The Time of Our Lives
Do not adjust your radio. We are in control. You are about to enter a dimension of sight, sound, and mind; a land of shadow and substance; and a lot of weirdness. This is the “Twilife Zone,” hosted by Connie, or “Rodlyn Serly.”
In this presentation, Connie introduces two young kids. The first is Kathy Rogers, who is popularly known as a “mallie.” Kathy spends all her time in the mall, shopping. She loves to shop. She lives to shop, until she enters a very special store and emerges 10 years older! Yes, she has wasted 10 years of her life in the mall! People call her the "Mall Lady", and ask her for sales tips! Her friends have all grown up, gotten married, and started careers. Her parents have moved away. Her brother has gone off to war, and Kathy has missed all of it!
The second story concerns a young man named Jeremy White, who is addicted to television. He loves TV. He lives for TV, until two policemen break down his door one afternoon, threatening to arrest him. According to the police, television viewing has been outlawed. They take away Jeremy’s TV, but he finds an old black-and-white portable in the garage and takes it on the run! Now he is a fugitive! He’ll do anything to watch TV, little realizing that he is wasting his life.
The story jumps to years later. Now age 30, Kathy and Jeremy are at a Time Wasters Anonymous meeting, sharing their testimonies. Rodlyn Surly, our “Twilife Zone” announcer, is in charge of the meeting. She tells them to go back, confront their pasts, and make up for the time they’ve lost in their lives. Kathy and Jeremy realize that the only way to do that is to go to the mall. There, they encounter their younger selves, begging them to change their time-wasting ways and to make the most of their time. The ending is not entirely happy, but the lesson of this episode is for us, the listeners. We learn not to waste our time on frivolous activities that sap us of our futures.
- Why is it wrong to waste time?
- Are watching TV and going to the mall really bad in themselves?
- If so, what makes those activities bad?
- Do you do something that wastes time?
- What is it?
- What’s the best way to overcome your habit?
- Rodlyn Serly is an allusion to the Twilight Zone's host Rod Serling.
- The background music at Julie's wedding reception is the theme music from #302: “Share and Share Alike”.
- This episode contains parodies of Forrest Gump, "Home Improvement", "Leave It to Beaver", "Gilligan's Island", The Fugitive, Columbian coffee, and "The Twilight Zone".
QuotesJeremy White: I was entertaining some guests at my home, and we were eating dinner in my dining room. I needed to get up and get the mustard out of the kitchen and instead of saying, 'Would you please excuse me?', I said, 'I'll be right back... after these messages'. It was so embarrassing I could barely even eat.
Jones: Okay, people. We’ve got a fugitive on the loose, and we’re not gonna rest until we’ve searched every townhouse, farmhouse, dog house, outhouse, haunted house, halfway house, fish house, shrimp house, shrimp creole, shrimp salad, Cajun shrimp, fried shrimp, shrimp flambeau, steak ’n shrimp—
Jones: I’m not done, Ford. …Shrimp gumbo, shrimp scampi…