefits of fish oil with various fruity substances.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, well..
Eugene Meltsner: The fishy aroma is overwhelming the fruity sweetness?

#699: “Emily the Genius”

Rhoda: ...he's obviously a beggar!
Matthew Parker: Yeah...wait, why obviously?

#715: “The Perfect Church, Part 1”

Emily Jones: Okay, people don't normally stuff their hair in their handbags.
Matthew Parker: Or crawl next to garbage bins.

#713: “Something Old, Something New, Part 1”

Eva Parker: Michael did ask to see the two of you.
Matthew Parker: Really?
Eva Parker: Actually, he asked for those two American kids who don't know what a monkey looks like.
Olivia Parker: Well, that's us.

#744: “Mission: Unaccomplished, Part 2”

Olivia Parker: I would never get caught up in hero worship
Matthew Parker: Oh? What about Melissa Cyphers?
Olivia Parker: Real person! My heroes are leaders who make a difference in the world.
Matthew Parker: By singing cute little songs!

#835: “David and Absalom, Part 1”

Matthew Parker: Give me a duck and a trip to the Grand Canyon, and I'll prove that a duck's quack echoes!

#679: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 1”

Nelson Swanson: Hey Matthew.
Matthew Parker: Ahhhhhhh!! Don't scare me like that!
Nelson Swanson: I just said your name.
Matthew Parker: Well, warn me before you speak to me!

#659: “Target of the Week”

Camilla Parker: You broke the smoke alarm!
Matthew Parker: Well, that was one way to stop it!

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

Emily Jones: I was wrong?
Matthew Parker: It happens to the best of us.

#661: “When You're Right, You're Right”

Eugene Meltsner: Which is why I have this handy air freshener near by. Does that help?
Matthew Parker: Now it smells like a fish died and all the other fish sent flowers.

#699: “Emily the Genius”

Connie Kendall: Well, if you would just concentrate on the lesson...
Barrett Jones: Which one? The one about robbing banks, or homeless pastors?
Matthew Parker: Homeless pastors...
Connie Kendall: Robbing banks!
John Whittaker: I'm confused...

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

Jay Smouse: Now listen. I saw Emily with the new kid, Buck.
Matthew Parker: Uh, what about it?
Jay Smouse: I don't trust him.
Matthew Parker: Why not?
Jay Smouse: Because he's not to be trusted.
Matthew Parker: Jay, putting the words in a different order doesn't make it clearer.

#684: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 6”

Matthew Parker: Grandma! I mean, Nanna! I mean, innkeeper! Innkeeper! Let us in!

#678: “Grandma's Christmas Visit”

Matthew Parker: You've got microwaves, blenders, electric pencil sharpeners! This must be where machines go when they die!

#674: “Square One”

Olivia Parker: I'm better with kids than you are.
Matthew Parker: Oh, right. Did you decide that before or after you dyed Camilla's hair purple?
Olivia Parker: You know that was an accident. Easter egg painting got a little out of control.

#691: “Wooton Knows Best”

Camilla Parker: Grandma, you’re not posting about us, are you?
Lucia Ortega: Oh, just the food, honey; though my friends do think you all are very entertaining.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, you told them my haircut looked like a dead animal.
Camilla Parker: And that I went to school with my shirt on inside-out!
Olivia Parker: And that I dropped my phone into the toilet.
David Parker: Okay, leave your grandmother alone, kids. She doesn’t mean any harm by it. Your embarrassing moments increase her popularity.
Olivia Parker: Dad, she also posted about how you added transmission fluid into the radiator.
David Parker: You told everyone that??

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

Jay Smouse: So what's that little contraption there? Today's project?
Matthew Parker: It's..
Nelson Swanson: An Appleberry phone that we found by the creek.
Matthew Parker: ..none of your business.. Good job, Nelson.

#680: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 2”

David Parker: And who here remembers the goldfish?
Unknown: Oh! Spankie and Lester!
David Parker: Dead within six weeks.
Matthew Parker: I think they had a suicide pact.

#660: “For the Birds”

Eugene Meltsner: Last week you made a less than succinct argument that I might be overly...uh...
Connie Kendall: Obnoxious?
Matthew Parker: Brilliant?
John Whittaker: Committed?
Wooton Bassett: Rectangular?!
Connie Kendall: Wordy?
Wooton Bassett: Maladjusted to the elevation!

#671: “Fast As I Can”

David Parker: Now sit down. It's time for a family meeting.
Matthew Parker: In front of a stranger?
Eva Parker: Maria's a unofficial member of the family now.
David Parker: Baptized by fire, so to speak.

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

Connie Kendall: And then we exchanged white elephant gifts.
Matthew Parker: You exchanged white elephants? Did you grow up in a zoo?

#678: “Grandma's Christmas Visit”

Andrew Drevil: I'm sorry to bother you again, but were any of you guys in the clock tower just now?
Eugene Meltsner: No, why do you ask?
Andrew Drevil: Because the door to the staircase is standing wide open.
Alicia Jennings: Not again.
Matthew Parker: Whoa, it's freak-out time.

#667: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 1”

Matthew Parker: Fine. Call me when you snap out of this mood.
Emily Jones: No! You call me when I snap out of this mood! Oh, I mean...you call me when ...oh never mind.

#679: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 1”

Matthew Parker: Wow. Who uses the word "nefarious" in a crisis?
Eugene Meltsner: I have!

#726: “Push the Red Button”

Jay Smouse: I'm just saying! We'll talk - later.
Matthew Parker: Um, OK. But Jay! Jay! Is it my imagination, or are things getting weird around here?
Jay Smouse: Things are getting weird!
Matthew Parker: Will you come out from behind there?
Jay Smouse: No! I'm really gone this time. See Ya!!

#684: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 6”

Matthew Parker: Wow. Who uses the word "nefarious" in a crisis?
Eugene Meltsner: I have!

#???: “Push the Red Button (Live)”

Matthew Parker: That's not going to work. Honestly, you are the worst at naming these mysteries.

#677: “The Malted Milkball Falcon”

Barrett Jones: Well, I hope this is good. Like a crashed space ship or a nest of radioactive snakes!
Matthew Parker: I think Verminoids is warping your brain.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Olivia Parker: Pickles, Pickles! That wasn't my fault! Mom sat on him!
Eva Parker: Well, what was he doing loose? And on the kitchen chair?
Matthew Parker: You called us all for dinner. He thought he was part of the family!

#660: “For the Birds”

Olivia Parker: I take full responsibility for everything that's happened.
Matthew Parker: Thanks, Olivia. She's right Dad, it's all her fault.
Camilla Parker: Works for me!

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

David Parker: Matthew, run up to the car and get the rope.
Matthew Parker: Um, remember when you told me to grab it out of the garage?
David Parker: Yeah.
Matthew Parker: I don’t.

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

Matthew Parker: The subconscious mind has a tendency to manipulate even casual conversation.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Matthew Parker: I know, I know: don’t tinker around with other people’s stuff if you don’t have permission first.
Mortimer: Exactly, my boy. You’ve got perspict... er... perspir... perspaper... uh, you’re smart.

#656: “The Inspiration Station, Part 2”

Matthew Parker: Hey, maybe Wooton knows.
Wooton Bassett: Wow! Well, I never did before, but there's a first time for everything. What is it?

#660: “For the Birds”

Matthew Parker: Have you thought about turning the knob on the back of the clock?

#667: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 1”

Matthew Parker: I thought family spontaneity was when we do something fun. This is more of a “spontaneous not-fun” kind of family thing.

#657: “Clutter”

Olivia Parker: Nothing has gone my way ever since mom has come home from the hospital and said, "Its a boy!"
Matthew Parker: Hey!

#691: “Wooton Knows Best”

Matthew Parker: I don't wanna go. I heard that Hartley lost his head and rides a horse.
Emily Jones: That's Ichabod Crane. Stop being such a coward. There's no headless phantom of the theater.

#670: “Stage Fright”

Eugene Meltsner: I'll go see her right away.
Matthew Parker: We'll go see her.
Eugene Meltsner: Oh, yes. Me and my shadow.

#667: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 1”

Pastor Aldin: Can you people spare a dime?
Matthew Parker: Of course, Pastor.
Barrett Jones: Pastor?!
Matthew Parker: He's homeless now.

#718: “For Three Dollars More”

Nelson Swanson: Have you ever been diagnosed as obsessive compulsive?
Matthew Parker: Not yet... but my parents are talking about it.
Nelson Swanson: Big surprise!

#680: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 2”

Matthew Parker: I'm sorry Em, but I think the cheese has finally slipped off your brother's cracker.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Matthew Parker: The truth is, I've been avoiding talking to you about this for a long time. But I need to just say it. I'm done.
Emily Jones: You're done?
Matthew Parker: Yes. The Jones and Parker is now just the Jones Detective Agency. I'm sorry, Em.
Emily Jones: Let's just get through this! Come on, Matthew, we can do this together.

#877: “A Sacrificial Escape”

Matthew Parker: What about the swoosh? How do you explain the swoosh?
Barrett Jones: I didn't know about a swoosh.
Matthew Parker: We got swooshed yesterday. Very cool, but very creepy.

#670: “Stage Fright”

Eugene Meltsner: Well Alicia, may I call you Alicia?
Alicia Jennings: Well, sure.
Eugene Meltsner: Has anyone gone into the programming code itself?
Matthew Parker: That's what I was going to suggest.

#667: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 1”

Matthew Parker: Maybe there's a witness protection program for kids like me.

#659: “Target of the Week”

Matthew Parker: The Eiffel Tower is gone? Does that mean I won't have to go to French class anymore?

#???: “Push the Red Button (Live)”

Emily Jones: What's wrong Barrett?
Barrett Jones: Nothing, nada, not a thing.
Matthew Parker: You lost your Verminoids game.
Barrett Jones: What? How do you know that? I mean- IF I had been playing it in the first place, which I wasn't.
Matthew Parker: I noticed that your thumbs were repuffed.
Emily Jones: Nicely observed.

#658: “Game for a Mystery”

Matthew Parker: (referring Andrew) Because in the mysteries, the butler always does it. And he's kinda like a butler, you know, being janitor takes out the trash...

#667: “The Mystery of the Clock Tower, Part 1”

Matthew Parker: I'm fasting computers.
Connie Kendall: Interesting choice. Why that?
Matthew Parker: My mom's always telling me I spend too much time sitting in front of my computer. I emailed her that I thought she was wrong but she wouldn't let it go. So I logged off and came over here.

#671: “Fast As I Can”

Matthew Parker: Nelson, I thought you were, like, a man of Science, a wonderer of nature, all that stuff.
Nelson Swanson: Yeah, it's great if I can study in a controlled environment, in cages or under a microscope.
Matthew Parker: So... You like nature as long as it isn't natural?
Nelson Swanson: Is that unreasonable?

#679: “The Green Ring Conspiracy, Part 1”

David Parker: What is that?
Eva Parker: I don't know.
Matthew Parker: Oh, that's your phone, mom.
Olivia Parker: Is it going to explode?

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”



Camilla

Camilla Parker: Hi Eugene!
Eugene Meltsner: Oh, greetings Miss Parker!
Camilla Parker: Camilla. What are you doing?
Eugene Meltsner: Doing?
Camilla Parker: You're just standing there in the middle of the park!
Eugene Meltsner: Oh, on the contrary! I'm not merely standing here: I'm basking in the glory of an exquisite day!

#660: “For the Birds”

Red Hollard: Now as I was saying, Billy Bob was my cousin and he was a couple hogs short of a pig pen if you know what I mean.
Camilla Parker: No, I don't know what you mean Mr. Hollard. Are you saying Billy Bob worked in the pork industry?

#695: “Forgiving More...or Less”

Camilla Parker: Suzie doesn't go to church…can I skip?
Eva Parker: No, you can’t. We go every Wednesday. You know that.
Camilla Parker: Right, but this month has five Wednesdays, not four. So, I’ve already met my quota.
Lucia Ortega: That makes no sense at all.

#727: “Your Servant is Listening, Part 1”

Samuel: I've never experienced God talking to me like He did last night, but He has spoken to me before.
Camilla Parker: Really?
Samuel: Yes, in other ways. Like when Eli reads the words of God out loud from the holy scrolls, or in the things my mother tells me when she visits, or that nudge in my heart reminding me what's right and wrong.
Camilla Parker: I've never thought about God talking to me that way.
Samuel: I guess it takes time to recognize His voice.

#728: “Your Servant is Listening, Part 2”

Camilla Parker: Eating eggs is a lot harder when you know their mother.

#744: “Mission: Unaccomplished, Part 2”

Camilla Parker: Wow! I never seen a bird do that before! It looked like it was aiming for your head!

#660: “For the Birds”

Red Hollard: Barney was thrilled and he went right out and bought that tow truck, and what do you think happened then?
Camilla Parker: He ran out of toes to truck?

#695: “Forgiving More...or Less”

Eva Parker: We’re all going on a trip in the Imagination station.
Camilla Parker: We are!
Lucia Ortega: We are?
Eva Parker: Yes, we are. You didn’t think you’d be left behind, did you, Mama? Mr. Whittaker programmed this adventure for the three of us.
Camilla Parker: What’s it about?
Eva Parker: Why don’t we go find out?
Lucia Ortega: I’m not going to get one of those computer viruses, am I?

#727: “Your Servant is Listening, Part 1”

Camilla Parker: I guess I've always thought God only spoke to adults, like my parents. They know all about God, but they're old.
Samuel: Young or old, we're all His children. He has something to say to each of us if we only listen. And of course, we need to talk to Him, too.

#728: “Your Servant is Listening, Part 2”

Camilla Parker: You broke the smoke alarm!
Matthew Parker: Well, that was one way to stop it!

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

Camilla Parker: God's never talked to me.
Hannah: God is faithful to do what He says he will do. Perhaps the problem is that you haven't been listening--that you have ears, but fail to truly hear.

#727: “Your Servant is Listening, Part 1”

Camilla Parker: Grandma, you’re not posting about us, are you?
Lucia Ortega: Oh, just the food, honey; though my friends do think you all are very entertaining.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, you told them my haircut looked like a dead animal.
Camilla Parker: And that I went to school with my shirt on inside-out!
Olivia Parker: And that I dropped my phone into the toilet.
David Parker: Okay, leave your grandmother alone, kids. She doesn’t mean any harm by it. Your embarrassing moments increase her popularity.
Olivia Parker: Dad, she also posted about how you added transmission fluid into the radiator.
David Parker: You told everyone that??

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

Olivia Parker: I take full responsibility for everything that's happened.
Matthew Parker: Thanks, Olivia. She's right Dad, it's all her fault.
Camilla Parker: Works for me!

#676: “An Agreeable Nanny”

Camilla Parker: Does she like unfair trading practices in South America?

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

Camilla Parker: Please don’t tell me we’re going to have to spend the night out here.
David Parker: Okay. I won’t tell you.

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

David Parker: What about you, Camilla? You’ve been awfully quiet. Do you have a woeful reason why you can’t help this weekend?
Camilla Parker: Nope. I just want to do what you want me to do. I love you Daddy.
David Parker: <chuckles> I love you too honey, but I'm afraid that won't get you out of this cleanup.
Camilla Parker: Oh, man.

#657: “Clutter”

Olivia Parker: Who would erase all of our programs?!?
Camilla Parker: Well the last person I saw by the TV was...
Parker family: Matthew!!!!!

#655: “The Inspiration Station, Part 1”

Camilla Parker: And [the bird] bit Eugene and now he may have bird rabies, but I think he's just hungry.
Eva Parker: Eugene’s hungry?

#660: “For the Birds”



Lucia Ortega

Esperanza: My Papa says we must always show love. No matter what. It does good.
Lucia Ortega: It's a waste of time on some people. It does nothing.
Esperanza: No. Love is never for nothing.

#698: “Never for Nothing”

Camilla Parker: Suzie doesn't go to church…can I skip?
Eva Parker: No, you can’t. We go every Wednesday. You know that.
Camilla Parker: Right, but this month has five Wednesdays, not four. So, I’ve already met my quota.
Lucia Ortega: That makes no sense at all.

#727: “Your Servant is Listening, Part 1”

Eva Parker: We’re all going on a trip in the Imagination station.
Camilla Parker: We are!
Lucia Ortega: We are?
Eva Parker: Yes, we are. You didn’t think you’d be left behind, did you, Mama? Mr. Whittaker programmed this adventure for the three of us.
Camilla Parker: What’s it about?
Eva Parker: Why don’t we go find out?
Lucia Ortega: I’m not going to get one of those computer viruses, am I?

#727: “Your Servant is Listening, Part 1”

Camilla Parker: Grandma, you’re not posting about us, are you?
Lucia Ortega: Oh, just the food, honey; though my friends do think you all are very entertaining.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, you told them my haircut looked like a dead animal.
Camilla Parker: And that I went to school with my shirt on inside-out!
Olivia Parker: And that I dropped my phone into the toilet.
David Parker: Okay, leave your grandmother alone, kids. She doesn’t mean any harm by it. Your embarrassing moments increase her popularity.
Olivia Parker: Dad, she also posted about how you added transmission fluid into the radiator.
David Parker: You told everyone that??

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

Lucia Ortega: She and her fiance decided to get married this week!
Eva Parker: Oh?
Lucia Ortega: And she wants to be married here, in Odyssey.
Eva Parker: Oh.
Lucia Ortega: At your house!
Eva Parker: OH, NO!

#662: “Grandma's Visit”

Lucia Ortega: I... I got more than fifty likes on that one. Everybody thought it was hilarious! And my mechanic friend posted it on his blog: “Me-can’t-ics.” Get it? “Can’t” because... you can’t!

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”

Lucia Ortega: [Eating your fruitcake] would be like chewing on a log cabin....
David Parker: <to Eva> I love your food, dear.
Eva Parker: Thank you, David.
Lucia Ortega: Kiss-up.

#800: “Un-Tech the Halls”