Straussberg quotes

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An automatically created list of quotes by the Straussberg family.
On this page: Stephen | Rachel | David | Mandy

Stephen

Liz Horton: You have red-eyed monsters upstairs?
Stephen Straussberg: Not literally, Liz. I’m talking about me and Mrs. Straussberg.
Liz Horton: But why are you red-eyed? Do you have an infection or something? Because my dad had pink eye and he used some great drops for it.
Stephen Straussberg: We’re tired, Liz. That’s all I meant.
Mandy Straussberg: Never mind, Dad.
Stephen Straussberg: Now, listen, you three. I told you before: you can stay up late if you keep it quiet, and you’re not keeping it quiet. Now settle down with a quiet game or something or you’ll have to go to bed now. Is that what you want?
Unknown: No, sir.

#459: “Slumber Party”

Stephen Straussberg: Well, at least you looked like a saint. I'm the one who complained about soggy casseroles in scene two.
Rachel Straussberg: Actually, I thought that part was pretty accurate.
Stephen Straussberg: Yeah, well, I wouldn't complain if the food was still warm when I got home from work!
Rachel Straussberg: Well, it's not my fault if—
Stephen Straussberg: Ah, here comes the nagging. Remember scene three tonight?
Mandy Straussberg: Stop! Just stop! Now you're fighting over my play! Can't you—don't you—oh, never mind!

#597: “Out of Our Hands”

Stephen Straussberg: We're going to look at houses, not candidates for your next date!
David Straussberg: One never knows.

#626: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 1”

David Straussberg: I can't tell you what to do about your marriage or how to make it work, but from son to father... yeah, I think you're wrong.
Stephen Straussberg: Why?
David Straussberg: Why? Where do I begin? Because for my entire life, you and Mom have been my model for what a good marriage is supposed to be, flaws and all. And now... I'm trying to figure out where our faith fits into all of this. All that stuff in the Bible about sacrifice... your vows, that's another thing. Who cancels the vows you made in church all those years ago? Those were vows to God, right?

#627: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 2”

Stephen Straussberg: David. Seriously, why are you stalling?
David Straussberg: Seriously, Dad, why would I stall? It's just you and me in Chicago, looking for a new place to live. Why would that be a problem?

#626: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 1”

Stephen Straussberg: Ah-ha! <flips light switch> And there was light. <thunder cracks> ...And there was darkness.
Rachel Straussberg: The first day, and it wasn't good.

#397: “Tornado!”



Rachel

Stephen Straussberg: Well, at least you looked like a saint. I'm the one who complained about soggy casseroles in scene two.
Rachel Straussberg: Actually, I thought that part was pretty accurate.
Stephen Straussberg: Yeah, well, I wouldn't complain if the food was still warm when I got home from work!
Rachel Straussberg: Well, it's not my fault if—
Stephen Straussberg: Ah, here comes the nagging. Remember scene three tonight?
Mandy Straussberg: Stop! Just stop! Now you're fighting over my play! Can't you—don't you—oh, never mind!

#597: “Out of Our Hands”

David Straussberg: <loudly> So, ah, where's the slacker?
Rachel Straussberg: Shhh! She might be asleep! It took some effort, but we got her up to bed.
David Straussberg: <whispering> Okay. I'll be quiet. <shouting> Okay, wake up you little faker! I'll bet it wasn't even a car! You got knocked down by a kid on a tricycle! I WANT THE TRUTH!

#627: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 2”

Stephen Straussberg: Ah-ha! <flips light switch> And there was light. <thunder cracks> ...And there was darkness.
Rachel Straussberg: The first day, and it wasn't good.

#397: “Tornado!”



David

David Straussberg: Where'd you get that bike? It's awesome!
Alex Jefferson: My folks got it for me. It's even got a mini radio. See?
David Straussberg: I wish my parents were like yours, always giving me stuff.
Alex Jefferson: Well, I guess my parents just find me more lovable.

#445: “No Boundaries”

Stephen Straussberg: We're going to look at houses, not candidates for your next date!
David Straussberg: One never knows.

#626: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 1”

Bernard Walton: My house was robbed while I was gone.
David Straussberg: No way!
Bernard Walton: Yeah, they took everything but the bathtub. Stereo, VCR, my Hip-Hopson collection...eh, come to think of it, my wife might've hidden that from me.

#433b: “Chain Reaction”

David Straussberg: Do you ever use sentences that don't end in question marks?
Liz Horton: Do I?

#592: “Now More than Ever”

David Straussberg: If a car is traveling at the speed of light and he turns on his lights, does anything happen?

#441b: “Idol Minds”

John Whittaker: Ready?
Alex Jefferson: Ready!
David Straussberg: Ready!
John Whittaker: Begin.
John Whittaker: <buzzer> Oh, sorry! Alex, this diagram shows you need to lick the ice-cream in a clockwise direction, not counterclockwise. Minus two points.
Mandy Straussberg: <buzzer> David, it says here you're supposed to eat the cherry first, not the whipped cream. Three points off.

#446a: “A Matter of Manners”

David Straussberg: I can't tell you what to do about your marriage or how to make it work, but from son to father... yeah, I think you're wrong.
Stephen Straussberg: Why?
David Straussberg: Why? Where do I begin? Because for my entire life, you and Mom have been my model for what a good marriage is supposed to be, flaws and all. And now... I'm trying to figure out where our faith fits into all of this. All that stuff in the Bible about sacrifice... your vows, that's another thing. Who cancels the vows you made in church all those years ago? Those were vows to God, right?

#627: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 2”

Stephen Straussberg: David. Seriously, why are you stalling?
David Straussberg: Seriously, Dad, why would I stall? It's just you and me in Chicago, looking for a new place to live. Why would that be a problem?

#626: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 1”

Rod Connelly: Though I should ask: how do you feel about trailer parks?
David Straussberg: ...I'm waiting in the car.

#626: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 1”

David Straussberg: <loudly> So, ah, where's the slacker?
Rachel Straussberg: Shhh! She might be asleep! It took some effort, but we got her up to bed.
David Straussberg: <whispering> Okay. I'll be quiet. <shouting> Okay, wake up you little faker! I'll bet it wasn't even a car! You got knocked down by a kid on a tricycle! I WANT THE TRUTH!

#627: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 2”

David Straussberg: Whoa! Runaway garbage can!

#397: “Tornado!”



Mandy

Mandy Straussberg: Oh! Hi, Seth!
Seth Young: You done with the chin-up bars?
Mandy Straussberg: Hi, Seth.
Seth Young: Um, hi. So are ya?
Mandy Straussberg: Uh... what?
Liz Horton: Yes, we're done. Sorry, Mandy seems to have traveled to another dimension momentarily.

#526: “Seeing Red”

Mandy Straussberg: <about Whit> I hate it when he doesn't scold me!

#531: “Teacher's Pest”

Eugene Meltsner: Based on my observational skills, I would have to say that we are... on a road in the middle of nowhere.
Mandy Straussberg: I can see that.

#392: “When In Doubt...Pray!”

Mandy Straussberg: Trent, what are you doing on your knees?
Trent DeWhite: Mandy?
Mandy Straussberg: Yes?
Trent DeWhite: Will you... will you lift your foot? I dropped my spoon.

#602: “Mum's the Word”

Mandy Straussberg: We love you Mr. Whittaker!

#441b: “Idol Minds”

Mandy Straussberg: Hey, are you going to band auditions this afternoon?
Alex Jefferson: Yep. My drums are ready to go.
Mandy Straussberg: You play the oboe.
Alex Jefferson: I did play the oboe. My dad said it gave him a headache and thought I should take up another instrument.
Mandy Straussberg: Does he know that you decided on drums?

#456: “Worst Day Ever”

Liz Horton: You have red-eyed monsters upstairs?
Stephen Straussberg: Not literally, Liz. I’m talking about me and Mrs. Straussberg.
Liz Horton: But why are you red-eyed? Do you have an infection or something? Because my dad had pink eye and he used some great drops for it.
Stephen Straussberg: We’re tired, Liz. That’s all I meant.
Mandy Straussberg: Never mind, Dad.
Stephen Straussberg: Now, listen, you three. I told you before: you can stay up late if you keep it quiet, and you’re not keeping it quiet. Now settle down with a quiet game or something or you’ll have to go to bed now. Is that what you want?
Unknown: No, sir.

#459: “Slumber Party”

Mandy Straussberg: It wasn't a crazy person. It was Jared!
Sarah Prachett: Did you hear what you just said?

#478: “Strange Boy in a Strange Land”

Mandy Straussberg: His whole story seemed a little odd. Everybody buys Fizzy Cola one week, chips the next, and now birdhouses?
Alex Jefferson: Strange. I wonder what's going on.
Mandy Straussberg: And how is this going to help us with our homework?
Cal Jordan: This is no longer just homework. I think we have a mystery on our hands.

#495: “The Unraveling”

Mandy Straussberg: Don’t! Your laugh makes my leg hurt.
Connie Kendall: Well, I’ve never heard that before.

#627: “Life, in the Third Person, Part 2”

Mandy Straussberg: Uh, the first part of my name is Strauss.
Harlow Doyle: The stress is on Strauss, huh? Never fear, Miss Strauss-stress!

#437a: “Sunset Bowlawater”

Mandy Straussberg: If a Bible bowl were a man, I'd marry him...Did I say that out loud?

#437b: “The Long Way Home”

Agnes Riley: "J-O"! That's it! "J-O". Does that mean anything to you?
Mandy Straussberg: No.
Agnes Riley: I should know what that means. What does it mean? What is it?

#511: “The Pact, Part 1”

Jared DeWhite: Maybe too normal. Just like when the witness protection people took me out of my house. Everything's nice and neat. Man!
Mandy Straussberg: What?
Jared DeWhite: It's happening again.

#518: “The Case of the Disappearing Hortons”

Stephen Straussberg: Well, at least you looked like a saint. I'm the one who complained about soggy casseroles in scene two.
Rachel Straussberg: Actually, I thought that part was pretty accurate.
Stephen Straussberg: Yeah, well, I wouldn't complain if the food was still warm when I got home from work!
Rachel Straussberg: Well, it's not my fault if—
Stephen Straussberg: Ah, here comes the nagging. Remember scene three tonight?
Mandy Straussberg: Stop! Just stop! Now you're fighting over my play! Can't you—don't you—oh, never mind!

#597: “Out of Our Hands”

Trent DeWhite: Let me get your chair for you.
Mandy Straussberg: It's a bench, Trent. It's stuck to the wall.

#602: “Mum's the Word”

John Whittaker: Ready?
Alex Jefferson: Ready!
David Straussberg: Ready!
John Whittaker: Begin.
John Whittaker: <buzzer> Oh, sorry! Alex, this diagram shows you need to lick the ice-cream in a clockwise direction, not counterclockwise. Minus two points.
Mandy Straussberg: <buzzer> David, it says here you're supposed to eat the cherry first, not the whipped cream. Three points off.

#446a: “A Matter of Manners”

Jared DeWhite: We can't keep up with them. This is crazy!
Mandy Straussberg: It was your idea.
Jared DeWhite: I know.

#518: “The Case of the Disappearing Hortons”

Mandy Straussberg: What are you doing here?
Jared DeWhite: I've been told I have the perfect forehead.

#544: “Split Ends”

Cal Jordan: A mystery! This'll be great. I'm in the mood for a little excitement.
Alex Jefferson: Okay, but no computer hacking, breaking and entering, or even slightly bending the law on this one.
Cal Jordan: Yeah, yeah.
Mandy Straussberg: What?
Alex Jefferson: It's a long story.

#495: “The Unraveling”

Max Hampton: I'm not working with her!
Mandy Straussberg: And I'm not working with him!

#531: “Teacher's Pest”

Rodney Rathbone: Move, please. Do you know you're a large person and you're in my way?
Mandy Straussberg: Maybe "excuse me" would work better, Rodney.

#443: “Changing Rodney”

Mandy Straussberg: Liz, it's in times like these that you need two things: courage and... heavy make-up!

#561: “Lost by a Nose”

Mandy Straussberg: Do you have any advice on how I should take care of him?
Eugene Meltsner: Well, as a matter of fact, there are a few items to keep in mind. Clean his water every other day. One meal per day is enough to sustain him. Supply him with a balanced diet of worms, breadcrumbs, water fleas and plants, and take care not to overfeed him. Keep his water temperature at 18.4 degrees Celsius, of course, and make sure he has plenty of shade, because goldfish do not have eyelids. Do you understand?
Mandy Straussberg: Um...clean his water how often?

#437a: “Sunset Bowlawater”

Liz Horton: You really think you're better than everyone, don't you?
Sarah Prachett: Well, now that you mention it, maybe I am. I'm kind and loyal and gentle and...
Mandy Straussberg: Liz, remember what we talked about earlier?
Liz Horton: Yeah—right.
Sarah Prachett: ...and pretty and smart and almost perfect.
Liz Horton: I agree, Sarah: you are better than everyone else. You're kind and loyal—sort of like my Golden Retriever, actually. It's just too bad the resemblance doesn't end there.

#459: “Slumber Party”

Cal Jordan: Maybe they've all been hypnotized! You know, like that movie.
Alex Jefferson: What movie?
Cal Jordan: You know the one.
Alex Jefferson: No, I don’t.
Cal Jordan: Sure you do—with what’s his name, that guy, and that girl with spiky hair.
Alex Jefferson: You mean the one that carries that... thing around?
Mandy Straussberg: Are you guys talking in code?
Cal Jordan: No! It's that movie where the whole town gets hypnotized! All I’m saying is that this is just like that.

#495: “The Unraveling”

Brenda (b): Oh, we need to shoot the sheriff too!
Mandy Straussberg: What about the deputy?
Brenda (b): I don't think we should shoot the deputy.

#400: “The Spy Who Bugged Me”

Liz Horton: Okay, how's this for my opening line? "March 1st, 10:32 AM. A teeming mass of humanity waits in anguish for a glimmer of hope—a hope that will soon be dashed to smithereens upon the rocks of deception!"
Mandy Straussberg: Sounds like the sinking of the Titanic.

#561: “Lost by a Nose”

Mandy Straussberg: Stop! Stop! I Just wanted one piece of ice!

#456: “Worst Day Ever”

Mandy Straussberg: And there's nothing to worry about, anyway! So keep your nosy... NOSE out of it!

#592: “Now More than Ever”

Mandy Straussberg: Maybe you should spend that $25 on professional therapy!

#426: “The Buck Starts Here”

Solly Mendelson: I got a map and plotted out all the points of interest we've found so far. The Hardware store, Sonderson's Imports, the park, all of it. I connected all the dots and it formed a shape.
Mandy Straussberg: What was it?
Solly Mendelson: A pony. I'm not sure what it means yet, but I'm working on it.

#518: “The Case of the Disappearing Hortons”

Brandon DeWhite: Grandpa was in Odyssey too?
Mandy Straussberg: Of course he was! In a way, this is how it all began for your grandfather and I. We wouldn't marry for many years to come, but it was that valentine, and the kindness behind it, that started our friendship.
Brandon DeWhite: Max is Grandpa?! How'd you end up with Max? You said you didn't know he sent the gift!
Mandy Straussberg: Well, I said I didn't know who the special valentine came from, but I was at school early that morning and I did see who delivered it...

#560: “The Present Long Ago”

Cal Jordan: Hold on! Listen. I think it's still running!
Mandy Straussberg: Well, unplug it.
Cal Jordan: I did unplug it. It's running on its own!
Alex Jefferson: You can't turn it off!

#495: “The Unraveling”

Mandy Straussberg: It's wrong, Jared.
Jared DeWhite: It's all a matter of opinion.
Mandy Straussberg: It's not a matter of opinion. John F. Kennedy did not shoot Abraham Lincoln.
Jared DeWhite: Sure. That's what they want you to think!

#427: “Something Cliqued Between Us”

Mandy Straussberg: That was awful!
Alex Jefferson: It wasn't so bad. I could still make out The First Noel.
Mandy Straussberg: Great. But it was the National Anthem.
Alex Jefferson: Uhh, yeah I know. It was just the Christmas version of it.

#456: “Worst Day Ever”

Liz Horton: She's freaking out about a stain on her dress. Can you believe that?
Mandy Straussberg: Actually, it sounds kind of familiar.
Liz Horton: What's that supposed to mean?
Mandy Straussberg: A zit, a stain on your dress, I don't see much difference. But at least she really wanted to win from the beginning. You...you've changed.
Liz Horton: What d'you mean?
Mandy Straussberg: What happened to taking a stand against the country's obsession with beautiful people? It just... it doesn't seem like you're taking a stand against anything. It seems like you're joining the team.

#561: “Lost by a Nose”

Mandy Straussberg: On the east of Main Street, just bordering the vast expanse of McAlister Park, you’ll find a Victorian style ice cream parlor called Whit’s End – a play on words that reflects owner John Avery Whittaker’s background as an English teacher.

#631: “A Capsule Comes to Town”

Mandy Straussberg: <On the phone> Jared? Are you Miss Friendship? Are you?!
Jared DeWhite: <beat> I gotta go! <hangs up phone>
Mandy Straussberg: AAAAHHH!!

#427: “Something Cliqued Between Us”

Alex Jefferson: Did you wear mismatching socks?
Mandy Straussberg: That's not a sin, Alex.
Alex Jefferson: Did you wear stolen mismatching socks?

#456: “Worst Day Ever”

Mandy Straussberg: You wouldn't know a good play if it... if it...
Jared DeWhite: Overthrew the government!
Mandy Straussberg: Overthrew the — what?!

#538: “Stubborn Streaks”

Mandy Straussberg: Trent!
Trent DeWhite: <surprised> Oh! Hi, Mandy! Yeah, um...
Mandy Straussberg: Where are you going with that heart?
Trent DeWhite: Uh, nowhere. <laughs nervously>

#560: “The Present Long Ago”

Mandy Straussberg: What do you think of the accusation that Odyssey is stuck in the past?
John Whittaker: Stuck in the past? I don’t think we’re stuck there. But you know, there’s nothing wrong with trying to preserve the richness and beauty of what’s come before us. It’s a recurrent theme in the Bible for example, God constantly reminds the nation of Israel to remember. Not for the old time’s sake or nostalgia but because of what the past means to us today.

#631: “A Capsule Comes to Town”

Brandon DeWhite: You mean...
Mandy Straussberg: That's right. The valentine was delivered by your grandpa, Grandpa Trent!

#560: “The Present Long Ago”

Mandy Straussberg: Polly wants to meet Abraham Lincoln.

#397: “Tornado!”

Rodney Rathbone: Yeah, and I haven't been able to sleep real well the last few nights because I've been feeling guilty.
Mandy Straussberg: What about?
Rodney Rathbone: What, do you want an alphabetical list or one that goes chronically?

#443: “Changing Rodney”

Mandy Straussberg: You were a great Pontius Pilate.
Bernard Walton: Thanks. I think.

#448: “Mandy's Debut”

Mandy Straussberg: I think I'd rather have a friend than a grudge.

#544: “Split Ends”

Connie Kendall: Isn’t keeping a good friend better than losing one because of what other kids think?
Mandy Straussberg: What?
Connie Kendall: Mandy, are you willing to end your friendship with Trent just because a few people might tease you? Does your friendship mean so little?

#636: “A Class Reenactment”

John Whittaker: Mandy, I can understand you being upset, but I think Rodney had a point.
Mandy Straussberg: Yeah, two of them, coming out of his skull!

#443: “Changing Rodney”

Edwin Blackgaard: Young lady, do I give you advice on hair scrunchies?
Mandy Straussberg: What?
Edwin Blackgaard: Hair scr-r-r-runchies. You appear to be an expert on them.

#636: “A Class Reenactment”