Barclay quotes
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
An automatically created list of quotes by the Barclay family.
On this page: George | Mary | Donna | Jimmy
George
“ | George Barclay: So what denomination is First Church anyway? Ellis Birch: Well--that kind of depends on the pastor. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Can I get you anything? Mary Barclay: Uh...some ice water would be nice. George? George Barclay: A new head. Mine just exploded. |
” |
“ | Connie Kendall: Little Jimmy lives in D.C.? George Barclay: Not so little Jimmy lives in D.C. So when Whit told me about the wedding, I just had to come see you. Connie Kendall: Does that mean you'll marry us? George Barclay: I'd be honored. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: How much longer till we get there? George Barclay: Bout an hour kids. Jimmy Barclay: Dad, you said that an hour ago. George Barclay: Yes, and it's just as true now as it was when I first said it. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: I'm sure your [dune] buggy's all right. I mean, it seemed to be built pretty solid. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, it said on the box the company uses only the best plastic. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: OK, OK. I’m giving him my alarm clock. George Barclay: Terrific. That way he can see how late he’s keeping us up. |
” |
“ | Felicia: So now, you're a priest, is that right? George Barclay: Uh, a pastor. Felicia: Oh, well, priest, pastor... Listen, I have always wanted to ask this question. Will heaven have latte? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Mary? You might want to talk to the butcher. This chicken tasted a lot like hamburger. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: It all started in Donna's room when I couldn't get her attention because she had her stereo on. Donna Barclay: Right, so you walked in. George Barclay: Who's telling this story? Donna Barclay: We both are! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Well what's the matter with you? Jimmy Barclay: Nothing, I wanna go home, that's all. I always have to wait forever for you and mom every Sunday morning after the service! George Barclay: Always, Jimmy? Forever, Jimmy? I mean, do we need an attitude check, Jimmy? |
” |
“ | Ellis Birch: Technically, I am an executive associate to the office of the president. George Barclay: Meaning? Ellis Birch: I'm Mr. Lionel's gopher. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Dad, you're lost aren't you? George Barclay: Lost? Me? George Rand McNally Barclay lost? Honey, hand me the map. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Well, Jimmy, it looks like I'm yours for the rest of the day! Jimmy Barclay: Great! George Barclay: No — strike that. I'm yours from now on. Jimmy Barclay: Thanks, dad. John Whittaker: And... that's just how an adventure should end. |
” |
“ | Bart Rathbone: He left us. Mary Barclay: I'm never going to see my children again. George Barclay: This is unbelievable. Doris Rathbone: I'll say. He took the pork rinds! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: We can sacrifice the TV! Jimmy Barclay: What are we gonna do, burn it on a bunch of rocks? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Should we try to hitch-hike, maybe? Chester: Are you kidding? You never know what kind of lunatic will pick ya up. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: What is this, a guilt trip? John Whittaker: Well, whatever it takes, George. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: This may come as a terrible shock to you all, but this family is not independently wealthy. I mean, these things all take money, and although I never thought I’d hear myself say this, money doesn’t grow on trees. Donna Barclay: We know that. That’s why they make credit cards. George Barclay: Very funny, Donna. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Wait a minute, Mary, what are you doing with that whiffle ball set? Mary Barclay: I’m putting it in the “to sell” stack. George Barclay: You can’t do that; I want to keep it. Mary Barclay: George, it’s a plastic ball and bat — that look like they’ve been through a meat grinder. George Barclay: Well, they were chewed up by Sparky. I loved that dog; they’re the only reminder I have of him. |
” |
“ | Unknown: Anything else? George Barclay: Two aspirin, please. Unknown: Coming right up. Bart Rathbone: What's the matter, you got a headache? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: OK, everyone is present and accounted for, so a quorum is definitely present! Jimmy Barclay: Excuse me, but will the chair please speak in English? Boy, you send a guy to seminary... |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I hadn't finished doing my hair. I wanted you to see the whole outfit. George Barclay: Well I'd like to see the whole outfit too, Donna. I mean, I see you, but not the outfit. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: [to his family] Do you all hear what you're saying? Ellis Birch: I do! And I like what they're saying! George Barclay: Thanks- thanks for the input, Ellis! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Something happened in Sunday school, right? Mr. Whittaker made you read one of those verses with long names again? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: <dreaming> The pickin's mighty slim out in the park, but I did manage to bag this squirrel! Jimmy Barclay: Eh... That looks more like a rat, Dad. George Barclay: Squirrel? Rat? It's meat, ain't it? Fire up the stew-pot, Mary! We're gonna eat tonight..... <waking up> No... we can't... No! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: You're both in trouble if you don't stop and tell us what's going on! |
” |
“ | Lawrence Hodges: Do I still have to pay for the broken flower pots? George Barclay: <along with Maureen Hodges> Definitely. Lawrence Hodges: Just asking. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I'm sorry for accusing you of ripping my doll's arms off. Len Barclay: Apology accepted, Donna. Jimmy Barclay: I'll think about it. George Barclay: Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: Apology accepted. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Now let that be a lesson to you kids: always leave your campsite cleaner than when you found it! Donna Barclay: This is so weird! George Barclay: What? What’s the matter? Donna Barclay: We’re in our living room, Dad! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: As much as it pains me, and for reasons heretofore stipulated, I must vote my conscience and cast a "no" to Fido. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: To you warped, frustrated, rich old man, they're sheep. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: I decided to take a break from studying and do a cheerier activity! Paying the bills... |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Nice headline. But what's this? Jimmy Barclay: It's the missionary, of course! George Barclay: It is? With a plate on his head? Jimmy Barclay: That's a safari hat. I kinda made it to look like a halo, you know, being like a saint and stuff? George Barclay: Ah. But, uh, what happened to the rest of him? Is that supposed to be his body there? Jimmy Barclay: No. You can't see his body, because he's in a pot. George Barclay: A pot. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah! And there's the fire at the bottom. Neat idea, huh? |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Let's go skiing next summer! George Barclay: It doesn't work that way, Honey. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: I'm sorry, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: It's all right, Dad. Just remember this the next time I do something dumb. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Find an oar! Bart Rathbone: Or what? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Son, you didn't spend all your money on Zapazoids again, did you? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: There are five tickets, and only four of us. Lawrence Hodges: Uh, guys? Mary Barclay: It would have to be somebody close to us... Lawrence Hodges: Have I ever you guys how much you mean to me? Donna Barclay: And someone who would appreciate the educational value of the trip... Lawrence Hodges: My next school report is on Hawaii's flora and fauna. If only I had some samples... |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Come out and play, Dad! You should see Harry fetch a stick: he never brings it back! George Barclay: Clever. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: We gave up a nice situation in Odyssey to come to this... crummy, drafty old town. Jimmy Barclay: You forgot measly, Dad. George Barclay: Crummy, drafty, measly old town! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Now let me get this straight. You're telling me that Mark Reed is going to rob my house on Saturday? Rodney Rathbone: That's right, Mr Barclay. George Barclay: And at the same time, he's going to be taking our picture at the church? Rodney Rathbone: Uh-huh. George Barclay: What is he, twins? Rodney Rathbone: No, no. He's not gonna do it; his crony is. George Barclay: His crony is gonna take our picture? Rodney Rathbone: No. Reed is gonna take the picture. His crony is gonna rob you! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: We're going to get our haircuts! Jimmy Barclay: Or, hairs cut, if you want to be precise. George Barclay: Is it just me, or are you three acting funny? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: But... but what was all that about a meeting tomorrow? I thought it was a deacon's meeting! Ellis Birch: Uh-huh. He's one of our deacons, ya know. George Barclay: ...oh. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: That's what happens when you rent from a place called "Jack's Pretty Good Wheels." |
” |
“ | George Barclay: A fire and a pot and...what are all these figures in the background here? Jimmy Barclay: The cannibals doing their native dance. George Barclay: Cannibals?! Jimmy Barclay: Right. See, he's a missionary to them, and they decided they were gonna— George Barclay: Hold, hold, hold it! Don't—don't finish, I don't wanna know. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute! There's that book that I bought a while back that I've been wanting to read. Jimmy Barclay: The one you brought last vacation and never read? George Barclay: Uh, right, son. That one. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You believe me? George Barclay: Well. I believe... you believe you. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: I think the pastor was on to something. The challenge, I mean, to sacrifice something at home. Jimmy Barclay: Uh, oh. We're in trouble. George Barclay: Look, the pastor talked about sacrificing something we consider important to us, you know, giving it up as a... tribute to God. Jimmy Barclay: I'll give up spinach! George Barclay: Ah, nice try, Jimmy, but I was thinking of something else — something near and dear to all of us. Donna Barclay: Pizza? George Barclay: Wrong! |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: If we were the nation of Israel leaving Egypt, what would we take with us? George Barclay: The nation of Israel? Sheeps, cows, loincloths — what does that have to do with anything? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Who could it be? Who? Who? Lawrence Hodges: Oh, come on guys! Jimmy Barclay: I know! Lawrence! Lawrence Hodges: Yes! Jimmy Barclay: Can you think of anybody? Lawrence Hodges: What?! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Donna, it's three in the morning. Would you please do something about your dog? Donna Barclay: What am I supposed to do with him? George Barclay: Don't tempt me. |
” |
“ | Rodney Rathbone: Oh, I get it. You don't believe me. Is that it? George Barclay: Well, how should I put this? Uh, no. Rodney Rathbone: But why? It's the truth. George Barclay: Rodney, correct me if I'm wrong. But aren't you the guy who forced my son to sell chocolate candy bars door-to-door for a charity called "The Send Rodney to Disney World Fund"? Rodney Rathbone: Well, uh, I've never been there. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Hey, Dad, let's toss the football around! George Barclay: Eh, I'm not in the mood, Jimmy. You go ahead. Jimmy Barclay: You want me to toss the football around by myself? |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Look at the size of the pig they're roasting! George Barclay: I know, it's almost too big for the spit! Doris Rathbone: They spit on that pig? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: No harm done. Ya know, it's not every day someone gets thrown out of their car by a... a knight! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Oh, it's not that cold. Jimmy Barclay: Dad, when you opened the door, three penguins waddled out! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Is it too late for adoption? Mary Barclay: They're too old. George Barclay: I meant us. There must be a family somewhere who wants two kids our age. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Tell me, Jack, honestly. What did you think of [Donna's dress]? Jack Davis: Honestly? George Barclay: Uh, huh. Jack Davis: Well, I like it a lot, but... Unknown: For all the wrong reasons. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: He's kinda good looking! And look how Donna's watching him! George Barclay: What are you getting at, Mary? Mary Barclay: Ohhh, I wonder if maybe our daughter has a little- George Barclay: Wa-wa-wait, Mary! If you're thinking what I thinking you're thinking, don't even think it! Mary Barclay: Well, I mean, she wasn't enjoying this trip and now she is! George Barclay: Let's not talk about it! I mean, she's only 12 and- Mary Barclay: Oh, look at her smile! George, I think our daughter is developing a crush! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: I'd better go up and talk to him. Jimmy Barclay: Good idea. Spread the joy. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Oh, we're only 52 minutes late. That's a record for us. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Then, why did you call this meeting? Richard (Head of the Pastoral Committee): Well, Mrs. Erskine called it. She suggested that we ask you if there is anything we can do to help. George Barclay: Mrs. Erskine? Mrs. Erskine: Yes. That’s right, George. And I just want to say that... I’m sorry. I did exactly what you’re talking about. I expected you and your daughter to be perfect, and that’s just not right. So, I’d like to apologize. George Barclay: Well, thank you, Mrs. Erskine. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: But you're so pregnant you can barely reach the steering wheel. Mary Barclay: Oh, what a lovely compliment. Thank you, darling. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Well, uh... <chuckle> what was it I was talking about? Jimmy Barclay: Keeping your kids in line? George Barclay: <beat> Thanks, Jimmy. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: She's so sensible! Probably doesn't go much for older guys with shiny new sport scars that do 0-60 in 2.3 seconds. He's tall, good-looking, muscular and athletic. She's young, naive, impressionable, vulnerable. What could possibly come of it? Donna Barclay: Hi, dad. George Barclay: Donna, I forbid you to ever set foot out of this cabin ever again! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: There's more to life than your friends in Odyssey, Donna. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, all you guys ever do is sit around wondering what to do. Donna Barclay: Be quiet, Jimmy. |
” |
Mary
“ | Donna Barclay: Can I get you anything? Mary Barclay: Uh...some ice water would be nice. George? George Barclay: A new head. Mine just exploded. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: It felt like a cow! Mary Barclay: Um, it was too small to be a cow, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: A little cow? Don't they make little cows? |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: We should have a big and bountiful feast to celebrate! Donna Barclay: Yes, we should. Jimmy Barclay: Good, now go fix it. Mary Barclay: Some things haven't changed. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I got everything in that I need. Mary Barclay: Open it up, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: There. See? Mary Barclay: Yes, I do. I see a pile of comic books, a baseball glove, your piggy bank, your play army boots, a yo-yo, a cassette player and tapes, three model sports cars, and -- what's this? Jimmy Barclay: My Overlords of Space Laser Blaster. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Did they like your new tie? Jimmy Barclay: ...Did they like his tie, Mom? Mary Barclay: Well, I picked it out. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Hey, Mom, the baby spoke. He said the word — get this — "carrot." Mary Barclay: Carrot!? Jimmy Barclay: He did! I heard him. His first word was carrot. Where's the baby book? Mary Barclay: He was just gibbering, Jimmy. Why would he say carrot? Jimmy Barclay: Maybe he likes them? Mary Barclay: Oh, would you change his diaper? Jimmy Barclay: He doesn't want to be changed; he wants a carrot. Mary Barclay: Trust me on this one, Jimmy. |
” |
“ | Bart Rathbone: He left us. Mary Barclay: I'm never going to see my children again. George Barclay: This is unbelievable. Doris Rathbone: I'll say. He took the pork rinds! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Wait a minute, Mary, what are you doing with that whiffle ball set? Mary Barclay: I’m putting it in the “to sell” stack. George Barclay: You can’t do that; I want to keep it. Mary Barclay: George, it’s a plastic ball and bat — that look like they’ve been through a meat grinder. George Barclay: Well, they were chewed up by Sparky. I loved that dog; they’re the only reminder I have of him. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Well then, we’ll just have to be very gentle when we tell her. Donna Barclay: Tell who what? Mary Barclay: Oh, hi honey! Donna Barclay: Hi! What’s going on? Mary Barclay: Well, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you- Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, we aren’t going anywhere on vacation this summer. Donna Barclay: What?! Mary Barclay: That’s your idea of gentle, Jimmy? Jimmy Barclay: You can’t beat around the bush about these things, Mom. It’s best to get it over with quickly. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: George, do I have to give you a time out and send you to your room? |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: But where are your clothes? Jimmy Barclay: I'm wearing them. Mary Barclay: No, I mean the clothes you're going to take on vacation. Jimmy Barclay: I've got em on. Mary Barclay: Jimmy, you have to take more clothes than that. Jimmy Barclay: Why? These are the ones I like to wear anyway. Mary Barclay: I know, and one day I'm going to peel them off you and give them a decent burial. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: If we’re gonna have them back, they’ll need a place to sleep! Jimmy Barclay: They can use my room! I love sleeping on the couch! |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Now why are you kids home so early? Donna Barclay: Oh, we got run off by the police again. Jimmy Barclay: You know, they don't like us begging in front of City Hall! |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Donna, Jimmy... I'm pregnant. Unknown: WHAT?? |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Well, this is a switch! Donna Barclay: What do you mean? Mary Barclay: If I remember correctly, last year you were the one who wanted to stay here. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah. We had to practically drag you out and strap you into the car. Mary Barclay: Why the change? Donna Barclay: Well, I’ve had a hard year. A lot of things have happened. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: There are five tickets, and only four of us. Lawrence Hodges: Uh, guys? Mary Barclay: It would have to be somebody close to us... Lawrence Hodges: Have I ever you guys how much you mean to me? Donna Barclay: And someone who would appreciate the educational value of the trip... Lawrence Hodges: My next school report is on Hawaii's flora and fauna. If only I had some samples... |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: If we were the nation of Israel leaving Egypt, what would we take with us? George Barclay: The nation of Israel? Sheeps, cows, loincloths — what does that have to do with anything? |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Look at the size of the pig they're roasting! George Barclay: I know, it's almost too big for the spit! Doris Rathbone: They spit on that pig? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Is it too late for adoption? Mary Barclay: They're too old. George Barclay: I meant us. There must be a family somewhere who wants two kids our age. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Is everything alright? Donna Barclay: Yeah, it's okay. Why? Mary Barclay: You're watching 'Macho Headbanger: Private Eye' on TV. Donna Barclay: Oh yeah... I am, aren't I? Mary Barclay: You hate 'Macho Headbanger: Private Eye'. Donna Barclay: Oh yeah, I do. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: He's kinda good looking! And look how Donna's watching him! George Barclay: What are you getting at, Mary? Mary Barclay: Ohhh, I wonder if maybe our daughter has a little- George Barclay: Wa-wa-wait, Mary! If you're thinking what I thinking you're thinking, don't even think it! Mary Barclay: Well, I mean, she wasn't enjoying this trip and now she is! George Barclay: Let's not talk about it! I mean, she's only 12 and- Mary Barclay: Oh, look at her smile! George, I think our daughter is developing a crush! |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: You want to kidnap your father? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: But you're so pregnant you can barely reach the steering wheel. Mary Barclay: Oh, what a lovely compliment. Thank you, darling. |
” |
Donna
“ | Donna Barclay: Can I get you anything? Mary Barclay: Uh...some ice water would be nice. George? George Barclay: A new head. Mine just exploded. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I was outvoted on the T.V., all they talked about was girl stuff and Donna can't throw a ball worth beans! Donna Barclay: You can't throw. |
” |
“ | Richard Maxwell: Well, do I get a kiss good night? Donna Barclay: Get lost, Richard! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: How much longer till we get there? George Barclay: Bout an hour kids. Jimmy Barclay: Dad, you said that an hour ago. George Barclay: Yes, and it's just as true now as it was when I first said it. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Where'd you learn to pray like that? Donna Barclay: What do you mean? Jimmy Barclay: You sounded like an adult. What'd you do, read it somewhere? Donna Barclay: Cut it out. It's rude to critique people's prayers. I wasn't talking to you anyway. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: No way! I am not playing a bratty, self-centered character. Jimmy Barclay: Why not? You were born for it. |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: Well, keep an eye out on the weather. There's a storm brewing. Donna Barclay: Jimmy, I wanna talk to you! Jimmy Barclay: Speaking of storms... |
” |
“ | Bill Mason: He must have caught an updraft. Donna Barclay: It's carrying him off. Bill Mason: Yeah! Toward Pearl Harbor! Rodney Rathbone: I want my mommy! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: How do you pray, Connie? Connie Kendall: On my knees. I used to try it flat on my back, but I kept falling asleep. |
” |
“ | Jessie Morales: I think I'll go home and watch Young Hearts Turning. Donna Barclay: Thanks a lot, Benedict Jezebel! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: You ever think about her, Ferg? No. I guess cats don't do things like that. As long as someone's feeding you you're happy. Maybe cats have the right idea. Don't get to close to someone cause they might go away, and then no one will be there to feed you. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: That’s why I need a new one. A genuine Rostan Harringbone with real synthetic fur lining. They’re on sale at Greenway’s Department Store: 20% off. Jimmy Barclay: I think you’re 20% off. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: The budget?! It’s always the budget! We haven’t been able to do anything since we got that stupid budget! Jimmy Barclay: Told you she’d go nuts. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: OK, OK. I’m giving him my alarm clock. George Barclay: Terrific. That way he can see how late he’s keeping us up. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: It all started in Donna's room when I couldn't get her attention because she had her stereo on. Donna Barclay: Right, so you walked in. George Barclay: Who's telling this story? Donna Barclay: We both are! |
” |
“ | Rodney Rathbone: He was great? What about me? I'm the one who braved the waves! Donna Barclay: Braved the waves? You rode the board on your hands and knees! Rodney Rathbone: You expected me to stand all the way up? |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: We should have a big and bountiful feast to celebrate! Donna Barclay: Yes, we should. Jimmy Barclay: Good, now go fix it. Mary Barclay: Some things haven't changed. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: You're wacko. Jimmy Barclay: You're weird. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Dad, you're lost aren't you? George Barclay: Lost? Me? George Rand McNally Barclay lost? Honey, hand me the map. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Good thing those people from this morning aren't still here. After Jimmy ruined the silverware in the dishwasher, we only have four complete settings left. Jimmy Barclay: Why do you care about silverware - you eat with your fingers! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: It's an antique doll, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: I know that. Donna Barclay: Well then why would you tear it up? Len? Len Barclay: Don't look at me — I gave up playing with dolls a long time ago. |
” |
“ | Jessie Morales: Uh oh, what's this? The two of you are gonna gang up on me now? Maybe ridicule me for not putting my clothes in chronological order? Donna Barclay: No... Connie Kendall: ..."chronological"? |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: See, Donna? All you need is a mustard jar. Donna Barclay: Mustard seed, Jimmy. Mustard seed. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I should've known better than to talk seriously to someone who plays basketball with his shorts. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: This may come as a terrible shock to you all, but this family is not independently wealthy. I mean, these things all take money, and although I never thought I’d hear myself say this, money doesn’t grow on trees. Donna Barclay: We know that. That’s why they make credit cards. George Barclay: Very funny, Donna. |
” |
“ | Carter Braxton: Thank you. What's your name? Donna Barclay: I'm Donna, Donna Barclay. Rachael Woodworth: Don't tell him your name! Donna Barclay: Come on, Rachael. You should do what he says. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Well then, we’ll just have to be very gentle when we tell her. Donna Barclay: Tell who what? Mary Barclay: Oh, hi honey! Donna Barclay: Hi! What’s going on? Mary Barclay: Well, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you- Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, we aren’t going anywhere on vacation this summer. Donna Barclay: What?! Mary Barclay: That’s your idea of gentle, Jimmy? Jimmy Barclay: You can’t beat around the bush about these things, Mom. It’s best to get it over with quickly. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Karen is the only one I'd go to a hospital for. |
” |
“ | Jack Allen: Hello, Jimmy. That's a lovely dress you have on, Donna. Donna Barclay: Thank you. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I hadn't finished doing my hair. I wanted you to see the whole outfit. George Barclay: Well I'd like to see the whole outfit too, Donna. I mean, I see you, but not the outfit. |
” |
“ | Connie Kendall: Oh, I forgot to tell you—I talked to the camp director, and he thinks you're right. The girls should be given a chance to compete with the boys at some things. Robyn Jacobs: Really? Connie Kendall: Yep, so tomorrow afternoon we're gonna compete with them in archery, canoes, and a relay race. Donna Barclay: That's great. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I'm a big man, and a proud man, and a bulky man. I can open those cans with my teeth. Donna Barclay: The can-opener will be fine. |
” |
“ | Traci Needlemeyer: Whooa! Puppy love alert! Puppy love alert! [...] You're acting all silly and dazed [...] loony, wacky, giggly and goofy. And what were those other dwarves' names? Donna Barclay: He's sooo nice. He helped me up that time I fell down. Then he helped me up again, the other time I fell down. Traci Needlemeyer: In some countries you'd be married. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Yes, Jimmy? May I help you? |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Maybe I'll run off with the circus and become a lion tamer. Donna Barclay: You'd probably have to get good grades in zoology. Jimmy Barclay: Then I'll become a pilot. Donna Barclay: Engineering, physics, aeronautics... Jimmy Barclay: A bus driver. Donna Barclay: Mechanics, math, civil law! Jimmy Barclay: Well, then I'll become a politician! Donna Barclay: (pauses) Hmm. Well you've got me there. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I'm sorry for accusing you of ripping my doll's arms off. Len Barclay: Apology accepted, Donna. Jimmy Barclay: I'll think about it. George Barclay: Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: Apology accepted. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: and Connie, I'm sorry about saying what I said about you. Connie Kendall: That's okay... What'd you say about me? Donna Barclay: You don't wanna know. Connie Kendall: I don't? Why don't I, was it that bad? Donna Barclay: CONNIE... |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You were talking about that dumb soap opera, "Young Stomachs Turning." Donna Barclay: "Young Hearts Turning. And we weren't! Jimmy Barclay: They think Kyle is going to ask Jamie to marry him, because he broke up with Monica! Donna Barclay: It was Heather. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Dad's going on a trip, and he wants to take me with him. Donna Barclay: Oh, no! Jessie Morales: <in flashback> He came home, picked up her little brother, and split. Donna Barclay: Just like Wendy. Jimmy Barclay: Donna? Donna Barclay: Huh? Jimmy Barclay: You okay? You look the way people look on TV when they're remembering what someone said in an earlier scene. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: All right, we’ll both tell him. Jimmy Barclay: Ok. When? Donna Barclay: At the right moment! Jimmy Barclay: “At the right moment”? When’s that? Donna Barclay: A month after I move away to college! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Now let that be a lesson to you kids: always leave your campsite cleaner than when you found it! Donna Barclay: This is so weird! George Barclay: What? What’s the matter? Donna Barclay: We’re in our living room, Dad! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: My Dad said he's got to get used to me growing up. How's he going to get used to it unless I start dressing grown up? Jack Davis: <Under breath> Or acting grown up. |
” |
“ | Robyn Jacobs: AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Donna Barclay: Robyn, what's wrong? Robyn Jacobs: Get it out of my sleeping bag! Donna Barclay: What? I don't see anything! Robyn Jacobs: A bug! It's crawling up my sleeping bag to attack me! There it is! Quick, stomp it, squish it, smash it!! Donna Barclay: You mean this? This is the barrette for your hair. Robyn Jacobs: Oh, that's where it went. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Now why are you kids home so early? Donna Barclay: Oh, we got run off by the police again. Jimmy Barclay: You know, they don't like us begging in front of City Hall! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Let's go skiing next summer! George Barclay: It doesn't work that way, Honey. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Be calm, James. |
” |
“ | Rachael Woodworth: What happened to you? I told you to run. Donna Barclay: Why? I didn't do anything wrong. Rachael Woodworth: Uh-oh! You got that sound in your voice like my mom when she's about to lecture me. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I thought he'd give up. Jimmy Barclay: Dad? Give up when he's determined to find something? Where have you been for the last fifteen years?!! |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Well, this is a switch! Donna Barclay: What do you mean? Mary Barclay: If I remember correctly, last year you were the one who wanted to stay here. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah. We had to practically drag you out and strap you into the car. Mary Barclay: Why the change? Donna Barclay: Well, I’ve had a hard year. A lot of things have happened. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: There are five tickets, and only four of us. Lawrence Hodges: Uh, guys? Mary Barclay: It would have to be somebody close to us... Lawrence Hodges: Have I ever you guys how much you mean to me? Donna Barclay: And someone who would appreciate the educational value of the trip... Lawrence Hodges: My next school report is on Hawaii's flora and fauna. If only I had some samples... |
” |
“ | Karen Crosby: You know what they say about hospital food. Donna Barclay: Yeah? Karen Crosby: It's true. Mrs. Murray and I were playing marbles with our peas. John Whittaker: Mrs. who? Mrs. Murray: If you pull back that curtain, you'll find out! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: We're going to get our haircuts! Jimmy Barclay: Or, hairs cut, if you want to be precise. George Barclay: Is it just me, or are you three acting funny? |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Come on, Donna. Mom said to turn off the TV because we have to pack. Donna Barclay: Be quiet, runt. I don't wanna pack for that stupid vacation. I don't wanna go, and I don't think Mom and Dad should make me. You guys go. I'm twelve years old, and I'm big enough to take care of myself. |
” |
“ | Mrs. Erskine: Jimmy, hurry. You're missing it. We're trying to find all 50 states in Mr. Baker's liver spots. Jimmy Barclay: Gotta go. Donna Barclay: Oh, brother. Mrs. Erskine: Oh, look! I believe it's Florida! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I wish there was some way to cheer him up. Don Iowa: The only way for that to happen is for his father to walk through the door. Lieutenant Joe Hodges: Oh, good, you're still here. You folks didn't happen to see my hat when we came ashore, did you? I sat it down next to the other lady, and, uh... Lawrence Hodges: Dad? Dad! Dad! Lieutenant Joe Hodges: Lawrence! I can't believe it's you! Jimmy Barclay: How'd you do that? Don Iowa: Old Hawaiian custom. Happy endings. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: What a terrible, rotten Christmas! Donna Barclay: You forgot horrible. It's a terrible, horrible, rotten Christmas! Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, that too. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: I think the pastor was on to something. The challenge, I mean, to sacrifice something at home. Jimmy Barclay: Uh, oh. We're in trouble. George Barclay: Look, the pastor talked about sacrificing something we consider important to us, you know, giving it up as a... tribute to God. Jimmy Barclay: I'll give up spinach! George Barclay: Ah, nice try, Jimmy, but I was thinking of something else — something near and dear to all of us. Donna Barclay: Pizza? George Barclay: Wrong! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I don't know why everyone says you're useless. Jimmy Barclay: Ah, well, I... Wait a minute. Who's says I'm useless? Donna! Who says I'm useless? I'm not useless! I'm just a pest! Donna! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: <after Jimmy gives her Whit’s Boredom Buster> If this is some kind of trick— Jimmy Barclay: It isn’t. It’s Mr. Whittaker’s invention. He called it “Whit’s Boredom Buster.” He gave it to me before we left, and said not to open it until I was absolutely, without question, no doubt about it, as bored as I’ve ever been in my life. I’m not bored, but you are. Besides, if you’re gonna sit and think about Odyssey, you may as well hold a piece of it. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Donna, it's three in the morning. Would you please do something about your dog? Donna Barclay: What am I supposed to do with him? George Barclay: Don't tempt me. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I'm not sure why I told him. Probably for the same reason we always tell him: we trust him. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Fifteen minutes to digest?! What did they eat — wood chips? |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I want to know why you were so anxious to go to bed. Jimmy Barclay: I wasn't anxious, you were anxious. Donna Barclay: I was not! What makes you think I have anything to be anxious about? Jimmy Barclay: Your anxiousness makes me think you have something to be anxious about. Donna Barclay: I don't believe it. You acted awfully anxious for someone who says you didn't have anything to be anxious about. Jimmy Barclay: That's because you made me feel anxious by being anxious. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: You know this is the second time this week I've been blindfolded? Must be a blindfold sale going on somewhere. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Is everything alright? Donna Barclay: Yeah, it's okay. Why? Mary Barclay: You're watching 'Macho Headbanger: Private Eye' on TV. Donna Barclay: Oh yeah... I am, aren't I? Mary Barclay: You hate 'Macho Headbanger: Private Eye'. Donna Barclay: Oh yeah, I do. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Help me up, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: Help you up?!! |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: You're angry, Donna...and you're angry at yourself for feeling this way. I know...the feelings are terrible. Horrible. But what you need to understand, Donna, is that they're just feelings. Reactions. You can't help having them any more than you can help breathing. And it's all right to have them -- as long as you don't let them control you. Donna Barclay: That's so easy to say. John Whittaker: I know, I know. And difficult to do. But there is a way, Donna...by taking your feelings to God. Letting him have them. Totally and completely. He wants them, Donna. He can turn them into something wonderful if you let Him. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I can't wait for the day this family is old enough to go on a trip without all this bickering! Donna Barclay: Amen! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I'm a man of principle! Donna Barclay: You mean you're a man who GOES to the principal! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Dad! I already know how to ski! Jimmy Barclay: Hey — maybe this year you can learn to do it standing up...! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: She's so sensible! Probably doesn't go much for older guys with shiny new sport scars that do 0-60 in 2.3 seconds. He's tall, good-looking, muscular and athletic. She's young, naive, impressionable, vulnerable. What could possibly come of it? Donna Barclay: Hi, dad. George Barclay: Donna, I forbid you to ever set foot out of this cabin ever again! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I should have put masking tape over Jessie's mouth! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: There's more to life than your friends in Odyssey, Donna. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, all you guys ever do is sit around wondering what to do. Donna Barclay: Be quiet, Jimmy. |
” |
“ | Donna: He's a big pimple on the face of my life. |
” |
Jimmy
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I was outvoted on the T.V., all they talked about was girl stuff and Donna can't throw a ball worth beans! Donna Barclay: You can't throw. |
” |
“ | Rusty Gordon (Malone) : You calling me a sissy?! Jimmy Barclay: Well, if the dress fits! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: How much longer till we get there? George Barclay: Bout an hour kids. Jimmy Barclay: Dad, you said that an hour ago. George Barclay: Yes, and it's just as true now as it was when I first said it. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I'd tell you the rest, Dad, but... this is a family show. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: And you don't stand a chance if I stay! Besides... I wanna see what comes next. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: All the knowledge in the world doesn't mean a thing unless you apply it. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: It felt like a cow! Mary Barclay: Um, it was too small to be a cow, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: A little cow? Don't they make little cows? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: I'm sure your [dune] buggy's all right. I mean, it seemed to be built pretty solid. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, it said on the box the company uses only the best plastic. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Where'd you learn to pray like that? Donna Barclay: What do you mean? Jimmy Barclay: You sounded like an adult. What'd you do, read it somewhere? Donna Barclay: Cut it out. It's rude to critique people's prayers. I wasn't talking to you anyway. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: No way! I am not playing a bratty, self-centered character. Jimmy Barclay: Why not? You were born for it. |
” |
“ | Pharaoh Ramses II: Well, boy — what do you say? Jimmy Barclay: I say don't go, Pharaoh. You'll lose. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Here you go, Normal. Anyway, Stewart, as I was saying, the key thing to remember is that the one way to keep 'em happy is to just feed them. Now they eat a lot more than you think. And they like to think that they're your master. You know, that they're the boss. Just let them think that — it doesn't hurt anything. One tough thing is getting used to the way they smell, but that just takes time. Well, anyways, that's my advice on girls. |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: You? You don't want—maybe you didn't hear me: This is a new adventure in the Imagination Station! Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, I—I heard you, but I'll pass. Uh, see ya. |
” |
“ | Steve Isaacs: These are math and science questions, the answer being critical to saving a person's life. Jimmy Barclay: (discouraged) Right... |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: Well, keep an eye out on the weather. There's a storm brewing. Donna Barclay: Jimmy, I wanna talk to you! Jimmy Barclay: Speaking of storms... |
” |
“ | Len Barclay: There are things in this world we can't understand. Jimmy Barclay: Well, algebra, for one. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: There's strange - like when you let rubber cement hang out of your nose in shop class, and then there's STRAAAANNGE — like when you put your clothes on backwards and sing Lydia, the Tattooed Lady outside a wedding. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: So we went back to Chester’s house. Of course, as soon as anything was said about food, Donna didn’t think he was an ax murderer anymore. |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: It's something new. I'm calling it the Room of Consequence. You see, instead of sending you back, this'll let you play out the future. Jimmy Barclay: The future? John Whittaker: I've rigged this room to play out the options and consequences for certain decisions. You'll get the whole picture as if you're doing it for the first time - not only you, but everyone it involves, because your decision will often affect how other people act. You'll get to see it all. |
” |
“ | Hotshutpa: More wood for the fire, Jew! Jimmy Barclay: Yes, sir. I'll never complain about mowing the lawn again. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: That’s why I need a new one. A genuine Rostan Harringbone with real synthetic fur lining. They’re on sale at Greenway’s Department Store: 20% off. Jimmy Barclay: I think you’re 20% off. |
” |
“ | Lawrence Hodges: They blow up! John Whittaker: Blow up?! Jimmy Barclay: Inflate. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: The budget?! It’s always the budget! We haven’t been able to do anything since we got that stupid budget! Jimmy Barclay: Told you she’d go nuts. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You're our tour guide? Don Iowa: That's right. Don Iowa, guest liaison. Doris Rathbone: Ooh, I just love Hawaiian names - how do you spell that? Don Iowa: D-O-N. Doris Rathbone: No, your last name. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: <reading a note he got from Jesse> Nothing compares to a boy named Jimmy. He makes my head spin and my heart feel swimmy, when I see him my face brightens up and turns grinny, 'cause of how I feel about a boy named Jimmy. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: John Wilkes Booth. That's why his name is so familiar. He's the man who shot Lincoln! Unknown: What'd you say boy? Jimmy Barclay: They're gonna kill Lincoln! I've gotta warn the president! |
” |
“ | Lawrence Hodges: No, Jimmy. I'm sorry, but I completely disagree with you. The regular fries are just not as tasty as the crinkle cut. Jimmy Barclay: You're crazy! They're the exact same thing, just- just in different shapes! Lawrence Hodges: You just look at the package of crinkle cut fries. Check out the ingredients. You know what's in the list that's not in the list of regular fries? Jimmy Barclay: What? Lawrence Hodges: Sodium acid pyrophosphate! And that makes all the difference! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Well what's the matter with you? Jimmy Barclay: Nothing, I wanna go home, that's all. I always have to wait forever for you and mom every Sunday morning after the service! George Barclay: Always, Jimmy? Forever, Jimmy? I mean, do we need an attitude check, Jimmy? |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: It's Lewis! Or maybe it's Clark...I can't figure out which is which... |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I've been kinda busy since our vacation to Florida... uh... three years ago. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: We should have a big and bountiful feast to celebrate! Donna Barclay: Yes, we should. Jimmy Barclay: Good, now go fix it. Mary Barclay: Some things haven't changed. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: You're wacko. Jimmy Barclay: You're weird. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You want to hear bathwater? Ha, I'll let you hear bathwater. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I got everything in that I need. Mary Barclay: Open it up, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: There. See? Mary Barclay: Yes, I do. I see a pile of comic books, a baseball glove, your piggy bank, your play army boots, a yo-yo, a cassette player and tapes, three model sports cars, and -- what's this? Jimmy Barclay: My Overlords of Space Laser Blaster. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Good thing those people from this morning aren't still here. After Jimmy ruined the silverware in the dishwasher, we only have four complete settings left. Jimmy Barclay: Why do you care about silverware - you eat with your fingers! |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Did they like your new tie? Jimmy Barclay: ...Did they like his tie, Mom? Mary Barclay: Well, I picked it out. |
” |
“ | Jason Whittaker: ...and Mary slept. While in the hills above them, shepherds were greeted by a host of heavenly angels. <trumpets start blaring> Jimmy Barclay: No, no, wrong tape! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Shocking, shocking, absolutely shocking. It's amazing the things you hear when you... oh, uh, it looks like we have a guest! Mr. John Avery — hey! John Whittaker: Due to circumstances beyond his control, the rest of the Jimmy Barclay Show will not be heard today. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Well, Jimmy, it looks like I'm yours for the rest of the day! Jimmy Barclay: Great! George Barclay: No — strike that. I'm yours from now on. Jimmy Barclay: Thanks, dad. John Whittaker: And... that's just how an adventure should end. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Hey, Mom, the baby spoke. He said the word — get this — "carrot." Mary Barclay: Carrot!? Jimmy Barclay: He did! I heard him. His first word was carrot. Where's the baby book? Mary Barclay: He was just gibbering, Jimmy. Why would he say carrot? Jimmy Barclay: Maybe he likes them? Mary Barclay: Oh, would you change his diaper? Jimmy Barclay: He doesn't want to be changed; he wants a carrot. Mary Barclay: Trust me on this one, Jimmy. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Hey, Robyn! You got mud on your new T-shirt! Robyn Jacobs: What?! Robyn Jacobs: Hey, that's cheating! Jimmy distracted me! Jimmy Barclay: <laughs> Nah nah nah na nah nah! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Great! Now what do you want me to do, Lawrence? Lawrence Hodges: I think you should wear a bow tie. Jimmy Barclay: I'll look like my dad. He's a pastor. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: It's an antique doll, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: I know that. Donna Barclay: Well then why would you tear it up? Len? Len Barclay: Don't look at me — I gave up playing with dolls a long time ago. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: See, Donna? All you need is a mustard jar. Donna Barclay: Mustard seed, Jimmy. Mustard seed. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: We can sacrifice the TV! Jimmy Barclay: What are we gonna do, burn it on a bunch of rocks? |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: He told me he was proud of me! Connie Kendall: What? Jimmy Barclay: He told me how proud he was that I was in college and had a good job and a bright future! Now how am I supposed to disappoint him? It's not like I've gotten tons of "I'm proud of you"s lately! Y'know, Donna gets 'em all the time! She's the perfect daughter, while I'm his unemployed homeless loser son! |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: Every time you're tempted to do something bad, I'll be the one who tries to talk you out of it. Jimmy Barclay: Oh, yeah, like in the cartoons. Only, there's supposed to be a good guy on one shoulder, and a bad guy on the other. John Whittaker: You don't need a bad guy. You do all right by yourself. |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: Well Jimmy, you know you’re gonna have to go home. Jimmy Barclay: But my dad will kill me! John Whittaker: You don’t know that. Jimmy Barclay: You don’t know my dad! |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Well then, we’ll just have to be very gentle when we tell her. Donna Barclay: Tell who what? Mary Barclay: Oh, hi honey! Donna Barclay: Hi! What’s going on? Mary Barclay: Well, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you- Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, we aren’t going anywhere on vacation this summer. Donna Barclay: What?! Mary Barclay: That’s your idea of gentle, Jimmy? Jimmy Barclay: You can’t beat around the bush about these things, Mom. It’s best to get it over with quickly. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: OK, everyone is present and accounted for, so a quorum is definitely present! Jimmy Barclay: Excuse me, but will the chair please speak in English? Boy, you send a guy to seminary... |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: Just sit down, and after I close the door, push that white button. Jimmy Barclay: The one that's flashing? John Whittaker: That's the one. |
” |
“ | Felicia: Where is that waitress!? ...I'd sure like some bread sticks, how about you guys? Jimmy Barclay: Uh, you're the waitress, Felicia. Felicia: Oh... Oh! That's right! I'm the waitress! Silly me! ...Jim, could you get some waters for Table Number Three? |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: You can't change history, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: Then why'd you send me through this? John Whittaker: So you could do what you're doing now. React to it. Learn from it. And hopefully use that knowledge to try and change the only thing that can be changed: the future. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Kids' Radio will be right back after this moment of silence for the American troops in... Lawrence Hodges: Canada! Jimmy Barclay: Canada! |
” |
“ | Melvin (Lightning) Livingston: And who are you? Jimmy Barclay: Uh, uh, me? Melvin (Lightning) Livingston: Yeah, you. Jimmy Barclay: Uh, uh, my name is, uh, uh. Bruce Wilkins: <in a whisper to Jimmy> It's Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah! Bimmy Jarclay! |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: <As game show host> We're talking about none other than - Lucy Schultz! <Audience applause> Jimmy Barclay: <To Lucy> Your last name is Schultz? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: <dreaming> The pickin's mighty slim out in the park, but I did manage to bag this squirrel! Jimmy Barclay: Eh... That looks more like a rat, Dad. George Barclay: Squirrel? Rat? It's meat, ain't it? Fire up the stew-pot, Mary! We're gonna eat tonight..... <waking up> No... we can't... No! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I'm in love with Connie Kendall!! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I'm a big man, and a proud man, and a bulky man. I can open those cans with my teeth. Donna Barclay: The can-opener will be fine. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: We were pretty awful, huh, coach? Fred Zachary: No, no no, you'd have to improve a whole lot to be awful! |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: But where are your clothes? Jimmy Barclay: I'm wearing them. Mary Barclay: No, I mean the clothes you're going to take on vacation. Jimmy Barclay: I've got em on. Mary Barclay: Jimmy, you have to take more clothes than that. Jimmy Barclay: Why? These are the ones I like to wear anyway. Mary Barclay: I know, and one day I'm going to peel them off you and give them a decent burial. |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: If we’re gonna have them back, they’ll need a place to sleep! Jimmy Barclay: They can use my room! I love sleeping on the couch! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Maybe I'll run off with the circus and become a lion tamer. Donna Barclay: You'd probably have to get good grades in zoology. Jimmy Barclay: Then I'll become a pilot. Donna Barclay: Engineering, physics, aeronautics... Jimmy Barclay: A bus driver. Donna Barclay: Mechanics, math, civil law! Jimmy Barclay: Well, then I'll become a politician! Donna Barclay: (pauses) Hmm. Well you've got me there. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You'll never guess what's in this magazine. Artie Powell: A cure for the chickenpox? Jimmy Barclay: Will you forget about the chickenpox?! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I like Len a lot, Dad, but I have to live with you. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I'm sorry for accusing you of ripping my doll's arms off. Len Barclay: Apology accepted, Donna. Jimmy Barclay: I'll think about it. George Barclay: Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: Apology accepted. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Wow! What is that? John Whittaker: Nothing right now. Maybe you should ask what it's going to be. Jimmy Barclay: All right. What's it going to be? John Whittaker: A vending machine. Jimmy Barclay: A vending machine? You mean for Cokes and candy bars and stuff like that? John Whittaker: Nope. For prayers. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You were talking about that dumb soap opera, "Young Stomachs Turning." Donna Barclay: "Young Hearts Turning. And we weren't! Jimmy Barclay: They think Kyle is going to ask Jamie to marry him, because he broke up with Monica! Donna Barclay: It was Heather. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Dad's going on a trip, and he wants to take me with him. Donna Barclay: Oh, no! Jessie Morales: <in flashback> He came home, picked up her little brother, and split. Donna Barclay: Just like Wendy. Jimmy Barclay: Donna? Donna Barclay: Huh? Jimmy Barclay: You okay? You look the way people look on TV when they're remembering what someone said in an earlier scene. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Weird denial? Oh, come on, look who's talking about weird denial! Connie Kendall: What? Jimmy Barclay: What are you doing here, Connie? Why are you still here and not back in Odyssey? Connie Kendall: I wanted to see the sights. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, sure. You just want to avoid the questions about Mitch. You said so yourself, right? Connie Kendall: Yeah, something like that. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah. You don't want to face up to the mess. You don't want anyone to know that it all went wrong. You're not ready. So how come you can't understand how I feel? Connie Kendall: ...I understand. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: How do you know all this stuff? Ted: We learned about it in Sunday School. How do you know about the overlords of Ganthum, and the rebel pirates from Alpher 67? Jimmy Barclay: Not in Sunday School, that’s for sure. |
” |
“ | Herbert: What’sa matter, kid? What happens at three thirty? You turn into a pumpkin or somethin’? Jimmy Barclay: No, not a pumpkin — dead meat. Three thirty is when my dad gets home. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Ra? Joshua (a): You don't know Ra? Jimmy Barclay: Well, only as part of a cheer, but... |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: All right, we’ll both tell him. Jimmy Barclay: Ok. When? Donna Barclay: At the right moment! Jimmy Barclay: “At the right moment”? When’s that? Donna Barclay: A month after I move away to college! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I can't believe you volunteered us to go to The Electric Palace just as Rick Rancid was about to start, Lawrence. Lawrence Hodges: Sorry, Jimmy; I didn't know what I was thinking. Jimmy Barclay: I may have to kick you out of the fan club for this! Lawrence Hodges: You'd look pretty silly attending the meetings all by yourself. Jimmy Barclay: That's true. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: This is worse than free ice cream day at Whit's End. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Life would be a lot easier without girls. |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: Oh, and Jimmy? Jimmy Barclay: Yes sir? John Whittaker: You still think Zapazoids is better than the Imagination Station? Jimmy Barclay: No, I think the Imagination Station is better. But just barely. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Nice headline. But what's this? Jimmy Barclay: It's the missionary, of course! George Barclay: It is? With a plate on his head? Jimmy Barclay: That's a safari hat. I kinda made it to look like a halo, you know, being like a saint and stuff? George Barclay: Ah. But, uh, what happened to the rest of him? Is that supposed to be his body there? Jimmy Barclay: No. You can't see his body, because he's in a pot. George Barclay: A pot. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah! And there's the fire at the bottom. Neat idea, huh? |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Now why are you kids home so early? Donna Barclay: Oh, we got run off by the police again. Jimmy Barclay: You know, they don't like us begging in front of City Hall! |
” |
“ | Curt Stevens: Mr. Walton? Jimmy Barclay: Connie? Jack Davis: Mr. Whittaker? Meriwether Lewis: Where did you people come from? This boat can't handle this much weight! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: ARRRRTIE! Would you get outa here! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: What's gonna happen at Christmas? An outbreak of leprosy? |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Grimbeard... I was wondering when he was gonna show up. Nagle: I should think you'd hope he doesn't show up, sir. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: It took three more tries before Mom would let me leave. And I had to take out most of the good stuff, too, like half of the comic books and the army boots. Just for some clean underwear, socks and shirts that make my neck itch. Grown-ups just don't understand what's really important. I thought this was supposed to be a fun vacation. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: I'm sorry, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: It's all right, Dad. Just remember this the next time I do something dumb. |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: I've got a button for just about everything. Money when you don't need it, good grades on a test you didn't study for, the latest fashions, the newest toys, popularity. <chuckles> What should I add? Jimmy Barclay: Boy, I can think of a whole bunch of things! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: ... Donna! Mr. Whittaker! Jessie Morales: You forgot me, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: Jessie! Jessie Morales: Thank you. Joe Finneman: A friendly store where everyone knows each other — oh, it just warms my heart. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Donna! I'm supposed to be the one who comes up with the hare-brained ideas, remember?! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: ...A lot of my lines seem like, well, something like a girl would say. Reginald Duffield: With good reason, Jimmy; Juliet is a girl. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You just can't trust anybody anymore! Unknown: You're telling me. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I thought he'd give up. Jimmy Barclay: Dad? Give up when he's determined to find something? Where have you been for the last fifteen years?!! |
” |
“ | Mary Barclay: Well, this is a switch! Donna Barclay: What do you mean? Mary Barclay: If I remember correctly, last year you were the one who wanted to stay here. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah. We had to practically drag you out and strap you into the car. Mary Barclay: Why the change? Donna Barclay: Well, I’ve had a hard year. A lot of things have happened. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Come out and play, Dad! You should see Harry fetch a stick: he never brings it back! George Barclay: Clever. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: We gave up a nice situation in Odyssey to come to this... crummy, drafty old town. Jimmy Barclay: You forgot measly, Dad. George Barclay: Crummy, drafty, measly old town! |
” |
“ | Lawrence Hodges: AAAAAH! I WANT MY MOM!! Jimmy Barclay: I WANT YOUR MOM TOO!! |
” |
“ | Eugene Meltsner: Have you tried: Telling her to get lost and then throw mud on her? Curt Stevens: That’s what I told him! Jimmy Barclay: I don’t think that’s right, though. Eugene Meltsner: Well, of course it isn’t. But, believe it or not, that’s how the girls used to get rid of me. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: We're going to get our haircuts! Jimmy Barclay: Or, hairs cut, if you want to be precise. George Barclay: Is it just me, or are you three acting funny? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: A fire and a pot and...what are all these figures in the background here? Jimmy Barclay: The cannibals doing their native dance. George Barclay: Cannibals?! Jimmy Barclay: Right. See, he's a missionary to them, and they decided they were gonna— George Barclay: Hold, hold, hold it! Don't—don't finish, I don't wanna know. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute! There's that book that I bought a while back that I've been wanting to read. Jimmy Barclay: The one you brought last vacation and never read? George Barclay: Uh, right, son. That one. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You believe me? George Barclay: Well. I believe... you believe you. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Come on, Donna. Mom said to turn off the TV because we have to pack. Donna Barclay: Be quiet, runt. I don't wanna pack for that stupid vacation. I don't wanna go, and I don't think Mom and Dad should make me. You guys go. I'm twelve years old, and I'm big enough to take care of myself. |
” |
“ | Mrs. Erskine: Jimmy, hurry. You're missing it. We're trying to find all 50 states in Mr. Baker's liver spots. Jimmy Barclay: Gotta go. Donna Barclay: Oh, brother. Mrs. Erskine: Oh, look! I believe it's Florida! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I wish there was some way to cheer him up. Don Iowa: The only way for that to happen is for his father to walk through the door. Lieutenant Joe Hodges: Oh, good, you're still here. You folks didn't happen to see my hat when we came ashore, did you? I sat it down next to the other lady, and, uh... Lawrence Hodges: Dad? Dad! Dad! Lieutenant Joe Hodges: Lawrence! I can't believe it's you! Jimmy Barclay: How'd you do that? Don Iowa: Old Hawaiian custom. Happy endings. |
” |
“ | John Whittaker: What is prayer? Jimmy Barclay: It's talking to God. John Whittaker: Close, but no. How about talking with God? |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: What a terrible, rotten Christmas! Donna Barclay: You forgot horrible. It's a terrible, horrible, rotten Christmas! Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, that too. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: I think the pastor was on to something. The challenge, I mean, to sacrifice something at home. Jimmy Barclay: Uh, oh. We're in trouble. George Barclay: Look, the pastor talked about sacrificing something we consider important to us, you know, giving it up as a... tribute to God. Jimmy Barclay: I'll give up spinach! George Barclay: Ah, nice try, Jimmy, but I was thinking of something else — something near and dear to all of us. Donna Barclay: Pizza? George Barclay: Wrong! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I don't know why everyone says you're useless. Jimmy Barclay: Ah, well, I... Wait a minute. Who's says I'm useless? Donna! Who says I'm useless? I'm not useless! I'm just a pest! Donna! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: <after Jimmy gives her Whit’s Boredom Buster> If this is some kind of trick— Jimmy Barclay: It isn’t. It’s Mr. Whittaker’s invention. He called it “Whit’s Boredom Buster.” He gave it to me before we left, and said not to open it until I was absolutely, without question, no doubt about it, as bored as I’ve ever been in my life. I’m not bored, but you are. Besides, if you’re gonna sit and think about Odyssey, you may as well hold a piece of it. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I want people to laugh cause I make 'em laugh, not cause I look funny — don't say a word, Oscar. |
” |
“ | Curt Stevens: I'm glad you asked, Connie. Has this ever happened to you? You're walking down the street and you drop your keys. Isn't it a pain to bend down and get them? Connie Kendall: Well, not real— Curt Stevens: Exactly. Now with the new Vacu-Grab, you don't have to. Connie Kendall: The Vacu-Grab? Curt Stevens: It's portable, retractable, and can fit right into your purse. Just take it out, retract it, turn it on, grab the keys, un-retract it, open the special containment unit built right in, and voila! You've got your keys. Jimmy Barclay: So, instead of going through all of that...why not just bend down and pick up your keys? Curt Stevens: ...It retracts, Jimmy. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Who could it be? Who? Who? Lawrence Hodges: Oh, come on guys! Jimmy Barclay: I know! Lawrence! Lawrence Hodges: Yes! Jimmy Barclay: Can you think of anybody? Lawrence Hodges: What?! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You're just getting a big head 'cause you're getting a big college scholarship, and they're throwing a big party for you later. Big deal! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Hey, Dad, let's toss the football around! George Barclay: Eh, I'm not in the mood, Jimmy. You go ahead. Jimmy Barclay: You want me to toss the football around by myself? |
” |
“ | Dan Isidro: Where did you get such crazy ideas? <Jimmy's theory about Pablo being infected by the Bubonic plague> Jimmy Barclay: History homework! Dan Isidro: Really? They say history doesn't teach us anything anymore! |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Oh, it's not that cold. Jimmy Barclay: Dad, when you opened the door, three penguins waddled out! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Can I open it now? John Whittaker: No. You can only open it when you're absolutely, without question, no doubt about it, as bored as you've ever been in your life. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You're a faithless woman. |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: I want to know why you were so anxious to go to bed. Jimmy Barclay: I wasn't anxious, you were anxious. Donna Barclay: I was not! What makes you think I have anything to be anxious about? Jimmy Barclay: Your anxiousness makes me think you have something to be anxious about. Donna Barclay: I don't believe it. You acted awfully anxious for someone who says you didn't have anything to be anxious about. Jimmy Barclay: That's because you made me feel anxious by being anxious. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Mom and I lost the egg tossing contest. She threw it a little too hard and it hit me on the top of my head. She said it was an accident, but she was smiling and I don’t think I believe her. Donna kept pouting under the tree, and no one could get her to play any games. And then I remembered something. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: You think being beaten by Egyptians or being chased by rebel soldiers is conducive to romantic discussion? |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Help me up, Jimmy. Jimmy Barclay: Help you up?!! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I say we all rise to congratulate Odyssey First Church's new kind of, sort of, in between pastor, for the time being... |
” |
“ | Jack Davis: Maybe I should bow out and let you have her. I mean, Lucy deserves somebody who can make a decision. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, but that's not me. I can't make a decision. It takes me fifteen minutes just to pick out something off the value menu. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Ok, so Dad's not a mechanic. That's all right. He got it fixed before we left in the morning. Well, almost fixed. We have to push the lighter in to turn on the windshield wipers. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Donna, you have to come over here. Mr. Williams is doing a puppet show using a zucchini, a rolled up paper plate, and his dentures. It's hilarious! |
” |
“ | Joe Finneman: You wan'a have a go at Zappazoids while you wait? Jimmy Barclay: Sure! Well, uh no thanks. Joe Finneman: The end of the world must be coming and I must be standing in the middle of it. Why not? Jimmy Barclay: We're giving TV up for a month and Zappazoids was part of the deal. Joe Finneman: But, that's like giving up breathing or having your nose hairs plucked out! Jimmy Barclay: You're telling me! Nose hairs? |
” |
“ | George Barclay: I'd better go up and talk to him. Jimmy Barclay: Good idea. Spread the joy. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: The lawn's on fire! The lawn's on fire! Who's got a fire extinguisher? Curt Stevens: You were supposed to bring that! Jimmy Barclay: I knew that! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I can't wait for the day this family is old enough to go on a trip without all this bickering! Donna Barclay: Amen! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: I'm a man of principle! Donna Barclay: You mean you're a man who GOES to the principal! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: <mock weeping> Oh, Daddy! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: Mr. Zachary, did you see that? I almost made it to the target! Fred Zachary: Very good, Jimmy! I bet the arrow would go a little further if you let it go at the same time you let go of the string....! Jimmy Barclay: Wow! Great idea! |
” |
“ | Donna Barclay: Dad! I already know how to ski! Jimmy Barclay: Hey — maybe this year you can learn to do it standing up...! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: My parents are really confusing sometimes. Why would they want to take work on a vacation? I don't get it. I don't like to work when I have to. Why should I do it when I don't? You won't catch me trying to sneak my math books on this trip. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: Well, uh... <chuckle> what was it I was talking about? Jimmy Barclay: Keeping your kids in line? George Barclay: <beat> Thanks, Jimmy. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: <ad infinitum> Uhhh... yup. |
” |
“ | Fred Zachary: Listen, I think maybe it's time for the big leagues. Jack Davis: You mean— Fred Zachary: That's right. Let's get this canoe out of the swimming pool, and see how ya do in the lake! Jack Davis: Yeah! Oscar Peterson: All right! Jimmy Barclay: Cool! Oscar Peterson: Can I still keep my life preserver on? Fred Zachary: Absolutely! |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: All that excitement for a piece of tire rubber. Anyway, we drove for a little while and then stopped at one of those diner kind of restaurants where all the waitresses call you "honey" and look just like my Great-Grandma Benson right before she died. |
” |
“ | Jimmy Barclay: One for all and all for one. Or something like that. |
” |
“ | George Barclay: There's more to life than your friends in Odyssey, Donna. Jimmy Barclay: Yeah, all you guys ever do is sit around wondering what to do. Donna Barclay: Be quiet, Jimmy. |
” |